NEED a response within next 2 hours. I'm OUTGOING, he's very SHY..are we pointless??

June 25, 2004

I need QUICK responses, ya'll.. like within the next 2 1/2 hours.

So, my boyfriend of 9 months. I love him. He's funny... he's sweet to me, he loves my daughter like she's his, he's unlike any other guy relationship wise, I've ever dated. He's the guy that if he's hanging with friends, he wants you there with them, if he's not at work, wants to be with you... he's so sweet. The thing is......

I'm a girlie girl...so I want a guy who is like masculine and strong, you know? NOT that he's not strong. But, I'm very outgoing, independent, outspoken, I like to try to embarass my friends when we're out, and act goofy, and I don't care what people think.. you know? He's one of these guys.. who get embarassed if he's girlfriend is acting silly, kinda quiet and reserved if he doesn't know you, very non-confrontational, and it just all comes off to me as he's kinda "wussy or pansie-ish"

It makes me think if I needed my man to be there to protect me, he'd be a wuss and kinda run.... or not say anything and me have to defend myself, you know??

Do relationships like this ever work when your complete opposites? What do I do?

We've taken the last 4 days off. He wants me to come over tonight and talk to him about everything. I don't know what to do. I mean, I feel like if I stay with him, he's not going to be what I want completely, and if I don't... I don't wanna hurt him, and I definitley don't wanna be alone. You know?! it sucksssss...

So, does it ever work? How can I make it work? I need responses...

June 25, 2004

Well......my advise is to not change yourself for ANYONE. Is there a compromise? I don't think you should try to change yourself or him. Does your behavior bother him? Is it his behavior that bother's you?

Tonight I would lay it all on the table. Tell him what you think and listen to what he thinks.

Hopefully you two can either compromise or decide something. If not, ......I don't know what to tell you.

good luck

June 25, 2004

remember this: tigers don't change their stripes. people don't change. they may claim they want to. they may lose weight, therefore they change physically. or they may quit abusing drugs or alcohol, therefore changing themselves that way.

however, when it comes to how we perceive. that does NOT change. you feel he's a wimp, a wussy, pansie-ish you say. you've made up your mind. now this poor schmuck has to go and kick biker butt for you to think other wise. maybe he's a deep thinker. maybe heps a stick in the mud. but, bottom line is this. if you don't feel for him the way you think you should. then you shouldn't be in this relationship with him. go ahead, break his heart. if nothing else, it'll make a man out of him.

June 28, 2004

I can understand why you want a strong , tough BF. You are a female and in every species of mammal its always the ALPHA MALE who wins. I dont blame you at all for wanting a tough BF. I am a guy, and I want to let you know though if you lik ehim for the person he is. Even a pansy pussy wimp who would probably get beat up by moost other men, If he makes you feel good about yourself and you enjoy being with him him atc atc atc, then you should stay together. That is most important.

If you want him to be alittle tougher and be stronger, Tell him to buy some Deca and cycle 3 months on and off for few years. I guarantee you he will be beating some people up after a while.

June 30, 2004

Lets be serious here....are you in highschool? If not then the chance your "man" will have to fight for you is small....unless you MAKE it happen(Ie. Talking ****...to a guy, so your guy has to back you up) Fighting is rather imature....If your basing ANY relationship off how good he can fight, then you need to get your mind right. You dont base love or relationship off ability to kick somebodys ass.........get ahold of yourself and realize what you have........ And just remember, he cant be an abusive boyfriend if you can kick his ass!!=)

June 30, 2004

Sorry, girl, last time I checked no macho male, sensitive loving and true was avalable on the market - not in PAris, anyway !

If he's not your style, I can totally understand your wanting to reject him. But... love, love, love... This should be the answer to your question. Do you love him inspite of his being a wuss?

As a girlie girl myself, I appreciate some quality time with the girls. Still, when going out with friends, it doesn't seem to work - not yet anyway. Plus... he doesn't enjoy dancing and I'm a freak about it. Well, thank Lord I have my galfriends to go dancing with!

I don't honestely think you'll ever find someone who'll fit your picture perfectly. And remember that in life, most of the times you'll have to fight your battles alone. Very rarely you'll have a man doing so for you. If your bf gives you strenght, makes you feel powerful, in controll, appreciated and loved, then, dearest, you're a damn lucky woman.

See how important this traits of character are to you and which will be the most valueble to you on the long run!

Curly

P.S. Think also about the father figure you want in the life of your child. It is a big moment in your life, you may even decide to grow up after this...

July 1, 2004

Okay, I didn't/ don't ASK for him to go out and beat people up to show me he loves me, OR do I ask him to beat me up to show me he loves me. However, if some dude were to bump into me on the street and called me a bitch or something.. he'd be like "oh baby, just ignore him and keep walking" ......

the biggest deal is how I like to act retarded and goofy, NOT immature, I just like to have a great time.... and this guy is embarrassed to go to the store and buy toilet paper. .......... whatever. I'm the girl that walks behind someone buying toilet paper yelling "I ain't gonna make it!!! hurry momma!" you know? He'd tell me to shut up if I did something like that. lol I'm just using that for an example.

