Forever Learning Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 I was thinking of doing the online dating thing. I am a 42 year old woman. Which online dating companies are my best bet? I would even try other type dating services as well, like 'Events and Adventures', where you meet up as a group and do things together. Any recommendations? Thank you! 1
Alexanda Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 I hear bad things about eharmony and decent things about match.com. Other than that I think for lesser known dating websites it depends on where you live. Things like chemistry.com, Christian Mingle and Zoosk for those you need to live in at least a medium sized city. I went on chemistry.com and Christian mingle and there were 10 people or less on those sites and I live in a small city. 1
Art_Critic Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I had great success with match, but I did do online dating on and off for years before I met my wife. OLD does take time and you have to wade thru all the trash on those places, the good thing about that is that once you figure out how to then it gets easier. If I was single today I would try Events and Adventures in a heartbeat.. If you are super busy then match might be good, but if you have time to go places then I would think Events and Adventures would be a lot of fun and hopefully you would meet someone you click with. Good luck 1
january2011 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I found my SO via OKCupid, so I'd recommend that site. Did not like the look of POF at all. Set up a profile in EHarmony after passing their questionnaire but never used it. 1
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I honestly believes that each OLD site works depending on its location; here in the Bay Area, Plenty of Fish gets more use than OKCupid - but I have friends on the East Coast who prefer OKCupid. I have tried them all at one time or another; from eHarmony to Adult Friend Finders. But I'm an extremist; I posted on AFF knowing I wanted a partner who could communicate about sex up front without <ahem> pussy-footing </ahem> around. Ultimately - and this has been no secret - I found my match on Collarme, which is, yes, mostly a kinky website. But I wrote a profile that stated emphatically that I was there for a relationship which INCLUDED my particular kink and that the relationship must proceed first with an Intellectual connection, then Emotional, and finally Sexual. I had a whole list of preferences and requirements and I was inundated with potential paramours, many who read what I wrote and many who did not. Sure, I got a lot of players, but I also had some very interesting dates and potential relationships come out of it. I granted that my method is unconventional, but if a woman is upfront and desirous about her sexuality (as I believe FL is), it might be an avenue worth taking - albeit slowly and with much caution. 1
Sith Apprentice Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) Eharmony was a waste of money. I was on there for 4 months and never went on a date with anyone. Eharmony is mostly BS and doesn't really work. Eventually, you'll get to a point where you'll expend all your matches and then you have to sit around with your thumb up your butt for a week waiting for the system to generate new matches. They would also send me wasted matches. The system would match me with women that lived nowhere near me even though I clearly stated in my profile I wasn't willing to travel more than 30 miles to meet a match. Imagine living in the South East United States and being matched with women in California. It made no sense. They will also recycle matches on you. I got the same women matched to me 2-3 times. They will also match you with non-paying members which is a total waste. On Eharmony only paying members can contact each other. Half the profiles on there don't have pictures and I suspect the majority of people on there just signed up to take the personality questionnaire and then abandoned their profiles. Another big problem with Eharmony is the Free Communication Weekends they hold every few months. You'll get all these non-paying members who flood the site and message you on the weekends and then they flake out on you and abandon their profiles because they don't want to pay. Edited May 25, 2012 by Sith Apprentice 1
Laveli Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) So this gave the idea to checkout Match, I went through over50 profiles and every single one I was unable to make the “cut” Under the heightsection all these woman are looking for 5’9 or taller even though I saw someone4’11. Now I am 5’8 and granted I’m shorter by an inch, I’m not sure if I just bump myself up to 5’9 or not. Good thing I did not pay anything for this crap. Edited May 25, 2012 by Laveli 1
carhill Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Get your feet wet with Meetup, which ostensibly keeps things interest-related. Socializing can progress IRL as appropriate. TBH, even though I had marked success with OLD back in the 90's, I wouldn't touch it today, save for international dating, and then only the free local native language sites. I spend a fair amount of time on mamba.ru and dating.ru since Russian ladies have long been an interest of mine. IMO, the operative factor is to get out there. I meet plenty of potentials just through traveling; no OLD required. Match is still showing two women in my age range within 10 miles of me. No wonder I try other things. YMMV. Good luck. 2
