paperboy48 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Being a man who has not been out in the dating scene since before I was 20 years old (Now 36 years old). Is it really that bad where an average guy is not able to date an average girl? Having read other threads - Why do you feel this way? Are you consistently being rejected by women of an equal plateau or do you have the fear of being rejected?
firehawk_1 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 yes mate it REALLY is like that. its how women are now. corrupt. in every possible way.
ThaWholigan Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Being a man who has not been out in the dating scene since before I was 20 years old (Now 36 years old). Is it really that bad where an average guy is not able to date an average girl? Having read other threads - Why do you feel this way? Are you consistently being rejected by women of an equal plateau or do you have the fear of being rejected? I have had confidence issues which I'm recovering from now. But basically, it isn't as bad. In fact, it's probably a lot easier than it's ever been, every one is getting laid and dating like crazy around me, I'm the only one who's missing out! . It's not as bad as being made out.
Author paperboy48 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 I have had confidence issues which I'm recovering from now. But basically, it isn't as bad. In fact, it's probably a lot easier than it's ever been, every one is getting laid and dating like crazy around me, I'm the only one who's missing out! . It's not as bad as being made out. Well that's encoraging...I have confidence issues as well, which I am trying to work on..
FitChick Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 If you are reasonably attractive with a reasonably normal personality, you should have little trouble.
Author paperboy48 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 If you are reasonably attractive with a reasonably normal personality, you should have little trouble. I think I have an attractive face...I have an outgoing friendly personality. I am just not very muscular, I am fairly slender (6ft tall, 180lbs).
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I think I have an attractive face...I have an outgoing friendly personality. I am just not very muscular, I am fairly slender (6ft tall, 180lbs). Being muscular doesn't matter too much. The only girls who will really care are those who are very very athletic themselves, which is a small percentage. Your avg girl on the street doesn't care too much 1
Joaquin Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 When you meet a good'n you quickly forget the not so good moments, of which there may be a few.
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 The real issue here is that I just think women are very picky and also they hate approaching men. What happens is the only guys who get laid are those who are very confident, very bold and willing to approach a lot of women. It's like the US nowadays - you got a small percentage of people (say 10%) that are living very VERY well and you have a whole lot of people struggling to make ends meet That's the same thing with men. Those who are good looking and who have all the confidence in the world are banging 5 women at a time, while the average joe is jerking off at home on a friday night 3
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Whether it's really bad to where an average guy isn't able to date an average gal to me depends on what the guys considers an average gal and the meme seems guys have low standards for average when it's guys & high standards for average when it's gals. Such as how often for guys that an average gal is actually cute/slightly above average aka 6-7. The guy may be overrating his own attractiveness going by studies of male hubris & female humility guys often overrestimate themselves. The guy may be underrating the gal's attractiveness going by studies of how media influences male perception of beauty and my experiences guys often have high standards for what is average often saying the only requirement is 'not fat' overlooking the age, body shape, and facial features bits.
matte123 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 It's not so bad out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and approach a lot of girls before you are successful. You don't even need to be good looking and fit. My unshaven, average looking, t-shirt and pants wearing friend get lots of dates in a short period of time and still get laid regularly. He also get approached by girls so it's not just him doing the approaching. Another friend ask out every girl he saw because he was desperate to have a girlfriend. It was actually successful since he is now engaged to a wonderful girl who loves him. Your outgoing friendly personality is beneficial to you. Just be more confident in yourself
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 girls think 80 to 90 percent of guys are ugly. they'll reject everyone in the room. That's a bit of a reach as from my recollection only one tidbit (OkCupid's Your Looks and Your Inbox) has shown gals thinking such a percentage of guys are ugly. Going by that tidbit the fold out would be if the people are interested in dating that gals will think most guys are ugly but still be open to approaches while guys will think some are attractive but pursue only the most attractive.
