Bateman Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Hi, I posted this in the "in search of" section and have gotten no responses yet so here... So I guess I haven't been on the forum for about a year...Loveshack really helped me through a breakup about a year ago but here is my story... Met a girl a few months ago. Instantly hit it off and started seeing each other constantly. It moved really quickly but was great at the same time for about 2 months. About a month ago, she started acting distant and I confronted her about it. She said we needed to talk in person which I though was a good thing coming from her and doing this face to face...I pretty much knew what she was going to say. She wanted some space and wasnt feeling the same way about me anymore. I accepted that and told her that we could still be friends and I felt good about the whole thing...now it gets confusing. A few days later I receive a facebook message from one of her friends saying, *girlsname* made out with my ex bf of 5 years...play it safe. This rattled me quite a bit and texted *girlsname* about it. She said that her friend was lying to make her life more miserable than it already is. Ok, fine. messaged friend back asking if she was lying to which she swears on her familys life that she is not lying. So I'm very confused by this whole thing. I decide to drop it and leave the girl I was seeing alone and try and get away from the drama and I told her that. She texts me a few hours later saying that she wants to see me. I tell her maybe she can come over but I dont think its a good idea. About a minute later, she shows up at my door. I let her in and we watch tv. I try to get her to talk but she cant find the words to say. We end up sleeping together and spend one more night together that week. that was last week. She was out of town with friends this weekend. A few texts here and there but nothing heavy like the way it was the week before or the months before. Right now I am initiating all the contacting and we may get up together later this week... So basically, meet a girl, hit it off, moves too fast, take a break, weird stuff happens, I get pulled back in and now I am stuck...any advice on what I should do? Sometimes I feel like I should just do no contact but then I don't want her to drift away. I feel like I developed some bad anxiety since my last breakup. I really need to get her to talk...
TigerCub Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Hi, I posted this in the "in search of" section and have gotten no responses yet so here... So I guess I haven't been on the forum for about a year...Loveshack really helped me through a breakup about a year ago but here is my story... Met a girl a few months ago. Instantly hit it off and started seeing each other constantly. It moved really quickly but was great at the same time for about 2 months. About a month ago, she started acting distant and I confronted her about it. She said we needed to talk in person which I though was a good thing coming from her and doing this face to face...I pretty much knew what she was going to say. She wanted some space and wasnt feeling the same way about me anymore. I accepted that and told her that we could still be friends and I felt good about the whole thing...now it gets confusing. A few days later I receive a facebook message from one of her friends saying, *girlsname* made out with my ex bf of 5 years...play it safe. This rattled me quite a bit and texted *girlsname* about it. She said that her friend was lying to make her life more miserable than it already is. Ok, fine. messaged friend back asking if she was lying to which she swears on her familys life that she is not lying. So I'm very confused by this whole thing. I decide to drop it and leave the girl I was seeing alone and try and get away from the drama and I told her that. She texts me a few hours later saying that she wants to see me. I tell her maybe she can come over but I dont think its a good idea. About a minute later, she shows up at my door. I let her in and we watch tv. I try to get her to talk but she cant find the words to say. We end up sleeping together and spend one more night together that week. that was last week. She was out of town with friends this weekend. A few texts here and there but nothing heavy like the way it was the week before or the months before. Right now I am initiating all the contacting and we may get up together later this week... So basically, meet a girl, hit it off, moves too fast, take a break, weird stuff happens, I get pulled back in and now I am stuck...any advice on what I should do? Sometimes I feel like I should just do no contact but then I don't want her to drift away. I feel like I developed some bad anxiety since my last breakup. I really need to get her to talk... Notice that when you left her alone, she rushed to see you? I'm not into playing games, but it seems that with this girl if you invest in her, she'll ignore you and want space, but if you leave her alone, she will come running. Not really relationship material, but that's how you'll get to sleep with her more if that's what you want.
Author Bateman Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Thanks...I hate games. I get a lot of mixed signals from her. She says she wants to see me and then never invites me anywhere. She confuses me so much. But I still like her a lot so I don't want to risk pushing her away.
TigerCub Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Thanks...I hate games. I get a lot of mixed signals from her. She says she wants to see me and then never invites me anywhere. She confuses me so much. But I still like her a lot so I don't want to risk pushing her away. If you act like you're afraid to lose her - she'll have you exactly where she wants you. I do understand that you like her and stuff, but playing games and being hot and cold show that she really can take or leave you - or that she's immature, in the least. Don't fall into her trap. If you treat her like she doesn't matter she'll come running - but really, at the end of the day, that will be game play on your part. I think it would be best to leave her alone and find someone sincere...but if you don't really care about that and you just want to get with her and just fool around, then ignore her. Those seem to be the rules of her game.
Author Bateman Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 will do...thanks for the advice. Logically, leaving her alone seems like the right thing to do no matter what the result is.
dasein Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 There is at least another guy in the picture whom she perceives (ed) as a BBD compared to you. So her attraction goes down. BBD blows her off or things look nogo, she comes back to you for some attention and lurv. Be prepared that if BBD throws a crumb, she will go cold on you again in an instant. Have been in your shoes and in the BBD shoes many times. You did the right thing by instantly moving on, and IMO, should stay moved on and find better options. Would advise not sleeping with her as you will end up getting more and more attached as she weans herself off you while looking for the next BBD. Have seen it dozens of times. Good luck.
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