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What did your WS affair teach you about you?

Danie

By Danie
in Infidelity

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Danie Established Member

Danie

Posted
Posted

I just wanted to touch on this here, for all BSs, to voice their thoughts on this matter.

 

I learned so much about myself, about life, love, and letting go. I learned a lot about my husband and, really, an entirely new world was opened to me…the world of affairs.

 

I think the most important things I learned are:

 

· To believe in myself…that I am capable, worthy, and wonderful. I learned that my own self worth is not for anyone else to decide except me.

 

· To trust me, first and foremost. I learned that because I trust myself I can handle anything that life throws at me.

 

· To love me…first. I learned that I need to treat myself with love and respect…in all things….

 

· To take care of me…no one else is going to do it for me.

 

I can say that these things came over time. It was an evolutionary process, with mile-stones, ah-ha moments…and it the progress I made was a back/forth type of thing. In the early days post affair I was much more cynical.

  • Like 4
Ninja'sHusband Established Member

Ninja'sHusband

Posted
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I've learned a lot of things, but this is what I've learned about me:

  • I learned a lot about my limits and what I can handle in a relationship. If I ever have to deal with something like this again I won't have to do near as much soul searching, I already know.
  • I learned about my needs and what's most important to me.
  • I learned specifically what makes me angry and why (from reading a book and introspective thinking)

  • Like 1
SomedayDig Established Member

SomedayDig

Posted
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One of the first and biggest things I learned was how strong I am. I had no idea that I would be able to deal with my wife's affair with the strength and dignity that I have. I've learned how to stand up for myself (not that I didn't before really) by voicing my feelings no matter what. It was always that small lack of communication that we never shared when I might cowtow to something she said or did. I also learned that no matter what, I am the one who is responsible for my well being in all aspects. I might love my wife and expect her to treat me properly, but it has been proven that even that doesn't always happen.

 

I think as a BS, something I honestly never thought I would ever be, I now have a higher level of foresight. I know what my fWW is capable of. I know the situations that she used to thrive in for her to get to her affair. Because of that, we no longer put ourselves in those situations and have really worked hard these past months to fully understand the why's and how's the affair took off.

  • Like 3
Angelina527 Established Member

Angelina527

Posted
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I am strong. I am also capable of true forgiveness in the worst of circumstances.

 

I also learned that the only creature a girl can really count on (besides herself) is her dog. :)

  • Like 2
BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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I learned that the glass is half empty after all.

  • Like 2
frozensprouts Established Member

frozensprouts

Posted
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I am strong. I am also capable of true forgiveness in the worst of circumstances.

 

I also learned that the only creature a girl can really count on (besides herself) is her dog. :)

 

 

don't have a dog ( do a budgie,parrot, turtle, fish and guinea pig count:laugh:)

beenburned Established Member

beenburned

Posted
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danie,

 

Great post!:bunny:

 

My thoughts on this subject reflect yours exactly, I can depend on myself.:D

Angelina527 Established Member

Angelina527

Posted
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don't have a dog ( do a budgie,parrot, turtle, fish and guinea pig count:laugh:)

 

Of course!! :)

Steen719 Established Member

Steen719

Posted
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  • I learned that you can cry for a long, long time without getting dehydrated.
  • I learned that, even more than I thought, I have the greatest friends and family who gave many hours of listening to me and some money to help me get out.
  • I learned that, at my age and experience, I was still naive enough to believe my cheating XH wouldn't cheat!!:Dagain...
  • I learned I have no control over anyone but me and to think I do will only cause me pain.
  • I learned my son is a great young man whose love, integrity and intelligence makes me proud....well, I knew this, but has been more evident to me in this past year
  • I learned that I am much stronger than I gave myself credit for.
  • I can't believe this one....I believe that I am actually getting better every day and have hope for a happy life, which a year ago, I never imagined

Speaking of a year...tomorrow is one year from the day I discovered my XH was "talking" to his old girlfriend and he lied to me about it...OH NO!!! Soon after, I got the ILYBNIL...ha ha...how many letters am I supposed to put? speech....again...

 

 

 

  • I learned that my optimistic attitude about life cannot be killed by a cheating, lying, jackass of an XH!

Thank you, Danie, for letting me say all of the good things I have in my life. I have a lot more, but I think that is enough. I am grateful for all that is good and my aim is to leave the crap behind.