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 It can be, for men and women both. I'd say what's really difficult is all the contradictory messages that are out there about how you should be.. like, you should be happy being single, but you should also be happy being single because it'll lead to a relationship, but you shouldn't want a relationship because you should be happy being single, AHH. For me, the lack of a relationship is difficult to deal with not only for the obvious reasons (loneliness, no emotional or sexual intimacy, etc.) but also the shame that comes with it. So, so, so many people are married, engaged, in relationships, that you really start to feel ashamed and down on yourself that you're not. That you are defective because you're single. So on top of the varying difficulties of dating, you also have a lot of shame/desperation/hopelessness to overcome.
matte123 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 cause it worked for one it works for all. the males who can't get any bites don't exist in your mind. lol aren't you the one generalizing girls? No those are just two examples. Most of my male friends are very successful in pursuing girls or guys lol.
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 It can be, for men and women both. I'd say what's really difficult is all the contradictory messages that are out there about how you should be.. like, you should be happy being single, but you should also be happy being single because it'll lead to a relationship, but you shouldn't want a relationship because you should be happy being single, AHH. For me, the lack of a relationship is difficult to deal with not only for the obvious reasons (loneliness, no emotional or sexual intimacy, etc.) but also the shame that comes with it. So, so, so many people are married, engaged, in relationships, that you really start to feel ashamed and down on yourself that you're not. That you are defective because you're single. So on top of the varying difficulties of dating, you also have a lot of shame/desperation/hopelessness to overcome. The solution for you is pretty easy though. Start taking care of how you look, go to the gym, dress nice and you'll find guys swarming to you The problem is that you don't want to take the steps to become attractive to men and then you complain that men don't talk to you. We're visual creatures, we can't date a girl who doesn't get our motors going on a physical level. You either have to accept that and try to improve yourself or understand that you're gonna be alone for a long time You say you don't care about how you look and then you complain about being desperate and alone. Do you not see the lack of logic?
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 she'll be open to dating a non top tier guy. she'll date him for months. then a top tier guy smiles at her. this chain of events is likely to happen: gal tells boyfriend she is 'confused' while crying. within 24 hours she's ****ing the top tier hottie. Dating a person then leaving for a more attractive person isn't a gender thing exclusive to gals as people from my experiences generally jump at such opportunities if they can and there's no to little consequnces. As well as many guys often are open to dating or having a relationship with non top tier gals that they plan to leave calling it practice.
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 The solution for you is pretty easy though. Start taking care of how you look, go to the gym, dress nice and you'll find guys swarming to you Egh that pretty easy solution is working on the assumption that she doesn't do such things or that such things will work for her. Some no matter how much they take care of how they look aren't going to be attractive much less average without surgery. Some no matter how much they go to the gym won't have the body they want much less lose as genetics & medical conditions often come into play. While dressing nice can only do some much and is essentially a nice camouflage. Such camouflage including makeup has frustated many guys to the extent that many I know only date gals who don't wear makeup.
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 almost all girls do it but just the hottest guys do it. females have no shame. I highly doubt almost all gals do it as I doubt almost all gals have the opportunity. I think humans have no shame in certain scenarios and in general when theres no to little consequences. It's not a gender thing it's a human thing to me.
matte123 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 if that's you in your avatar, you're hot. so most of your male friends are hot too. i can't even get the seconds. No that's not me in the avatar. I'm not hot. Pretty average actually. I would rate myself a 5. Most of my guy friends are just average joes. Only 1 is hot and he's not the one I mentioned in my post. The one that gets so many dates look like trucker. He is just outgoing and is interesting to talk to.
