jennifer90 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 is there anyway that 2 years couple broke up and then being friends with benefits (only by cyber sex as we are living in different countries now)
january2011 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 There are numerous permutations of 'relationships' between two people. Doesn't mean that all of them are a good idea though. If you can both compartmentalise your emotions so that this is just about the sex and one of you isn't using this as a way to get back together, then go for it. Otherwise, I think that whoever can't compartmentalise isn't going to end up getting hurt. 1
Author jennifer90 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Idk, it's really confused. It was a long distance relationship, we only met each other in the summer as I am an international student. For the last 2 yrs, he was really into me, but 3 months ago I found some dirty emails between him with other women on sex sites. He said he was lonely and curious. Then we broke up but he said he wanted a friendship. We both do not feel ok if we don't talk to each other. But wen we talk to each other, it often leads to cyber sex at the end. We still care for each other but he doesn't want us as a couple like before . I still love him but I can't risk my future on him as we live in different country. It's a very he'd feeling when we keep contact with each other but don't know where we r standing n not know what the future will be. Everything just screw up (
january2011 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You've acknowedged that you can't give each other what you need. And it seems that the only reason you're holding on is because you're both lonely and allowing yourselves to fall into this limbo where it's not clear what's happening and there's confusion all round. Plus, his past actions suggest he's probably conducting cyber relationships with a number of women. I think you need to pull away now and go 'no contact' until you can face him without getting emotional and without it descending into cyber sex. You know this situation is not what you want, so you're going to have to take a deep breath and call this off before it becomes even more painful.
d'Arthez Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Are you sure he is not unwilling to commit, but quite happy to have the free cyber sex (and if you use webcams, the risk that such recordings end up on the internet!)? Personally I would not bother doing that. Wean yourself of the contact with this guy, and try to form healthy real life relationships. 1
Author jennifer90 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 I have tried not to contact him many times but every time he calls me, I cannot resist. Somehow I still feel the careness from him. He s my first love also. It's just too hard to let go. This is wearing me out and I can't focus on anything.
january2011 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Tell him that you can't do this anymore and need to move on with your life. This is already starting to affect your quality of life and soon your health. Remove him from Skype and all your other address books. Block him. It will be painful at first, but over time, with NC, your emotions will stablise.
Author jennifer90 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 You were right, I m so lonely here with too many problems: school, family are not working out. I need somebody to lean on and I am afraid in would not ba able to get over it .this is just so weak of me.
d'Arthez Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is not weak. You are just in a very vulnerable position. As january said, you are better off blocking him, and deleting all his contact details. A healthy dose of not contacting him will really help you. It will definitely help if you have some friends to fall back on. The less you are wondering about this guy, the easier it will become to focus on key areas in your life, such as school. Not sure what your issues are with your family, but I'd venture to guess that it would be easier to deal with them, if you do not feel emotionally exhausted - even if this guy is not around anymore, at least he would not emotionally burden and overcomplicate things either.
gibson Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/326565-dont-ever-butt
Author jennifer90 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Posted May 25, 2012 Thanks everybody for giving me advice. I really appreciate. I think now I need time to figure out things myself and consider what is the best for me
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