What do you say in this situation...b/c i dont!

[lexnmike4enomore]

Here is what happened:

 

Me and my boyfriend live together and his friend is staying for a few months. My BF went away for a few days and left me and his friend home. We also have a dog. So last night..i was watching a movie and the guy who lives with us went out. He left a mess and said leave it and he'll clean it up when he gets home. So i cleaned it and left him a note to take the garbage out. He didn't get the note and the garbage wasn't out. So i was talking to my BF today and said about the note and he didn't see it blah blah. He started flipping out about how I'm lazy and why couldn't i do it. Its our house and i should be doing it. Then he started getting mad about the dog. I'm going to a party tonight and sleeping there. He was SCREAMING about me not being able to feed the dog or take him out and that he didn't want to rely on the guy that lives with us to take care of him. My point is is that I'm not supposed to go out or do anything b/c i have to take care of a dog, F*** THAT!! When this happens is when he vents...every little thing that botheres him comes out. Like if i have the slightest off tone when i talk to him.....i have an attitude. When he yells at me i never know what to say at that moment. I'm sitting here thinking in the back of my head....this started b/c i didn't take the garbage out? I need to know what to say to make him see that the stuff that he gets mad about is so....trivial!!!!!!! And i know what you guys are thinking...leave him....i cant....both my parents are dead and I have no relatives around me to go live with..so I'm kind of stuck...i don't make enough money to go live by myself. I mean i do love him but its sooooooo hard to make him see the way he thinks. I NEED ADVICE!!

[uriel]

Usually, when people get mad about trivial things, it's because of some bigger issue. For example, your bf may be feeling you're selfish a lot of the time -- that he does more than his share or that you don't do yours. Or, your bf may be feeling that you don't love him when you don't do these household things, bc his mom used to do them for him. Or, whatever. You need to get to the bottom of that issue, whatever it is, through calm talking (at a good time) and observation. You need to be willing to hear how he feels without shutting him down and defending yourself. He needs to develop the ability to do the same.

 

I don't know that this necessarily means you should move out. Sounds like you both need to learn some relationship skills. This will happen again with someone else until you do (and he does too). Might as well work on them now, with someone you say you love.

 

-- uriel