As a father figure? He IS great with Madison. He loves her. He plays with her. I even got him to change a diaper the other week! Wooooo........

however, he hasn't even told his friends about Maddie. So, I can't ever take her to HIS house. It took about 6 months before he told his FAMILY about Maddie. So, sometimes I have to wonder if he worries more about what people will think than he worries about just loving she and I. Ya know?

I don't know! *shrugs* There's so many good things...... then there's quite a few bad things. I'll figure it out. ... I hope.

July 1, 2004

You need to know what You want...what's important to You...

I think it takes more of a man to Ignore the wicked than it does to say something. Knowing which battles to pick and which to let alone are more of a sign of strength...

As for being silly....is he really embarassed to be with you...has he ever said so....if not...then stay silly but don't expect him to join in...

I can't remember how long you said you've been with him...but maybe he doesn't bring your kid around because he's taking it slow...our relationships with men affect our children more than you know....I made the mistake once of allowing my child to get to know my bf....never again..

My child is off limits until I know the relationship is going somewhere major...

When you talk tonite...remember to listen...

July 1, 2004

Miss_Behavin143
However, if some dude were to bump into me on the street and called me a bitch or something.. he'd be like "oh baby, just ignore him and keep walking"

A man with a fragile ego couldn’t handle little insults like that.

Maybe this guy has a sense of pride, and likes to show respect (not inspire fear) to others as well as himself.

LuvnCntry
I think it takes more of a man to Ignore the wicked than it does to say something. Knowing which battles to pick and which to let alone are more of a sign of strength...

Very true. Picking the wrong fight can land him in prison or a closed casket funeral.

July 1, 2004

However, if some dude were to bump into me on the street and called me a bitch or something.. he'd be like "oh baby, just ignore him and keep walking" ......

What would you rather? That he start a fist battle on the sidewalk? When last I heard, people were supposed to be civilized now, which means *not* resorting to beating people to make a point.

Really, if you honestly think there's something wrong with a guy who would not do that, you're likely not well matched. It's not a question of him being a wimp, but maybe you've been hanging with much rougher people and so you're out of his league?

July 1, 2004

I agree with Moimeme. I would NOT want a guy to fight for or over me, unless he was defending my life. I can defend my own honour.

Honestly? You don't sound very mature . Perhaps this guy would be better off with a woman who was mature enough to realize that a hot headed a**hole with fists of steel could end up using them on her.

You also sound kind of selfish. You don't want to hurt him-BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE???? What is this?? I'm not trying to attack you personally, but these things just kind of stand out in your posts. You don't need to change who you are, as I am also very loud and outgoing (most people actually call that obnoxious, for future reference :-)but you should be honest with him.

Anyways, I hope that you manage to figure out what you want while staying true to yourself and your personality.

July 1, 2004

1. We've been together 9 months. and he's already around my daughter. Every day for 9 months.... that's why I don't understand why he has such a hard time telling his friends about her. I know his friends very well.... if he waits a year... or two.... to tell them, they are going to look at my differently because I've kept it from them, too (because he's told me to do so.) I'm going to look like the liar while I'm really the one that's dying to tell his friends about Maddie... and have them be able to meet her.

As for being silly and him being embarrassed to be with me and telling me so? Yup, he has. We were driving down the interstate going on a trip one time... I was just goofing off with a friend and trying to get truck drivers to blow their horn (you know the thing you do with your arm?) Anyways... he told me to stop, that I looked stupid, and we ended up getting in an argument over that. He tells me all the time I'm being stupid or embarrassing him. Maybe it is obnoxious.. if that's what you call it. I call it just having a good time.

As for picking a fight with somebody? No, as for him saying "There's no need to call my girlfriend a bitch.... that's not cool, dude." Or something to that sort, yeah.... I think he should defend me enough to say "you have no reason to be saying that" I'm not asking him to beat the dude up... no. and it's not that I've hung around rougher people, I never have hung out with the little thugs, but I've hung out with people that speak their mind, and if somethings not right... they are going to tell you. As would I. You can do and say anything in a non-aggressive manner with the right attitude. But, I'm the girl if someone dares say something about my family, I still stand up for them in a second. Not get in a fight, but I'll tell them they have no reasoning to be doing/saying what they are.

As for me saying he comes off as kinda wussy to me..... let me give you a couple examples of how I'd want a more manly kinda dude. We were at a concert.. (outside).... we were in the very front of the stage... I told him I had to go to the bathroom... he said he'd go with me. I said "no, stay here and keep our spot.." but.... he says "but baby... I don't wanna stand here alone...." .......... . ... ??

At a restaurant... I need a to go cup, ask him to get it while I go to the bathroom..... when I come out.... he still hasn't asked for a to go cup. "Do you really need one?" "Yeah, nevermind, I'll just ask myself." ........