Cee Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Because I was around 40, I cast my net wide and tried a lot of the online services Match, PoF, and OKC. I had a great time with OKC and met a lot of interesting people, but somehow online dating didn't work. I tried off and on for two years and gave up. Six months later I met my boyfriend at a meetup group for lefty/progressives. I attended the group for company and drinks after work. Maybe because it assembled likeminded people, dating sometimes happened among attendees. The meetup group which only attracts 10-12 people per week now boasts of one marriage and two couples who are living together. Not bad. By the way, it's a national thing - called "Drinking Liberally." See if there's a chapter in your neck of the woods. 1
writergal Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 eHarmony - waste of money because it chooses for you and the communication process is sloooow. Very high level of men BUT those same men (I found) have profiles on OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish and Match.com. So whichever one you choose you're sure to see the same profiles. Match - I liked it because you have control over choosing profiles and the communication (you can send emails as soon as you sign up wheras you don't get that feature with eHarmony). Better selection of men but a lot of ghost profiles on Match. Ghost profiles are members who didn't bother to hide their profiles once they cancelled their membership. So Match uses their profiles to fill up your searches with, only you won't know this when you're sending out emails and not getting responses from those profiles. I know this because I read a few articles online about this search filler tactic that Match is guilty of doing. OK Cupid - my nickname for this is OK Stupid. Yes its free but you get what you pay for as far as the quality of people. Plenty of Fish - yuck. That's all I can say about this free dating website. Yuck. After my most recent experience, I've decided I'm going to stick with offline dating. My idea of romance is not Skyping every day with someone or texting or emailing. For some people that works. For me, I'm more needy. I can't survive on a text or email because electronic communication is so impersonal. I tried LDR in high school and college with no luck. Too expensive. Too time consuming. Too difficult. 1
writergal Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Hey Carhill! Totally agree with you about Meetup. Best organization ever!! You have a better chance at meeting a man you have something in common with through a Meetup group you join (for free) than you do wasting your money with online dating websites. My vote is to join a bunch of Meetups in your area and let time do its trick. Eventually you'll be presented with dating opportunities via those groups. Get your feet wet with Meetup, which ostensibly keeps things interest-related. Socializing can progress IRL as appropriate. TBH, even though I had marked success with OLD back in the 90's, I wouldn't touch it today, save for international dating, and then only the free local native language sites. I spend a fair amount of time on mamba.ru and dating.ru since Russian ladies have long been an interest of mine. IMO, the operative factor is to get out there. I meet plenty of potentials just through traveling; no OLD required. Match is still showing two women in my age range within 10 miles of me. No wonder I try other things. YMMV. Good luck. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I tried EHarmony for a bit and then disabled my profile. I absolutely hated their guided communication. I ended up going through all their steps with one guy and he was the only person that I met on there. He was a complete psycho stalker. Seriously, out of all men I met online, this one was totally NUTS. I have been on OKC on and off for a couple of years. I like it because they have the in depth questionnaire which I read always for potential dates. After reading their answers, 99% men don't make the cut and I don't bother meeting them so it saves time. There were few interesting people I met on there and I am still friends with a couple. It attracts nerdy, quirky crowd which I like. I was on Australian version of match for a few months but eventually got rid of the profile. I only ever got messages from men that can barely spell. I was on POF for a day and got nearly 100 messages asking for casual sex In summary, I only have OKC profile now. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Forgot to say, the first guy I ever met when I started doing OLD was the best one (on OKC). He was smart and drop dead gorgeous. I didn't take him seriously and assumed that he was a player due to his great looks. I have him still on my FB. We went on a few dates and I honestly thought that he was too good for me. I was also overwhelmed by other options from OLD and just kind of ignored him. He got married to the next girl he met on OKC. Turns out he was sincere and he treats that girl like gold (from the stuff they post on FB). Seems like I really missed a great chance 2
d'Arthez Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) Turns out he was sincere and he treats that girl like gold (from the stuff they post on FB). Seems like I really missed a great chance You never know beforehand. Hindsight is often 20/20. Just think back to prior relationships, and knowing that they have not worked out, how easy it is to think that you could have saved yourself some time and heartache by breaking up as soon as the warning signs became apparent (i.e. if you would have known then what you know now). Remember, just because the two of them worked out, is not a guarantee that you and him would have worked out. Nothing is worse than regretting things when you cannot be certain that they would have worked out. ETA: That is always a problem with relationships (real or imagined): memory and present frustrations can play awful tricks on you. Edited May 25, 2012 by d'Arthez 1
