nanbullen Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Just when I started to feel somewhat better, I hadn’t had any contact with my ex for about 3 weeks. Then last week a very close friend of mine passed away after a long illness, but I still wasn’t expecting it. It just so happens that the last time we spoke we got into an argument and he died without me ever having a chance to tell him how much I loved him. That is the worst feeling….what I wouldn’t give to have that chance. Anyway, my ex texted me he was sorry to hear about it and if I want to talk to text him or call him. Of course I didn’t take him up on his offer, but that’s not the point. When we split up it was because he refused to take my calls or answer my texts, and he didn’t even bother to tell me he was breaking up with me. Also he had started dating somebody else. I have no idea if they are still dating or what. Now, it really pisses me off that he would use my friends death to make himself look like this sensitive “friend” offering support , totally disregarding the fact that HE WOULDN”T TAKE MY CALLS, DUH! And now he totally tries to rewrite history. Why would I call him of all people? So he could ignore me? I didn’t want to respond, but I felt like that would be wrong, so I texted thanks for condolences. What was I supposed to say? I know that “call me if you need to talk” is one of those things people say to someone who is grieving a death….not necessarily meaning it. And I am sure my ex didn’t really expect or want me to reach out to him…..but I don’t think he could be so clueless to miss the IRONY in what he was saying. Am I overreacting? Or is he trying to twist the knife? Also, I was doing SO much better as far as not missing him or thinking about him all the time…until he texted me. Now I am back at square one. And I think about him all the time, and I am soooo tempted to contact him. I wish he never contacted me in the first place. I mean to me the whole point of no contact is to FORGET about the ex! I feel like a horrible person that I am even thinking about him and his stupid text message at a time like this. I just want to not care about him like he doesn’t care about me. But it’s like my heart is stuck in the past.
Savage4 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I'm sorry all these bad things are happening to you right now. It seems like Murphy's law always finds its way into my, and other friends lives too. As far as your ex goes I don't know why people breakup in the fashion he did with you. It's very selfish to just leave like that and start ignoring someone without even telling them what happened. That being said, I don't think he was intentionally trying to come across as that sensitive caring friend. Just like in the way that you texted him back telling him thank you, I'm guessing he texted you because he felt like it would be wrong if he didn't. When my gf's mother died she broke down in anger a couple times because people would say things like 'I hope you're doing okay', when she had never been worse in her life. These people never wished her any harm; they were just trying to give their condolences and didn't know the best thing to say. It can be hard not to overreact when you feel so emotional but I don't think he was thinking about the irony of the situation at all.
Author nanbullen Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Yeah, you're probably right. I think I am over thinking things. all I can say is thank God I did not text him or call him today. I swear it is like an addiction and i wish he never gave me his condolences. I suppose he was just being polite. But he sure wasn't worried about being polite to me when he was ignoring my calls. I don't know what other motivation he could have except to try to break the ice with me and see how mad I still am at him. When I get really tempted to call him i ask myself what the best case scenario and worst case scenario are. Both scenarios look pretty bleak...best case is he says he loves me and we get back together, and all the issues that broke us up will break us up again. And then I will be right back here at LS crying and miserable. And that's the BEST case scenario. Now I just have to remember this tomorrow morning when I am tempted to call him! I HATE mornings. HATE! Thanks for replying, i was about to give up and reply to myself, lol. I dont take it personally. I read a lot of posts and don't reply even tho I want to. I just have nothing to say taht somebody else can't say more eloquently! I know the fragile emotional state of people around here, lol.
Savage4 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Whatever his motivation was I don't think it involved coming back to you or he would have made his intentions clear. I texted my ex the other day for her birthday. She said thank you, wished me well and that was the extent of my contact. Short and sweet. I didn't have any intentions of getting her back (although she was the one that dumped me). If he does contact you again you don't have to reply. That decision is yours and the ball will be in your court. You already realize that even if he comes back your relationship will probably fall apart again, so you're seeing your situation better than a lot of people here see theirs. Stay strong and keep up the NC... easier said than done but what I've found really helps me is writing my thoughts in a journal when I feel like i'm going to break.
Author nanbullen Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 I do journal, you're right it does help to get my feelings out. when we first broke up it helped a LOT to type my ex letters and NOT send them. The need to contact my ex in those first days/weeks was so unbearable, to tell him how I felt, it really helped to write to him, BUT the key is to sleep on it and then not send it! I just want to know WHY he just stopped talking to me. I want him to tell me why. And for some reason, the morning is when i really want to call him or text him. and now i think since he did say call or text if I want to talk.....i'm more tempted then ever! I haven't, but it is taking every shred of will power that I have! I already have a text composed and ready to send! I need to keep reminding myself contacting him will backfire, i will regret it, and any contact is like feeding a drug addiction. But at the same time I want him to tell me why/how he could have done that? I would rather he told me he hated me and i was repulsive, at least then i wouldn't feel like I don't exist to him at all and I'm not even worth speaking to.
ladyabstrused Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Just when I started to feel somewhat better, I hadn’t had any contact with my ex for about 3 weeks. Then last week a very close friend of mine passed away after a long illness, but I still wasn’t expecting it. It just so happens that the last time we spoke we got into an argument and he died without me ever having a chance to tell him how much I loved him. That is the worst feeling….what I wouldn’t give to have that chance. Anyway, my ex texted me he was sorry to hear about it and if I want to talk to text him or call him. Of course I didn’t take him up on his offer, but that’s not the point. When we split up it was because he refused to take my calls or answer my texts, and he didn’t even bother to tell me he was breaking up with me. Also he had started dating somebody else. I have no idea if they are still dating or what. Now, it really pisses me off that he would use my friends death to make himself look like this sensitive “friend” offering support , totally disregarding the fact that HE WOULDN”T TAKE MY CALLS, DUH! And now he totally tries to rewrite history. Why would I call him of all people? So he could ignore me? I didn’t want to respond, but I felt like that would be wrong, so I texted thanks for condolences. What was I supposed to say? I know that “call me if you need to talk” is one of those things people say to someone who is grieving a death….not necessarily meaning it. And I am sure my ex didn’t really expect or want me to reach out to him…..but I don’t think he could be so clueless to miss the IRONY in what he was saying. Am I overreacting? Or is he trying to twist the knife? Also, I was doing SO much better as far as not missing him or thinking about him all the time…until he texted me. Now I am back at square one. And I think about him all the time, and I am soooo tempted to contact him. I wish he never contacted me in the first place. I mean to me the whole point of no contact is to FORGET about the ex! I feel like a horrible person that I am even thinking about him and his stupid text message at a time like this. I just want to not care about him like he doesn’t care about me. But it’s like my heart is stuck in the past. I'm sorry for your loss, nanbullen. I'm sorry too that things got back to square one. I totally feel you here. I guess you now have to restart what you did the last time you were starting to cut contact. If you can do it before, I'm sure you can do it now. Perhaps it'd be slightly harder since it was broken. But you can do it!
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