And lastly, I may not be very mature. I never claimed to be, and I'm okay with that. You aren't going to offend me by that. As for calling me selfish? I said "I don't want to be alone" so people would know where I was coming from and what I was REALLY thinking. I do see that as selfish, and I have no problem admitting so, but I also have no problem admitting that it's actually a problem that I need to sort out, and try to understand and fix, and I can't do that if I always hold it in. Can I?? I thought here, if no-one else... someone may understand that and be able to give some sound advice on it.

July 1, 2004

hmmmm, this last post from you caught my attention simply because he sounds just like me!

you know i have a lot of hangups about certain things and some i can relate to with him.

for instance at a concert i'll be dammed if my boyfriend is going to go to the bathroom and leave me

there alone as i fear crowds, maybe he does maybe he doesnt but i would NOT want to stand there alone

just the same.

as for the getting a cup, i feel uncomfortable asking anyone for anything! i am trying to be better about that and trying

to speak up for my needs but it is very tough.

when these things come up, i defend them under many a guises, example with the cup, "oh you don't really need that do you", is my defense for

not wanting to ask for a cup, or not wanting to wait there while he goes to the bathroom, my defense would be "it is too hard to find someone in this crowd,

better to stay together", my real reason i do not want to be left alone and not found again, total panic at the thought of it!

i know these are only two of the scenarios that you listed and it is impossible to really get a good idea on what is gonig on here, but

what comes to my mind is that it is just his personality. maybe he has some insecurity issues, maybe he was taught to walk away rather then

fight. my boyfriend is the same way and i had a boyfriend who almost got in a fight at a bar one time because some guy was "staring at me", and i tell you

i would rather the boyfriend i have now with the more maturity then the other to walk away rather then fight.

as for defending you, well you can do that yourself, right? i know of women who would be pissed if some guy defended her especially in this day and age when

women want to be too independent.

i know my boyfriend still enjoys opening doors for me, buying me a rose at a bar, offering to help me, gardening, going for drives and doing things with me

versus his friends and i do not think of him as sissy especially when our/his garden is so beautiful!

just think about his overal personality and attitude and treatment of you as that being more important then sticking up for you because in a way he does but not the way you want him to.

as for the daughter thing, i guess i did not read enough of all this to understand that part, sorry. how old is he/you anyways? if still young, that can explain about the daughter thing because some guys do not want to be made fun by their friends, you know how guys can make fun of guys if they have a girlfriend that has a kid, "oh daddy', instant daddy stuff, you know the teasing remarks and maybe he is afraid his friends will make fun of him or something???

just my speculations here. good luck.

you always know if you are really unhappy that you have the option to leave or counseling maybe even.

July 1, 2004

yes it is just like his personality. He is insecure of everything.

and no, I don't want him to FIGHT for me. ya'll ain't catching on to that one, are ya? I just want him to be secure enough that he can stand there in a crowd without me for a second. I want him to be secure enough to say "there's no need to call her a bitch dude, she bumped into you on accident." I want him to call the waiter over and be like "yeah, can we get a to go cup." and I guess all this sounds like I am asking him to change, and that probably answers all my questions.

Thanks for the opinions.

July 1, 2004

Okey, I got it! You need a different type of man to make you happy. This is not a sin. As a matter of fact, it's better you know that now, at least you'll know what you're looking for in the future.

As for "not wanting to be alone"... I totally relate to that. I like being alone, I like spending some quality time in the delightfull company of myself, but I do admit that I feel differently when I'm in a couple. Maybe because I like sharing and everythig seems much more meaningful in two than when alone.

Anyway, worst case scenario: after these last posts you know he's not the guy for you (that's what my instinct tells me).

July 1, 2004

yeah, I think after my last post I come to that conclusion too. I'm not trying to change him.. but I shouldn't change me either. So, he should find someone who suits his needs more, as should I. ........ it's definitely easier said than done, but i'll see what happens.

July 1, 2004

weren't you supposed to go to his place last night and talk about you? Keep us posted, will you?

July 1, 2004

Well, I think you should let him know ASAP. How can you have feelings for someone you don't even respect? I'm suprised you've dated him for 9 months already.

July 2, 2004

I agree with Spock. I suspect he, like MandyMay, has some social anxieties. This doesn't make him a 'wimp' or a 'wuss' but it does make you the wrong person for him because you aren't about to be understanding or accommodating of him.

I want him to be secure enough to say "there's no need to call her a bitch dude, she bumped into you on accident."

If you want someone to say that to someone, stand up for yourself. What are you, a wimp? But seriously, a real woman doesn't need someone to defend her in such situations. However, for the record, doing that sort of thing can get either of you beaten to a pulp. You never know when you're about to tangle with someone with an anger problem so it's actually stupid to go off on someone because that someone is an idiot. If he's already behaved like an idiot, chances are pretty good he'll do something even more idiotic and you'll end up taking the brunt of it. MUCH smarter and more mature to shrug it off when some fool insists on trying to provoke you.

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NEED a response within next 2 hours. I'm OUTGOING, he's very SHY..are we pointless??

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