How Much of Love Is Just Luck?

[somedude81]

I like the video game metaphor, SD, but I think Luck +1 items are found all throughout life, honestly.

Unless you actually believe that rabbits foot and the like bring you luck, no there aren't any items that are lucky charms, unless you're really lucky and found one

 

I think you could make a metaphor between different people's "starting luck" --- the hand their dealt when they're born, etc --- and video games/board games/etc. But as they improve through life (gain the life equivalent of EXP) and gain 'items' and so forth, there really are boundless options to improve whatever areas you want, including luck, IMO.

Oh of course, life is all about getting EXP and raising your stats; intelligence, strength, willpower, dexterity etc, but luck cannot be changed.

I don't think I started my life with the luck I have now. I had far from a perfect childhood. As a child, I saw abuse, divorce, and suffered a lot of psychological wounds, despite having a good mother and good step-father. My mother was mentally ill for much of my childhood, as good a woman and mother as she was. I did have a good HS relationship, which may be somewhat lucky, but that situation ended in perhaps the unluckiest way any can end. I could easily spin those years of my life and even the later ones to follow as unlucky. I don't think I'd have much success spinning the life I have NOW as unlucky, but I definitely made this luck and changed my life for the better. That doesn't mean my husband couldn't still die, or I couldn't, or that bad, terrible things couldn't still happen. They could, of course, and some terrible things will --- they do to everyone and they do to even high-luck video game or board game characters when the AI decide it or the dice fall wrong. C'est la vie.

It sounds like you had a somewhat even mix of good and bad luck. And that's the way it should be for most people. Though some just seem like they can't catch a break.

 

I also know people who consider themselves luckier than me and have great lives who have had experiences and situations even MORE unlucky than these I list, by far. I think a lot of how lucky you see yourself depends on how you fixate on the good or bad things in your life and how much meaning you make out of the bad times. A lot of the bad things that happened to me I actually feel lucky for, because they led to amazing growth that helped me so much in retrospect.

It's great that you can feel that way.

I disagree because I dated a pretty, rich girl. Guess what? Down to earth was not in her vocabulary! and she goes through men like you wouldn't believe. Maybe no problems getting dates, but keeping them is a whole other ball of wax. I would say for those in the upper echelon of society, they are pretty much bound to the 1% of the opposite sex haha unless you find that rare Cinderella!

IMO her luck is fine as it is but it's her choice in not choosing to work on her personality.

Actually, I think this is GOOD luck. It's hard to meet people we like. At least you had an opportunity and that’s all we can ask for. This is what most people are striving for. I’d rather have opportunities rather than no opportunities.

I want to strangle you.

 

I did not have an opportunity, none whatsoever! I met somebody who very closely met my ideal and she had no interest in dating or sex. If anything it was like she was locked in a glass case and I couldn't touch her. I see the whole thing as a practical joke played on me by God/Fate. I'm not going to say that I wish I never met her because I did have get some enjoyment out of our time together, but it was a far cry from what it could have been. Thinking of the possibilities makes me want to tear my hair out.

I'd rather meet someone I could fall for, even they reject me, rather than NEVER meeting anyone I could fall for. It would give me hope that nice, single men over 30 exist.

Why would you possibly want to meet somebody you could fall for and have them reject you? Are you a masochistic?

 

BTW, I've fallen for somewhere around 15 women, and they've all rejected me. It's really not something I'd want another person to go through.

[Teknoe]

I think a lot of sayings that people tell singles support this: like how if you just stop looking, love will suddenly find you. Doesn't that idea rest on supposing that love has very little to do with what you're doing, and is just a matter of circumstance and "happening"?

 

Not quite. When people say "stop looking so hard, love will find you when you least expect it" they also mean "get busy living your life and finding a sense of purpose/joy despite being single. In fact, become the most whole, complete, healthy you that you can become."

 

If you're just staying at home, isolated, or doing the same old routine as always, you probably won't find love. You have to be out and about, have a sense of purpose in life that is not 100% opposite sex-related, and you do your thing. People see this, and are drawn to your confidence and drive in life.

