Teal Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I'm not sure how much about myself I've shared here during my time, but it might not come as news to some of you that I apparently move at a snail's pace. Long story short, my current boyfriend and I had been together one month when he dropped the "L" word on me. While I do genuinely like him I can't fathom loving him at this point, and the disparity between our feelings has caused a lot of drama lately. I've been in love once in my life, and I could only say that with certainty after over six months together. When we started going out we explicitly agreed to take things slow since we'd both left long-term relationships recently, and he's been saying that we'll "move at my speed" even as he continues to fish for signs of reciprocation. Feeling just a little bit cheated here, though he's since admitted that maybe he spoke too soon. It's crippled our relationship in the three weeks since, as I respond to pressure and uncertainty by withdrawing emotionally (this is the part that's my fault). I feel as though I'm obligated to start having those kinds of feelings for him too - and fast - or everything I do from here on out will just be leading him on, especially if I don't wind up loving him. Any affection I show will simply be feeding into a fantasy I can't guarantee will ever be real at this point, but he doesn't deserve to be neglected.
fucpcg Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I've done a ton of reading since my ex dumped me, trying to understand what all happened, and to make sure it didn't happen again because I really got burned. My ex started telling me numerous times a day that she loved me, at our two month mark. Ironically, it was after I broke up with her because of her poor behavior. It was part of her "I need you back" strategy, and basically I agreed to get back together under a few conditions, one was that she stop saying she loved me after only two months of dating, and only after saying it when she needed to win me back. It always worried me that she said I love you that quick. After a year of dating, she broke up with me and has been even more vocal about how much she hates me, and how horrible I was to her. Where's the girl who had to tell me 100 times a day how amazing I was when we first started dating?!? Going back to something I read, it said be careful of anyone who says I love you to quickly, because anyone who can fall into love that quickly, can fall out of it just as quick. Amen. Next time someone tells me they love me in a month or two, I'll run. In fact I just had a woman practically tell me in so many words that she loved me after the two WEEK mark. Yeah I ran from her to.
Author Teal Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 I've done a ton of reading since my ex dumped me, trying to understand what all happened, and to make sure it didn't happen again because I really got burned. My ex started telling me numerous times a day that she loved me, at our two month mark. Ironically, it was after I broke up with her because of her poor behavior. It was part of her "I need you back" strategy, and basically I agreed to get back together under a few conditions, one was that she stop saying she loved me after only two months of dating, and only after saying it when she needed to win me back. It always worried me that she said I love you that quick. After a year of dating, she broke up with me and has been even more vocal about how much she hates me, and how horrible I was to her. Where's the girl who had to tell me 100 times a day how amazing I was when we first started dating?!? Going back to something I read, it said be careful of anyone who says I love you to quickly, because anyone who can fall into love that quickly, can fall out of it just as quick. Amen. Next time someone tells me they love me in a month or two, I'll run. In fact I just had a woman practically tell me in so many words that she loved me after the two WEEK mark. Yeah I ran from her to. Another thing I'm worried about, though to a lesser extent since this is the only warning flag going up so far.
FitChick Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You can't plan to love someone. Tell your boyfriend that you have no desire to date anyone else and only want to spend time with him and see how the relationship progresses. If he forces things, he will lose you. He sounds very insecure.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This doesn't sound like the right guy for you...he sounds like the kind of guy that thought what you were saying wasn't to be taken seriously..that "Oh she'd love me anyway" and then he doesn't feel the reciprocation of emotions so now he's holding it against you even though you both initially agreed to take it slowly. Not someone who's being very caring and considerate to how you feel, and what you need...yet it may just be the amount of experience he lacks. But since he's handled in a way of holding it against you it instead makes him seems like a guy who expected to sweep you off your feet by now and now that you don't it's taken a hit to his confidence so now he's going to be a jerk about it. Honestly too, I don't think he's the right guy for you because It doesn't appear that you have very strong emotions for him...this doesn't seem like a very strong relationship If this is already happening at month one...you should probably have more feelings for him than you currently do but It doesn't seem like you do...although of course I believe you have some..but it doesn't sound like hes going to be the guy that sweeps you off your feet..I don't think you're that into him is the vibe that I get. Don't let him use this against you, and make you feel badly/guilty about it...you can try to patch it and talk about it but it doesn't seem like it has any chance for success unless he respects your wishes and what you need too...he doesn't just take how he feels into account...he shouldn't be pressuring you and pushing you into feeling more emotions for him...in fact he should have just gave it time and let you open up at your pace and even tell him that you loved him first. He should have played it cool, and steady and just given you more reason to have strong emotions for him, because now it just seems like he's pushing you away, and maybe far enough where you don't even feel inclined to try because of the way he is acting.
Joaquin Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I think this is why guys should always let the girl say the L word first. It's catastrophic failure to a guys ego if she doesn't say it back.
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