so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Met a guy from a website as friends. He was not on the dating website his friend was, as things did not work out with his friend we met up. It was easygoing because it wasnt a date, it was more of a meeting and therefore no pressure. Met at a bar near his apartment, went to dinner and talked he agreed that he would help me find someone a date from his social groupings and he joked that he thought I was attractive etc. He kept paying me compliments and eventook my picture and saved it as a screensaver etc. All nice stuff, made me feel very attractive. came back and watched tv at his apartment. We were drinking a little and he started masaging my feet etc and things moved on. Anyway we kissed and a few other things, not ALL the way. We were together for 5 hours and then he insisted on a cab home. I thought that was nice and he paid. A few texts were exchanged the next morning and he said enjoy your lunch etc. This was 3 days ago. I have heard NOTHING since. He said he would get back to me within 24 hours with dates or an answer...nothing...I was hoping at best he would like me and at worst he would pass me onto another date....
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I feel so used, ok it felt good but is that all I was to him a cheap touch up? I am quite offended. Not even a quick SMS message to ask how I am? I joked and said are you going to disappear on me, and he said No why would I do that?? None of this makes sense....he did not commit to anything but did sound as though he understood my situation and would help me find a man...he has left me high and dry. I have no intention of contacting him but would like closure...or an explanation? Why say all of this and kiss me etc and then disappear...?
TigerCub Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I feel so used, ok it felt good but is that all I was to him a cheap touch up? I am quite offended. Not even a quick SMS message to ask how I am? I joked and said are you going to disappear on me, and he said No why would I do that?? None of this makes sense....he did not commit to anything but did sound as though he understood my situation and would help me find a man...he has left me high and dry. I have no intention of contacting him but would like closure...or an explanation? Why say all of this and kiss me etc and then disappear...? You're asking a guy you barely know to find you a man. You go to his place and make out **You're coming off as extremely desperate** You don't hear from him again....not so surprising. Don't mean to be harsh, but want you to understand. Next time, find your own men, don't make out with them right away (go too far too soon), don't express how hard it is for you to find someone, etc... treat yourself better.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I have no intention of contacting him but would like closure...or an explanation? Why say all of this and kiss me etc and then disappear...? He never had an intention of helping you, his friend passed you off to him to see where things would get the two of you...this was obvious due to his flirtatious remarks and buttering you up all night back to his place. He was just living in the moment, having fun with you...he wanted to see how things would go or get and when they didn't go far enough or didn't see the potential he hit up a cab for you and decided to send you up. Of course he's going to tell you he isn't going to disappear...what is he supposed to say or you think he will say? Yeeeeeeeep! not calling you! Do yourself a favor and do not go home with the guy the first time you met him unless you're ok with the very high likelyhood of getting used then never contacted again regardless of how nice you think a guy is...do you think a guy is incapable of being nice for one night to get you into bed? Not sure why you're offended, you gave it up easy (whatever you did) he took it because it was cheap and now you're upset he he didn't pay for more? doesn't really matter the explanation, it isn't good...so bottom line he wasn't that interested. You need to have a little more going on upstairs If you're going to see through the BS, you can't just go with the flow with these guys you're just going to get chewed up and spit out...don't trust anyone If they're not earning it, you sound young though so this is normal..just learn from it, at least you didn't give it all...this time. 1
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 hmm - so if i held back you think he would contact me? I have done that many times and have been accused of being boring/frigid. Things move faster with the internet etc now. Most guys want a kiss at least... In any case, he did not contact me and I feel gutted. I have to stop myself from saying "you used me you b-stard!".
Onlyjonley Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 hmm - so if i held back you think he would contact me? I have done that many times and have been accused of being boring/frigid. Things move faster with the internet etc now. Most guys want a kiss at least... In any case, he did not contact me and I feel gutted. I have to stop myself from saying "you used me you b-stard!". The right guy will understand if you wait.
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I have had the same reaction from guys whether I have waited or not. I reckon I just put them off. They pay me compliments and because they are specific not general I believe them each time. Lots of people in long term relationships started by something physical on date 1...it is not always cheap... I have a good figure and look way younger then most my age and on a good day I can look very very stunning, therefore I finanlly thought somebody appreciated me, and all he was doing was paying to get rid of me so he could go out. I thought that was him being sweet and considerate. If he really did not care why did he retain a small amount of contact the next morning? He could have just left it and why give a 24 hour timeframe within which he would assit me - seems a bit too detailed for someone who does not care...
SmileFace Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I have a question ... Did you hook up/kiss/fondle not all the way with his friend?
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I have a question ... Did you hook up/kiss/fondle not all the way with his friend? No - I never met his freind, we talked on the phone only, and we did not hit it off (from my side), he passed me on to this Guy, who intially called to get us together. We then hit it off, this Guy said he was going to tell his friend the truth about what happened, no point lying.... why would he bother with the truty if it was just a quick one..? Gutted.
