my body is a cage Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I broke up with my ex a little less than a week ago because I wanted something more serious and he did not. Before we broke up things were going well but then he did something I found unacceptable and I had to end it. I wouldn't have broken up with him if I didn't already feel very hurt by him. When I broke up with him he said that "made sense" and apologized for hurting my feelings, which made me feel like I was right that he didn't care. Anyway, its his birthday this weekend. He invited 90 people, and didn't invite me! Why did he do this? Does he hate me? Not like me as a person in the first place? Not care enough to invite me?
Phennyphen Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 You only broke up a week ago, he probably wants some time/space to sort his head out. Also, he's not your bf anymore so he doesnt have to invite you anywhere...anymore 3
iris219 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 He’s your ex. Why would he invite you? Also, it would be awkward for him to talk to other girls while you’re there, and it would be awkward for you to see this as well. Would you really want to attend his party and watch him flirt with other women? 3
Author my body is a cage Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 hey, thanks for your advice. I know he is my ex and he doesn't have to invite me anywhere, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice if he did. I didn't break up with him because I didn't have feelings for him, I broke up with him because he treated me poorly. I told him I still cared about him, and him not inviting me makes me feel like he doesn't care about me at all.
TigerCub Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well if he treated you poorly, why would you expect a nice invitation? Its his birthday, he wants to have fun, he doesn't want ex gf drama and awkwardness. 1
Phennyphen Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 hey, thanks for your advice. I know he is my ex and he doesn't have to invite me anywhere, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice if he did. I didn't break up with him because I didn't have feelings for him, I broke up with him because he treated me poorly. I told him I still cared about him, and him not inviting me makes me feel like he doesn't care about me at all. Yeah but its only been a week, regardless of the reasons for your break up, hes probably hurting; his relationship has just ended, and he probably just wants to enjoy his birthday without having to think about you. Dont take that the wrong way, I'm sure he doesnt hate you, but you're his ex now and seeing you isnt going to do him (or you) any good. 1
iris219 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 It sounds like you didn’t want to break up with your ex, that maybe you wanted him to talk you out of it or fight to save the relationship, which he, unfortunately, didn’t do. Were you hoping for a party invite in that it would be symbolic of him trying to make things right so that you two can work things out and get back together? Do you really just want to be his friend? I’m sorry he disappointed you. I know it sucks.
oaks Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I broke up with my ex a little less than a week ago because I wanted something more serious and he did not. I think you wrote the answer yourself.
veggirl Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Were you guys actually back together? If so, for how long? I thought, from your posts, that you were just "hanging out" again--and mostly on his terms/schedule/etc. If you aren't dating, and you aren't friends (doesn't sound like you ever were truly friends), I am not sure why you'd expect to be invited. It's probably best you weren't. You need to completely cut ties to let go of this guy.
Freddys Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 He invited 90 people, and didn't invite me! Why did he do this? Does he hate me? Not like me as a person in the first place? Not care enough to invite me? He is using the "no contact" rule, so he can have you back. As it seems, it's working . . You are totally frustrated, filled with so many questions. Your ego is hurt etc. Simple tricks, but they are working in perfection.
Author my body is a cage Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Were you guys actually back together? If so, for how long? I thought, from your posts, that you were just "hanging out" again--and mostly on his terms/schedule/etc. If you aren't dating, and you aren't friends (doesn't sound like you ever were truly friends), I am not sure why you'd expect to be invited. It's probably best you weren't. You need to completely cut ties to let go of this guy. Why shouldn't I expect to be invited? BC he didn't give a ****?
TheFinalWord Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I broke up with my ex a little less than a week ago because I wanted something more serious and he did not. Before we broke up things were going well but then he did something I found unacceptable and I had to end it. I wouldn't have broken up with him if I didn't already feel very hurt by him. When I broke up with him he said that "made sense" and apologized for hurting my feelings, which made me feel like I was right that he didn't care. Anyway, its his birthday this weekend. He invited 90 people, and didn't invite me! Why did he do this? Does he hate me? Not like me as a person in the first place? Not care enough to invite me? Couple of reasons: Honestly the first one I thought of is that he has girls there he is interested in. Also, you're his ex. Birthday parties are for celebrating. He doesn't want any drama. Lastly, payback for breaking up with him.
manup Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Why shouldn't I expect to be invited? BC he didn't give a ****? please move on and don't respond to him if in a couple of weeks he talks to you because you're next thread will be something like OMG I slept with my ex, does he still love me?