Emilia Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I was thinking of doing the online dating thing. I am a 42 year old woman. Which online dating companies are my best bet? I would even try other type dating services as well, like 'Events and Adventures', where you meet up as a group and do things together. Any recommendations? Thank you! I'd go with carhill's and Cee's recommendations. I think meetup is much better than any kind of OLD (speaking from experience), not the singles groups but the activity ones. I think widening your social circle is the best way to meet people and common interest makes it much more enjoyable to put yourself out there on a continuous basis. I'm a member of sport and debate groups on meetup and the experience has been fantastic. 1
irc333 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 I'd go with carhill's and Cee's recommendations. I think meetup is much better than any kind of OLD (speaking from experience), not the singles groups but the activity ones. I think widening your social circle is the best way to meet people and common interest makes it much more enjoyable to put yourself out there on a continuous basis. I'm a member of sport and debate groups on meetup and the experience has been fantastic. Meetup is a pretty cool place, however, recently......I've started seeing more and more MEETUP ladies popping up on POF, lol......I contact them when I see them and say, "Hey there stranger, figured with Meetup, you have your pick from there....us men aren't good enough for ya? LOL." I say this in a joking manner of course, and they say they're either curious.....one said she doesn't date men int he Meetup group, because she's had ton of friends that hooked up or dated those in Meetup, and when it didn't work out....like with dating co-workers, it would get awkward. Kind of a lame excuse, because Meetup is in no way same as dating your co-worker. But, I guess they obviously prefer to meet total strangers/weirdos from dating sites than let anything develop naturally through Meetup. 1
Emilia Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Kind of a lame excuse, because Meetup is in no way same as dating your co-worker. But, I guess they obviously prefer to meet total strangers/weirdos from dating sites than let anything develop naturally through Meetup. One thing I noticed is that there can be a lot of competing at meetup events for the same men and probably the other way round too. Personally, I try not to do that, just talk to guys where we mutually like each other and if I see that they are shopping around I move on immediately. There are some cool people who just want to click with a person but I can see how perhaps some would find the competition intimidating. At least through OLD your competition is invisible 1
irc333 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 One thing I noticed is that there can be a lot of competing at meetup events for the same men and probably the other way round too. Personally, I try not to do that, just talk to guys where we mutually like each other and if I see that they are shopping around I move on immediately. There are some cool people who just want to click with a person but I can see how perhaps some would find the competition intimidating. At least through OLD your competition is invisible Yeah, some won't attend those events unless they know ahead of time someone "cute" will be there. One woman admitted to this when she was bit buzzed on a few drinks. Pretty superficial. Why not just go and enjoy the event, don't go just becuase you think there may be cute guys/women there.
Emilia Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Yeah, some won't attend those events unless they know ahead of time someone "cute" will be there. One woman admitted to this when she was bit buzzed on a few drinks. Pretty superficial. Why not just go and enjoy the event, don't go just becuase you think there may be cute guys/women there. This is why it's best to pick meetups where the hobby/subject interests you. Make friends too in the meantime. Best way to go about it I think
thatone Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 You never know beforehand. Hindsight is often 20/20. Just think back to prior relationships, and knowing that they have not worked out, how easy it is to think that you could have saved yourself some time and heartache by breaking up as soon as the warning signs became apparent (i.e. if you would have known then what you know now). Remember, just because the two of them worked out, is not a guarantee that you and him would have worked out. Nothing is worse than regretting things when you cannot be certain that they would have worked out. ETA: That is always a problem with relationships (real or imagined): memory and present frustrations can play awful tricks on you. i still think there's a lesson to be learned, though. all you need to be is female to get male attention on a dating site. the ratios are roughly 2 to 1 men vs women on those sites. as a result women get addicted to online dating just like men get addicted to porn. it's the same thing, basically. men get the illusion of a porn star in their case, and women get free, safe attention from men from a distance. the problem is those men for the most part are not genuine, some of them not even real. i'd guess that 1 in a hundred men that message women on a dating site might be relationship material for a typical well adjusted woman (of which there are almost none on dating sites, either). in general, online dating makes bad people worse and makes good people jaded.
