avon20 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I ask this in the context of the whole thing about going exclusive with a woman. Right now I'm not exclusive with anyone. I have done away with asking a woman to be exclusive. I look at it this way. There's pros and cons to being exclusive & pros and cons to not being exclusive. One of the pros of not being exclusive is I have more freedom. More free time to spend however I see fit. More freedom to date multiple women should doors of opportunity open for me to see other women. I'm not eager to sign away my current freedom if no woman is asking me to. If I'm going out with a woman for awhile and she has not given me any indication that she's all that concerned about wanting me to sign away my freedom then I won't be so eager to sign it away either. Usually the signs that a woman gives when she's interested in being exclusive with a man and wants to be his girlfriend is when they go out on several dates and she asks him questions like "Where is this going?" or "What are your intentions for going out with me?" or "What are we doing?" or "You've been asking me out every week and I'd like to know where you see this going?" So yeah granted she may not ask a man directly to be exclusive but she will ask certain questions along with the lines of the above. Even then when she makes it obvious that she is interested in exclusivity I would still not be so eager to jump on the opportunity to sign away my freedom. I would have to tell her that I need to think about it. In the meantime I keep asking her out once a week and as long as she accepts then I'll keep going out with her. She will probably bring up the subject of exclusivity again if she's interested and ask "So you continue to ask me out once a week. Have you given any more thought to where you see this going?" I would tell her "I haven't really had time to think about it. I've had a lot on my plate lately". Then I would change the subject. My goal is to stall her as long as possible about the exclusivity issue. Will she get frustrated and move on sooner or later? probably but that's okay because hopefully by the time it gets to that point I have multiple backup women that I'm seeing also. Now if a woman I'm seeing asks me "Are you seeing anyone else?" I'll just reply "Would you like me to see anyone else?". Ultimately I leave the ball in her court as much as I can because I want her to cough it up out of her own mouth if she really wants me to sign away my freedom and not see anyone else. With this kind of specific question I would have to specify a time limit and say "Give me a week to think about it". The other benefit about stalling her is that it presents challenge and lets face it. Many women like a challenge. They don't want a guy to be so eager to jump on the chance to give away the whole store at once. So in conclusion since I see the pros and cons in being in an exclusive relationship vs. not being exclusive I'm pretty much indifferent one way or the other but leaning more towards procrastinating taking that step with a woman if she ever becomes genuinely interested in being exclusive with me.
Author avon20 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Why are men so eager to sign away their freedom and be exclusive? Also by not being exclusive you kind of protect your heart from getting emotionally invested in someone.
mesmerized Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Why are men so eager to sign away their freedom and be exclusive? Also by not being exclusive you kind of protect your heart from getting emotionally invested in someone. I don't know any man who is eager lol The ones that are eager, it's because they get jealous of the fact that the women might be dating/having sex with other guys as well.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Why are men so eager to sign away their freedom and be exclusive? Also by not being exclusive you kind of protect your heart from getting emotionally invested in someone. Very good points. I tend to agree.
Woggle Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 If it is with the right woman it is not signing away your freedom. I do agree though that a woman should have to be damn well worth it for a man to give that kind of commitment.