 

That saying doesn't mean you can PRETEND to stop looking, live the same lifestyle and hope to find love.

 

It just doesn't work that way.

[Teknoe]

I really wish I could see a status screen for my self. I'm sure my luck is at 0, even better if I could find some +1 Luck items.

 

Since you used a video game analogy... did Link become a hero by staying at home? No, he went out and faced his fears. Can you beat an RPG without talking to townsfolk? No, they have important information for you to discover. You have to TALK TO PEOPLE. You have to step out of your comfort zone.

 

Nobody ever leveled up by staying home posting on a message board. Sooner or later, one has to take action to move up in life. You can't beat a game without traveling, meeting allies, talking to people in various towns. In real life, you need to put yourself out there.

[OliveOyl]

Well, our experiences are defined by our beliefs, so if you believe that, it's probably been reinforced in your experiences as mine has in mind. I've found when I changed my mindset, I could change my luck.

 

Isn't that an oxymoron? Luck is, by definition, "random" and non-deterministic.

[OliveOyl]

So Zengirl, how are you supposed to change your mindset to be more lucky in love?

 

I've been trying to do the whole grateful/positive thing, and so far, it's gotten me nowhere except making me feel insufferable.

 

Is it possible that for some people, changing their mindset would be beneficial because it is their negative mindset keeping them back, but for some other people, they're just unlucky regardless of mindset?

 

If luck is "random" then how can *some* people be "unlucky" (except in hindsight)? If you think some people are destined to be "unlucky" then it is not actually luck at all, but some other "force" at play.

[Els]

 

Oh of course, life is all about getting EXP and raising your stats; intelligence, strength, willpower, dexterity etc, but luck cannot be changed.

 

I think that's a very good point. So assume you start a game. Are you going to remain at level 1 the entire time and blame constant dying on the luck element, or are you going to go out and get EXP, level up your other attributes, and finally down the boss?

[somedude81]

I think that's a very good point. So assume you start a game. Are you going to remain at level 1 the entire time and blame constant dying on the luck element, or are you going to go out and get EXP, level up your other attributes, and finally down the boss?

Of course I'm not still at level 1.

 

But I'm no match for the level 78 women that wander around. Getting aggro means certain death.

 

[johan]

Love is rarely due so much to luck as it is to Axe Body Spray.

[Teknoe]

Of course I'm not still at level 1.

 

But I'm no match for the level 78 women that wander around. Getting aggro means certain death.

 

 

“Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.”

― Robert Louis Stevenson

 

You spend way too much of your energy focusing on results, rather than the process. That's why you are where you are.

[zengirl]

Unless you actually believe that rabbits foot and the like bring you luck, no there aren't any items that are lucky charms, unless you're really lucky and found one

 

Well, it was metaphorical, but I think you're joking.

 

Oh of course, life is all about getting EXP and raising your stats; intelligence, strength, willpower, dexterity etc, but luck cannot be changed.

It sounds like you had a somewhat even mix of good and bad luck. And that's the way it should be for most people. Though some just seem like they can't catch a break.

 

Naw, you can absolutely level up luck in many games, and I think that's true of life as well. Hell, in Arkham Horror (board game), I can adjust my luck stat by reducing my lore. As to my luck, I absolutely believe I changed it. My life is markedly different than it started or used to be and much luckier. Things go my way most of the time now, and I catch a lot of coincidental happenstance. I didn't always.

 

I don't believe anyone who can't catch a break is not being self-sabotaging. Most people I see who feel that way are self-defeating, rather than unlucky. Most things that seem to be truly "bad luck" (not being able to attract the women you fall for isn't really about 'luck' as iris said --- not meeting suitable women would be more a force of either luck or priorities, but attracting the people you want is a force of stats, the luck stat can augment it, but it's unnecessary) don't happen over and over to someone unless he/she has a fixation or poor mental state. Everyone has some bad luck, of course, and some good. Lucky people take better advantage of their good luck and thus get more of it.

 

As to your level, you've been given loads of advice on how to 'level up' on LS, and very little of it has been taken. If you feel the women you want are Level 78 and you are not, you have to focus on non-direct, non-dating ways to level up to that level.