irc333 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Right, but some just cut off their nose to spite their face....they'd rather either. 1. Hit the clubs with a ALL girls night out, where all the "beautiful people" hang out. 2. Stay at home browsing Match.com lol They prefer not to even have a social life, unless the venue is "Raining Men.....Halleluah!! It's rainnin men!!" lol Well, hot men that is. This is why it's best to pick meetups where the hobby/subject interests you. Make friends too in the meantime. Best way to go about it I think
Emilia Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Right, but some just cut off their nose to spite their face....they'd rather either. 1. Hit the clubs with a ALL girls night out, where all the "beautiful people" hang out. 2. Stay at home browsing Match.com lol They prefer not to even have a social life, unless the venue is "Raining Men.....Halleluah!! It's rainnin men!!" lol Well, hot men that is. You are absolutely spot on and this is exactly why so many resort to the use of dating sites. If you live in a large city, it isn't actually that hard to meet people.
irc333 Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 You are absolutely spot on and this is exactly why so many resort to the use of dating sites. If you live in a large city, it isn't actually that hard to meet people. Believe it or not.....there's actually Meetups developed for this kind of woman....it's usually entitled a way that sounds very vain (spelling?). Like "Girls of Glamour" Meetup or something that sounds ritzy and exclusive. The only kind of attire you'll see these ladies wear is little black dresses, cocktail dresses, usually holding a glass of wine, raising their glasses, and smiling at the camera in some kind of seductive way. It's a girls only Meetup though....and typically...they're rather attractive ladies, but of the elitist variety. Think "The Real Housewives of Insert Location " but more "Future Real Housewives....." The more constructive and light hearted events, they will touch with a 10 foot pole. I recall a female friend of mine inviting her co-workers of that kind of character to a Meetup.....they bailed and told her that "Sorry, we're taking off, the more handsome men are in this section of town" I think some of the gentleman overheard it...perhaps they delibarelyt wanting some men to hear it....but the woman who invited her co-workers did apologize for them....she waslike "Hey, they're not friends of mien, JUST co-workers" We kind of got a good laugh otu of it though.
persevere Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 POF - Yes, yuck. Match - Not too bad. Lot's dreamers on there though. Beware the profiles with more than say, 8 pictures. Eharmony - Again, not to bad. I do think people get caught up in the "29 dimensions of compatibility", which is rubbish imho. It's a slow process as well. I think the best way to meet is face to face, somehow. I've had too many date on OLD where the person looked wholly different or acted a lot different. If you do do OLD, be brutally honest. Recent picture and putting down exactly what you are looking for. People who say they are into travel, jet skiiing, running, the opera, concerts, bars, etc. etc. are too high maintenance and dreamers, imho. I have gotten more responses by saying stuff like "I am the married man, without a wife and kids. Like to watch DVD's, grill out and go for walks", etc. than when I've tried to amp up my life via OLD profile in the past. Honesty. 2
persevere Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Right, but some just cut off their nose to spite their face....they'd rather either. 1. Hit the clubs with a ALL girls night out, where all the "beautiful people" hang out. 2. Stay at home browsing Match.com lol They prefer not to even have a social life, unless the venue is "Raining Men.....Halleluah!! It's rainnin men!!" lol Well, hot men that is. Lol...Good point. Or, when they do OLD all their pictures are of them with groups of friends (making it hard to tell which woman they are sometimes!) at a bar or some other pack related function, where men would likely never approach them. Miraculously, I've met more women lately just going out to the local, laid back watering hole. I avoid "beautiful people" hangouts. Too many trendy materialistic people.
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