Krytie TV Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Because they grow up and suddenly come to the realization that dating is not a cunning game and women are not something to simply be tricked into liking them. Once that happens, it's amazing how well a man can connect with a woman. Heck, sometimes they even like each other! 2
RiverRunning Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Not telling someone your intentions when they ask you and going through 'stalling' tactics is simply cruel and dishonest, and it's a waste of her time - but as long as you get what you would like, I guess that's fine. Frankly, I find your interactions with women to be manipulative and objectifying. Why not just straight-up advertise that you don't want anything serious? There are also women out there, I know, who don't want anything serious, who want a polyamorous relationship, who would be fine being friends for a year or two before anything progresses, etc. That's far better than building a rotten reputation. At the same time, I can't imagine how long a woman would continue to go out with a guy if she expects a commitment and be a-OK with never getting a direct answer about it. 3
zengirl Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 ETA: And, as my Mama said (quoting Janis Joplin), "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." Usually the signs that a woman gives when she's interested in being exclusive with a man and wants to be his girlfriend is when they go out on several dates and she asks him questions like "Where is this going?" or "What are your intentions for going out with me?" or "What are we doing?" or "You've been asking me out every week and I'd like to know where you see this going?" Sure, you'll see that if you're doing the kind of non-exclusive dating you're doing. There are many women that, if not given clear indications that a man is looking for a serious LTR, will simply assume it's going nowhere or even spot a person who's not interested in serious things on-sight. I never asked any of those questions because men made that stuff clear and demonstrated we were on the same page -- those sound like insecure questions to me. Some women 'like a challenge' as you say, but they typically have some commitment issues themselves, so will be well-suited for a man who didn't seek exclusivity. Many women who are looking for serious LTRs like a man who knows what he wants, is relationship-oriented, and doesn't have to or want to play games in relationships. Seriously. If you choose to play games, I think that's fine -- I think it's easy enough to opt out, really -- but keep in mind, the other person will as well. The benefits of being exclusive -- with the RIGHT person -- and dating for exclusivity are: 1. the option of avoiding games (not that plenty of people who seek exclusivity and commit to it don't ALSO play games) like that one if you choose to be direct and honest about what you want 2. attempting to build something together with someone you really dig and could potentially love 3. managing to keep around someone you think is really special and could make a good life mate And probably many others for people concerned with jealousy or whatnot. Really #2 is enough for me, but I'm a married gal, so obviously have a different lifestyle than what you're choosing now. I would never suggest men or women enter into commitments or exclusivity lightly, honestly. It should be the natural evolution of the relationship of two people who seek that kind of relationship AND really click together. I'd certainly never have dated a man who didn't seek exclusivity with SOMEONE and want a LTR with SOMEONE, but I didn't expect him to know that someone was me immediately either --- in fact knowing so would show he didn't care who I was or want to know me. We would get to know each other, check for synergy, and escalate commitment as appropriate. Love is actually quite easy once you find it.
irc333 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Why are men so eager to sign away their freedom and be exclusive? Also by not being exclusive you kind of protect your heart from getting emotionally invested in someone. When I first read the title of this post, I thought the OP was talking about, meaning "Signing away your freedom" , the typical "Why get married" post. I thought the OP (Avon) was referring to, well obvisouly, getting married. Most posts have been like this lately, questioning marriage and why even bother with it. So you're referring to the "Wilt Chamberlin" approach. It's not enough that you'd be satisfied with having sex all the time with the same person, but with multiple people? It shows how spoiled society has become I suppose. Well, I guess it wasn't so obvious, so I'm starting think that some people, inlcuding the OP is now downgrading even FURTHER by just being plain non-commital to one woman. Meaning, not even have a girlfriend (or boyfriend) and freedom of dating other people. Most people aren't for this, accept this was a well written post of...well, a player I suppose. Usually, comparing women to cereal in that instead of eating the same kind of cereal daily, to have a variety pack. For one, you're risking the spread of diseases and impregnanting multiple women, as oppose to just getting one accidental pregancy. But, I'm kind of taken aback by the posters mindset on this, because I'm starting to see a generational thing. In the OLDEN days, getting married to the one and only woman, till death do us part was the only way to go, no sex until the wedding night. Now, our grand parents are telling us, "Man, kids these days, they are having sex before marriage, that is unacceptable!" Same with my parents. Now, MY generation (I was born in the 70's) are thinking the way our parents/grandparents did....."Man, kids these days, they don't even want a girlfriend or boyfriend...what's wrong witht these whipper snappers!" Interesting how society has evolved to this point.
