Can someone really 'kill' feelings and emotions?

[kittenmarie]

I start everyday thinking this is going to get easier, but so far it's just gotten so much more confusing.

Essentially, my boyfriend of almost four years and I broke up three weeks ago.

I was upset the whole time and showed it. That's just how I am. I'll act as strong as I can but my emotions just end up coming out anyway.

With him, he won't show a THING unless it's something that really bothers him or it's something that means a lot to him.

Well, he was a wreck the first few days after the breakup. Whenever we would talk about it, he would cry and just act really upset.

Then he went into a ragey state, where he was just mad all the time and treated me kind of crappy.

THEN, he transitioned into the, 'Why in the Holy Hells is she still ALIVE' stage.

During this time, he was rude to me, hurt my feelings constantly. And the last straw was when he took something that happened the wrong way and flipped out on me in front of an entire train station saying things like, 'f**k you' 'i don't care about you' 'please drop dead' 'im never coming back to you' 'i dont want you to ever contact me again' 'the only mistake i ever made was going out with you'

Yeah. So much more. SO much more.

Well, at that point I had enough. That gave me the push to finally let him go.

And then hours after he does all that, he is calling me and texting me again.

Now mind you, we were together for FOUR years.

We were good friends before the relationship, and we became best friends during the relationship, so we wanted to stay in each others lives no matter what. But honestly he has been giving me mixed signals about this friendship thing the whole time and I really do not know what's going on.

I asked him about that day yesterday. What that was all about. He said he was just pissed and that I should know how he gets when he's mad. He'll say things he doesn't mean. I KNOW how he is, problem is. I can't tell which things he meant and which he didn't. I'm the ONLY ONE who knows the real him, so if I can't tell no one can. I don't think even he understands any of this. He's just being impulsive it seems at this point.

Anyway. We talked about it more and I asked him if he wanted to still be friends. He said yes, but not close friends. He said he doesn't want his old friends to be in his life as much; he wants to meet new people because those new people haven't 'f**ked him over somehow' yet.

I also asked where I stood in the relationship aspect. He said all those feelings are gone for not just me, but for everything in general. He said he 'killed' all those emotions. I asked him if he means just not acknowledging them him, but he said no. He really did 'kill them like they never existed.'

I still don't think that's possible, but he really is a confusing and odd person.

But yeah. I asked him what it really was that made the relationship end. He basically said, 'I know this is going to sound cliche, but it was me, not you. my whole life, and the whole time we were together i was struggling with myself. i was going back and forth between caring about what other people thought about me, and not caring. i was going back and forth about worrying about other people and not worrying about them. other people's feelings became too much for me and thats why i ended it. you meant the world to me and you made me hold on a lot longer than i thought i could have, because i really wanted this and you, thats why i held on for so long and fought, but i just couldnt do it anymore. now i just dont want to care about people anymore. im done. i just want to be alone. im sick of people calling me asking to hang out. its annoying and i just want to be by myself. i want my space. i cant stand people anymore. im the only person i care about anymore.'

I just. . .yeah.

I guess it was comforting knowing it really wasn't anything I did, but I still blame myself for not being able to help him hold on.

He doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. He just wants to do 'whatever he wants whenever he feels like it.' feelings are no longer a thing to him. Not his, not mine, not anyone's.

I wonder, how long can he go on like this?

He wants me there but I feel like being around him is making him feel worse?

Do you think this is a phase? Truthfully I think it is. He went through something like this when we first met. I brought him out of it when we were still friends, which is why I think he trusted me so much and only let me in.

I feel like if I give it more time, we can be close again but it seems that right now he's just too vulnerable.

 

 

Also. . .not a huge thing but just something that's been bothering me. Our sex life. . .I mean. We went from making love every other day to absolutely nothing. We admitted to each other that we are still physically/sexually attracted to each other. But the problem is, he doesn't want to do anything with me. I keep asking why but he says he doesn't even know. At first he said because there were still so many feelings attached to it, but now that he said he has 'no more feelings,' im wondering why he still can't look at me like that? i admit, i look at him like a horny school girl still, but then I think about if it actually happened again; i dont know how i would feel during or after. i cant tell either, but he doesnt really seem like he's thinking the same way about it? i asked him, 'is it because of any resentment towards me'? he said maybe, he doesnt know.

Do you think that will come with time, too?

Like I said, it HAS only been three weeks. . .sometimes I feel like he's suffering more than me, but who knows. Like he said 'not even he understands.'

but im hoping someone could at least guide me in the right direction here? Because dealing with it day to day is kind of hard when he keeps making such drastic changes every two seconds.

Sigh.

[hinatticus]

How old is this dude? If he's younger than say, 23, he just needs to grow up. People that young act depressed and they feel the world is out to get them. If he's older than that he needs help.

Plus he shouldn't be swearing his head off at you in public. Or in private.

He just sounds like this kid I used to know. Walks around all mopey and depressed like his dog just died.

 

He sounds like he's trying to act cool. "I killed my emotions". Who the f*ck says that? A teenager maybe.

 

My advice is run away from him. This guy is very unstable. Unless he realizes any and all his faults and gets help he's screwed.

 

Sh*t, im not that f*cked up and I'm in counseling.

 

Good luck

[heatherfeather]

My advice is to get angry at HIM...I mean don't yell at him but really get angry and go no contact on him.

 

That may change his whinny tune

[dowho]

You do realize he's bipolar right? Seriously, my younger brother and I both are, and that is classic bipolar behavior. He's just a slow cycler (bipolar type II) which means he shifts from highs to lows quite slowly. That type of bipolar quite often doesn't get diagnosed for many years, if ever. Get him to talk to a professional. Better yet, talk to a doctor WITH him, let the doc get two perspectives. If he's on a down-swing (which he is) he'll clam up and say nothing.