CC12 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Why did he do this? Does he hate me? Not like me as a person in the first place? Not care enough to invite me? You're trying to read this like he's giving you some sort of sign, when in actuality, his actions probably had less to do with you and more to do with his own enjoyment of the party. I think maybe a lot of people would have reacted the way you did to not being invited to the birthday party of someone you know well. At first it's like, "Wow, rude! Wtf is that?" But then hopefully after that initial reaction, you can realize, "Hm. Yeah, I can understand why he wouldn't invite an ex." Would you even go to his party if he had invited you? Because if you want to move on after the breakup, purposely seeing him is not going to help you, especially in a setting like his birthday party that 90 people might be attending. Can you try to imagine how that might turn out for you? I am imagining it right now and it sucks real hard. So just take my word for it, okay? Don't go to that party, even if he invites you. On the other hand, if you know you would not attend if he had invited you, then you're just doing a weird, artificial anger thing and saying, "Well, I don't even want to go to that, but it would have been nice if he had invited me!" Anyway, I wrote a lot of words (too many) and what it basically boils down to is: Stop caring about him and what he does.
Professor X Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Why shouldn't I expect to be invited? BC he didn't give a ****? Because he's your ex'???? You're in the past now for him, you should repay him with the same currency.
Imported Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 YOU broke up with him. Just a week ago. No matter how well you think he took it, that was a shoot to the ego. Why the **** would you think he'd want you there to remind him of that ****. 1
Author my body is a cage Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 YOU broke up with him. Just a week ago. No matter how well you think he took it, that was a shoot to the ego. Why the **** would you think he'd want you there to remind him of that ****. Yes, I broke up with him because he REALLY hurt me. I felt like he didn't care about me - which is why I can't fathom that he would care enough about the break up to not invite me to his party, when we had been so close. I know it seems far-fetched from an objective standpoint that he would do this as an act of aggression, but the invite count has risen to 115, and mostly mutual friends/people I know! And the event is very public, he must know that people who weren't invited would be aware of it. I mean, can he really be so self-focused to not realize that I would be hurt by the lack of an invite? I am not sure if I would go to his party or not - I would really want to in theory, at leaast. I even told him I didn't want to stop hanging out because I care about him as a person so much, I just can't see him romantically because it is too hurtful for me. And yes, regardless if I went or not I think an invite would be a nice gesture - something resembling an olive branch that shows there's no ill-will. It seems very immature that he wouldn't even extend this gesture. I feel like he IS trying to tell me he really hates me right now. I mean, is it possible that he just wrote me off as a dumb bitch? PS> to make matters worse, his ex from over a year ago (they dated for three years and broke up because he treated her very poorly as well) said she was attending and he "liked" it and so did 2 of his other firends. I think he is just trying to give me the message I don't matter to him whatsoever.
Professor X Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I mean, is it possible that he just wrote me off as a dumb bitch? Yes. I think he is just trying to give me the message I don't matter to him whatsoever. He isn't trying, he is giving you that message, you just seem to thick to understand it. He doesn't give a damn about you, yet here you are, obsessing over him, talk about who's having the last laugh here. Keep reminding yourself why you broke up with him. P.S. your logic is flawed: "which is why I can't fathom that he would care enough about the break up to not invite me to his party, when we had been so close." - he doesn't care about you, hence why should he bother to invite you? Did he invite me?? no? I can assure you he doesn't care about me either. 1
Author my body is a cage Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Yes. He isn't trying, he is giving you that message, you just seem to thick to understand it. He doesn't give a damn about you, yet here you are, obsessing over him, talk about who's having the last laugh here. Keep reminding yourself why you broke up with him. P.S. your logic is flawed: "which is why I can't fathom that he would care enough about the break up to not invite me to his party, when we had been so close." - he doesn't care about you, hence why should he bother to invite you? Did he invite me?? no? I can assure you he doesn't care about me either. Harsh much? Not sure why I deserved all that anger.