snug.bunny Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I ask this in the context of the whole thing about going exclusive with a woman. Right now I'm not exclusive with anyone. I have done away with asking a woman to be exclusive. I look at it this way. There's pros and cons to being exclusive & pros and cons to not being exclusive. One of the pros of not being exclusive is I have more freedom. More free time to spend however I see fit. More freedom to date multiple women should doors of opportunity open for me to see other women. I'm not eager to sign away my current freedom if no woman is asking me to. If I'm going out with a woman for awhile and she has not given me any indication that she's all that concerned about wanting me to sign away my freedom then I won't be so eager to sign it away either. Usually the signs that a woman gives when she's interested in being exclusive with a man and wants to be his girlfriend is when they go out on several dates and she asks him questions like "Where is this going?" or "What are your intentions for going out with me?" or "What are we doing?" or "You've been asking me out every week and I'd like to know where you see this going?" So yeah granted she may not ask a man directly to be exclusive but she will ask certain questions along with the lines of the above. Even then when she makes it obvious that she is interested in exclusivity I would still not be so eager to jump on the opportunity to sign away my freedom. I would have to tell her that I need to think about it. In the meantime I keep asking her out once a week and as long as she accepts then I'll keep going out with her. She will probably bring up the subject of exclusivity again if she's interested and ask "So you continue to ask me out once a week. Have you given any more thought to where you see this going?" I would tell her "I haven't really had time to think about it. I've had a lot on my plate lately". Then I would change the subject. My goal is to stall her as long as possible about the exclusivity issue. Will she get frustrated and move on sooner or later? probably but that's okay because hopefully by the time it gets to that point I have multiple backup women that I'm seeing also. Now if a woman I'm seeing asks me "Are you seeing anyone else?" I'll just reply "Would you like me to see anyone else?". Ultimately I leave the ball in her court as much as I can because I want her to cough it up out of her own mouth if she really wants me to sign away my freedom and not see anyone else. With this kind of specific question I would have to specify a time limit and say "Give me a week to think about it". The other benefit about stalling her is that it presents challenge and lets face it. Many women like a challenge. They don't want a guy to be so eager to jump on the chance to give away the whole store at once. So in conclusion since I see the pros and cons in being in an exclusive relationship vs. not being exclusive I'm pretty much indifferent one way or the other but leaning more towards procrastinating taking that step with a woman if she ever becomes genuinely interested in being exclusive with me. You're entitled to your freedom and you're entitled to date whomever you like, when you like. But, why the need to continue engaging in dating multiple women simultaneously for a prolonged period of time? Is it for sex? Or something else... It seems like you've been given amble opportunity to explain that it's because you want your freedom, you want to date other women, but instead you choose to continue "stalling" them with a lie. All I can say, is I strongly caution you to be very careful with your intentional carelessness of other people's feelings/emotions.
manup Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I don't know any man who is eager lol The ones that are eager, it's because they get jealous of the fact that the women might be dating/having sex with other guys as well. And by doing so she is disqualified from being exclusive with me.
mesmerized Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 And by doing so she is disqualified from being exclusive with me. Good. She'd be dodging a bullet.
Woggle Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Good. She'd be dodging a bullet. So she is dodging a bullet because he doesn't want a woman cheating on him?
Sid6.7 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I agree with the OP. There really is nothing to benefit from being in a committed relationship. However, in my case I am up front from the beginning and tell them I am not looking for a relationship and if they will want to hang out and have fun, great! If not, I understand. You would be surprised at how many agree to this. I was. So I get to avoid things like her trying to correct me all the time or telling me how wrong I am, and try to tell me what I can and can't do. I have the freedom to to the things I like at will without the BS of things like 'checking in'. By the way, any man that does that should just remove his testicles and tuck them in her purse. Check in my ass. Let's say you are a buddy of mine and we are going to hit the lake for the weekend. If you have a girlfriend. When she asks when you are going to be back, you give her the reply; I don't know as an absolute answer. Get back to me and let me know how well that goes over. It's just one of the many things I do not have to put up with. It's great! No benefit to having a relationship as a Man in my opinion. So to answer your question OP I am far from eager to give it up.
