Author paperboy48 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 It's not so bad out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and approach a lot of girls before you are successful. You don't even need to be good looking and fit. My unshaven, average looking, t-shirt and pants wearing friend get lots of dates in a short period of time and still get laid regularly. He also get approached by girls so it's not just him doing the approaching. Another friend ask out every girl he saw because he was desperate to have a girlfriend. It was actually successful since he is now engaged to a wonderful girl who loves him. Your outgoing friendly personality is beneficial to you. Just be more confident in yourself So basically, its the "Law of Large Numbers"....if you can get past the rejections, you can have sucess
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Being a man who has not been out in the dating scene since before I was 20 years old (Now 36 years old). Is it really that bad where an average guy is not able to date an average girl? Having read other threads - Why do you feel this way? Are you consistently being rejected by women of an equal plateau or do you have the fear of being rejected? I get the feeling that I generally annoy women or am a bother to them. And I hate it when people bother me when I want to be left alone. So I leave them alone out of consideration. I think it would be a lot easier if women maybe wore a sign or a t-shirt that said they wanted me to talk to them, rather than leaving it up to me to decide. So yeah, I'd say it's pretty hard for a lot of guys out there.
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Why, WHY do they all argue with me. Get this through your meat head: I work out, and am still chubby. Then you don't know what you're doing. Sorry I guarantee you that you were not bigger than me in high school - I was 5'10 and 240 LBs for god's sake. I had a double chin in everything, your genetics are not worse than mine. I was fat, not chubby like you claim ot be You just gotta workout more and restrict your calories more. I guarantee you that you're still eating too many calories and you're not exercising enough. That's all there is to it. Anybody can be in the kind of shape I'm in if they have my dedication There are attractive women who have trouble dating. There are even attractive women who approach guys who have trouble dating. Yea and I saw an alien walk into my house the other day 1
FryFish Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Despite what has been said in this thread, having muscles DOES help... with all sets of girls... And it makes girls who are already willing to date you easier... Im not saying its completely necessary to be muscular, except in the cases of athletic chicks, but being muscular will improve reception with non athletic girls too... The same can be said for being tall(which you are, so you have that going for you). And at the very least, being muscular will give you more confidence and confidence really is one of the biggest factors to girls saying yes.
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Then you don't know what you're doing. Sorry I guarantee you that you were not bigger than me in high school - I was 5'10 and 240 LBs for god's sake. I had a double chin in everything, your genetics are not worse than mine. I was fat, not chubby like you claim ot be You just gotta workout more and restrict your calories more. I guarantee you that you're still eating too many calories and you're not exercising enough. That's all there is to it. Anybody can be in the kind of shape I'm in if they have my dedication I'm not claiming I'm bigger than you. But you're contradicting yourself... in another post, you claimed that you didn't even work out all that much (that you did it because you "enjoyed it") and that you're blessed with good genetics. Did you really not see how arrogant you are... claiming that you know more about MY body? That you know more than the personal trainers, doctors, nutritional educationists, and stylists that have directly worked with me? You are actually claiming you know more about a stranger, knowing absolutely NOTHING about my diet or exercise routine, than people who have painstakingly worked with me. Think about just how lousy an attitude that is, and you might have a clue as to why you're still single. Can some regular posters please, PLEASE, come back me up that I've tried everything, and looks aren't everything?
matte123 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 So basically, its the "Law of Large Numbers"....if you can get past the rejections, you can have sucess Yep at least from what I infer based on my friends' experiences. Obviously you should have a decent personality as well but since you said you had a friendly personality, I assumed you have it.
