ash11ae Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 I have been having such a hard time going NC from my ex... I unblocked his number and started texting and calling him again, with questions - why did you do this? Admit you don't care about me. Etc. I know I am just asking to be hurt even worse but I guess maybe I feel like if he hurts me, it will help me get over it? It doesn't, though. Yesterday I felt OK. I went out with a friend and had a lot of fun. And on the long drive home alone I thought about this guy, and I thought about how physically far apart we are, not just emotionally, and I felt like I could accept it. Today is a different story. I texted and called him again. Wanting him to just be honest with me. To let me go, I guess. To admit what he did and have a conscience and set me free. But he didn't. He did, however, say, "I love you, but I'm in love with ____. I'm sorry." And that hurt worse than anything else, I think. I asked him when he knew he wasn't in love with me anymore, and he said recently. But he posted about that other girl a month ago, saying he was "in it for the long haul." So I think he's known a lot longer than he says. I asked him if he thought she was the one; he said he didn't know, that he'd thought I was the one, and asked, "Wouldn't it be easy if you were the one?" Then he asked me if he was my one! I know I need to just stop talking to him. I'm having a really hard time. I'm not reflecting on myself poorly, as some might suggest... I like myself, and I know my worth as a person. I do scold myself sometimes for pushing him away last year, for inevitably contributing to make it get to this point... like maybe if we'd stayed together & I'd tried harder, none of this would have happened... It just kills me that he doesn't love me. It kills me.
Gulf-Delta Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) I know how you feel. I thought I was ready to be friends with my ex. Just friends. A clean slate. I requested a simple dinner as friends to clear the air, start over, get all the ugliness out of the way, and get on with our lives. She turned it down because she's dating someone. Fine. I wrote her an illogically long message on facebook, just getting everything off my chest. Things that have been eating at my heart and brain, so I went all out. How she hurt me. I asked her how she could just walk away. Told her I hope she never loses who she is on the inside (when I met her she was very kind, a great artist, very smart). Big long thing. I basically said my piece, and ended it with saying I wanted to be friends, but I can't do it until I can forgive her for the way she treated me, and I'll talk to her again when I am over the hurt, so I'm done for a while. She actually responded (really shocking, for real) saying she's still the same person, she's just going through a dfferent "stage of life", and she's dating someone....I'm not being replaced it's something "new, entirely different from us". I'm guessing this means it's just ****ing, sewing her oats,...whatever. Honestly, both of us having a phase like this could be benificial. Then she said "I do know the real you, and you me. This means I think you should understand what is going on." I have NO idea WTF that means either, but my point is thus.... I'm going through the same thing you. I'm in the same boat. Just take it day by day. Don't think about the future. Whatever happens happens. Don't expect anything. Taking things one day at a time is a lot easier than thinking about, say, a year from now and if they'll still think about you then, or if you'll have heard from them, blah, blah. You ain't alone sister. I'm in the same place you are. I'm left with a bunch of questions too. I miss her everyday. I'm still in love with her I think (not sure I can admit it to myself at this point). I don't have any idea what my ex is feeling either. Edited May 25, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Author ash11ae Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Being friends with your ex is hard. I am not even convinced that it is a good idea. It really messes up relationships to be friends with someone you've slept with; not only your relationship with that person, but your relationship with other people, especially those you want to pursue romantically. Because there is almost always a physical and emotional attachment there that does a real disservice to the new people who care about you. I'm sorry you're going through the same thing as me. I definitely share the same thoughts you do - "Well, maybe it won't work out with this girl, she can't love him as much as I love him, and maybe he'll realize that and a few months down the road he'll want me again." But I shouldn't think like that. Neither should you. We shouldn't want someone to have to go through trial and error to figure out that they love us. We shouldn't want people like that. You are right though, about taking it day by day. I find it hard to even get through a few hours without wanting to contact him. I am going to have to cut ties though. The more I talk to him, the more I hurt. It is difficult when someone tells you they care about you, but then doesn't act like it. When they tell you they love you, but that they don't love you as much as another person. When they seem to be perfectly OK with hurting you and losing you.
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