mesmerized Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 So she is dodging a bullet because he doesn't want a woman cheating on him? wow lol The topic is exclusivity. He says if a woman dates other men while she is not even exclusive with me, she doesn't deserve "my exclusivity". Basically it's ok for him to date other women and not be exclusive but not for her. How is dating when not exclusive with someone cheating? I honestly wonder how your wife tolerates you, If you're the same person at home as you are here, no offense.
manup Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Good. She'd be dodging a bullet. uh huh, I like to date one person at a time, it's just a preference, you may like being a buffet item, but I'd rather wait for a nice main course (not someone like you)
Woggle Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 wow lol The topic is exclusivity. He says if a woman dates other men while she is not even exclusive with me, she doesn't deserve "my exclusivity". Basically it's ok for him to date other women and not be exclusive but not for her. How is dating when not exclusive with someone cheating? I honestly wonder how your wife tolerates you, If you're the same person at home as you are here, no offense. I admit I really am paranoid about the cheating thing since my ex cheated on me and seemed to have a cheering section. I have nothing against exclusive committed relationships and with the right woman they are preferable.
Author avon20 Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 (edited) I have no desire for sexual intimacy so everything about accidental pregnancy and risk of STDs from dating multiple women is a moot point. I have not been sexually intimate with any woman in over 10 years and I intend to go another 10 years. I've had 3 long term relationships since the last time I had sex with a woman. And as far as leading a woman on? It's more like what I said in the beginning. I'm not going to be so excited and eager about signing away my freedom to exclusivity if she's not asking me to. If she is asking for exclusivity then I will think about it. That's not leading her on with dishonesty. I legitimately need time to think in this case whether or not it is worth it to sign away my freedom. If a woman has not talked to me about being exclusive then I can't rightly assume she's not seeing other guys herself. So why wouldn't it be okay for me to continue seeing other women until she tells me that she does not want me to see anyone else? If she wants exclusivity then the burden is on her to make that clear. I'm not going to assume that we're exclusive when she hasn't said anything about where she wants our dates to go. Edited May 26, 2012 by avon20
Author avon20 Posted May 26, 2012 Author Posted May 26, 2012 When I first read the title of this post, I thought the OP was talking about, meaning "Signing away your freedom" , the typical "Why get married" post. I thought the OP (Avon) was referring to, well obvisouly, getting married. Most posts have been like this lately, questioning marriage and why even bother with it. So you're referring to the "Wilt Chamberlin" approach. It's not enough that you'd be satisfied with having sex all the time with the same person, but with multiple people? It shows how spoiled society has become I suppose. Well, I guess it wasn't so obvious, so I'm starting think that some people, inlcuding the OP is now downgrading even FURTHER by just being plain non-commital to one woman. Meaning, not even have a girlfriend (or boyfriend) and freedom of dating other people. Most people aren't for this, accept this was a well written post of...well, a player I suppose. Usually, comparing women to cereal in that instead of eating the same kind of cereal daily, to have a variety pack. For one, you're risking the spread of diseases and impregnanting multiple women, as oppose to just getting one accidental pregancy. But, I'm kind of taken aback by the posters mindset on this, because I'm starting to see a generational thing. In the OLDEN days, getting married to the one and only woman, till death do us part was the only way to go, no sex until the wedding night. Now, our grand parents are telling us, "Man, kids these days, they are having sex before marriage, that is unacceptable!" Same with my parents. Now, MY generation (I was born in the 70's) are thinking the way our parents/grandparents did....."Man, kids these days, they don't even want a girlfriend or boyfriend...what's wrong witht these whipper snappers!" Interesting how society has evolved to this point. It's even worse than you think since in my case I don't like having sex with my girlfriend or my wife. If I ever get married I intend for it to be a sexless marriage. I don't even want to sleep in the same room as my wife to be real honest.