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I'm not claiming I'm bigger than you. But you're contradicting yourself... in another post, you claimed that you didn't even work out all that much (that you did it because you "enjoyed it") and that you're blessed with good genetics. I'm blessed with fantastic genetics when it comes to things like strength, size, muscle shape, narrow waist and very wide shoulders In terms of gaining weight. I've always struggled with weight. I've always had a huge appetite and I've always been fat until the last couple of years until I started controlling my calories and eating the amount I needed to get lean I'm sorry if it comes off as harsh, but there's no reason why you can't be in great shape. Measure your daily calorie expenditure on the many calorie calculators on the internet and then eat 500 calories below that. You'll lose 16-20 lbs in a few months in no time and you will look great In terms of your other point about looks not being everything to a woman. Show me a case of a decent looking girl in good shape who has a reasonable personality who can't get a man and I'll show you a unicorn
FryFish Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You are actually claiming you know more about a stranger, knowing absolutely NOTHING about my diet or exercise routine, than people who have painstakingly worked with meIf you remain chubby then you are eating more calories than you are burning... easiest way to cut calories is to cut out sugar...
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I'm blessed with fantastic genetics when it comes to things like strength, size, muscle shape, narrow waist and very wide shoulders In terms of gaining weight. I've always struggled with weight. I've always had a huge appetite and I've always been fat until the last couple of years until I started controlling my calories and eating the amount I needed to get lean I'm sorry if it comes off as harsh, but there's no reason why you can't be in great shape. Measure your daily calorie expenditure on the many calorie calculators on the internet and then eat 500 calories below that. You'll lose 16-20 lbs in a few months in no time and you will look great I've been on a restrictive calorie Paleo diet for 6 months, eating over 1000 calories less than was my usual, and I have not lost nary a pound. So shut.the.fvk.up.already. In terms of your other point about looks not being everything to a woman. Show me a case of a decent looking girl in good shape who has a reasonable personality who can't get a man and I'll show you a unicorn You just freaking proved my point. That an attractive woman could still have problems dating, because of her confidence level/personality. So, being attractive is not everything. Thus, it can be difficult for attractive women to date as well. I mean, I could just as easily turn around and say "Show me an attractive guy with a reasonable personality who can't get a woman." I know lots of BOTH. Dating is tough for BOTH. Get this through your thick, meathead SKULL.
FryFish Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I've been on a restrictive calorie Paleo diet for 6 months, eating over 1000 calories less than was my usual, and I have not lost nary a pound. So shut.the.fvk.up.already. How many "cheat" days do you allow yourself per month?
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I've been on a restrictive calorie Paleo diet for 6 months, eating over 1000 calories less than was my usual, and I have not lost nary a pound. So shut.the.fvk.up.already. Absolutely impossible. You're defying the rules of physics You cannot eat less than your daily calorie expenditure and not lose weight. Energy does not work that way You just freaking proved my point. That an attractive woman could still have problems dating, because of her confidence level/personality. So, being attractive is not everything. Thus, it can be difficult for attractive women to date as well. Being attractive for women is about 60-80% of the battle. Go to any bar or club and you will see attractive women being hit on nonstop Maybe she wouldn't be able to get a top notch man without a good personality but she'll still have plenty of choices if she's good looking I mean, I could just as easily turn around and say "Show me an attractive guy with a reasonable personality who can't get a woman." Men have to approach women though You can be good looking and have a great personality and never get girls as a man if you're not willing to take a lot of chances to talk to many girls. It's not like that if you're a girl, most semi attractive girls are screening and choosing who they want to date. They're not desperate for a date at all in 99% of cases
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 How many "cheat" days do you allow yourself per month? 2 meals a week. So, if I eat 6 meals a day (I break down meals, so I eat smaller portions through the day), that's 42 meals a week, 168 meals a month roughly. With 8 cheater meals. And even on cheater days, I'm still under the number of calories I ate previously. (Before Paleo, my usual was 2000-2500 calories, now I eat somewhere between 1200-1700 calories.) Why are people so obsessed with the idea that they know more about my body, and can somehow cure me of my fatness, than a whole team of people who get PAID to evaluate me, and have actually met me? Absolutely impossible. You're defying the rules of physics You cannot eat less than your daily calorie expenditure and not lose weight. Energy does not work that way Yeah, doctors and trainers said the same thing, and yet here I am. My body has remained stubbornly where it is. Though this is actually pretty fun: last month, they decided they'd try making me GAIN weight by eating a ton more. ... And I didn't. My body, no matter the amount of calories, stays right between 120 and 130 pounds. 2
