Just broke up...devastated

[confused2385]

You are giving her way too much credit. She is evil and manipulative. She didnt come back because she loves you (she never would have left) she came back hecause things with her REAL bf wasnt working out and she didnt want to be alone. From what I've read mack05 is spot on. Grow a spine and MOVE ON. You need a few weeks away from it all and have fun with friends, get out of the house. Keep busy.

 

The hardest thing to do is other things when all you can think about (literally ALL you can think about) is that one person. It is the death of you and yes, you want to die. I was there a couple months ago with my bf. and with someone else before that. BUT IT DOES GET BETTER!!!! I look back now and I KNEW back then what to do, but actually doing it (moving on from someone I knew was absolutely terrible for me in every regards) was the hardest thing I've had to do in a while

 

. I called my gf and she was planning a trip to Vegas and so I went. It was 2 weeks away which gave me something to look forewarn to and the week with her friends and the beach after took my mind off things. I got a new phone and started talking to someone else, I KNEW I could do it! I was at an all time low and things were looking up. Then he (I had 2 phones and one was till activated til end of month so he got ahold of me) called crying hysterically that one of his best friends, such a good funny guy, beautiful person... He committed suicide off the Coronado bridge in San Diego. So I wanted to be there for my bf but I didn't want to risk MY recovery from him either. Ultimately inlet him back in.

 

As of now, we're off and on but I'm detatched because I have to be. So much ****, not cheating, (I actually wouldn't doubt it) but lying a whooooole list of other things.

 

I apologize for making this about me. Time heals. Before I met this guy, I was DEVISTATED of a previous breakup. And now I was DEVISTATED over him. There will be more people out there, who will treat you how you DESERVE. You say she does this "because someone did it to her" or something to that effect. Why did you deserve this? YOU DON'T. She needs help. She's a disgrace to the female gender. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love will never leave you for another guy, ever. Good luck.

XO- kaci

I know I am, butI for some reason only see the good in her because I have seen how amazing she can be. I have a list of all the horrible things she has done to me and it infuriates me then in an instant I can only think about the awesome times and how everytime we split neither of us wanted to do it because the only problem we ever head was her being scared and trying to find an out....or at least how i see it. I'm just blind right now.

 

That's crazy just a couple months ago a group of my friends had one of their friends jump from that bridge. Crazy how small the internet can be.

 

I know she needs help, but I want to be there and help her through it. For all my past relationships I never had this connection with someone or have someone help me grow so much and I think it's meant to be that's why this is so hard especially knowing while i'm tormented she's being comforted by another guy who probably just thinks she is having a hard time right now.

 

I think she uses it as a defense mechanism because she still hasn't got her closure. All i do is look for answers and that is the most difficult thing because I can't pinpoint it or accept it so i'm stuck in this vicious circle that i can't get out of.

 

Thank you for your response and I wish you the best in your current situation

[confused2385]

Quick question....In order to get away I went to my cabin today and went fishing and just sat on the lake. I came home and found my choc lab asleep on my couch and I took a picture and posted it on instagram...It was up for 30 minutes and she has already liked it.... Does this mean anything? because it has just given me so much hope because for the way we parted and her non response to my last message she would not have liked that especially give how stubborn she is...if anyone has any advice please. it is racking my mind... i hate girls and relationships

[Hereiam007]

first of all thanks for sharing.

 

She is a good person. Everyone is. You are a good person too. also, look at your good qualities you have. And deep down, keep looking at them because one day somebody is going to see those qualities in you whether it is with this person or some other. Or perhaps, more than one person will see these good qualities in her.

 

Seriously, talk to this person and see if it will work out. Say what you don't like in the relationship, and how you need someone for yourself only. Sell yourself to her like it is the last inning, and if she doesn't buy then move on. Try not to do this over text because things are lost in interpretation.

 

say like, "I know you are leaving tuesday, and I need somebody who loves me for who i am and respect me. I don't want to change you. You are who you are...." something to that extent that will inform her that you are not a door mat, and let her know that you are looking into getting an online profile to stretch out your wings.

 

Women like a man, and if they can push you around and cheat around you then that is a red flag that you are showing to them, they want somebody who has standards and do not want this. They still think of their knight in shinning armor type of dream.

 

I think you are being a gentleman in trying to find a way to end this smoothly, then that is a way to do it. If she doesn't buy into what you are feeling, then move on. She needs to make a small effort to keep you otherwise you are walking.

 

or you can just plan on walking out after your conversation, and say that, "You don't need me. I will only cause you pain in your life."

