Guys flashing their money and things

[Heart Of A Lion]

Eh, sometimes, but not all women want rich guys. I turned down many a rich guy and power player -- though I do think Hubby is technically doing very well (but a lot of that came in a HUGE raise/promotion after we were already together*) but he drove a beater and lived in a smallish apartment when we met (we still live frugally, but his beater died, so he has a new car) and that was better IMO than someone who had flashy cars and owned a house and so forth.

 

*Looking back on this, almost every guy I've dated after College BF got a huge promotion and/or made a TON of money (increase) WHILE we were together. Maybe I'm a lucky charm. Weird.

 

However, yes, we do have to distinguish losers as people with no motivation, not just people with smaller bank accounts for sure.

 

I wasn't referring to all women, but a lot.

 

However, yes, we do have to distinguish losers as people with no motivation, not just people with smaller bank accounts for sure.

 

I'm not talking about guys with no motivation. I'm talking about guys with an average income, average job, average housing and average car.

 

I can't stand it when a woman calls a guy like that a loser. What the f*ck do women like that want? Personally I think they're hypocrites. Unless they themselves have an above average income, job, housing and car, then they have no solid argumentation to call men with an average income, job, housing and car a loser.

 

They're hypocrites in my opinion.

[zengirl]

I'm not talking about guys with no motivation. I'm talking about guys with an average income, average job, average housing and average car.

 

I can't stand it when a woman calls a guy like that a loser. What the f*ck do women like that want? Personally I think they're hypocrites. Unless they themselves have an above average income, job, housing and car, then they have no solid argumentation to call men with an average income, job, housing and car a loser.

 

They're hypocrites in my opinion.

 

Right, I was agreeing with you that the word "loser" is often a misnomer in many cases. But there are truly losers and deadbeats out there certainly (male and female!). Even if someone makes a lot of money, I don't think they have the right to consider middle class people deadbeats/losers (to say they don't want to date them, sure, but not to call them names) --- cops, firefighters, teachers, etc, are not losers just because they make little money!

[irc333]

Hm, let me ask you this, if a dating site requires you to put an income (I think some have a "prefer not to say" option.

 

And YOU feel that it's "None of anyone's business" which is understandable....would you pick a "dropdown" that's not representative of your income? Meaning , lie in your profile....because...well..it's "Nunya"?

 

Is lying justified in this case?

 

 

For whatever reason, lately I seem to be meeting guys at one extreme of the spectrum or the other - lazy but sexy deadbeats, or hard-driving exec-level guys doing very well for themselves.

 

But something that keeps coming up with the guys with money is that they are often flashy about it, and I find this to be a turn-off.

 

For example, I had a first phone call with a guy from online dating tonight. He says in his profile he's a "sales exec" making $100-150K. I have no idea why anybody would list their income on a dating profile. I mean, I guess because he thinks it's attractive. But I think that's too personal to disclose on a dating site.

 

Then, while we're on the phone, he suggests we go ahead and get our Google stalking out in the open while we're talking, and tells me I can find lots of info on him if I just search on his phone number. So I do, and find his company web site, LinkedIn, and Facebook page. He invites me to look through his FB pictures, and while I'm browsing, is like, "Did you see the picture of my Mercedes?" Now, granted, it's a cool car - an old-school, classic Benz. But still. Why the need to flaunt it?

 

Other than these kind of comments, he seems very cool. He's very intelligent, which is one of the main things that attracts me. He's cute, tall, and is interested in a lot of the same creative things that I am. We are also a perfect astro match.

 

I can only suppose that he's insecure in some way, and feels he needs to reel the ladies in with his money. But I wish he would just shut up about it and let me get to know him for who he is.

 

Is this as much of a red flag as it feels like to me?

[ariadne999]

 

They're hypocrites in my opinion.

 

 

you're right. all women are evil. Please don't try to date us, leave us alone and go gay.

 

thanks.

[Imajerk17]

Wow. That is the OPPOSITE of how I approach things.

