Mattock5656 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is a bit long guys but I wanted to hear your opinions on this situation. Well, it's been a pretty rocky road for me in last month or so. I dated a girl for about month and half and it was great until I started noticing signs that she was not over her ex. She showed lots of interest and we did everything from making out to sex a couple times. She tells me for the first half the month, that she is happy that I asked her out and she cant wait to see me. Tells me she misses me on Facebook etc...texts me everyday... After like 7 or so dates, I finally asked if she wanted to be exclusive and she kinda mumbled a answer but said she wanted to take it slow. I said okay, and we keep in contact through text messages etc. She would send me "I miss you" texts which she showed that she was still interested. Although signs started to pop up, after we had sex and she left the next morning she posted a break up lyrics on her Facebook. I was like WTF haha....I was like are you serious? Fast forward we end going to the movies and I finally get to meet all of her friends. Well it turns out ALL her friends loved me and even told her that I am wayyy better than the last douche that she dated. We had alot of fun. (More hints) So after the movie she calls me and tells me that she is not ready for commitment and that her previous breakup was too soon. She told me this guy broke up with her after her telling him that "he was the one" and broke her heart apparently. (Mind you this was a 6 month relationship with him) But yet she tells me that it might not work out with me and that she wants to take it slow. So, I start gathering the thoughts and begin my phase to move on. (This was about a month in) The next morning she texts me and says, "I miss you" and "How is my day?" I begin to not understand this girl after this. How could you tell me all this stuff then continue to acted interested after all this?! Mind you she works across from me in the same building which makes this entire situation much worse. She came over to the other side and just randomly started acting bitchy to me and then ran off. I was like wtf, and then she texts me later and says that she is sorry that she has been stressed out and she texts me "I <3 you" 2 days pass and she tells me she wants to me up and talk....She tells me that she doesn't think this isnt gonna work and that her excuse is that she is too stress out lately. I pretty much had to pry it out of her that she is not over her ex and for some odd reason it just ****ing pissed me off. (I keep my cool there but later you know.) What made it even worse was that when I got home she added her ex to facebook and I felt kinda ****ty. She told me that they talked the day before with each other and told each other who they were dating..Apparently, her ex just broke off an engagement with another girl and the girl I was seeing ran straight back to him.. Well its obvious that I was a rebound in this situation but why do people do this ****? From what I'm writing, does this girl sound insecure and immature? I know there were signs but I never been in a situation like this? You think this will come back to haunt her? Why would you go back to a douchebag when someone is great for you in front of you? Has anyone else been in a situation like this before? I think the biggest thing that hurts was that she was a really sweet girl but yet had such a dark side to her that I didn't see. I feel completely used and I go from feeling great for a couple hours then something triggers a memory with her. I just start getting pissed. What makes it worse is I have to see her sometimes at work and it makes it feel awkward at work. Just when I start feeling better, apparently her ex came over her side of work and brought her lunch and they flirted for 15 mins and I have to hear about that ****. Anyways, thanks for reading guys...
samslick Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Best to sever and let it go. She needed to get laid and used you for that and the emotional support/affection. It sucks, and shows her lack of maturity and respect for you. Keep your hopes up and move on man.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Don't let yourself get wrapped up too much in this situation...I know that sounds impossible but what she is doing is pretty typical of a young woman or a woman who's never had a "serious" relationship before. The fact that he treated her like crap is irrelevant, in her eyes or a woman's eyes they focus on all the good aspects and try to push the negative as far into the back of their minds to be with a man...because If they really saw the reality then there would be no "hope" and women typically need that little fantasy in order to live with themselves. Ultimately a lot of women are just really insecure, and the fact that you were a better guy is irrelevant, the history is with the douche...there's nothing under the sun you can do to replace that...you're just going to lose just because of the history....romantic isn't it? that's the way it goes a lot of the time man. However she's also really young, naive, immature...she doesn't know how to cope, she's used to having a guy in her life, she doesn't want to be alone, so she just plays that push and pull kind of game all day long. She's the kind of girl at this stage in her life that is just weak..and she probably doesn't believe in herself a whole lot. So although you're upset, offended, feel like you did everything you could to be the best guy to her and all of that...It's really nothing personal to be honest with you...this happens to millions of people every other day and most of the time women don't even think twice about it, they just feel, get a lonely and find some guy to be what their ex was not...and because they're so conditioned to bad treatment they don't even know how to cope with good treatment. Just cut her off, keep your life straight and in check...always remember you don't have to be part of the drama, you can always check yourself out...IF you play the back and forth guy going why, why, why...I'm telling you you're wasting your time, this girl doesn't even know her head from her @ss she's not going to give you any reasonable and well thought out explanations...she's just going to say "I don't know!"...sweet girls don't necessarily have peachy background and history, in fact they're usually the ones to be victimized the most because of it. Be careful when judging the relationship from the beginning...a lot of times people are going off that high intense initial emotion and fantasy, you really don't know anything about the person and what issues they may have which are usually cleverly covered...everyone puts their best foot forward first..you find out the other crap later, so keep your eyes open always and be realistic with yourself and the situation...It's just not just about chemistry, that's the simple part If it's there. 2