FryFish Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) 2 meals a week.so 9ish per month... I feel bad if I break my diet even once per month... And even on cheater days, I'm still under the number of calories I ate previously. (Before Paleo, my usual was 2000-2500 calories, now I eat somewhere between 1200-1700 calories.)You have to be very very sedentary or you arent properly adding up your calorie intake... You are probably nickel and diming your cals more than you think... Why are people so obsessed with the idea that they know more about my body, and can somehow cure me of my fatness, than a whole team of people who get PAID to evaluate me, and have actually met me? I dont mean to intrude... but people who follow my advice to a T get results... Its impossible not to. Edited May 23, 2012 by FryFish
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 2 meals a week. So, if I eat 6 meals a day (I break down meals, so I eat smaller portions through the day), that's 42 meals a week, 168 meals a month roughly. With 8 cheater meals. And even on cheater days, I'm still under the number of calories I ate previously. (Before Paleo, my usual was 2000-2500 calories, now I eat somewhere between 1200-1700 calories.) Why are people so obsessed with the idea that they know more about my body, and can somehow cure me of my fatness, than a whole team of people who get PAID to evaluate me, and have actually met me? Yeah, doctors and trainers said the same thing, and yet here I am. My body has remained stubbornly where it is. Though this is actually pretty fun: last month, they decided they'd try making me GAIN weight by eating a ton more. ... And I didn't. My body, no matter the amount of calories, stays right between 120 and 130 pounds. eat a 1000-1200 calories a day and workout with weights for 40-45 minutes You'll get the results you want. If I can do it, as fat as I was, anybody can do it Workout more/eat Less, end of story
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 eat a 1000-1200 calories a day and workout with weights for 40-45 minutes You'll get the results you want. If I can do it, as fat as I was, anybody can do it Workout more/eat Less, end of story I ALREADY FREAKING DO THAT. I ALREADY FREAKING EAT 1000 CALORIES A DAY, AND I ALREADY LIFT WEIGHTS FOR AN HOUR AND RUN AND DANCE AND DO MARTIAL ARTS AND I AM STILL FCKING FAT. Get some goddamn empathy and stop shooting off your mouth about a stranger's body, and hey, maybe then a girl might be interested! 1
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I ALREADY FREAKING EAT 1000 CALORIES A DAY, AND I ALREADY LIFT WEIGHTS FOR AN HOUR AND RUN AND DANCE AND DO MARTIAL ARTS AND I AM STILL FCKING FAT. This just defies the rules of physics Have you talked to a doctor and gotten all your blood work and health tests done to make sure that you have disorders of any kind that make it difficult to lose weight? If you're eating below your daily calories and not losing weight while being very active, then something is very wrong with your body I'm not saying this to be mean or anything. I really hate seeing people struggle with their weight, in all honesty. I would like for everybody to be in great shape
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This just defies the rules of physics Have you talked to a doctor and gotten all your blood work and health tests done to make sure that you have disorders of any kind that make it difficult to lose weight? If you're eating below your daily calories and not losing weight while being very active, then something is very wrong with your body Have you read ANY of my freaking posts? I have worked with 2 doctors, 3 personal trainers, and 2 diet specialists. Not a single one of them have been able to find anything wrong with my body, my diet, or my workout. My body just wants to be this way. Period. I know it BOGGLES the mind, but some people are naturally chubby/fat, just like some people are naturally thin. (Fun scientific fact: you can't make a naturally thin person fat.) I know that is oh-so-offensive to you meatheads to think that people could be *gasp* fat naturally!, but it is a fact of life. And THAT'S why I despise hanging around with guys like you... because you are obsessed with your body to the point that you have to critique everyone else's, as if you know their body better than they do themselves. Get off your high horse, get some empathy. 2
matte123 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I ALREADY FREAKING DO THAT. I ALREADY FREAKING EAT 1000 CALORIES A DAY, AND I ALREADY LIFT WEIGHTS FOR AN HOUR AND RUN AND DANCE AND DO MARTIAL ARTS AND I AM STILL FCKING FAT. Get some goddamn empathy and stop shooting off your mouth about a stranger's body, and hey, maybe then a girl might be interested! Wow you're body has pretty high perhaps stable metabolism for you to maintain your weight. That's really great that you're staying healthy by eating right and exercising I should start doing that....