 

I drive an unassuming car. I rent a condo--it's nice but it's no mansion. My TV is from the 90s(!)--my dad won it from his business and gave it to me when I was a struggling student and I just kept it since. And yet, I am doing pretty decently for myself financially.

 

Thing is, that is NOT what I want women to decide to date me for. I want a woman who would be into me if I were making half as much.

 

Also, instead of having a bunch of fancy things, I'd rather just have the money. I like freedom, and I'd rather not be working my azz off because I'm tethered to a lifestyle that's hard to afford.

 

 

 

 

For whatever reason, lately I seem to be meeting guys at one extreme of the spectrum or the other - lazy but sexy deadbeats, or hard-driving exec-level guys doing very well for themselves.

 

But something that keeps coming up with the guys with money is that they are often flashy about it, and I find this to be a turn-off.

 

For example, I had a first phone call with a guy from online dating tonight. He says in his profile he's a "sales exec" making $100-150K. I have no idea why anybody would list their income on a dating profile. I mean, I guess because he thinks it's attractive. But I think that's too personal to disclose on a dating site.

 

Then, while we're on the phone, he suggests we go ahead and get our Google stalking out in the open while we're talking, and tells me I can find lots of info on him if I just search on his phone number. So I do, and find his company web site, LinkedIn, and Facebook page. He invites me to look through his FB pictures, and while I'm browsing, is like, "Did you see the picture of my Mercedes?" Now, granted, it's a cool car - an old-school, classic Benz. But still. Why the need to flaunt it?

 

Other than these kind of comments, he seems very cool. He's very intelligent, which is one of the main things that attracts me. He's cute, tall, and is interested in a lot of the same creative things that I am. We are also a perfect astro match.

 

I can only suppose that he's insecure in some way, and feels he needs to reel the ladies in with his money. But I wish he would just shut up about it and let me get to know him for who he is.

 

Is this as much of a red flag as it feels like to me?

[Scottdmw]

I think it's too much to come down so hard on this guy for two small things--listing his income when the site asks and mentioning his car.

 

Now, if this really turned into a pattern where he did this a few more times, then I could see it pointing to his insecurity. As it is, for goodness sake sometimes people get nervous when they're dating and just say things.

 

I have a Mustang convertible, not in the class of his car, but it still occasionally gets comments from women along the lines of “wow what a cool car!” Personally I never point it out or anything, but I could understand why another guy might offhandedly mention it because he had seen other women show interest in it.

 

Even if he is insecure, everybody has strengths and weaknesses. If you keep looking for perfection you will never find it. This guy obviously has some serious talents.

 

Here's the biggest thing I would say though. This kind of thinking is to my mind harmful over-analysis. You should meet the guy in person, then you will know. I suspect that if you analyze this hard before a meeting you could find something wrong with just about any guy.

 

Scott

[dasein]

In all likelihood he has been conditioned by so many female profiles online that list "financial stability" as a requirement that he wants to get that out of the way too soon and comes off crass, which he may or may not actually be. Would go out with him and see if the money talk or attitude continues in person, make your decision then. You can look at this behavior as trying to attract women with money (bad) or just trying to get more responses to OLD emails (not as bad).

[FitChick]

On a dating site where they require someone to list income, I always assume the men bump it up a notch. He probably makes closer to the income level choice listed just below that. If he works on commission, it's possible that his best year was $100K but that's not every year. He drives an old Mercedes that isn't worth very much but is kept in good shape. Perhaps he is from a poor family. Nouveau riche types like to boast about how far they've come and I suppose they are entitled to do that. If he's an otherwise nice guy, you have nothing to lose by meeting him.

 

It's also possible he has a very good income but is massively in debt, which would be more of a red flag to me.

[mtber75]

Men often flash money around as a sign of success. If that guy is any smart about it, he should be telling you how he became successful in the first place! Its a measure of self worth for guys. Great success comes with great money for many people (at least in a free capitalist society). Yeah, you have these bling blings who flashes their money around because they came from it or hit it big the first time...But in large, success is built through hard work!