Author Mattock5656 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Thank you so much for your reply. It really helped alot and it just validates what I was thinking. I really see what your saying about the rose-colored glasses when it comes to dating. She would tell me that "he treated her good" and blah blah but yet this guy broke up with after 6 months. Also, the fact that all her friends said he was a douche. I don't know too much more about him but it really shows how immature people can be. You made a really good point about her not really being a serious relationship..She said that she just dated alot (hence the push pull between guys...etc) and only been in two relationships, one in her early childhood and her recent ex. All what you write just makes me even more sense. I just have to be more careful next time..hopefully I can spot the signs next time and be well prepared. The last time she texted me, after everything, she said that it was not fair to me and blah blah and said whenever the time is right some guy will come along and be with her but right now it is not the time and she was like "Im not giving my ex a chance" blah blah. (Another lie) I just thought that was the most totally selfish statement ever. She 24 but age apparently doesnt mean much it seems haha. Anyways, thank you so much for your reply.
firehawk_1 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 its how women are. then they say to guys "be sure you are over your ex's!" - hypocrites! take for example very recently. I was speaking to some woman on the phone. she kept talking about her ex and that they lived together for 7 years... and yet she is on a dating site. its like...what the hell? then she started to talk about if i have had sex in the shower and stuff.... this is on the first phone call by the way.
FrustratedStandards Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Not everyone who rebounds knows they are doing it. At the time that I was rebounding from my ex, I started dating this new guy. It wasn't until 6 or 7 months later (when I finally got over my ex) that I realized I was no longer interested in this guy anymore. He was my rebound, and I had no idea until after everything had passed. So she might be doing it without knowing. How long after the breakup did you guys start dating? That could be an indicator too.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You know a rebound now when you see it, so be careful of that next time. If you just start dating someone and they are talking about their ex in a bad way, that might be a clue. If they seem to be too affectionate and "i miss you" too soon, they might be putting you in place of the ex. Im sure Half the single population is in rebound mode, so you have to watch out. People know when they are on a rebound, when they date you but they still think about their ex in some way.
neghitzbrah Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is such a coincidence to come across this thread. I have been in a relationship for about 5 years. We broke up about a year and a half ago. I have been dating for the past year. I haven't really taken it seriously until a couple of months ago, though. I would say during the last year, I never took any woman seriously and appreciated them for who they are... but more of how attracted I was to them. It's very easy to be blinded by many red flags while looking so hard to find someone. I can't help it though. I tell myself that I should be single, and that I don't think I am ready for someone, but then someone comes along. And that person that comes along gets closer to what I really want. You can't help your actions and what you really.. even if that means trying to replace what you had. It's so hard to resist something, and yes it would be good to stop dating for a while, but we're all human. If we can always do what's right for us and the people around us then we will never learn. We will never make those mistakes to learn from. So look at the positive side of this, now you know what kind of person you don't want. Now you let go and move on to find someone else who fits your needs. Not defending this girl, but it's no ones fault that you two crossed paths.
monkey00 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Your post reminds me of some women I've dated from OLD. Most of the time when you're dating, people don't usually mention their exes. Though I've had a few women that did bring up an ex in so and so situation, or just briefly out of the blue. Honestly that alone should have been a red flag for me, but I just ignored it or would fight words with words and bring up something with my ex also to balance it. In essence these women that do have baggage and are using dating to forget the ex, or using the rebound to help her move on. I have exes and so do other people, but I never talk about them unless if a person specifically asks about them. It annoys me how much times I meet someone only to find out they have baggage and are on a date with me. One time I was on a first date at a bar and I went for a kiss. She gave me a lame excuse how she doesn't kiss on the first date, then began complaining about this ex-coworker of hers she slept with that had a gf who hurt her. I accused her of not being over him, but she denied it. She obviously wasn't over it, otherwise she would've never brought it up. Ninja is right about the fantasy thing women build up for themselves. It's sad but true. One word of advice is that nice guys are normally targets for this kind of rebound behavior, so be more cautious in the future.
mortensorchid Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. If it makes you feel any better, the second to last bf I had broke it off because he wasn't over his ex either, which I had no idea of. Now he has a new gf and apparently they are living together, so apparently he got over it enough to be with her and not me. Move on from this woman. You have no choice, it's not you it's her and she doesn't deserve you.
