Meeting a good friend of recent Ex

[ano12324]

Short story- Ex broke up with me 2 months ago, after 2yr relationship, it was mostly amicable, stayed in touch via email/text a month, NC about 3 weeks now. Her good friend (they talk often) asked me to do some work for her (the friend), which is not unusual as I have this done before, and I can use the money. But I haven't seen her friend since the break up either. My question is how to deal with her inevitable questions that she may relay back to my ex?

 

I don't plan to bring up the relationship and will keep it professional, but what is the best way to deal with if she does; "What have i been up to?, Have you two spoken?, Why did it go wrong? Are you dating anyone?" My ex is a private person so her friend may not know a lot of the details but who knows, maybe she does, she is very close.

 

My thought is just to say, we just were drifting in different directions and I wish her the best, it is what it is. Then there is the option to say "I'd rather not talk about it", but I think that comes off as making me look bad. The last option (which I think is probably not good?), is to ask her friend in confidence what she heard about the situation, and may suggest to me.

Any other suggestions on what to say/ not say?

 

I know 90% of you think its impossible to remain friends with an ex so close after a breakup, but I would like to be, but know it will take a long time. However since I would also like to keep the option of being back with her someday, I don't want to torpedo any chance down the line by saying the wrong things now. (I know also, NC is to work on yourself and not to try to get her back, but if I am honest with myself, I am not at that point yet)

 

Thanks for any advice

[ano12324]

Some more details (i was a bit rushed before)... I am also good friends with her friend (we've all known each other 20 years), so if we did talk I would trust her a bit about what to say, or not to say to the ex.

 

Ex broke up with me because she said she didn't have time but i think it's because I was becoming too clingy. Mistakes I also made in the breakup the first few weeks (emotional break down at first, then asking lots of questions, pushing to meet again soon (she said she didn't feel comfortable yet meeting again til feelings died down), etc.)

 

The good I have done since is working out and getting in shape and seeing a counselor for a month (not just for the breakup, but school, general unhappiness in life)- the things so many of us do after a bit of wallowing.:/

 

So my question then is if we do talk about things do I mention I started seeing a counselor and learned about not depending/leaning on others for my happiness and having a more involved life and hobbies for a more positive outlook? Ex and won't have many chances to run into each other, so it's hard to "show" I'm making positive changes and maybe if it was relayed it would be a good thing? Or am I way over thinking this whole thing?

 

Again, any answers appreciated, I am new here but 135 views and no comments so far. Thanks.

[ToyWithMe812]

Some more details (i was a bit rushed before)... I am also good friends with her friend (we've all known each other 20 years), so if we did talk I would trust her a bit about what to say, or not to say to the ex.

 

Ex broke up with me because she said she didn't have time but i think it's because I was becoming too clingy. Mistakes I also made in the breakup the first few weeks (emotional break down at first, then asking lots of questions, pushing to meet again soon (she said she didn't feel comfortable yet meeting again til feelings died down), etc.)

 

The good I have done since is working out and getting in shape and seeing a counselor for a month (not just for the breakup, but school, general unhappiness in life)- the things so many of us do after a bit of wallowing.:/

 

So my question then is if we do talk about things do I mention I started seeing a counselor and learned about not depending/leaning on others for my happiness and having a more involved life and hobbies for a more positive outlook? Ex and won't have many chances to run into each other, so it's hard to "show" I'm making positive changes and maybe if it was relayed it would be a good thing? Or am I way over thinking this whole thing?

 

Again, any answers appreciated, I am new here but 135 views and no comments so far. Thanks.

 

Think you are over-analyzing. Wouldn't ask the friend what she's heard, if she wants to bring it up, let her. Other than that, wing away. You might want to be prepared she has been with another dude on the other hand.

[ano12324]

Think you are over-analyzing. Wouldn't ask the friend what she's heard, if she wants to bring it up, let her. Other than that, wing away. You might want to be prepared she has been with another dude on the other hand.

 

You're probably right on both accounts. I think we all are overanalyzers the first few months- what went wrong, what if I did this, etc. The rough part is it's easy to say stop doing it and harder to do stop doing it!

 

As far as her dating someone else, as much as I would not like to hear it, I am prepared to. I guess the positive attitude is maybe they need to date a person or two and they might see that the grass isn't greener. I would like to try myself too eventually, but I don't think i'm ready quite yet.