mradvn Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 Hey Everyone, Just want to get some insight here. I have been going out with this girl for a few months, she is divorced with a 6 year old, and the ex-husband continues to hound her, and do anything to make her life miserable. She has admitted to me about physical and ongoing emotional abuse from this guy. She hates him, but is afraid to do anything because of their daughter. We have been going out for a few months and have a great relationship. We are both very busy professionals in our careers. I’m lucky if I can see her 1-2 times a week. We talked about just being friends since we are so busy, so we gave each other a break for a few days but we quickly came back together. As we develop our relationship I learn new things about her ex-husband and how he treats her. It’s very sad, but this guy is controlling and ruining her life. The past couple days have been stressing her out a lot because the ex-husband knows me and is very jealous of me being with her. She is stressing and not eating or staying hydrated. We spoke on the phone a little last evening as she was driving home. The ex keeps sending her text messages and harassing her. She has sent these to me so I can see. I’m a calm guy just don’t rub me the wrong way. I’m not a kid, I’m not looking to do anything to this guy, I’m always going to be the bigger man, and I have told her she needs to get a restraining order put on him so he stops with the abuse on her. He has even stooped down so low, as to say I hang around at certain establishments, and saying that I’m Gay, and talking a lot of trash. He keeps trying to say he has seen me out before, and just keeps talking all this garbage about me to try to convince her not to be with me. I’m concerned now because I feel she is weak emotionally and will cave in because of their past and how he use to physical hurt her, and the continued emotional abuse that she has to deal with from him. I had a work project and dealt with him for a few hours several years ago. He is all talk with no walk. He is someone that gets pleasure out of bullying her, someone who needs a real good ass-whippin if you ask me. I really like her, and want to continue a relationship with her, but something has to change. I have told her many times she needs to do something as it is affecting her life, and she has to move on. Can anyone give me some advice, or assist me with this situation? I’m starting to feel I’m at a fork in the road, we may be going on a date tomorrow evening, and I’m really considering telling her that there is too much drama and it may be best to separate for now until she can get her life in order. I feel really bad because I like this girl a lot, and she is someone I want to continue spending time with in the future. I have tried texting her, but she has not responded since the early morning, I understand she is probably busy with work, just concerned she is going to get sucked into her ex-husbands garbage. Any help is appreciated. I wrote this quickly so sorry for any grammatical errors - MR Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 The mere fact she has such a huge baggage ( the ex husband) is a red flag. It is not up to you to dictate what she will do about it, but you do have a choice to walk away from emotional relationship where it's proving to be unbeneficial to you. BTW is stopping her from seeking law enforcement or applying for a restraining order? This girl sounds like she likes drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexanda Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 This is why I refuse to date guys who have ever been married and or have kids. Its just too much to deal with when you don't have either of those. I think you should just separate from her until she or if she gets her life in order. You shouldn't have to deal with that crap. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 There's nothing you can do, sorry to say, other than be there and supportive. They have a child, which necessitates contact. He is baiting you hoping you react. It's up to her and her alone to handle this. I wouldn't move on in anticipation that she will cave and dump you, but would keep things light for the time being. If it's -that- bad, she should stop taking his contacts other than via text, and should handle the child issues that way. If she continues to keep engaging with him other than with respect to the child, that's on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mradvn Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 We last spoke on Friday. She was going to stop by my place but texted and decided we would reschedule. We text a little each day but not like before. It looks as if she's got sucked into the ex-husbands garbage talk. I'm not going to continue, as much as I like her, I'm moving on. I feel bad for her because the ex's emotional abuse will continue to ruin her life. To have closure, I will see her this week and say goodbye to her. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 That's probably for the best. She's old enough to take care of herself and it's not your job to do it for her. She's going to have to learn to step up and watch out for herself, her child and her future happiness with any significant other or risk seeing them walk away like this. I feel compassion for her, but she needs to take responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
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