Author my body is a cage Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 I feel so awful about this. I feel like he hates me. A week and a day ago (before I learned of something he had done that led me to break up with him) I saw him and he was so sweet and happy to see me. How can we go from that to him not even inviting me to a huge birthday party? I didn't say I didn't like him or care about him, all I said was that it was too painful for me to see him romantically. Essentially that's like saying "I like you too much to be with you." How could he possibly be so hurt by that he wouldn't invite me to his party? I feel like he is just indifferent and doesn't give a crap about me...
january2011 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 You're over-thinking this. You're not together anymore. It's his party and he's allowed to invite whomever he wishes. As painful as this current state of affairs is to you, there is nothing you can do about it other than to focus on yourself, delete and block your ex from FB and all your other address books to mitigate any further pain. Right now, his actions indicate that he doesn't want you in his life. You need to respect that and take the first steps to move on.
bean1 Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I really have to wonder if you dumped him in order to 'shock' him into being nice to you? And it backfired? Usually when you dump someone because they treat you like crap, you don't get upset about them not inviting you out a week later? It sounds like you are offended that he didn't pull a 180 or that he wasn't hurt by the breakup like you wanted him to be.
stillafool Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I didn't say I didn't like him or care about him, all I said was that it was too painful for me to see him romantically. Essentially that's like saying "I like you too much to be with you." How could he possibly be so hurt by that he wouldn't invite me to his party? I feel like he is just indifferent and doesn't give a crap about me... It may not be that he was so hurt by what you said when you ended it. Maybe, from his response to your breaking up, he wanted to break up with you and you beat him to the punch. He knows you still have feelings for him and if he wanted you back as his girl, inviting you to his party would be the best step towards reconciliation. He didn't invite you so that pretty much says it all. I think he is on the lookout for someone new at this point and even though you say you want to be friends and hang out I don't think you could handle him hitting on other girls in front of you at this point and he knows this too. If you only broke up with him to get a reaction from him it didn't work. It is always better to not play games but come straight out and tell them what you want and expect in a relationship. I think when you broke up with him you gave him the "out" he had been looking for.
Leigh 87 Posted May 24, 2012 Posted May 24, 2012 He was never that into you to begin with. Look - professor ex is mostly right, albiet harsh! If this guy has a soul, he WOULD care if anything bad happened to you! I am sure he CARES about you, as a fellow human being, one that he has had sex with and been close to! He would not wish any ill will upon you, I am sure - he just does not see you as a person he needs in his life. As a person, you have not compelled him to want you in his life. You sound nice and sensative - it is not you, it is him; people have different preferences in life, as to WHO they really want in their lives! Your ex may probably did enjoy your company and like you as a person' just not enough to keep you around, even as a friend. I really think that: - even a guy who is not that into you, still is human enough to CARE about you, on a basic, human level - you kniow, if anything bad was to happen to you, I am sure he would be upset, as he WAS close to you in a physical sense. - That he would want to flirt with other girls, and not want hsi ex there - he KNOWS it would hurt you, and you would also ruin the chance of him finding a better suited girl. - He may like you enough to have invited u HAD you not been his ex;, or, maybe he just is not that into you as a person, even as a friend? perhaps he sees no reason to have you in his life, based on what you bring to him. There are people who would WANT you to be in their lives - seek them out, instead of lamenting over the people who do not value you enough as a person, to want you around - even as a friend. I know it is very harsh - to know that a guy you gave a lot of feelings to, does not like you enough to want you even as a friend - it does not mean he thinks badly of you, u are just not a person he needs enough in his life, to bother inviting you to his birthday party,..... I am sure he cares....... Remember, even likable people are not liked that well by EVERY one - there will be at least ONE person who does not want them at their birthday party:) Very few people will be adored by every one - even the most charming fo people will hate people hating on them for being so wonderful! Bottom like: he is not into you enough to overcome your break up, enough to invite you. Either because he does not want an ex at his party because it would be uncomfortable, or because he just does not feel that your a person he wants to bother with as a friend even. Either way, he cares if something bad were to happen to you; he just does not wanrt to be friends with you. Ever. Please use your self respect and ignore him if he ever talks to u again; focus on people who actually think your great.
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