 

Of course you have exceptions to the rule, you have men that give a rip about material wealth. If your bothered by him flashing money around than say it. Say something like "I don't really care if you have nice car or not!" See how he reacts?

[Heart Of A Lion]

you're right. all women are evil. Please don't try to date us, leave us alone and go gay.

 

thanks.

 

You clearly didn't read what I wrote or you're trying to twist my words. The latter would make you a bit evil.

[FitChick]

My rich uncle says it best. Money is the only important thing in life the rest is philosophy.

 

Who's going to break the news to him on his deathbed that he can't take it with him?

[Crusoe]

Who's going to break the news to him on his deathbed that he can't take it with him?

 

A large breasted 23 year old blonde, dressed in a french maids costume that can suck c*ck like there's no tomorrow?

[veggirl]

OMG if I ended up on the phone with some douche who is directing me to his business pages and pictures of cars I think I'd politely tell him thanks but no thanks. Don't go out with this guy. That junk is so obnoxious. I am not motivated by or impressed by money though. I bet it works for him a lot, or he wouldn't continue to do it. Yick. I would be embarrassed to be out with someone like that, I bet he is rude to people he deems beneath him and obviously he likes to flaunt $$ to strangers, that'd be embarrassing.

[Ruby Slippers]

When I say sexy deadbeat, I mean a sexy, usually charming guy who is unemployed, underemployed, or working a low-paying job, and has no aspirations for anything more. Most of them can't even support themselves. But they are usually very attentive and romantic (as well as amazing in bed) - probably because they are looking for a woman to be their meal ticket, and have learned what works on women.

 

I've been approached by guys with money before, but since they almost always seem to lead with that, it's always turned me off. Now that I'm stepping up my game in running my business, and looking the part, I'm meeting more high earners who like to talk about how to run a business/their career well and work to the point of financial freedom. This isn't a problem, because I share the goal of using my smarts to achieve financial freedom so I can do what I want - all the wild creative stuff that doesn't pay much, at least not at first. Most of these guys are further along than I am, so I'd like to learn what I can from them, and they love to teach what they know. Showing off the car seemed a bit much. However, we did talk for quite a while, and we talked mostly about common interests, current events, and things unrelated to money.

 

He asked me to guess what his big aspiration is, and from the conversation, I deduced that he wants to get into politics. But the good part is that he seems to be a progressive with heart, who actually wants to make things better. He's already somewhat involved, and it seems that his work in that arena is pretty noble. We talked a lot about current events and politics, and he said it's so nice to be able to talk to a woman about this stuff, as most of them don't know much or care. I get these kinds of comments a lot.

 

I think it's too much to come down so hard on this guy for two small things--listing his income when the site asks and mentioning his car.

You're right - that was basically the extent of it, which isn't a huge deal. It just raised a flag.

 

Even if he is insecure, everybody has strengths and weaknesses. If you keep looking for perfection you will never find it. This guy obviously has some serious talents.

 

Here's the biggest thing I would say though. This kind of thinking is to my mind harmful over-analysis. You should meet the guy in person, then you will know. I suspect that if you analyze this hard before a meeting you could find something wrong with just about any guy.

Yeah, I will probably go out with him at least once. And if I do, I'll let y'all know how it goes.

[threebyfate]

Yes, he sounds insecure. Notice his salary range? That's not exec range so either he's lying or has a fluff title. More likely the latter since within sales, titles are intended to impress clients/customers.

[Heart Of A Lion]

I've been approached by guys with money before, but since they almost always seem to lead with that, it's always turned me off.

 

I don't believe you. The guy you mentioned put his income in his profile, so he leaded with that, yet you still decided to have a phone call with him, so it didn't turn you off, otherwise you wouldn't have even bothered calling with him.

 

You mention money in your posts/threads way too often for me to believe that it turns you off when a man flaunts it. You mentioned that you want a successful man, however, the only way for you to find that out is if he in some way communicates that to you.