 

Isn't that an oxymoron? Luck is, by definition, "random" and non-deterministic.

 

That's one definition of luck and much newer than the oldest and still first-listed definition in most dictionaries, which is:

 

the force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person's life, as in shaping circumstances, events, or opportunities.

 

Nothing stated 'random' there --- just the force in a person's life that determines several circumstances.

[carhill]

I've been wondering for a while if finding love maybe just comes down to a matter of luck.

It was during the many dry romantic years that I came up with a personal quote that 'success is where preparation and opportunity meet'. IME, 'love' and 'romance' and 'relationships' and 'marriage' were not a matter of luck but rather a lot of preparation and, ultimately, hard work making social contacts, pursuing potentials, traveling the world and actively searching. After a decade of 'living life and it'll happen', I realized that, for some of us, that doesn't apply. Accepted. It's the same now. Split up nearly three years, divorced for close to two. Zero romantic life unless I proactively and assertively get out there and make it happen. The difference is now it doesn't matter. I've seen the pot o gold and thanks but I'll pass.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've been wondering for a while if finding love maybe just comes down to a matter of luck. I think a lot of sayings that people tell singles support this: like how if you just stop looking, love will suddenly find you. Doesn't that idea rest on supposing that love has very little to do with what you're doing, and is just a matter of circumstance and "happening"?

 

Obviously there are ways you can increase your luck: if I buy 50 lottery tickets, statistically speaking, I have a better chance than if I had bought 1, but that still doesn't necessarily mean I will win the lottery with either.

 

I think a philosophy that finding love is a matter of luck could help a lot of people stop blaming themselves, and feeling guilty. I often feel guilty and ashamed that I am perpetually single... what is wrong with me that I can't manage something as fundamental as a romantic relationship, which so, so many people manage to have? But if it's luck, well, then, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just unlucky.

 

What do you guys think? Is finding love like winning the lottery... a matter of chance?

 

Not too much of it.

 

I'd compare it to sports. Every now and then a lesser NBA basketball team can beat a much better team if they play well and they get some lucky calls and bounces. But the better team will usually win. On the other hand, a college basketball team will never have enough luck to beat an NBA team. They are just not good enough.

 

Similarly, if you're successful at dating because of looks or status, or whatever, then some luck might help you get a better person. And if you're horribly ineffective, all the luck in the world won't help you get a date if you don't improve your game and aggressiveness.

[Negative Nancy]

Love is rarely due so much to luck as it is to Axe Body Spray.

 

I always laugh when I see a man buy that stupid spray in the store. aside from the fact that it's not that great of a smell anyway, it's amusing to see how many men fall for the dumb commercial (and they say only "emotional", gullible, dumb women fall for the marketing tricks of the industry ).

 

i wonder how many complaints the people at AXE have gotten from men who were mad that chicks didn't chase them the same way as in the commercials.

[Els]

Of course I'm not still at level 1.

 

But I'm no match for the level 78 women that wander around. Getting aggro means certain death.

 

 

So what's stopping you from levelling up, except for the occasional corpse run back?

[d'Arthez]

Of course I'm not still at level 1.

 

But I'm no match for the level 78 women that wander around. Getting aggro means certain death.

 

So what is stopping you from interacting with women of say level 38, gain some experience and level up? Remember, the level 78 women are nor final bosses. There is no guarantee you will ever face them, even more so if you do not even try to face them.

[Eclypse]

I watched Titanic a while ago again and during a dinner scene Colonel Gracie says 'all life is a game of luck', to who which Cal replies: 'A real man makes his own luck.'

 

I believe something like that is what Zengirl was referring to.

[somedude81]

Everybody is taking what I'm saying far too seriously about the levels and such.

 

Either way, I've already said that I've been growing and that I'm not who I used to be, but I'm still getting crushed by girls.

 

I just haven't had any luck at all. All I can do is dream about how amazing it would be if a girl actually had some interest in me for a change. I can't believe that at 30 I'm still dreaming what it would be like to kiss a girl that I like

 

Since it's not actually possible to make somebody like me, I just feel stuck.

