showme84 Posted June 25, 2004 Posted June 25, 2004 I really need some help with this so all replies and comments are welcome. Me and this girl were friends for about 5 months. I met her through one of my buddies whom she was dating at the time. After about 3 months of them being apart we started to talk and went out a few times, dates, hanging out, just stuff over a span of a month. Well it turns out she had a crush on me since her and my friend got together but never said anything to me. I always had the hotts for her anyway but never really could see her with me. Well we ended up that we got together and things were going great in the beginning. I had known her now for about 7 months so the transaction from freinds to lovers was a smooth one. I mean really great, better than any relationship I'd ever been in or been around. We fell for each other quick and soon was overcome with love for one another. We never fought or argued and we always respected one another. Here's where it gets rough though--we both have a problem with abondonment/trust because of parents that left the family when we were younger. With her it was her Dad and she seems to always think I'm going to up and leave her and the drop of a hat, the same way he did her and his wife. With me it was my mother and I've had really bad trust issues ever since, thinking that the person I was with was always out doing what I witnessed my mom doing as she drug me around with her while she was cheating on my dad. I love this girl very much, more than I can even explain in this post and leaving her has never crossed my mind. We began to discuss marriage and the oppurtunity to start a family of our own one day. As we grew closer these thoughts and dreams seemed more and more realistic. But now because of a fight which was never resolved a month ago we continue to pull further and further apart, both of us doubting one another. We still want to be together more than anything but it seems these last couple of weeks have just made things so rough that we can't seem to fix the problem now. We reminded each other of our "deserting" parents that night so much that we are now afraid to move on to the next step. Fearing the abondonment that we think we'll come after marriage; like with our parents. PLEASE HELP!! What should we do, what should I do or say? I feel as if there really isn't much time left before this turns into a disaster. Thanks for reading my post and please write back.
average guy Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 It sounds like you both need indivdual therapy (or relationship therapy) to get over the "baggage" you are both carrying so it does not hurt your relationship. I would ask her to see a therapist with you Good luck
gamekey01 Posted June 26, 2004 Posted June 26, 2004 I would like to reply but I don't really have any experience with this type of problem. I'm sorry. I can't help at all. In my opinion, I do believe that you need to fix those trust issues. She is afraid and you are afraid. To me it is a big leap of faith. Sometimes you win big and sometimes you lose. It's 50/50 according to statistics. 50% of marriage ends up in divorce.
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