 

Get an online profile, and start to look at other hot woman there. There are plenty on match.

 

My ex and i had a on and off 2 year relationship. I knew it was a red flag from the beginning, but I was just needed sex, and we grew together, it turned out she really loved me, and we we broke up many times, most on my part.

 

She had 3 kids from 3 different man, and my family knew this was a red flag. I knew I would have to take a back seat to her children. I was ok wit this because of my low self esteem.

 

I was always willing to work it out with her because she made good effort into making it right with me. I had to change my number. She found me. I changed it again. She found another guy who she was sexting with.

 

I deserve better. you deserve better. Everybody deserves better, but when lies and cheating enters the equation, it is time to stop wrestling with the tiger because you will be bitten and it will hurt bad. It has been 5 days of NC with me. After all she did change her number

peace.

[Hereiam007]

It was up for 30 minutes and she has already liked it.... Does this mean anything? because it has just given me so much hope because for the way we parted and her non response to my last message she would not have liked that especially give how stubborn she is...if anyone has any advice please. it is racking my mind... i hate girls and relationships

 

She may be throwing you a bone so that you can bite, you know giving you some leftover crumbs to help you from your hurt. She knows she hurt you, and she just feels guilt because of she hurt you.

 

Call her and bring up some issues. Some likes here on Facebook is juvenile. talk to her, don't text her. call her the sooner the better.

[confused2385]

That's what i did last Thursday. I told her it's time for her to make a choice. I'm making the decisions, but i'm not going back and forth she didnt want to leave cried said it was the wrong thing, made love to me (when she was supposed to be with him since sunday) loved me couldn't find a flaw no reason to leave, but she left me to see him because she was drawn to him because he has hurt her and it scares her because we are to perfect and I haven't hurt her. I couldn't be ,mean to her and that took away my confidence with her and has destroyed my self esteem.

 

I hold a lot on that like, but I will not contact her because she picked him and I want her happy. If it's with him fine..that suckas, but shes happy. If she liked that because she missed me she can call and go from there, but I love here, but know i am completely confused because i didnt get a response from my text last night....

[Hereiam007]

Text her back and say. I like to talk to u and see u before u leave. If she replies back and meets u that is great, and if she doesn't then at least u will have good concious about it. u may be her back up plan, and u don't want to be a back up plan. ask her to help u write an online profile

[Mack05]

That's what i did last Thursday. I told her it's time for her to make a choice. I'm making the decisions, but i'm not going back and forth she didnt want to leave cried said it was the wrong thing, made love to me (when she was supposed to be with him since sunday) loved me couldn't find a flaw no reason to leave, but she left me to see him because she was drawn to him because he has hurt her and it scares her because we are to perfect and I haven't hurt her. I couldn't be ,mean to her and that took away my confidence with her and has destroyed my self esteem.

 

I hold a lot on that like, but I will not contact her because she picked him and I want her happy. If it's with him fine..that suckas, but shes happy. If she liked that because she missed me she can call and go from there, but I love here, but know i am completely confused because i didnt get a response from my text last night....

 

You are simply not listening. "While you may believe a text from her saying "ok lets go for it" would be the best thing in the world for you, believe me it is the worst. The relationship can never work. It's simply impossible"...

 

You need to disappear from her world. Total NC, you don't check any social sites, block her in everyway you can. You don't reply if she makes contact. You simply use this time to resolve your personal issues...All your time focusing on her is so detrimental to you right now, you have no idea...

 

I am telling you that you are heading for a train crash, yet there you go going full steam ahead into it....I had to learn the VERY hard way. It seems you do too and It's sad to see....

Edited May 27, 2012 by Mack05

[confused2385]

I wouldn't get back with her right now. She really needs to figure her **** out. She never addresses her feelings. As soon as she does she runs to someone to make her not feel them. That's what I want from her. It's probably too soon for me to full understand or accept "The relationship can never work. It's simply impossible".... " I can't control my thoughts right now. I just wish she was figuring herself out instead of jumping into a relationship to mask what she feels. I hate how selfish she is and how she deliberately hurt me after I told her in the very beginning don't do this if you aren't going to commit because I don't do breaks well and i struggle with hurt and depression.I'm just very alone and the wedding I have today i'm already kind of dreading because now the seat next to me will be open. I hate it because i should be so excited that one of my best friends is getting married and wants me to share his highest moment and i'm afraid i'll bring it down. Same thing next weekend and i'm in that wedding....Cheers to day 2 of NC. Hopefully today will be easier then yesterday