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I know that is oh-so-offensive to you meatheads to think that people could be *gasp* fat naturally!, but it is a fact of life. And THAT'S why I despise hanging around with guys like you... because you are obsessed with your body to the point that you have to critique everyone else's, as if you know their body better than they do themselves. Get off your high horse, get some empathy. I don't have much sympathy for people who claim to be fat naturally because I used to think the exact same way when I was 240 LBs at a huge bodyfat percentage. I think almost anybody can get into fantastic shape if they have the same dedication that I have I'm not judging you for your body, in all honesty, I'm not like that. I help everybody I know to get into better shape because of my background of being fat. I want everybody to be in great shape I really don't know what to say about your situation. I'm very very skeptical because it defies the laws of physics, I would love to workout with you for a month and have you write down everything your eating and to see if I can help you get results. Your situation is fascinating to me
gibson Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Can some regular posters please, PLEASE, come back me up that I've tried everything, and looks aren't everything? I certainly attest to the fact that looks aren't everything. How do I know this? Look all around you! There are Hot, Average, Below Average and UGLY people who are dating, in relationships and married. 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Being a man who has not been out in the dating scene since before I was 20 years old (Now 36 years old). Is it really that bad where an average guy is not able to date an average girl? Having read other threads - Why do you feel this way? Are you consistently being rejected by women of an equal plateau or do you have the fear of being rejected? Yea. It's hard for 2 reasons. 1) Men traditionally approach 2) Men are horny and will have sex with any woman who is average or above. This creates a situation where women are hit on by men at her physical level, below and above. So she can choose. She may choose based on looks, and she may choose based on personality or success or other factors, but she gets to choose more or less. Men are really not all that picky. You will find that if you present a man with a woman who has his looks level (i.e. someone equal to his sister) and pretty close to what else he has going on in life, he will 9 out of 10 times take it. Most women need a little more because they have options between multiple men. I think if the game changed to equal approach (men and women approach at the same rate), things would be a lot better.
gibson Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) Yea. It's hard for 2 reasons. 1) Men traditionally approach 2) Men are horny and will have sex with any woman who is average or above. I thought the question was about men who are wanting to date, not men who are only looking for sex and the women who are okay with just giving that. This creates a situation where women are hit on by men at her physical level, below and above. So she can choose. She may choose based on looks, and she may choose based on personality or success or other factors, but she gets to choose more or less. Both Sexes choose who they want to date or not. It's not exclusive to women. Also, if she is not in an exclusive relationship, a lot of women date more than one person. Men are really not all that picky. Really? My friends and I are. You will find that if you present a man with a woman who has his looks level (i.e. someone equal to his sister) and pretty close to what else he has going on in life, he will 9 out of 10 times take it. I have turned down plenty of HOT women because I didn't want to date, we wanted different things, had nothing in common or they were UGLY on the inside. Most women need a little more because they have options between multiple men. I have multiple options until / unless I am in a committed relationship. How am I any different than what you claim is true with women? I think if the game changed to equal approach (men and women approach at the same rate), things would be a lot better. I wasn't aware there was a game or a law that prevented women from approaching men. I have had this happen many times as I am sure many other men on here have had that happen to them too. Lots of superficial and shallow people on this forum and in this world. Is it any wonder why so many dating, relationships, marriages fail? If it's only about looks, why do people get so upset if their partner cheats, breaks up or leaves them for a "better looking" person? Seems to me everyone involved in this type of arrangement (together only due to their looks) should be perfectly okay and understanding as to why their partner cheated, broke up or dumped them for someone who possess "better looks". Not sure about the rest of you but I am limited by my looks nor do I date, have relationships or plan to marry someone based solely only their looks or the best looking person I think I can get. Also, I haven't met to many HOT women where character, integrity, security, values, morals, sense of humor, sense of adventure, fun, confidence, respect, leadership, etc. didn't play the major role / influence (much more than looks) on who they were attracted too, dated, entered into relationships with and later fell in love and married. Edited May 23, 2012 by gibson
