Magpie_x Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 just wondering if any of you lovely ladies and gents have tried the "no contact" rule and wondered if it worked for any of you? thinking of giving it a go but would like to hear some stories first
headsashed Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 What do you really want it to work for? NC is meant for healing and not bringing an ex back,i suppose in some cases it may make an ex miss the other person but in general its used for healing.
PeineDeCoeur Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 just wondering if any of you lovely ladies and gents have tried the "no contact" rule and wondered if it worked for any of you? thinking of giving it a go but would like to hear some stories first It helped me quite a bit. I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster and it did help lessen the intensity of my feelings and work through it. Can't say I'm over it yet, but if you're having a hard time letting go, I would totally recommend it. I don't know if this is a gender trait, but I feel like I made too much of him, that I let my mind focus on him too much and it caused me to lose focus on myself and my life. The NC also helps with that. Give it a try - what can you lose? 1
Author Magpie_x Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 I just find myself always wanting to see how he is y'know, i get upset at the thought he'll forget about me if i do the whole no contact. half of me wants to do it as a way of healing and teaching myself to look after and focus on myself again an the other half wants to see if he'll bother. he'll tell me he wants nothing to do with me and it's " all my fault" but if i send him a message asking how his day is and how he is, he always replies and asks me the same but then its hardly anything after that its just hard to try and wipe someone you spent 2 an a half years with out of your life especially when he admitted last week that he still had feelings for me just he won't "commit" :'(
Tree_Salmon Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I just find myself always wanting to see how he is y'know, i get upset at the thought he'll forget about me if i do the whole no contact. half of me wants to do it as a way of healing and teaching myself to look after and focus on myself again an the other half wants to see if he'll bother. he'll tell me he wants nothing to do with me and it's " all my fault" but if i send him a message asking how his day is and how he is, he always replies and asks me the same but then its hardly anything after that its just hard to try and wipe someone you spent 2 an a half years with out of your life especially when he admitted last week that he still had feelings for me just he won't "commit" :'( In some of my cases it has brought ex's crawling back to me begging for a second chance but in other cases it has helped me move on and relax after a bad breakup. It really depends on what you want and what the other person does.
PeineDeCoeur Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Hi Magpie; Go to the baggage reclaim website and read some of the articles there. See if any of them ring true for you. I think you might begin to see that this relationship wasn't good for you, and that really letting go of him will put you in a better emotional place. This is all really easy to say... and hard to do, I know it. In my case, I have to believe that I am capable of something better and I realize I will never get what I need from the man I was involved with. I was NC for about 2 months, then LC and I have to say, I learn something about myself every time - usually that it is best to stay NC.. Baggage Reclaim - The Dating & Relationship blog | relationship advice | emotional unavailability | commitment | self-esteem | dating advice | communication in relationships | being the other woman
Author Magpie_x Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Hi Magpie; Go to the baggage reclaim website and read some of the articles there. See if any of them ring true for you. I think you might begin to see that this relationship wasn't good for you, and that really letting go of him will put you in a better emotional place. This is all really easy to say... and hard to do, I know it. In my case, I have to believe that I am capable of something better and I realize I will never get what I need from the man I was involved with. I was NC for about 2 months, then LC and I have to say, I learn something about myself every time - usually that it is best to stay NC.. Baggage Reclaim - The Dating & Relationship blog | relationship advice | emotional unavailability | commitment | self-esteem | dating advice | communication in relationships | being the other woman Thank you, i know i should move on but something deep deep down tells me theres one last fighting chance there i have on the other hand visited baggage reclaim before and i completely related to some articles, actually thanks to that site, i broke off contact but it only lasted 4 days, i know don't have a go people, it was a low moment. i get motivated to just say "f*ck it" but then something happens an feelings come back which i can't shake off. I told him yesterday i was moving on an not to contact me etc, so he blocked me on fb ( i hadn't blocked him as i wanted to show i was the bigger person, an i've gotten tired and past the stage of looking at his profile) but obviously he blocked me. anyway it's just hard to swallow y'know an i know how stupid i am, it's just we've always found a way back to eachother an we've been in worse situations than this, he has stress due to problems financially (since i moved out of the flat) an i have a lot of problems with me personally atm, it's just awful
Eddie Edirol Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I just find myself always wanting to see how he is y'know, i get upset at the thought he'll forget about me if i do the whole no contact. half of me wants to do it as a way of healing and teaching myself to look after and focus on myself again an the other half wants to see if he'll bother. he'll tell me he wants nothing to do with me and it's " all my fault" but if i send him a message asking how his day is and how he is, he always replies and asks me the same but then its hardly anything after that its just hard to try and wipe someone you spent 2 an a half years with out of your life especially when he admitted last week that he still had feelings for me just he won't "commit" :'( We all thought that we wanted to make sure the door wasnt closed on a reconciliation, but the usual turnout is that the ones who dump us want to forget about us, and it needs to be that way. he doesnt want to be with you, or else he would commit. But truth is, if you stay in touch with him to make sure he doesnt forget, he wont miss you. In fact, even if you wanted him to come back to you, he wont until you start moving on and cut contact. So by the time you are over him, you either find someone new, or he comes back, but by then, you probably would have found someone new by then. So trust me, NC works for the better.
Author Magpie_x Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 We all thought that we wanted to make sure the door wasnt closed on a reconciliation, but the usual turnout is that the ones who dump us want to forget about us, and it needs to be that way. he doesnt want to be with you, or else he would commit. But truth is, if you stay in touch with him to make sure he doesnt forget, he wont miss you. In fact, even if you wanted him to come back to you, he wont until you start moving on and cut contact. So by the time you are over him, you either find someone new, or he comes back, but by then, you probably would have found someone new by then. So trust me, NC works for the better. OUCH! that hurt but sadly i know your right, i just need my brain to accept it
CopingGal Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 just wondering if any of you lovely ladies and gents have tried the "no contact" rule and wondered if it worked for any of you? thinking of giving it a go but would like to hear some stories first It really does. My ex is psychologically abusive. The only thing that would stop him from hurting me and throwing other women in my face, and harassing me is NC. I keep NC going.
mike588 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 My ex. g/f dumped me almost 9 months ago for her ex. b/f and did it in a cruel way. We dated almost a year. I went strict N.C. believing I'd NEVER hear from her again. Right at the 6 month mark she emails me several times saying how terribly sorry she was and how she regreted it. By that time I was pretty much over her but it did set me back alittle. There was no mention about wanting to get back together so I assume she was just feeling very guilty for hurting me and the way she dumped me. Looking back on it now I just don't care and DON"T want anything to do with her...I've truely and finally moved on!! It honestly does get better with time!!
carhill Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 thinking of giving it a go but would like to hear some stories first My two anecdotes are, one, that it greatly assisted me in recovering from and long and unhealthy love affair about 20 years ago and, two, made the painful process of divorce about two years ago much more tolerable and positive.
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