i dont understand how he can move on so fast, i really need input. :(

[momto3boys]

i pawned my rings and filed for divorce yesterday after finding out 2 days ago that my stbxh has a girlfriend. He ended things in sept, we reconciled in nov. We were a long distance couple since i moved back home in sept. March 12thish he ended things with me. Then i find out he's been dating her since march 18th. I have asked him a million times if theres someone else, he has said no, i found out through his facebook. I am devastated. Just a few weeks ago he was sending me naked pictures and trying to get me to send naked pictures and trying to sext. There's been a few times we have sexted and sent naked pictures back and forth. But i stopped it this month. I have only sent twice. Back at the end of april he told me he was considering working things out. But acted hot and cold about it.....now i know why. Our relationship wasnt that great. He said he hasnt loved me in a long time. But yet since the split up, i have told him i want to date, when i tell him that he says i need to focus on the kids. Made him self look all high and mighty like he was trying to get his stuff together. He is staying down in NC (im in MD).

 

He says he is in love with this girl. I am 28 years old, he is almost 25. We have 2 boys together. one who is 3 years old and one who is 6 months old. His new girlfriend just graduated highschool in 2011 so she has to only be 18 or 19. I dont understand how he loves her so much. Ever since last weekend (before i even found out) he started pulling away and avoiding my calls, not responding to any. Before last weekend he was always nice and i still felt like a priority. Now that i know, he is out right mean to me. He says shes nicer to him than me, and he's finally happy. She is more attractive to me, etc. Hearing this stuff hurts.

 

How do i handle this? I of course have begged, pleaded, cried blew up his phone. I dont want him back now, i am over the relationship. But i do feel like crap that we cant be civil and i am scared about how ugly things are going to get. This is someone i thought that even if we werent together we'd still be friends, but he told me today he doesnt ever wanna speak to me and he wants me out of his life. I know its because i have been texting bombing him, but i cant help myself. I keep thinking about all the times he couldnt give me money for our kids but yet was going to see her (shes 2 hours away from him) and getting hotel rooms, taking her out to dinner, etc. He lied about going to her town because of fishing, thats what he always told me,when i found out he was going there. He is now also denying we ever reconciled. Told this girl we are already divorce but i just filed yesterday.

 

Do you think its possible for him to ever regret how horrible he has been to me this past year?? All i want is an apology and not to feel like im not a priority at all, we have kids together. I cant even call about them without him getting annoyed.

 

please agive me some advice, wise words, pick me ups, ANYTHING! how in the world is he over me so quick? We were together for 5 years

[96nole]

This is going to blow up in his face. There is no way a relationship with her is going to last.

 

He's able to move on so fast because he is a piece of sh*t. He may have had other girlfriends before her. Don't believe a word out of his mouth other than when he says he hasn't been in love with you for a while.

 

Why do you want to even be civil with him. He doesn't want to be with you. He has thrown you away like yesterday's trash. Your begging and pleading is just pushing him even farther away. Let him go. Don't talk to him about anything other than the divorce and the kids.

 

Believe me, I know and understand the hurt and pain of a loved one that can so easily move on. I just sucks. There is no getting around that. I wish there was a magic button that we can press to make the pain go away. I wish there was a crystal ball so we can look into the future to see what's coming. But unfortunately there aren't.

 

He is also only 24. He is obviously not mature enough for you. Especially if he's 'in love' with an 18 year old.

 

Make sure you have lots of friends and family around. You will need their support.

 

He may someday feel regret for the pain he's caused you. But right now, he doesn't. He's too stupid, immature, and selfish to feel that way.

[momto3boys]

thank you for the response, i needed to hear that. My friends and family are sorta fed up with him and whats been going on. So i dont have anyone to talk to about it. I am going to counseling tomorrow though after a court hearing i have for child support.

 

It just hurts knowing someone is better than me in his eyes and i am not even a priority anymore. He is staying in north carolina (its where hes stationed, i moved home in sept while pregnant because he threw me out). So he wont even see our kids, that hurts me too. Our kids were planned, so this is just like a rug ripped right out of me and im left feeling like wtf happened who is this person.

[Eddie Edirol]

Do you think its possible for him to ever regret how horrible he has been to me this past year?? All i want is an apology and not to feel like im not a priority at all, we have kids together. I cant even call about them without him getting annoyed.

 

please agive me some advice, wise words, pick me ups, ANYTHING! how in the world is he over me so quick? We were together for 5 years

 

If he never wants to see you again, he wont regret anything, in fact, it looks like he regretted his life with you, which is why he is rebounding with a high school girl. I dont think it will last, but he doesnt want to be a family man now, he really is too young anyway. So if you were together since he was 20, Ill put my money on him losing interest in the relationship somewhere between the birth of the kids. Then he had plenty of time to lose attraction for you, and start looking to move on. Thats why he can move on so fast, he actually moved on slowly. So you will have to live with knowing youre not a priority, you will get over that if you accept it, and dont need an apology, youre most likely not going to get it.

 

Did he resent you for wanting/having kids? Were they planned?

 

At his age, I wouldnt be surprised if he wants to party again like a single guy, next thing you know this 18 year old might dump him at some point, since it is her discovery years. IOf he gets completely broken hearted he might apologize to you then, once he starts growing up.

[momto3boys]

we got married when he was 19 years old. I had just turned 23. Ihad a son by a previous boyfriend. I did not want anymore kids, but my stbxh wanted kids. So our kids were planned. He just got back from afghanistan dec 2010. It has been a battle with him since he got home. When he got home he wanted to drink constantly. He is even getting kicked out of the army for doing cocaine, failing a drug test. He has done nothing but put himself first and us last since getting home. I dont think he has ptsd. I use to but now i just think he is around his army buddies and theyre out having fun and he wants to now too. He has told me that i treated him bad,which i did the first year in our marriage. The rest of the marriage were basic training, home for the birth of our son. Live together for 4 months, deploy, have an awesome relationship during deployment. Then he gets home and things are great for 3 months. We started trying to get pregnant, then we started arguing a lot because he was not doing anything at home. He says i pushed him over the edge by nagging. But honestly he was so lazy he deserved the nagging. He also lied about money and everything else. So yeah i nagged. but he has put me through hell for this year. Kicking me out while pregnant. Going to the beach and not answering my calls, etc. Leaving me in north carolina where i knew no one while he was out doing whatever and not answering my calls.

[Eddie Edirol]

Yeah, thats why people who are 19 - 28 are discouraged from getting married and having children. Nowhere near mature enough to maintain a relationship with all that emotional trauma.

 

Sounds to me like this was a long time coming, I think you should forget about how you feel about wanting an apology and all that, and be thankful he is out of your life, and move on.

[momto3boys]

im 28 so i am a lot more mature than he is, i always have been. I had to grow up quick, i had my first at 21.