Edited May 27, 2012 by confused2385

[Mack05]

I wouldn't get back with her right now. She really needs to figure her **** out. She never addresses her feelings. As soon as she does she runs to someone to make her not feel them. That's what I want from her. It's probably too soon for me to full understand or accept "The relationship can never work. It's simply impossible".... " I can't control my thoughts right now. I just wish she was figuring herself out instead of jumping into a relationship to mask what she feels. I hate how selfish she is and how she deliberately hurt me after I told her in the very beginning don't do this if you aren't going to commit because I don't do breaks well and i struggle with hurt and depression.I'm just very alone and the wedding I have today i'm already kind of dreading because now the seat next to me will be open. I hate it because i should be so excited that one of my best friends is getting married and wants me to share his highest moment and i'm afraid i'll bring it down. Same thing next weekend and i'm in that wedding....Cheers to day 2 of NC. Hopefully today will be easier then yesterday

 

She never does this and she never did that...When does it become what u did or didn't do? Except when it comes to feeling sorry for yourself.....

 

"I have no date for a wedding, if I can get some piece of trash to join me at that wedding, well that will make my life just perfect!".Seriously.....boo f***ing hoo. There are people going through a lot worse in their lives then u right now. All u do right now is feel sorry for yourself because some immature, wreckless, thoughtless, inconsiderate toxic chick won't like you back, because you what??You think you deserve it or that you are entitled to it!Are u serious!?

 

You are pathetic man. I can say that with confidence because I was u. I too was pathetic.

 

No one gives you anything in life. You EARN it!! and if all you want to earn in life is average hoe, then thats the life u are headed towards...AVERAGE.....

 

Think about it..

Edited May 27, 2012 by Mack05

[confused2385]

I know it, but I can't move forward. it's so bad right now.i'm with 15 friends right now before my best friends wedding and i'm just a shell. I keep thinking is she all laughs and smile with three other Guy at her cousins engagement party. I tell myself I need to move on and forget her she's not coming back then I miss her more. In actuality I should be **** her good luck because you're missing out. If you think life is better with him in yours then having me. You're wrong and he will cheat on you just like you do, but even getting rusty or helped, but i'm still going to be thinking about her and I wish I wouldn't and just move on. Love sucks

[Mack05]

I know it, but I can't move forward. it's so bad right now.i'm with 15 friends right now before my best friends wedding and i'm just a shell. I keep thinking is she all laughs and smile with three other Guy at her cousins engagement party. I tell myself I need to move on and forget her she's not coming back then I miss her more. In actuality I should be **** her good luck because you're missing out. If you think life is better with him in yours then having me. You're wrong and he will cheat on you just like you do, but even getting rusty or helped, but i'm still going to be thinking about her and I wish I wouldn't and just move on. Love sucks

 

You are at (close to) your best friends wedding and all u can think about is her or posting here...

 

So let me get this straight.. For one day you can't leave her go, you can't put the focus solely on your best friend and his/her happiness.....

 

I think this is a one way friendship...or maybe you don't know what that word means -> Friendship...

 

Seriously u need a long look in the mirror, just as I did...At least I never let my friends down..Selfish people do that. Put the ****i g phone down and enjoy the day...Cause believe me special occasions are special and to lose them is a crime. Especially over a worthless toerag hoe with zero class or respectability..A person u have no future with...

 

Your 'friend' deserves better than that.

Edited May 27, 2012 by Mack05

[confused2385]

I'd never let him down. That's why I am here. I was just saying I am missing the **** out pig her and hate that she's with another Guy and happy right now. I just want to text her but know the only way to grow ia get past her and that's why I posted here first

[Mack05]

I'd never let him down. That's why I am here. I was just saying I am missing the **** out pig her and hate that she's with another Guy and happy right now. I just want to text her but know the only way to grow ia get past her and that's why I posted here first

 

so because you are 'there' doesnt mean u are letting him down?Today you are letting him down and you are letting yourself down.

 

If you really don't want to let him down...turn off the phone NOW!. Stop thinking of her for 12 hours and make this day about him and his family...

 

Anything else...believe me, you are letting him down..

Edited May 27, 2012 by Mack05

[confused2385]

Hey mack, so i did like you said. Shut it off had a fun time, but I was thinking about the ex the whole time, but everything went great. i got home and turned it on and fired off some texts and a voicemaill responding to her text.