[mesmerized]

Everybody is taking what I'm saying far too seriously about the levels and such.

 

Either way, I've already said that I've been growing and that I'm not who I used to be, but I'm still getting crushed by girls.

 

I just haven't had any luck at all. All I can do is dream about how amazing it would be if a girl actually had some interest in me for a change. I can't believe that at 30 I'm still dreaming what it would be like to kiss a girl that I like

 

Since it's not actually possible to make somebody like me, I just feel stuck.

 

What girls have you kissed then? You mentioned before that you've had sex before. Did you go for hookers or something?

[somedude81]

What girls have you kissed then? You mentioned before that you've had sex before. Did you go for hookers or something?

I've only kissed one girl in my entire life. She came on to me and I just let it happen. I was never attracted to her, nor did I like her all that much. And we "broke up" without having sex.

 

The other question, it's and/ or something.

[verhrzn]

So how exactly does one make their own luck?

 

I asked this before, but no one addressed it: I do all the things I'm supposed to. I wear make-up, I work out, I go to every social event I'm invited to, I have interesting hobbies, and I have approached guys in the past (no longer, *hiss* to the idea.) I also live in a big city that, supposedly, has lots of single guys.

 

In what ways could I increase my luck?

[johan]

So how exactly does one make their own luck?

 

I asked this before, but no one addressed it: I do all the things I'm supposed to. I wear make-up, I work out, I go to every social event I'm invited to, I have interesting hobbies, and I have approached guys in the past (no longer, *hiss* to the idea.) I also live in a big city that, supposedly, has lots of single guys.

 

In what ways could I increase my luck?

 

What is the female equivalent to Axe Body Spray?

[somedude81]

So how exactly does one make their own luck?

 

I asked this before, but no one addressed it: I do all the things I'm supposed to. I wear make-up, I work out, I go to every social event I'm invited to, I have interesting hobbies, and I have approached guys in the past (no longer, *hiss* to the idea.) I also live in a big city that, supposedly, has lots of single guys.

 

In what ways could I increase my luck?

Were you really expecting an answer?

 

All you can do when bad lucky happens, is walk away and not trying to force it.

[Els]

What is the female equivalent to Axe Body Spray?

 

Oh, you. :lmao::lmao:

[verhrzn]

What is the female equivalent to Axe Body Spray?

 

I think most people would say "Boobs" but I have those and they haven't gotten me very far.

[Fondue]

I always laugh when I see a man buy that stupid spray in the store. aside from the fact that it's not that great of a smell anyway, it's amusing to see how many men fall for the dumb commercial (and they say only "emotional", gullible, dumb women fall for the marketing tricks of the industry ).

 

i wonder how many complaints the people at AXE have gotten from men who were mad that chicks didn't chase them the same way as in the commercials.

Women do the same exact thing.

 

Back when I was a teenager, I used to work in the perfume/cologne section of Macy's. It was a nice job, earned commission, too!

 

I found that men took their female friends/girlfriends/mothers/etc. to shop for cologne. They never just bought what they liked, they bought what others chose for them! And many women came to shop for their men. They had the sole power in choosing that was good for them.

 

But it was exactly the opposite for women! They NEVER took suggestions from their male counterparts. They bought what they wanted. And often (read: 99% of the time), it was god awful. A lot of these younger girls bought the Britney Spears stuff, or the Kardashian thing. There was plenty more, but it was all so, so, so bad.

 

The funny thing is, they were convinced the men would love it. When girls shopped together, they were gonna say, "OMG, THE (INSERT BOY AT SCHOOL) IS GONNA SOOO WANT ME/YOU WITH THIS! IT SMELLS SEXY!" r something of the sort. Pathetic.

 

Middle-aged women were the same exact way. It was especially funny when these women went for the young girl stuff for themselves. It was disgusting.

 

The only women that KNEW what to buy and what smelled nice were the old ladies! They were classy! They picked up the good stuff, and not even expensive. They knew to not pile that crap on, either. I loved when the older women shopped, they were the only ones with a decent taste.

 

What I'm saying is, these axe commercials isn't a one sided thing. Both men and women are stupid-- idiots that can be successfully advertised to.