Svet74 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 And I mean really get back together and the new relationship being better? Worse? I'm guessing that those who have gotten their ex back prob don't even come on this forum anymore..
Tree_Salmon Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 And I mean really get back together and the new relationship being better? Worse? I'm guessing that those who have gotten their ex back prob don't even come on this forum anymore.. I have gotten back together multiple times. One time it WAS better because I had changed a great deal but I realized she hadn't so I ended up feeling resentful. Then the other times I took her back it just became worse and worse because it was a hostile strange environment. Again, this was because she refused to accept any responsibility for her actions or change. I started getting bitter as a result and closed up. Downward spiral from there. Unless both people are ready to start on a different playing field it cannot work. Had she changed herself, it probably would have lasted a long time. So I do believe it can work, you just have to want it to work. It also depends on the individuals involved.
lilyblue Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I did, and it was... fine. I don't regret it, and I guess I'm glad we finished our business. The same issues came up and it was a painless break up the second time around. We were both just done. We're still friends. Another one of my exes left me and went back to his ex. As far as I know they're happy, but he has not talked to me.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I did, it didnt work. When one wants to break up, it just isnt meant to be.
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'm FB friends with a guy (Alex) who came here four years ago to learn how to get back with his Ex. He no longer posts here, but he recently posted on FB that they are married and expecting their first child so I would say it DOES work now and then! 3
Tree_Salmon Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'm FB friends with a guy (Alex) who came here four years ago to learn how to get back with his Ex. He no longer posts here, but he recently posted on FB that they are married and expecting their first child so I would say it DOES work now and then! If you learn something from the experience and apply it to your life things can work. Problem is most people don't do this.
muzik_lvr Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I did, it didnt work. When one wants to break up, it just isnt meant to be. Not always the case. I know couples personally who have broken up and ended back together and married, and heard stories of it happening as well. May not be the norm, but it does happen.
sweetheart5381 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Interesting thread. Guess it depends on what "Getting back together" means to most people. My most recent ex and I have been able to be friends again. We went SO fast at a relationship, crazy. Madly in love. We both suffered heartbreak too as a result of moving too fast. I'm so glad for him and I to talk again about personal stuff... things about our personal lives, kids, friends, etc (but not the sex part, we respect one another enough to not speak of that stuff about our time apart.. our mutual respect for individuality). He tells me he doesn't have a girlfriend and I know that to be true. I don't have a boyfriend either.. just suitors. We love each other and will do what it takes to help one another as friends, lovers, or both. We do not wait for one another... we let it ride. That's love. He and I both have our "baggage" to carry and can both be adult enough to accept it and move on in whatever shape that takes. Getting back together can take many different forms. Friends is great, lovers is great... The connection is the best. He misses me, I miss him. We love each other. Friends? Lovers? Both? Who knows? Never know in life... just have to enjoy the ride 1
Jonas30 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 It depends. Getting back with an ex is quite easy if you broke up by emotions or misunderstanding. Lying or cheating are the different stories. I've seen many couples ended up together for the rest of their lives, while many broke up again and again. There is no complete formular. BTW, I did.
pwv1986 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 And I mean really get back together and the new relationship being better? Worse? I'm guessing that those who have gotten their ex back prob don't even come on this forum anymore.. Yup, many times back and forth off and on. Still in the back and forth and off and on LOL so I would say generally if you break up and its an actual break up not a break-fight, then its for a reason… I didn't learn though clearly
dowho Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Worked for me! Split up for three months. Married seven years now. 3
raspberry.12 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Yes, in my past relationship 3 years ago and not only once, I think my ex came back to me more than 3 times. He did all the break ups & returns. But it didn't work out at the end, he still left me forever to marry someone else because he said "I don't love you, I just like you, I gave myself and you so many chances so I can love you but finally I still can't love you truly"..
headsashed Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 My ex came back to me after a 4 month break up,we were only back together for about 4-5 months and she decided to cheat on me. I believe that people do get back together and live happily ever after but those couples wanted to make things work,my ex obviousley didnt hence why were not together anymore. 1
darkmoon Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 going back worked but he fancied me a great deal, though he still shouted at me same old same old thing
Hope4anangel Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 First time we split up for a month then got back together, our relationship was even better. Split up again 10 months later for 5 weeks, got back together, but it isn't the same for me now. Think a lot of trust has gone and I think it will take some time to get that back.