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) I thought the question was about men who are wanting to date, not men who are only looking for sex and the women who are okay with just giving that. Both Sexes choose who they want to date or not. It's not exclusive to women. Also, if she is not in an exclusive relationship, a lot of women date more than one person. Really? My friends and I are. I have turned down plenty of HOT women because I didn't want to date, we wanted different things, had nothing in common or they were UGLY on the inside. I have multiple options until / unless I am in a committed relationship. How am I any different than what you claim is true with women? I wasn't aware there was a game or a law that prevented women from approaching men. I have had this happen many times as I am sure many other men on here have had that happen to them too. Lots of superficial and shallow people on this forum and in this world. Is it any wonder why so many dating, relationships, marriages fail? If it's only about looks, why do people get so upset if their partner cheats, breaks up or leaves them for a "better looking" person? Seems to me everyone involved in this type of arrangement (together only due to their looks) should be perfectly okay and understanding as to why their partner cheated, broke up or dumped them for someone who possess "better looks". Not sure about the rest of you but I am limited by my looks nor do I date, have relationships or plan to marry someone based solely only their looks or the best looking person I think I can get. I haven't met to many HOT women where character, integrity, security, values, morals, sense of humor, sense of adventure, fun, confidence, respect, leadership, etc. didn't play the major role / influence (much more than looks) on who they were attracted, dated, entered into relationships and later fell in love and married. Yea, for good looking guys it works the same way. Women approach them and they have lots of options. But for most average guys and below, they don't have a ton of options unless they are very aggressive. You basically answered your own question. If you have lots of women approaching you ... that is not a common thing for most guys. I know some guys who get told they look like movie stars somewhat often. And they get approached, but it is not often. Also, I can't think of too many of my friends who have turned down HOT! women because their personality sucked. They may have dumped them eventually. But they still dated them. HOT! gals don't approach average dudes. LOL! What are you trying to prove here? Edited May 23, 2012 by JuneJulySeptember
gibson Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) But for most average guys and below, they don't have a ton of options unless they are very aggressive. You sound very young so let me share with you some advice, knowledge and wisdom on "The Secret" to attracting and keeping the attraction with woman. I am a guy but my "spidey senses" are picking up traces of desperation, neediness, trying to hard, you trying to be the person you think your date wants, you taking yourself and dating way to seriously, etc. Now a woman's "spidey senses" are 1,000 times better than mine. Women can spot a man with the above "qualities" a mile away. They find them unappealing and are not attracted to them. My advice / "The Secret" 1. Get your self-worth, self-esteem, self-image, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, etc. from within. 2. Have a life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. of your own instead of trying to make a woman your EVERYTHING. 3. Character, integrity, security, values, morals, sense of humor, sense of adventure, fun, confidence, respect, leadership, etc. play a major role / influence (much more than looks) on who women are attracted too, date, enter into relationships with, fell in love with and marry. 4. Be yourself. 5. Invite a woman to share and take part in your life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. Once you learn and do all of that, you will have my kind of success. Edited May 23, 2012 by gibson
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 My advice / "The Secret" 1. Get your self-worth, self-esteem, self-image, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, etc. from within. 2. Have a life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. of your own instead of trying to make a woman your EVERYTHING. 3. Character, integrity, security, values, morals, sense of humor, sense of adventure, fun, confidence, respect, leadership, etc. play a major role / influence (much more than looks) on who women are attracted too, date, enter into relationships with, fell in love with and marry. 4. Be yourself. 5. Invite a woman to share and take part in your life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. Once you learn and do all of that, you will have my kind of success. Yea. That's what I said. Lol. I mean a woman appreciates those things in a guy. It's just that she has multiple guys chasing after her, so even if you have some of those things that match with her, you're competing with another guy who has matching stuff too or is better looking, etc. And she will choose.
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