Ex-GF wants to meet up days after dumping me - how to proceed?

[Englishmanabroad]

Story is long but think a bit of background is necessary. I'm a European guy, living in Argentina. In March 2011 I met a girl ("G") who I instantly fell for, she was here for a few months before heading back to her native Norway (I'm 36, her 26). After a couple of dates things progressed into a passionate fling and I did the right thing and ended things with my then-partner of 4 years. In May, she returned to her studies in Norway and her boyfriend she'ld also been living with for 4 years. For four months I sent her semi-regular mails, with zero response until September, when she finally wrote and called, apologizing for disappearing, and that she tried but couldn't ever get me off her mind and was in love with me. After another month of daily phonecalls and mails, she split up with her BF, and organised to study her next semester (from January) in Buenos Aires to be with me. and is now here until August. I invited her to move in with me the first day which she accepted, with hindsight a bad move, after 3 months she felt suffocated and moved out though we stayed together (and I did my best to give her all the space she needed). I suspect I was just too easily available and keen to please her when she wanted more space and independence, so I scared her away and she freaked out. Then, last Thursday evening after a month of blowing hot and cold she dumped me - after an intimate last-moment dinner-date (the fourth she'ld invited me to in one week) and walk around town, all of a sudden she said she's no longer in love or attracted to me anymore and I'm not the type of guy she needs. I played it cool though was obviously disappointed and accepted her decision, so at least I'm not scaring her away with desperation. The next day I got 3 general texts and a brief skype chat the day after (she asked if I was angry with her, I lied and said I was chilled out), then invited me for a drink yesterday evening (which I politely refused), and today has asked me to help her with an academic assignment (which I've accepted, this evening in a cafe near her place). I was hoping to follow the No-Contact rule but it's her that's initiating contact (wonder how to interpret it?). I want to do whatever's possible for her to again be attracted to me and feel that spark again (I'm aware that being desperate, telling her I love her, and asking her back WON'T work!) but wonder whether it's possible? We have so much in common and get on amazingly well but being just friends in the long-run would be torture. She's kept her bike round mine the past fortnight, plus some other things and still has her old set of keys to my apartment, if there wasn't some residual feeling wouldn't she have given them back and asked to pick up everything? I've booked flights to Europe to be away from here (and her) for a fortnight, leaving in a week which seems like an eternity. And tonight's meeting is terrifying me, need to be strong and confident but it's easier said than done! Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[FitChick]

She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants and suffers Grass Is Greener Syndrome. Go away and clear your head. A change of scenery is always good.

[snug.bunny]

In the future, you may want to consider not having a girlfriend when engaging in "flings".

[kaylan]

Dude...just forget about this chick. Nothing good is going to come out of a relationship where you two came together by cheating on other people. She wont want to be with you btw...you were her good time fling while she was out of her country. You were her fill-in boyfriend. You were her older guy experiment.

 

Take it for what it was. Dunno why youd throw 4 years away on some fling chick... oh wait i know why...you got blinded by a piece of young tail.

 

Stop thinking with your pants brah and this wont happen in the future. Be realistic. You two would never trust each other with the way your relationship started. Youd def wonder if shed ever do the same thing to you.

Edited May 22, 2012 by kaylan

[Oxy Moronovich]

I lived briefly in Argentina and enjoyed my time. But I know I couldn't make it a permanent thing because the place is economically f*cked up. But if I was living there I'd just get with some Argentine women. They're not that bad, dude. What's the matter? They're not you're type physically or personally? If that's the case, then it's probably because you're only dating Portenos. Stop dating those chicks and look outta BsAs and into the country. Lots of women with better attitudes outside BsAs.

 

That being said, I don't judge you for having flings. BsAs is full of promiscuity. Both expats and locals have said cheating and promiscuity is rampant in BsAs. So you're just dropping you're lame puritanical ideals and doing the "When in Rome..." thing. I can dig it.

 

About this Norwegian, you made the mistake of falling for her hard. Bad idea. As the ball is in her court. From what I can tell, she has a "I can take him or leave him" attitude to you. Normally, I'd water it down. But since you're a grown man, all I can say is this relationship is a sinking ship. You cannot win with her. Forget about her. Have some one-night stands with some easy Argie gal, meet other women, whatever. Just dump the Nordic broad and move on with your life.

[betterdeal]

We have so much in common and get on amazingly well but being just friends in the long-run would be torture.

 

But you don't seem to get along well enough to be (a) lovers or (b) friends, so that leaves © enemies or (d) strangers. My advice would be to cool down a lot. Find some inner calm and keep your eye on the bigger picture. You two may well need to get to know each other a lot more before you can progress beyond puppy love, and this time may be part of that learning process. You may also, of course, decide to call it off yourself. It's entirely your choice. Don't let it consume all your energy and time, if you wish to be happy.

 

Take a step back. Take a deep breath. Remember worrying is like trying to solve algebra by chewing gum.

 

Good luck.

[bamp78]

Do yourself a favor tell her to F off change your locks throw her crap out and date other women...in argentina dont't run away to Europe. Don't help with her school work she should be a big girl by now she made the choice to split up so don't be her emotional tampon. Give her what she thinks she wants which is you out of her life. Dude your in south america go get drunk and have some fun!