Asking to Be Friends

[Frank13]

Long story short, met a woman where I occasionally hang out. Made some small talk but that's it. The next time I came to this place I sat at the same place she sat before and when she came in she sat next to me. There is limited seating so not necessarily any sort of sign that she likes me, but there were other places she could have sat. Have seen her there a few more times and had a little more small talk and some laughs.

 

A few months ago I got out of a relationship and don't think I want to do that anymore, but in leaving the relationship, I also lost my best friend and I miss the friendship.

 

I miss having someone to hang out with even if it is just to catch a movie, grab lunch, or dinner every so often, or just talk. I have tried making friends at work but I don't seem to really click with anyone. Everyone wears a mask and seems superficial.

 

I like this woman. I wouldn't say I am attracted to her, but she seems very outgoing, smart, interesting, kind, sincere, and funny. I'd liked to try to start a friendship with her. I don't know how old she is but I guess I am older than her by probably 10 or 15 years.

 

Part of the reason I haven't tried to talk to her more is that I don't want her to think I am some old creep trying to pick her up. In fact the last time I saw her, I didn't approach her or talk to her. The weird thing is she is very friendly and outgoing but people at my hangout have their own little clicks and don't seem to include her. I feel bad that she sits there alone while other people are talking to each other and I want to go talk to her, because I do like her, but am afraid of appearing creepy because of the age difference.

 

So, what would you suggest I do to try to be friends with her without being creepy?

 

Do I just try to talk to her more and assume that if we were meant to be friends, it will happen? From what she has said, I don't think she has a boyfriend and she doesn't wear a ring, so I don't think there would be an issue with her boyfriend not wanting her to be friends with another guy. Then again, I don't know for sure and would feel like an ass if I asked her to hang out and she said her boyfriend wouldn't like it.

 

On two separate occasions when I have seen her, she told me the days and times when she hangs out at this place. That could be a hint for me to see her or it could just be small talk.

 

Give me some ideas on how to proceed. Good friends are hard to find and I could use one now.

Edited May 22, 2012 by Frank13

[NateC]

I think she would've told you if you were being "creepy". Don't worry about it and just talk to her. Worst case you get brushed off and nothing happens, but you'll never start a friendship if you never try.

[Frank13]

Thanks NateC. I have only done small talk with her so I don't think it would be considered creepy at this point.

 

I will do as you say and just talk to her. Maybe let her lead the conversation to see if she wants to let it go deeper.

 

Thanks again.

[MCGar]

Actually, I'm going to ask your ages. If she is a very young fledgling, my answer would probably be for you to have a very limited friendship with her that would include encouraging her in different ways to find more friendships with people in her age group. If she's a bit older than I would say a deeper friendship is fine EXCEPT that you should always have healthy boundaries in any friendship.

Don't be tempted to extend emotional intimacy that should only belong in a 'more than friendship' relationship. That way you are protecting the friendship and there is a less likelyhood of people getting hurt.

I know that this 'caution' is a bit too soon because there is no friendship yet, but it's always a good thing to keep in mind.

[carhill]

Nothing unhealthy about socializing. Go with the flow.

 

I remember one day the daughter of a friend mentioned to me that her father considered me his best friend. I had known the man 15 years and didn't have a clue. I just go with the flow.

 

What's your attraction style, OP?

[Frank13]

Thanks for the replies.

 

MCGI don't know her age, but I am guessing 30's. I wouldn't look to pursue a friendship with someone in their 20s.

 

I understand about extending the emotion intimacy and I appreciate your caution.

 

Carhiil. I don't know if I have a specific type. I just know when I am attracted to someone and have been attracted to all sorts of different types. This woman isn't one who stuck me as attractive. Just seems like a good, honest, happy, and sincere person I would like to get to know better.

 

I was thinking of of just leaving it alone and see if she tries to interact with me. Let things happen naturally instead of trying to force something. I just have to find a balance where I am not stand offish to where she might be interested but thinks I am not, and not being forward.

 

Thanks again for the replies. If it was meant to be it will happen. If not, I won't worry about it.