Sid6.7 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 It's even worse than you think since in my case I don't like having sex with my girlfriend or my wife. If I ever get married I intend for it to be a sexless marriage. I don't even want to sleep in the same room as my wife to be real honest. Welp! This is enough internet for me today.
bac Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 Why are men so eager to sign away their freedom and be exclusive? Also by not being exclusive you kind of protect your heart from getting emotionally invested in someone. They sign away their freedom to build emotional connection.
TheFinalWord Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I ask this in the context of the whole thing about going exclusive with a woman. Right now I'm not exclusive with anyone. I have done away with asking a woman to be exclusive. I look at it this way. There's pros and cons to being exclusive & pros and cons to not being exclusive. One of the pros of not being exclusive is I have more freedom. More free time to spend however I see fit. More freedom to date multiple women should doors of opportunity open for me to see other women. I'm not eager to sign away my current freedom if no woman is asking me to. If I'm going out with a woman for awhile and she has not given me any indication that she's all that concerned about wanting me to sign away my freedom then I won't be so eager to sign it away either. Usually the signs that a woman gives when she's interested in being exclusive with a man and wants to be his girlfriend is when they go out on several dates and she asks him questions like "Where is this going?" or "What are your intentions for going out with me?" or "What are we doing?" or "You've been asking me out every week and I'd like to know where you see this going?" So yeah granted she may not ask a man directly to be exclusive but she will ask certain questions along with the lines of the above. Even then when she makes it obvious that she is interested in exclusivity I would still not be so eager to jump on the opportunity to sign away my freedom. I would have to tell her that I need to think about it. In the meantime I keep asking her out once a week and as long as she accepts then I'll keep going out with her. She will probably bring up the subject of exclusivity again if she's interested and ask "So you continue to ask me out once a week. Have you given any more thought to where you see this going?" I would tell her "I haven't really had time to think about it. I've had a lot on my plate lately". Then I would change the subject. My goal is to stall her as long as possible about the exclusivity issue. Will she get frustrated and move on sooner or later? probably but that's okay because hopefully by the time it gets to that point I have multiple backup women that I'm seeing also. Now if a woman I'm seeing asks me "Are you seeing anyone else?" I'll just reply "Would you like me to see anyone else?". Ultimately I leave the ball in her court as much as I can because I want her to cough it up out of her own mouth if she really wants me to sign away my freedom and not see anyone else. With this kind of specific question I would have to specify a time limit and say "Give me a week to think about it". The other benefit about stalling her is that it presents challenge and lets face it. Many women like a challenge. They don't want a guy to be so eager to jump on the chance to give away the whole store at once. So in conclusion since I see the pros and cons in being in an exclusive relationship vs. not being exclusive I'm pretty much indifferent one way or the other but leaning more towards procrastinating taking that step with a woman if she ever becomes genuinely interested in being exclusive with me. I don't believe being in a committed relationship with a woman is a lose of freedom. If you feel you have no freedom you are with the wrong woman IMHO. Looking at my mom and dad, married 30+ years, they are actually more free because working together they are a lot more productive and get daily chores and tasks done much quicker. They actually have much more free time. Also, my mom is good at cooking and my dad at fixing things so they save a lot more money too and have more to spend on vacations and toys like new cars and house decorations. They both also have various hobbies, some similar, some different. I've never heard one tell the other "you can't do that". So, I don't think it's a lose of freedom. Its actually more freeing based on your definition that more time to pursue hobbies equals more freedom. Also, lots of people like to have families. They find the concept of building a family quite rewarding. If you're living a renegade lifestyle it's kind of hard to do that.
FitChick Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I assume the OP is elderly and impotent. Why would your wife care if you had a female friend if there was no sex?
irc333 Posted May 26, 2012 Posted May 26, 2012 I assume the OP is elderly and impotent. Or a troll, he won troll points with that last post. :laugh:
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