SmileFace Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 No - I never met his freind, we talked on the phone only, and we did not hit it off (from my side), he passed me on to this Guy, who intially called to get us together. We then hit it off, this Guy said he was going to tell his friend the truth about what happened, no point lying.... why would he bother with the truty if it was just a quick one..? Gutted. Eh, just asking. Anyway don't contact this guy again. You met up with somebody, had a drink -- leave it alone. Yea he said he will contact you, or course it will be nice but big woop, he hasnt. This wasn't a date and even so you shouldn't expect so much earlier on even if it was. Next time don't go fondling so early on if you know you will not be ok with not hearing from them. It may hurt now but you will get over it ,trust me. However next time don't go kissing someone who you want to help you find a date. Don't be so naive this guy doesn't know you -- he will probably just pass around his social circle -- and nobody wants to be that "girl". Look for your own dates and don't try to figure out why he didn't contact you. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Forget him, on to the next
SmileFace Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I am a little intrigued... How exactly did you get in contact with the friend or introduced?
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Eh, just asking. Anyway don't contact this guy again. You met up with somebody, had a drink -- leave it alone. Yea he said he will contact you, or course it will be nice but big woop, he hasnt. This wasn't a date and even so you shouldn't expect so much earlier on even if it was. Next time don't go fondling so early on if you know you will not be ok with not hearing from them. It may hurt now but you will get over it ,trust me. However next time don't go kissing someone who you want to help you find a date. Don't be so naive this guy doesn't know you -- he will probably just pass around his social circle -- and nobody wants to be that "girl". Look for your own dates and don't try to figure out why he didn't contact you. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Forget him, on to the next ah thanks, you have summed it up. It would have all got messy all the comparing of notes between his mates he did even say I will test you put first....I was barking up the wrong tree at least I am stronger because I know I will not contact him. A mistake
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I am a little intrigued... How exactly did you get in contact with the friend or introduced? a dating site. I spoke to the freind for a while, but he was getting too heavy/emotional even before we met. I think we were speaking when he was with this Guy and the friend was stressed out and told this Guy why, this guy then intervened....
SmileFace Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 ah thanks, you have summed it up. It would have all got messy all the comparing of notes between his mates he did even say I will test you put first....I was barking up the wrong tree at least I am stronger because I know I will not contact him. A mistake Omg please block his number. Do not allow yourself to speak to him again or his friend. Gosh, how old is he?
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Omg please block his number. Do not allow yourself to speak to him again or his friend. Gosh, how old is he? what a mess... they are both 40...
daphne Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I have had the same reaction from guys whether I have waited or not. I reckon I just put them off. They pay me compliments and because they are specific not general I believe them each time. Lots of people in long term relationships started by something physical on date 1...it is not always cheap... I have a good figure and look way younger then most my age and on a good day I can look very very stunning, therefore I finanlly thought somebody appreciated me, and all he was doing was paying to get rid of me so he could go out. I thought that was him being sweet and considerate. If he really did not care why did he retain a small amount of contact the next morning? He could have just left it and why give a 24 hour timeframe within which he would assit me - seems a bit too detailed for someone who does not care... Please don't take this the wrong way, but you're asking for help and I think this is the biggest part of your problem. I think you put guys off because you have no boundaries and you come across as very desperate. The guy would take whatever your lack of boundaries would allow him, but he wasn't looking for more. You need to work on your self esteem. If you're dating 40 somethings you're somewhere in that age range and with the lack of healthy self esteem I've seen here, I was really surprised that you were out of your 20's. If you want better results in dating, you're going ot have to knuckle down and work on being happy with yourself without someone. Respect yourself. Demand respect. And don't go hither and yon to find dates from a guy you don't even know. No guy really wants to do that for you. FIgure out what kind of guy you want, and work on yourself to be the person that would attract him.
Author so gutted Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Please don't take this the wrong way, but you're asking for help and I think this is the biggest part of your problem. I think you put guys off because you have no boundaries and you come across as very desperate. The guy would take whatever your lack of boundaries would allow him, but he wasn't looking for more. You need to work on your self esteem. If you're dating 40 somethings you're somewhere in that age range and with the lack of healthy self esteem I've seen here, I was really surprised that you were out of your 20's. If you want better results in dating, you're going ot have to knuckle down and work on being happy with yourself without someone. Respect yourself. Demand respect. And don't go hither and yon to find dates from a guy you don't even know. No guy really wants to do that for you. FIgure out what kind of guy you want, and work on yourself to be the person that would attract him.[/quote Thanks. This is helpful. I have never lived with a man or had a b/f just a few random events. I have been online dating for 10 years and it does not work. I now feel like time is out and i am struggling.
daphne Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Gutted, I can understand how you've felt a higher desire to overlook things when you havent' had the success you'd like. But the thing not to do is to think you have to take whatever is on offer and forget that you deserve to be happy. I think if you really work hard at your self esteem and personal happiness, you'll attract more people. Better people. I've seen it happen.
dasein Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 Sorry you experienced this. Try to avoid going home with men on the first date/meet, especially after drinking and limit early dates to 2-3 hours max. Sticking to this will avoid these kinds of situations going forward.
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