DaeJhaDeyonnia Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together on and off (due to his cheating) for almost 11 months now. However, in early April, he left for military school until September. I'm only allowed to contact him through letters through the mail. For the most part, I've been faithful since he's been away. He's sent me beautiful letters saying how much he loves me and is thankful to have a girlfriend like me and how he has plans on proposing when he gets home. But, a few weeks ago, a new guy moved in down the street. He's expressed his "feelings" for me since we've been hanging out. He is in a relationship as well similar to mine. He is aware of my boyfriend and our seperation and even agreed to "keep me company " until he comes home in September. He says no hard feeling will be felt if I choose to stay with my boyfriend when he returns. In the last few weeks, we've done a lot of kissing and holding and I'm slowly starting to fall for him. I feel guilty as hell. HELPPPPP !
Balzac Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Interesting that your lead into this was about your BF cheating. What kind of relationship do you believe this is? Both parties act out in cheating yet you remain together. From your tone, it sounds that you are young. What help or suggestions are you seeking here?
Author DaeJhaDeyonnia Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 I'm Eightteen. Probably a baby to most of you. I have been faithful throughout the entire relationship. I'm merely struggling with his being away for such a long period of time. I've come to this forum for a possible suugestion as to what I should do when my boyfriend returns. Tell him or keep it a secret? Or leave him for the other guy? * I mentioned the fact of his infidelity because I believe in telling the whole story. Not just half.
Balzac Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Ok the additional facts help all here to get a better understanding. At 18 you are an adult. I want to be sure I am clear on what you just told us. 1. You have never cheated. 2. You may leave BF in military for BF#2 How would you categorize the activity and relationship with this new guy?
ToyWithMe812 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) I'm curious, you say you are 18, but your bf is leaving for military school? Is he a few years younger than you? Nevertheless, Dae, if you even have to question it, or if you ask for my opinion at all, I think you guys are both too young to get hitched, in his case way too young. You just want validation, that you might want to play around so why lead him on and break his heart...by all means, date, stay friends, you guys still have feelings for each other in a few years, there you go. ...Ok, now I'm confused, is your boyfriend going to military school or basic training. If it's basic, etc., I can tell you as a young military dude, when I was in, I'd much rather hear the truth. I think he deserves that at least, unless he treated you like a dog, then treat him likewise... Edited May 25, 2012 by ToyWithMe812
Author DaeJhaDeyonnia Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 The program he is enrolled in is for High school students that allows them to obtain his GED. He is 18 as well and a senior (or would've been). He randomly unenrolled out of school a week or so before he went to the program. He told me he'd rather go to the program for 5 months than finish "regular" school as well as get honors from the program. I thought it was pretty stupid. However I support him. I'm well aware we're too young to get engaged. We haven't even been together long enough to even consider such a thing. I believe he's saying these things out of separation anxiety or something. He has cheated on me before. I wouldn't say he treated me "like a dog" but we have had our times where we've gotten into huge blowouts and ended up breaking up and eventually got back together. With the new guy, I have no idea how to classify our "relationship" or if I'd consider it a relationship at all. Its more of a "friends with benefits" situation if anything. We usually just go out on small casual "outings" (malls, movies, ice cream shops, etc.). We go through the motions of being a "couple" but know our limits. Kisses are given but are small and lack passion. Between the two guys and myself, I know someone in this situation is going to get hurt which is the last thing I want.
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I think you should absolutely break up with your boyfriend. He has already cheated on you and you are thinking of cheating on him; this shows that both of you aren't relationship-ready and would be better just dating and having fun with others for a while. Best to be upfront about it instead of lying and keeping secrets. 1
Author DaeJhaDeyonnia Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 I've been considering that. I just don't want to "throw away" months of hard work and dedication over a short separation. I've developed a relationship with his family and friends. His younger sisters look up to me as a role model. I have hopes that he's going to come home with a different attitude towards our relationship. I have a small light of faith that if we can just get through this 5 month period, we'd be together with no problems.
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I just don't want to "throw away" months of hard work and dedication over a short separation. I've developed a relationship with his family and friends. His younger sisters look up to me as a role model. I have hopes that he's going to come home with a different attitude towards our relationship. I have a small light of faith that if we can just get through this 5 month period, we'd be together with no problems. Don't think of it as "throwing away" anything. It is life experience and part of growing. And there is no reason you can't continue a relationship with his family and friends. And.... here's the big one -- you continue to grow as people and care about each other, you will still be there for each other and can possibly come back together as a couple. But - honestly, at your age - I wouldn't tie myself down without living a little first and I have a feeling your BF feels the same (or else he wouldn't have cheated).
Radu Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I've been considering that. I just don't want to "throw away" months of hard work and dedication over a short separation. I've developed a relationship with his family and friends. His younger sisters look up to me as a role model. I have hopes that he's going to come home with a different attitude towards our relationship. I have a small light of faith that if we can just get through this 5 month period, we'd be together with no problems. That's a very selfish and narcisistic way of thinking. You basically qualified your relationships as assets, which is exactly what narcisists do. As for the rest, you are a wishfull thinker. When ppl cheat, you either make them pay the price and make them do the work to atone for it [2-5yrs to forgive and you never forget] or if it's a repeat offense you cut them off, and i counted 3 times in your OP. You obviously lack good boundaries, who was your male/female rolemodel in life and what were their relationships like ... think hard on this one.
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