  • Like 6
96nole Established Member

96nole

Posted
Posted

  • I learned that you can cry for a long, long time without getting dehydrated.
  • I learned that, even more than I thought, I have the greatest friends and family who gave many hours of listening to me and some money to help me get out.
  • I learned that, at my age and experience, I was still naive enough to believe my cheating XH wouldn't cheat!!:Dagain...
  • I learned I have no control over anyone but me and to think I do will only cause me pain.
  • I learned my son is a great young man whose love, integrity and intelligence makes me proud....well, I knew this, but has been more evident to me in this past year
  • I learned that I am much stronger than I gave myself credit for.
  • I can't believe this one....I believe that I am actually getting better every day and have hope for a happy life, which a year ago, I never imagined

Speaking of a year...tomorrow is one year from the day I discovered my XH was "talking" to his old girlfriend and he lied to me about it...OH NO!!! Soon after, I got the ILYBNIL...ha ha...how many letters am I supposed to put? speech....again...

 

 

 

  • I learned that my optimistic attitude about life cannot be killed by a cheating, lying, jackass of an XH!

Thank you, Danie, for letting me say all of the good things I have in my life. I have a lot more, but I think that is enough. I am grateful for all that is good and my aim is to leave the crap behind.

 

I'm going to copy of few things from Steen's list because they are spot on.

 

  • I learned that you can cry for a long, long time without getting dehydrated.
  • I learned that, even more than I thought, I have the greatest friends and family who gave many hours of listening to me and some money to help me get out.
  • I learned that, at my age and experience, I was still naive enough to believe my cheating STBXW(W stands for whore) wouldn't cheat!!:Dagain...
  • I learned that some people can change on a dime and be completely and utterly awful human beings.
  • after recently learning even more lies, I've learned that my STBXW is a worse person than I thought possible.
  • I learned that the last time my STBXW told me the truth was last year when she told me that she is a bad person and that she doesn't deserve me.
  • I learned that no matter what plans you make, the future is still no guarantee.
  • I'm learning a new strength for myself. This entire process I've tried to do exactly what she didn't want.

  • Like 3
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
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That I loved completely, totally, trustingly and with an innocence and loyalty that almost did me in.

 

Is that a problem? I don't think so. I have the respect of lifelong friends, family and acquaintances because of my strength and understanding of others.

 

That I have more love and support from wonderful friends, family, and children than I even deserved trying to figure out how the hell my life made a left. Four years it took! I didn't wear them out with my pain, thank God!

 

That had we divorced, and I almost did, I would still be here with my support, integrity and honor. He would still be miserable and lonely whether he wound up with his OW or not. The brief panacea of that relationship could not be a permanent salve to all that ailed his psyche at that time.

 

That I no longer put my needs second to anyone; that I cannot fix, nor rescue a loved one from their depression or unhappiness. Only they can help themselves and I will never make excuses nor enable someone to treat me unacceptably because they have a problem and can't deal.

 

Get help, or get out of my way.

 

I deserve to get what I give: Love and respect.

  • Like 8
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted
That I am too damn good for that bull shiggity. :D

 

Yes you are!

 

Do you have a dog!;)

 

Because nobody loves me like my dog does! And it's mutual.:laugh:

Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted
I learned that the glass is half empty after all.

 

Not for too much longer; not in the course of a human lifetime.

Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
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That I'm a hot smokin kick ass babe...and I can be that and still wear underwear. Hahaha

  • Like 6
Steen719 Established Member

Steen719

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Yes you are!

 

Do you have a dog!;)

 

Because nobody loves me like my dog does! And it's mutual.:laugh:

 

I have 2 dogs...double the love!:D

  • Like 1
silktricks Established Member

silktricks

Posted
Posted

  • I learned that forgiveness doesn't just happen, it takes work.
  • I am a good person and he's lucky to have me
  • one person alone can ruin something, it takes two to make things good
  • not talking about problems doesn't make them disappear
  • talking about them doesn't necessarily solve them - that takes MORE work
  • a marriage is always a work in progress. If you stop working, it starts going downhill
  • I can be alone and be happy

  • Like 5
Benedictatu Member

Benedictatu

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I learned that sometimes when they say they are going to leave they really do. And take the children with them. And that being all alone with everything taken from you is very lonely and very difficult. I learned that trying to fill your life with your work can backfire when you get downsized. I learned that nothing is sacred and everywhere you went with him you can't go anymore because he might be there with her. I learned that even your kids will turn their back on you and your friends will choose the winner. I learned that dating other men feels hollow and rejection hurts twice as bad when its from someone you didn't even fancy much a bit of a loser but all you could find at the time. I learned that they never regret it or if they do they never admit it or show it. I learned that their family that you thought loved you just toss you away the minute he has someone new and you are yesterdays news. I learned that I will probably never find someone because over 50 you are invisible never mind over 60 and older men all want younger women.

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