 

The rest of it is in the coping forum as this breakup is over and it's time to get over it. link if you have any advice ->link

 

After going through the on and off for the last month i can't keep torturing myself. I'm sure I will, but as of 4pm today our communication ended. I hate to say it I don't think she will be contacting me and that hurts me to say because how i still want a person who can hurt me like this is ludicrous. Pretty low right now and not quite sure how I am going to get through this as it's all i think about and I haven't really slept this month, but I hope i can come to you and LS for support and encouragement during this difficult time in my life...almost a second family. If anyone has anything to chip in it's all appreciated.

 

On to the good stuff. I got back out and did my 4 mile walk thatI would do everyday as well as a 45 min lifting session and topped that off with 15 min of rowing in the home gym. Was nice to have the motivation to get through it, but i'm afraid it wont be there going forward as it's usually depression. Today I think was anger as it just happened. Going to clean up the house move, pack up the rest of her **** as well as anything that reminds me of her and put it somewhere else. Extremely sad to be #2 yet again as in this phase of mylife i am looking to settle down make some great memories and start a family, but I fear I may be back tracked a while.

 

Is it weird that I almost want to let the other guy know that she has been seeing me the entire time they have been together? I would never do that as I legitimately do love this girl and only want her happy. I worry about the fact that I have unconditional love for her and how she may take advantage of that down the road.This feeling is just miserable and I hate that she just does it at will to people, but maybe that I'm gone she'll find he was indeed the one.

 

Back at NC day 1 and I think it will only build up from here. Hopefully i find my sanity, self worth and confidence soon, but i'm not quite sure how to go about it.

Edited May 30, 2012 by confused2385

[Mack05]

It's just starting I'm afraid mate. Many different emotions, many tough days. Eventually something will snap you out of your trance. For me it was one line I heard on tv. "Some people are broken and you can't fix them". My ex immediately came to my mind as the character in the show (who was broken and suffered from BPD) was in essence her.

 

Seemed perfectly normal, in control, was popular, but behind the facade was a very emotionally damaged person who you will never be able to relate to. It was that second I let my obsession of her go and started to focus on just me. I just wish I didn't waste so much time and energy away from myself. My figuring out what was wrong with her, hasn't really helped me in my life. Ok its alright to get a bit of an understanding of what went wrong from both sides, but I could literally write a novel about my ex's problems!..Just so much wasted time and energy focusing on a person who could never have made me happy.

 

With my last ex it was a very toxic. Throughout the entire relationship and afterwards I accepted what my flaws were and that one way or another I was going to confront them. She too spent all the time blaming me and never taking accountability for our problems. ALWAYS deflected everything back to me.

 

At the end of the relationship I made a mistake, I am trying so hard to stop others from making here. I focused all my time and energy trying to figure out what was wrong with her. When I did this and confronted her about what her real issues were, she accused me of talking bull about her, because I wanted to make myself look good. I was like huh, what the hell are you talking about? I did not or never have wanted to make myself look good. Losing someone I cared about deeply was never about looking good or 'winning'. All I wanted was to open her eyes to her predicament. To explain to her why things keep working out for her the way they do and why they always will unless she confronts her demons and not runs away, avoid, denies and blame.

 

She was right though and I hope you see the point I am making in this thread. Why was I focusing all my energies on her (and a relationship with no future, someone I could never relate to) when I clearly had flaws of my own which I always admitted to. Fine I had the courage to admit to them, but not to follow through and resolve them. This is the lesson I have learnt in future. If a relationship is broken, let it go. It is not your job to convince her to come back. It's not your job to figure out what her problems are. It is your job to come to terms with the breakup and to try resolve the issues (from your side) that affected the relationship...

 

That is what I am doing now. I couldn't give a monkeys nutsack what she is doing...

Edited May 30, 2012 by Mack05

[confused2385]

That's great that you have finally reached that point. Lot of ups and downs today, but still NC and I got a walk and a workout in. Just sucks that everything from my boxers to my cologne remind me of her as she had a hand in them one way or the other. I have realized I have some things I need to figure out about myself and i'm taking the steps to resolve them and address them.

 

I guess she posted something today about her migraine coming back and how she is in so much pain stressed and just wants to get away...she could always run to her other guy as this was her choice, but i told my friend to not let me know that stuff for the foreseeable future. The best thing was when she cam in to my life, but it may just be the next best thing is when she left my life. Hope to check in at day 3 tomorrow.

 

Just got another text from a friend saying she just put on facebook "the very things you take for granted are the very things that will break your heart"...Is this pertaining to me is she telling me i took her for granted or is she saying she took me for granted....I'm so confused now. ****!

Edited May 31, 2012 by confused2385