Author Svet74 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Sweetheart I can sort of relate to your story but I couldn't stay in contact cuz it hurt too much and I felt like I could not move forward. Hope angel I can see the whole trust thing. I have no trust toward my ex whatsoever. The only way I could get it back is if he become clear and open to me just like I was to him other then that I don't even wanna try. But its nice to hear some story's on here where couples got back together. Anything is possible I guess.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 And I mean really get back together and the new relationship being better? Worse? I'm guessing that those who have gotten their ex back prob don't even come on this forum anymore.. You're right. People with success stories don't come back becaue they don't need the forum. I more than anyone understand how success stories can give you hope, but you really have to be realistic because every case is different, because all people and all pairings are different. My mother went through a GiGs phase when she was 22. I was 2 years old and my mother left my father...she came back after a month or so....unfortunatly my dad was fed up, and was fully devoted for caring for me (he was 28....he'd been through all that already), and had moved on, and didn't take her back...they almost got back together a few times, but my dad was done for whatever reason. They didn't talk for many years until my ex and I got engaged.They talked on the phone ("OMG our little boy is getting engaged") but after that, there was nothing. My best friend's current fiancee went through GiGs too. She had feelings for someone else and she pursued them. After a moth she came crawling back begging, and he took her back and they are now a very good couple and very happy, after going to counsiling for a little bit. While both of these stories give me hope, mostly because my ex and I had a WAY better relationship than either of the above, but at the end of the day, she has no signs of wanting to be with me at all. She doesn't break NC, she doesn't call, doesn't write, is dating someone else. Don't get hung up on success stories, because you situation is not identical to the story that you're hoping will give you hope. 1
gmoore Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 of course their are success stories. They're all around you, just ask people, it's a little frightening. People go through serious episodes in their lives & they need time & space to figure those things out. Lots of people don't know how to make themselves happy & try to fill that void with partners because sometimes it's just too scary to look in the mirror and accept what's REALLY going on. I kind of feel like you get 1 chance to get back with an ex and you have to really look deep inside of yourself to figure out if you can completely & unconditionally forgive them. Otherwise you have nothing & the resentment & negative feelings will eventually erode the relationship. That being said I do think it's possible, I do think that some people have issues that they need to face about themselves as people, by themselves. Issues that a companion cannot understand. Or their Scared of commitment once they find that perfect person etc. etc. So I feel like as long as you truly trust a person and their motivations are genuine you can give them a second chance. Now it has to be right in order to not repeat the cycle, I'm not entirely sure how on does this but I imagine most people know their ex's tendencies and can judge if that is a possibility. I have been in on/off relationships before and they are an emotional roller coaster. Here is a situation that happened to me. I don't know if it's completely a "success" story but let's just say the ball landed back in my court. Here Is a conversation that I found that was between my Ex Ex GF after we broke up & I went into NC for a solid period of time(4-5 months) & really worked on myself only to ultimately realize that the relationship was abusive and unhealthy at it's best. But what I want you all to notice is that even though I totally screwed up on many occasions in the weeks after our break-up by begging pleading & groveling once I went into full NC and got right with myself she really REALLY wanted back in my life. At a point I knew I didn't want to be with her anymore so I tried to be cordial and didn't stick to full NC and she still wanted me back. Here it is: X The heart is the strongest muscle October 12, X You ignore me like I am a stranger. Pity. Would be nice to chat once in a while. Although I know typing can cause the delicate carpal tunnel. October 13, X Hey I have a quick question for you. Did you ever or do you think that cheated on you? October 14, Me uhhhh? did you? that's kind of random... October 14, X no I didn't and apparently people think I did and that , that is why we broke up. This just recently came to my attention. Like last night recently. I didn't want to ask you but it kinda hurt hearing that. And I was afraid that you thought that. October 14, X This is totally unrelated but, I still want to take you out on a date sometime. If you would but let me. October 15, X Oh come on... October 16, X you know i want to see you. do you want me to not come on saturday? i dont get much of a response fro you. i want to be able to go to newfane with you i miss the time we spent having fun. tell me if i am just a pain in the ass. October 17, X i know you go on here and dont answer me. its ok. i want to go tomorrow and not feel awkward. whats so bad about answering my phone calls. i wish you would forgive me for all or at least some of the pain i had caused you. you are always in m thoughts. October 17, X i love you October 18, Me i apologize for somewhat avoiding you. i don't think things should be awkward just don't be awkward. i'm not angry with you and i'm not holding a grudge against you. you did what you had to do and i understand and accept that. i am enjoying my life the way it is right now, single. not that i don't want to date, or haven't dated, it's just i don't feel that after everything we've gone through together it would appropriate for us to go on a "date". the past is the past and you and i have repeated it, i can't in good conscience go on a date with you. and thank you for letting me know that you care. i care for you dearly as well but you should relax and try not to worry about things so much. well, i'm of to write a paper about the house of the rising sun. Do you see what is happening here? My lack of interest is maddening to her. I didn't want to hurt her but I was over her and I wasn't entirely sure how to handle it. This is in the middle of over 150 messages that she sent me after she broke no contact. We never will get back together but I truly feel like I could have if that is the path I wanted to take. I wanted to move on be with someone new and I eventually met my current ex with whom I had in my opinion(& hers according to her) a very good relationship. We are taking space right now but reading through those emails reminded me of what I have to do and that is work on myself. She'll come around when she's ready. If you were good to her and you were good together she will come back for you. I just wanted to share that. it is not an example to follow it is just for you to see that things do come back around if you let them & when that happens YOU get to choose what your next move is.
