guest Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 Ok so i need some advice. Me and my gf had been together for 2 1/2 years. In the past 6 months or so we have talked about marrige and our live together and it has always been her that initiated the conversations. It was as if she was so excited. Well both of us are seniors in college and are graduating in december. About 4 weeks ago she decided that she was going to go live with her parents until school started back and i was totally ok with that because i have never had reason to doubt our relationship. So she goes home and 2 weeks later i go down to see her for the first time and everything is wonderful. It was like fireworks like every spark that had gone over 2 years was back. So naturally i leave after 2 days feeling GREAT! Another week goes by and out of the blue she calls and tells me she needs a break. Her words, "I love you and still want to be with you but i feel like there are things i need to do and things i need to find out about myself without you". So there ya have it. I was completly shocked and heart broken. Its been almost three weeks and still no signs of us getting back together. This is the worst pain ive felt im life. I want to call her all the time but im not sure if i should. She only makes contact with me a couple times a week. Im sure im making the fatal mistake but i call her almost every other day and the days i dont call, i want to. The big shocker is a few days ago she called me crying and told me she had kissed her ex-bf. This was devastating to me. But she says she has no feelings for him and it was a drunken one time thing. She still tells me every time we talk that she can still see us getting back together and that she still loves me with all her heart but she just doesnt want to be with me right now. So what should i do. Should i continue to be there for her? Should i move on? Should i remain in contact with her?
hurtingandconfused Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 Should i continue to be there for her? Nope. Let her know how life will be without you. Should i move on? Yes. Should i remain in contact with her? Nope. Stop calling her, when she calls make it short as if you are busy.
J_weik Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 I'm not trying to say anything bad hurtingandconfused, but why is your answer always "have no contact and move on?"
guest Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I would really appreciate some more responces...im really torn about what i should do
TommyGirl Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Well, it seems like you are a really sweet guy and also seems like you have a nice girlfriend or ex-girlfriend, but you have to give her the space that she asks for so she can see what she is looking for or remedy her confusion. I was going thru something very similar myself about 3 or 4 months ago. I know that you want to continue to talk to her, but she made the decision, not you, so you have to let her be free. I know it is hard, trust me,I feel your pain. I also promise you that things will get better with yourself in due time. If it is meant for you guys to be together, she wil come back to you, but don't hold your breath, because don't anyone knows what the future holds but God. It seems like she maybe is confused about some things, but she says that she loves you, and sees you two together in the future. You know her better than any of us, but I don't think she would string you along and tell you that stuff if she didn't mean it, but be careful and be nobody's fool. This is life and this stuff sucks, but you have to move on and focus on taking care of yourself. If you gave your very best in the relationship and you made her happy, you should have no worries. There are alot of nice people in the world, but only a couple that will love you, understand you, be there with you through thick and thin, so one day she might wake up and figure all this out and come running back to you. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. This is your time now. You can still let her know occasionally that you care, but also show her that you can move on gracefully. Know that things happen for a reason, and maybe there is somebody else out there wonderful for you, or that your relationship with your girl maybe stronger than ever after all of this is over with! Hold your head up, this is not the end of the world, you have not reached your peak yet in life. Stay strong and believe in the power of prayer!
guest Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Thanks TommyGirl...your post really helped alot, i think im finally realizing that this is out of my hands now and i just need to trust in god..thanks again
kgal Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Amen to that Tommygirl! Bud - you have to be strong! Hold on and walk forward. Have faith...and know that the grace of God is w/ya and nothings to hard if you rely on Him to carry you through this. You can do it! Don't ever worry about the future....and take it a day at a time....you're gonna make it...and you will be happy again...whether it's with your ex or not...you will and why wait...start right now!
Olivia_19742004 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I'm a firm believer that no one should marry before they're 28 years old so in my opinion even being engaged before you're out of college causes a little concern. It is always better that someone find themselves before they marry rather than after they marry. Being secure in who we are is extremely important and it's so easy to lose oneself in a relationship/marriage. You stated she's still calling you and I think that is a good sign that she's not completely pushing you out of her life. It's hard to say exactly what she's feeling but I don't think there is anything wrong with her wanting some space to find herself and what she really wants in life. If more people did this before marrying we might have less divorce and less people feeling unfulfilled in their relationships. I think it would be better for you to not make any hasty decisions. It's been only three weeks and that's really not a long time. You need to respect her decision for space and stop obsessing over the relationship and calling her non-stop. She's an adult and an individual and it's important you recognize this part of her. Let her find herself. Give her some real space and that means not calling her every day just to talk to her. Be kind and considerate. I would suggest sending her sweet cards in the mail. Or cute little packages. Nothing expensive but something sweet and loving that reminds her that you are there and you love and respect her enough to trust her and allow her time to think. It is possible that she may decide she doesn't want to continue the relationship and that is something you need to keep in the back of your mind but you can't force someone to be ready to commit. If you love her enough to give her time then truly give her time. If one day you find you can no longer wait then you will at least be able to say you did all you could do to be patient and understanding. Your heart shouldn't suffer needless for someone else and I don't think you should endure a long period of confusion but some people do need time alone to find their own path in life.
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Well, if she "loves" you so much, and wants to be with you---drunk or not drunk she wouldn't have kissed her ex boyfriend..I may be wrong but it sounds to me like, in a nice way she was telling you that she wants to go do whatever (date other guys,etc) whenever she wants..And obviously if you two are together she can't do that, so she left you to do it, and if she don't find a "replacement" then she will have you to fall back on... If It were me, Id do the same..Go out, enjoy life, do things you want to do..Try not to think about her, and dont call her...Let her CALL you, as this was her decision....Maybe by the time she gets around to calling you, you will have found a wonderful TRUE woman who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.. Good Luck!
KappaSig Posted July 1, 2004 Posted July 1, 2004 Just wanted to thank everyone for their posts..they have really given me some things to think about..again THANKS ALL and anymore posts would be appreciated as well
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