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 The solution for you is pretty easy though. Start taking care of how you look, go to the gym, dress nice and you'll find guys swarming to you The problem is that you don't want to take the steps to become attractive to men and then you complain that men don't talk to you. We're visual creatures, we can't date a girl who doesn't get our motors going on a physical level. You either have to accept that and try to improve yourself or understand that you're gonna be alone for a long time You say you don't care about how you look and then you complain about being desperate and alone. Do you not see the lack of logic? You're new, so I'm not going to totally rip you apart, but... I have addressed this over, and over, and over. I do work out. I do try to "dress nice." I wear make-up every day (I've gone to my local Bare Minerals store so often, they know my favorite lip shade), etc. etc. ad nauseum. And it has not made the slightest dent. Hell, I've posted my picture on this forum, and several posters have told me I'm completely average in terms of looks. They have pounded it into my head, so now I am going to pound it into yours: it is not always about looks. Yes, even for women. So, stop it. This is my friendly warning shot: Give me advice again on "how to work out properly," and I will not hold back my condemnation. How bout instead of telling women how they should be hotter, you tried gaining some empathy and perspective that dating might just be hard for attractive women as well? 2
gibson Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Come on Guys - Is it really that bad out there? No, it's awesome out there! 1
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You're new, so I'm not going to totally rip you apart, but... I have addressed this over, and over, and over. I do work out. I do try to "dress nice." I wear make-up every day (I've gone to my local Bare Minerals store so often, they know my favorite lip shade), etc. etc. ad nauseum. And it has not made the slightest dent. Hell, I've posted my picture on this forum, and several posters have told me I'm completely average in terms of looks. They have pounded it into my head, so now I am going to pound it into yours: it is not always about looks. Yes, even for women. So, stop it. This is my friendly warning shot: Give me advice again on "how to work out properly," and I will not hold back my condemnation. How bout instead of telling women how they should be hotter, you tried gaining some empathy and perspective that dating might just be hard for attractive women as well? You already admitted that you're a chubby nerd though. How is that an attractive look to men? Lose the weight, get in great shape, take care of your skin, go tanning, do proper makeup/hair, wear nice clothes and if men still aren't interested in you, come talk to me. The idea of a somewhat attractive woman never getting male attention is simply ludicrous and I don't buy it. I know girls who are below average looking who have great boyfriends It's a 2 step process - looking good and putting forth the effort to meet guys (which means approaching guys and not always waiting to be approached if you're not having too much luck). If you're not willing to do this, then don't expect any results and don't whine about it
matte123 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 For me, the lack of a relationship is difficult to deal with not only for the obvious reasons (loneliness, no emotional or sexual intimacy, etc.) but also the shame that comes with it. So, so, so many people are married, engaged, in relationships, that you really start to feel ashamed and down on yourself that you're not. That you are defective because you're single. So on top of the varying difficulties of dating, you also have a lot of shame/desperation/hopelessness to overcome. Yeah some people feel this way. Just gotta push that thought aside somehow. Hope you can overcome this as well. You seem to be progressing in the right direction verhrzn
Author paperboy48 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 It's not so bad out there. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there and approach a lot of girls before you are successful. You don't even need to be good looking and fit. My unshaven, average looking, t-shirt and pants wearing friend get lots of dates in a short period of time and still get laid regularly. He also get approached by girls so it's not just him doing the approaching. Another friend ask out every girl he saw because he was desperate to have a girlfriend. It was actually successful since he is now engaged to a wonderful girl who loves him. Your outgoing friendly personality is beneficial to you. Just be more confident in yourself Thanks!!!!!!!!
verhrzn Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You already admitted that you're a chubby nerd though. How is that an attractive look to men? Lose the weight, get in great shape, take care of your skin, go tanning, do proper makeup/hair, wear nice clothes and if men still aren't interested in you, come talk to me. The idea of a somewhat attractive woman never getting male attention is simply ludicrous and I don't buy it. I know girls who are below average looking who have great boyfriends It's a 2 step process - looking good and putting forth the effort to meet guys (which means approaching guys and not always waiting to be approached if you're not having too much luck). If you're not willing to do this, then don't expect any results and don't whine about it Why, WHY do they all argue with me. Get this through your meat head: I work out, and am still chubby. I have gone into great, great detail about my Paleo diet, my martial arts, my belly dancing, my weight lifting, my cardio routine, my clothing style, my make-up techniques, everything related to looks, on this board. I refuse to repeat it... go read my posts. The point is, I have had far more qualified people than you give me advice in terms of diet, exercise, and clothing, and it has not worked. There are attractive women who have trouble dating. There are even attractive women who approach guys who have trouble dating. If you want to be successful in dating, one of your very first steps is to STOP assuming that you have it so much harder, and that you know everything about someone else.
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