conehead Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Like most relationships, there are pros and cons...is it still worth continuing? The cons: 1) This is the BIGGEST one....He currently lives with his family and we have no privacy...if we end up getting married, he said we will have to live with his mom (his dad will be there half the time) because my bf needs to take care of his mom (his dad is a cheater who doesnt take good care of her). His mom is really nice, but she has bad hygiene and I really don't want to have to live with his parents, esp since the cheater dad will be there half the time. 2) He does not want to meet my parents. He feels awkward around parents. He said he will if I really want him to though. 3) He works for his cheater dad...it's so he can take over the business..but that will not be until 5 whole years later when the dad retires. For now he makes less than 35k a year and dreads going to work. 4) I do not get along with his friends at all! He has 3 I met. Two are brothers and one of them is the older brother's gf. My bf has unknowingly flirted with the gf and it got me really upset...we argued twice over it. The single brother used to get along with me but then he went on a few dates with one of my best friends and then he lost interest in her because she unknowingly offended him and he dumped her and since then he seems to ignore/hate me. He must have told his older brother negative things about me because last week when I saw the older brother and his gf and I smiled and said hi...they did not say hi back at all! They both just looked at me briefly, did not smile, just straight face, then looked away and started talking to my bf, completely ignoring me. I felt so hurt. I told my bf, and my bf tried to comfort me and told me that I'm mistaken and that his friends do not dislike me. The pros: 1) My bf loves me. 2) He treats me well. Buys me food I like, does activities I enjoy with me, takes me out, takes good care of me. 3) If I ever get upset at him or at something, he doesn't yell at me, he calms me down and comforts me and tries (though not always successfully but at least he tries) to understand me. 4) He seems to accept me for who I am, even though I have many flaws of my own. He seems to be the first guy I have EVER dated who I believe actually feels this way about me. I think it says alot....that he loves me despite my bad side. At least for the time being haha. 5) I love him, despite the cons. But I do not know if my love is good enough to make the relationship work out long term. I love him, but I don't know if I can live with his parents. I love him, but I absolutely dread seeing his friends or just hear him talk about this friends. When he hangs out with them and I'm not there, I'm tortured by these images and thoughts of him flirting with the gf and it kills me, and of images of his friends talking negative things about me. I'm scared they will make my bf stop loving me. Things were ok when they left to go back to their hometown for a few months, but they are back now for who knows how long and I feel this torture 1-2 days a week. We are 6 months into the relationship and I feel I need to decide if I want and should really allow myself to dive deeply into this relationship, or if I should cut my losses (and gains as well?) and move on. He is 35, I am 29. I am not getting any younger and neither is he. We both want marriage. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Author conehead Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 People say 6 months is huge hump or milestone to get over...
Phennyphen Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Think about it like this; nothing is going to change, if you stay together, the way things are will be your life- especially if you marry. The 'torture' as you call it and having to live with his mum, will not change. Ask your self honestly, if you can deal with that, and theres your answer.
shorty7 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'd reconsider. Regardless if he takes over his father's business and reigns control over it or not, he still doesn't like what he's doing. Anyone unhappy with their job has tendencies to let those unhappy thoughts bleed into their personal lives and in a hypothetically strained relationship with living with parents and what not (that clearly you're not comfortable/used to) like that you stated...well, that's like...I dunno how to say this...trying to boil an egg in a pressure cooker. Yeah.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 He is disrespecting you by flirting with that other girl. He is not treating you as well as you think. Other issues are also something that can grow into bigger problems in time. Love is really not enough. 1
Alexanda Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 To me it sounds like you are hesitant to continue the relationship. Like Eternal Sunshine said love is not enough, it never is. I think its a MAJOR red flag that he doesn't even want to meet your parents, hes 35 and STILL lives at home, if he hates his job so much why hasn't he ever found a different job?, and you dont like any of his friends. Also you have a lot of insecurities your not sure if your love is good enough, your worried he is flirting with other women, your worried his friends will make him stop loving you. The cons definitely out way the pros. I say cut your losses now and besides you're 29 and your not getting any younger and you want to get married.
YellowShark Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 A few things would be dealbreakers for me. 1) Lives at home. Unless he is under 22 he shouldn't be living with mommy and daddy. Sorry. That's just really weird to me as a man. He can still take care of "mommy" and not have to live at home. There's more to the story there and I'd say it's psychological. 2) Doesn't want to meets your parents. Well WTF? No explanation needed. He should embrace your family if he loves you, not shun them. 3) You dislike his friends. Hard to date someone who friends creep you out. That's not a great sign.
Recommended Posts