TheMongoose Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I really dont even know where to start with this one! My husband has 2 kids daughter Kylie is 9 and son cole is 7 . We only get them on weekends. Up until the last couple months i absolutely loved our daughter, but lately it just seems like she doesnt care who she hurts to get what she wants. Her mom SPOILS her and sets NO rules for her at all! She recently got in trouble at school(4th grade) for bullying a kid in a wheelchair. So for punishment the school worked it out so she would get spend a day at a school nearby where "naughty" kids go and live and do some community service instead of getting kicked out! (this is the 4th time she's gotting in trouble in the last 3 months) But anyways instead of punishing her for bullying, stealing, lying, and cheating her mom and grandma tell her how "stupid" it is that the school made such a big deal about it and all kids pick on others and how dare they make her go to the bad school and blah blah. That was 2 weeks ago. the next day we get a call from Kylie asking if she can come over on saturday instead of friday because her mom wants to take her to the waterpark because she feels bad the school treated kylie like that! So thats when things really blew up between our families! My husband of course said no that its our weekend and they need to stop making plans on our weekends and holidays. So Kylie than says she how much she hates me and hates coming over and how she doesnt ever want to come over and that she likes her step dad more and blah blah. So now that she "hates" me and her dad her mom decides she needs a better phone for when shes over so she can call all the time while shes with us. 1. she already had a 320 dollar phone to begin with. (the new phone she just got is over 700 dollars!) 2. i dont think a 9yr old should have a phone to begin with! Kylie has recently deleted us from facebook, doesnt answer when we talk to her(at coles baseball games when we try to talk to her) she doesnt act near as bad at our house, aside from teasing her little brother she follows the rules. but when shes around her mom she's just naughty! Im just really hurt by this ive always been closest to kylie, we do everything together and the boys did everything together. Nemore i dread kids weekends because im just so hurt! I gave up my apartment to get these kids there own room, i just bought a 4door car a week ago only for the room in the backseat for the kids. Everything i do is for these kids and it jsut hurts me that she's ignoring me. Also cole used to always sit on my lap and sleep next to me on the couch and stuff like that but lately kylie's been making fun of him for it so he's stopped so she doesnt bully him. Idk waht to do, im hurt ive been crying non stop the last 2 weeks. I need advice..!
standtall Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 First, this is probably the wrong forum. Welcome to parenthood. You and your husband are the children's parents, not their friends. As long as you two stick together and show solidarity in front of them, you can 100 % control this. Her mother and grandmother are an issue, but there is not much you can do about their "parenting" short of them doing something illegal. Stick to your guns and quit trying to make them happy. If you're parenting makes them happy, so be it, but if it goes contrary to it..ie going to a water park to reward bad behavior.... then too bad. There absolutely has to be consequences for bad behavior, and you should deliver it without passion or prejudice...ie, do not get angry at all or react in any emotional way to their/her bad behavior. Warn her of the consequences of bullying, and then deliver every time if she does it. This should include teasing/bullying her little brother as well. Do not discuss or debate these things with her, just deliver the consequences. Do not include them or have adult conversations in regards to decision making. Lastly, do not show that you get upset or react in anyway emotionally to bad behavior. Make it clear that your disappointed, but deliver the consequences.
irin Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 my view in this will be a bit different to what you might hope to hear! so forgive me. - i know some people think kids shouldnt have phones, but i understand why a mother would give her child a phone when they are away from them, also for safety issue. also you cant tell her Mother not to spoil her or buy expensive things. that is not your place, you might have a say in how her father treats her. same with discipline. - im sorry that she giving you hard time, but she only 9 years old. you cant take it personally. and you need to just back away from her if she says she hates you. - and lastly remember that you are not her mother, and watch how much you get involve in her upbringing, her mother and father are alive, its up to them. there only so much you can get involved in. unless you have kids of your own. weather you aprove of their mothers parenting style or not, im afraid they are her children, her choice how she raises them.
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