TheFinalWord Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 This is a bit long guys but I wanted to hear your opinions on this situation. Well, it's been a pretty rocky road for me in last month or so. I dated a girl for about month and half and it was great until I started noticing signs that she was not over her ex. She showed lots of interest and we did everything from making out to sex a couple times. She tells me for the first half the month, that she is happy that I asked her out and she cant wait to see me. Tells me she misses me on Facebook etc...texts me everyday... After like 7 or so dates, I finally asked if she wanted to be exclusive and she kinda mumbled a answer but said she wanted to take it slow. I said okay, and we keep in contact through text messages etc. She would send me "I miss you" texts which she showed that she was still interested. Although signs started to pop up, after we had sex and she left the next morning she posted a break up lyrics on her Facebook. I was like WTF haha....I was like are you serious? Fast forward we end going to the movies and I finally get to meet all of her friends. Well it turns out ALL her friends loved me and even told her that I am wayyy better than the last douche that she dated. We had alot of fun. (More hints) So after the movie she calls me and tells me that she is not ready for commitment and that her previous breakup was too soon. She told me this guy broke up with her after her telling him that "he was the one" and broke her heart apparently. (Mind you this was a 6 month relationship with him) But yet she tells me that it might not work out with me and that she wants to take it slow. So, I start gathering the thoughts and begin my phase to move on. (This was about a month in) The next morning she texts me and says, "I miss you" and "How is my day?" I begin to not understand this girl after this. How could you tell me all this stuff then continue to acted interested after all this?! Mind you she works across from me in the same building which makes this entire situation much worse. She came over to the other side and just randomly started acting bitchy to me and then ran off. I was like wtf, and then she texts me later and says that she is sorry that she has been stressed out and she texts me "I <3 you" 2 days pass and she tells me she wants to me up and talk....She tells me that she doesn't think this isnt gonna work and that her excuse is that she is too stress out lately. I pretty much had to pry it out of her that she is not over her ex and for some odd reason it just ****ing pissed me off. (I keep my cool there but later you know.) What made it even worse was that when I got home she added her ex to facebook and I felt kinda ****ty. She told me that they talked the day before with each other and told each other who they were dating..Apparently, her ex just broke off an engagement with another girl and the girl I was seeing ran straight back to him.. Well its obvious that I was a rebound in this situation but why do people do this ****? From what I'm writing, does this girl sound insecure and immature? I know there were signs but I never been in a situation like this? You think this will come back to haunt her? Why would you go back to a douchebag when someone is great for you in front of you? Has anyone else been in a situation like this before? I think the biggest thing that hurts was that she was a really sweet girl but yet had such a dark side to her that I didn't see. I feel completely used and I go from feeling great for a couple hours then something triggers a memory with her. I just start getting pissed. What makes it worse is I have to see her sometimes at work and it makes it feel awkward at work. Just when I start feeling better, apparently her ex came over her side of work and brought her lunch and they flirted for 15 mins and I have to hear about that ****. Anyways, thanks for reading guys... When a woman breaks up with a man, they tend to want to fast forward the emotional state of the rebound relationship to the point of the last one (sex fast, saying I love you in 1 month). They do that to buffer the pain and fill the void. If a woman is moving really fast you have to be careful; high probability you're a rebound. I don't advocate having sex so fast. You don't know someone in a month and a half. They still have their game face on. If you're going to do the work place dating thing, you have to go even slower. Take lots of time to find out about this person. Don't dive into a workplace relationship. It can be a real mess. BTW the ex thing won't last long. She's still infatuated with him, but the problems aren't resolved.
Joaquin Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) It is amazing how many threads involve an ex in the picture, rebounds, going back to ex, texting and meeting ex's. Let's be honest though, if you want sex and company telling your new boy or girl that you secretly pine for an ex would be a bit of a mood killer. I'm coming around to the conclusion that when dating someone new it is completely up to YOU to be switched on to this stuff. You can call the other person a user, a liar etc but really the only person responsible for you is you. Rarely are there no red flags. Rarely are people blind sided. Some just choose to ignore the signs and make assumptions about where their new bf or gf is at before taking the time to get to know them, and that's their decision, but they have to accept the consequences of their actions. Time to man or woman up to this fact. Edited May 23, 2012 by Joaquin
Author Mattock5656 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Thanks for replys guys...it does make me feel a bit better to know that this kind of thing happens alot to people. I just have to be careful next time. It is for an annoying situation to be in but I guess it really has pushed me lately to do more things in life.1 (Actually gonna go skydive and start flying. My passion.) So, I guess the positive is I know what to look for in someone and being better equiped for it the next time around. I feel she will regret it one day but I am already long gone before than.
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