 

Unless I'm misunderstanding what you've been saying Ruby, then what you've been saying comes across as hypocritical to me.

 

Yes, he sounds insecure. Notice his salary range? That's not exec range so either he's lying or has a fluff title. More likely the latter since within sales, titles are intended to impress clients/customers.

 

Perhaps he runs his own business. Revenues and profits vary per business, so incomes of executives therein vary too.

Edited May 24, 2012 by Heart Of A Lion

[threebyfate]

Perhaps he runs his own business. Revenues and profits vary per business, so incomes of executives therein vary too.

Possibly but most self-employed individuals call themselves self-employed, unless they're fluffing themselves up, which smacks of insecurity.

[Heart Of A Lion]

Possibly but most self-employed individuals call themselves self-employed, unless they're fluffing themselves up, which smacks of insecurity.

 

He could be leading an entire company or be a shareholder. People like that don't tend to call themselves self-employed.

 

In my opinion it's a bit of a non-issue. He makes decent money, so what if he's a little insecure. Not every guy can be superman.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't believe you. The guy you mentioned put his income in his profile, so he lead with that, yet you still decided to have a phone call with him, so it didn't turn you off, otherwise you wouldn't have even bothered calling with him.

 

You mention money in your posts/threads way too often for me to believe that it turns you off when a man flaunts it. You mentioned that you want a successful man, however, the only way for you to find that out is if he in some way communicates that to you.

 

Unless I'm misunderstanding what you've been saying Ruby, then what you've been saying comes across as hypocritical to me.

Listing his income was a turn-off. But 10 other things in his profile were positives. A phone call is harmless, so I decided to talk to him. Despite how a lot of guys on this site accuse women of writing men off for the most minor of infractions, I do believe in giving people a chance, even if they don't look just right at the outset. And I'll most likely go on a date with him for the same reason. Even if he is insecure or has some hang-ups, he still seems like a smart, interesting guy. I'll lose nothing by having a few drinks with him.

 

I mention money often because it is on my mind right now. My business partner and I are working very hard to free him from his day job so we can both be working on the business full time. And what does that require? More profit/money. I don't give a crap about money, and anyone who knows me will tell you that. I basically had to be dragged kicking and screaming to buy a nice business wardrobe, get highlights in my hair, and all that other fluffy stuff - stuff that, sadly, works like a charm on people. My dad pushed me to be a doctor or lawyer, but I studied fine arts and spent my 20s working office day jobs, and low-paying creative jobs in my free time - because that's what I care about. But I've started to "grow up" and realize that I'm not going to get anywhere, or possibly even stay alive, without money. I have never looked for a man to leech off of, but I'm certainly not going to let a man leech off of me. It's also been a big problem for me in relationships in the past when I'm more hard-driving and ambitious than my boyfriend. I am totally fine with being with a guy who works a normal job with average pay - but when I am going beyond what they're doing, all kinds of problems come up for them.

 

What I think would be an ideal match for me is a guy who, like me, comes from no money but is working hard on his own venture, with steady, incremental success. It could be that this guy did exactly that, and I'll only find that out by getting to know him a little better.

[threebyfate]

He could be leading an entire company or be a shareholder. People like that don't tend to call themselves self-employed.

 

In my opinion it's a bit of a non-issue. He makes decent money, so what if he's a little insecure. Not every guy can be superman.

Superman has nothing to do with this. From the sounds of it, this guy's bought into the Internet propaganda that all you need is money to attract women. Unfortunately, he's not at the level to attract gold diggers.

 

Why would you divulge salary to anyone unless it's to a significant other? Why would you claim to be an exec with that salary level? VP of five...haha!

[Heart Of A Lion]

Listing his income was a turn-off. But 10 other things in his profile were positives. A phone call is harmless, so I decided to talk to him. Despite how a lot of guys on this site accuse women of writing men off for the most minor of infractions, I do believe in giving people a chance, even if they don't look just right at the outset. And I'll most likely go on a date with him for the same reason. Even if he is insecure or has some hang-ups, he still seems like a smart, interesting guy. I'll lose nothing by having a few drinks with him.