Author Svet74 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Gemoore, how long we're you in no contact for before she contacted you? Next week will be 3 months for me. This has been the longest we haven't talked. And I did it to move on. But my feelings came back. Im having anxiety over it and I don't know what to do.
gmoore Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 The length of time is different for everyone and time is no guarantee. I believe it was 6 months or so if I remember correctly. The key is to truly move on so that IF and that is a HUGE IF it comes back around you are healed enough to make the right decision. If she cam back to you right now it would end in tragedy because you are not ready & likely neither is she. If it's going to work you have to come back to it with a fresh eyes and healed heart. The part about the whole thing is that if it doesn't come back around you've put in the time for yourself and you love and respect yourself more and are more aware of your needs and wants in a relationship. Ironically enough I met my current ex around this time and we fell almost instantly in love. We had a really good relationship, we were honest, communicative, caring & very attracted to each other. To my benefit I was at the height of my healing process(it had been around a year) but now to my dismay I believe that she was not completely healed from her previous psychologically abusive relationship and she inevitably couldn't hold on to our relationship and needs space to heal and re-evaluate her life and her wants and needs. She has spent so much time trying to make others around her happy that it has left her feeling miserable. I don't know if it will come around again but I like to believe we'll have another chance when we're ready & if not I'll have done the work and put in the time & I'll move on. It's simple even though it's possibly one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. 1
fucpcg Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I play zero games. I don't care about NC and all that other BS tactics to get an ex back. There was a time that she screwed up so bad that I broke up with her. After taking a week to calm down, I invited her over to talk, we worked thru it, she became the most special woman in my life for the next year. Then I screwed up for a while, she dumped me, refuses to talk, NC for over a year now, has told not nice stories about me.... whatever. If she wanted to talk, I would, because I've been around long enough to know that you just don't find chemistry like that with too many people in life. Hey we all F up, and I have no interest in the past (other than to learn from it), I only care what the future can bring. I did all I could to get her to open up, she won't do it. If/when she chooses to, I will never ignore her. If I meet someone else I have that kind of chemistry with in the meantime, it will be too late for my ex, should she call, but until then, the door sits open. This past year has been hard as hell, but I am being true to me, and my heart, and I can (somewhat) sleep knowing that 5, 10, 20 years down the road, I won't be the one knowing I threw this one away, and quite the opposite actually. Who will be thinking about this one that far down the road?? Both of us, I guarantee it. Take it from a 42 year old that's crossed this road before. 5
Author Svet74 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Yeah your right and I've Come do far I just need to keep moving forward. Because I feel like I'm going backwards instead. The hard part is that we attend the same church so his family stays in touch with me. I kinda wanna exit their lives but I know their gonna ask what's up and I can't say because if him cuz they didn't think we were that serious to begin with anyway. This is tough. Thats why I'm holding on to this hope because I'm around them
LoveAnimals Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 My ex and i got back together three times. We finally split three weeks ago for the final time. I believe getting back with an ex successfully can and does happen but only if both people do something to change what went wrong in the first place. And even then resentment from the past can still ruin a relationship. This time around I dont want to be with him anymore.
gmoore Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 My ex and i got back together three times. We finally split three weeks ago for the final time. I believe getting back with an ex successfully can and does happen but only if both people do something to change what went wrong in the first place. And even then resentment from the past can still ruin a relationship. This time around I dont want to be with him anymore. That's why I feel like if a couple had a good enough relationship and the problem was truly something psychological from the past or some sort of personal issue one of you can't overcome with the distraction of the other you get ONE extra chance to make it work if you trust each other. Things happen, people are fragile & and sometimes people just need to figure out what they want for their lives without the influence of another persons feeling & needs. Anything more than twice is a cycle & that is unhealthy. But now you know! I've been there, in relationships where we broke up every 6-7 months and we'd be in pain and get back together in a month, it was awful & toxic.
mike588 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 My ex. dumped me in a very cruel way almost 10 months ago for her ex.(after dating for a year) and at 1st like all of us I/we wanted them back. I was sure I'd NEVER hear from her again but right at the 6 month mark she contacted me several times (e-mails) saying how sorry she was and how she regreted it but nothing about wanting to get back together. To this day I don't know if they are still together and I really don't care!!! I'm sure she's way to embarrased and feels like sh*t to EVER ask me to try it again by the horrible way she dumped me and I'm perfectly ok with that! To ALL of you who are going thru hell now I promise you it does get better...I've even thought about calling her and saying thanks because I'm in a better place now without her!! 1
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