 

I mention money often because it is on my mind right now. My business partner and I are working very hard to free him from his day job so we can both be working on the business full time. And what does that require? More profit/money. I don't give a crap about money, and anyone who knows me will tell you that. I basically had to be dragged kicking and screaming to buy a nice business wardrobe, get highlights in my hair, and all that other fluffy stuff - stuff that, sadly, works like a charm on people. My dad pushed me to be a doctor or lawyer, but I studied fine arts and spent my 20s working office day jobs, and low-paying creative jobs in my free time - because that's what I care about. But I've started to "grow up" and realize that I'm not going to get anywhere, or possibly even stay alive, without money. I have never looked for a man to leech off of, but I'm certainly not going to let a man leech off of me. It's also been a big problem for me in relationships in the past when I'm more hard-driving and ambitious than my boyfriend. I am totally fine with being with a guy who works a normal job with average pay - but when I am going beyond what they're doing, all kinds of problems come up for them.

 

What I think would be an ideal match for me is a guy who, like me, comes from no money but is working hard on his own venture, with steady, incremental success. It could be that this guy did exactly that, and I'll only find that out by getting to know him a little better.

 

Ok, sounds fair enough.

[Heart Of A Lion]

Superman has nothing to do with this. From the sounds of it, this guy's bought into the Internet propaganda that all you need is money to attract women. Unfortunately, he's not at the level to attract gold diggers.

 

I used "superman" as a figure of speech.

 

Why would you divulge salary to anyone unless it's to a significant other? Why would you claim to be an exec with that salary level? VP of five...haha!

 

I don't know how much you make, but I think $150k is pretty decent and nothing to laugh about. It puts a man in the top 2%, which is respectable in terms of income.

[threebyfate]

I don't know how much you make, but I think $150k is pretty decent and nothing to laugh about.

One thing's for certain, not going to divulge my salary online and don't even divulge it to relationship partners unless we're engaged. Crass.

 

You're inflating. His salary range is $100 - $150K and while it's decent, it's far from the going "exec" rate.

[Ruby Slippers]

Another reason I let that slide is that a surprising number of men (in particular) post their income range - and that is all the way from the very low end to the very high. It makes no sense to me why someone would share this information publicly, but a huge percentage of guys on the site do.

[Pierre]

For whatever reason, lately I seem to be meeting guys at one extreme of the spectrum or the other - lazy but sexy deadbeats, or hard-driving exec-level guys doing very well for themselves.

 

But something that keeps coming up with the guys with money is that they are often flashy about it, and I find this to be a turn-off.

 

For example, I had a first phone call with a guy from online dating tonight. He says in his profile he's a "sales exec" making $100-150K. I have no idea why anybody would list their income on a dating profile. I mean, I guess because he thinks it's attractive. But I think that's too personal to disclose on a dating site.

 

Then, while we're on the phone, he suggests we go ahead and get our Google stalking out in the open while we're talking, and tells me I can find lots of info on him if I just search on his phone number. So I do, and find his company web site, LinkedIn, and Facebook page. He invites me to look through his FB pictures, and while I'm browsing, is like, "Did you see the picture of my Mercedes?" Now, granted, it's a cool car - an old-school, classic Benz. But still. Why the need to flaunt it?

 

Other than these kind of comments, he seems very cool. He's very intelligent, which is one of the main things that attracts me. He's cute, tall, and is interested in a lot of the same creative things that I am. We are also a perfect astro match.

 

I can only suppose that he's insecure in some way, and feels he needs to reel the ladies in with his money. But I wish he would just shut up about it and let me get to know him for who he is.

 

Is this as much of a red flag as it feels like to me?

 

But, but, but, but--------------what happen to the Asian guy?????:(

 

BTW, this current guy has loser written all over.