Author irc333 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Just thought of this. I have a good "How we met and got married" story. I am good friends with these newlyweds. Turns out the husband is probably grateful to one of his "wingmen" for actually pushing the girl into getting to know him. Apparently, he KNEW this guy pretty well, and was talking to the woman, too....HE says to her, "Hey, go over and talk to him, get to know him, he's a great guy!" She goes, "Nah, he's not my type" And he says to her, "What's the big deal, try to talk to him, he's cool" No, really, he's not my type After the "Wingman" prompted to talk her into getting to know him.....they dated, and now are married. If she had not "settled", and never conversed with him, they never would've gotten married. And they're great together!
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Just thought of this. I have a good "How we met and got married" story. I am good friends with these newlyweds. Turns out the husband is probably grateful to one of his "wingmen" for actually pushing the girl into getting to know him. Apparently, he KNEW this guy pretty well, and was talking to the woman, too....HE says to her, "Hey, go over and talk to him, get to know him, he's a great guy!" She goes, "Nah, he's not my type" And he says to her, "What's the big deal, try to talk to him, he's cool" No, really, he's not my type After the "Wingman" prompted to talk her into getting to know him.....they dated, and now are married. If she had not "settled", and never conversed with him, they never would've gotten married. And they're great together! I know several stories with a similar beginning and a different ending. Though I've yet to see it with the gender reverses. Bit telling how it seems gals are forced, coerced, pushed, or encouraged to settle, dismiss their preferences, and/or give chances. Settling worked for her that doesn't necessarily mean it'll work for all or most. There's even the toss up possibility that she missed out on a guy who is her type that she'd been even more greater with.
Author irc333 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Well, you always here about how families and friends are always trying to convince the ONLY bachelorette in their circle of friends and family that they're being too picky. I actually saw some article of a matchmaker who had a dickens of a time trying to get a woman to settle on a guy he FINALLY found for her, but came CLOSE to the mark of what she was looking for. He sat her down in his office, and was like, "LIsten, this guy might not be exactly what you're looking for, but he comes pretty close....care to give him a shot?" After arguing about it, she just left his office annoyed. I know several stories with a similar beginning and a different ending. Though I've yet to see it with the gender reverses. Bit telling how it seems gals are forced, coerced, pushed, or encouraged to settle, dismiss their preferences, and/or give chances. Settling worked for her that doesn't necessarily mean it'll work for all or most. There's even the toss up possibility that she missed out on a guy who is her type that she'd been even more greater with.
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Well, you always here about how families and friends are always trying to convince the ONLY bachelorette in their circle of friends and family that they're being too picky. I actually saw some article of a matchmaker who had a dickens of a time trying to get a woman to settle on a guy he FINALLY found for her, but came CLOSE to the mark of what she was looking for. He sat her down in his office, and was like, "LIsten, this guy might not be exactly what you're looking for, but he comes pretty close....care to give him a shot?" After arguing about it, she just left his office annoyed. I often hear stories of families and friends are always trying to convince the only bachelorette she's being too picky as it seems the meme is if a gal is alone not by choice she's being too picky. To me it's a toss up as whether her expectations are unrealistic as to many a gal wanting a guy of average height is being too picky. As for the annoyed client of the matchmaker to me she decided not to settle or lower her expectations. If the guy wasn't what she wanted physically but came pretty close compatibility wise it's not surprising she left as I doubt many would be interested. In fact most likely wouldn't have even approached such a person to find they were compatible.
ascendotum Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Well, lucky for me, I met her by different means...by which she couldn't figure out my income unless she directly asks me for my dollar figure. The advantages of OFF-line dating, is that they don't know some of those stats that are revealed online. She did ask me she has a friend that's 44, attractive and has never had a boyfriend, I almost swear she was trying to match me up with her, considering I've never been married just like her friend. irc, if you go on a date this weekend with this woman, and you like her, and want to see more of her, then I'd leave that income disparity issue for another time. I agree with you, that it is off putting, that she expects her partner to earn 5x what she does, but let it ride for the moment. Doesn't really sound like you have a convincing shot with her though if she's pushing her friend to you. I guess her her 44yr old attractive friend who's been single her whole life, must have been doing research down in antartica since the 90s. Stick with the one, you have been talking to.
ascendotum Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I know several stories with a similar beginning and a different ending. Though I've yet to see it with the gender reverses. Bit telling how it seems gals are forced, coerced, pushed, or encouraged to settle, dismiss their preferences, and/or give chances. Settling worked for her that doesn't necessarily mean it'll work for all or most. There's even the toss up possibility that she missed out on a guy who is her type that she'd been even more greater with. I know there is more pressure on the women to settle, but I think there is two reasons....women are normally the choosers, they get guys coming on to them fairly regulary, and they are generally the ones who decide if a date will take place. Also women take into account a lot of factors when evaluating a guy, some of which can be irrelevant in the long run. With many guys its a little more cut&dry...does she have sex appeal for them and is her personality in sync with his. Single guys generally dont look at a single woman and find her attractive enough but say, 'nah no point in talking to her, she's not my type'. As for that woman missing out on someone they could have had a better relationship with, tons of people (M + F) could say that. Like wise tons of people get with the person they desire, and at some point the relationship bites the dust...how many here have had relationships with someone they thought was awesome at the time, but are now just a memory. So many people dont get their dream job, but aren't drowning their sorrows each night. You adapt. It depends on what requirments you surrender, as to whether settling is going to make you disastified in the short & long term or whether they are are superfluous niceties or are based on assumptions. 1
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I know there is more pressure on the women to settle, but I think there is two reasons....women are normally the choosers, they get guys coming on to them fairly regulary, and they are generally the ones who decide if a date will take place. Also women take into account a lot of factors when evaluating a guy, some of which can be irrelevant in the long run. With many guys its a little more cut&dry...does she have sex appeal for them and is her personality in sync with his. Single guys generally dont look at a single woman and find her attractive enough but say, 'nah no point in talking to her, she's not my type'. As for that woman missing out on someone they could have had a better relationship with, tons of people (M + F) could say that. Like wise tons of people get with the person they desire, and at some point the relationship bites the dust...how many here have had relationships with someone they thought was awesome at the time, but are now just a memory. So many people dont get their dream job, but aren't drowning their sorrows each night. You adapt. It depends on what requirments you surrender, as to whether settling is going to make you disastified in the short & long term or whether they are are superfluous niceties or are based on assumptions. I think there's far more pressure for gals to settle as guys are generally seen as the superior gender and the superior don't settle. As well as the dating model seems to be guys are the buyers and gals are the products so it's up the the product to accomodate the buyer and market if they aren't generating interest. To me both decide if a date will take places as generally a gal won't have a date to say yes/no to if the guy doesn't approach. As well as both genders are choosers as generally: Guys choose who they approach Gals choose from who approaches them As for gals taking into account some factors that are irrelevant in the long run my experience has been that it's mainly gals who even consider long run potential. It often seems gals evaluate guys for long term (attractive, compatible, see a future with him) while guys evaluate gals for short term (pretty, pleasant, sex). The single gals I know don't look at a single guy and find him attractive but say, 'nah no point in talking to him, he's not my type' unless he's exhibiting clear signs of incompatibility that are dealbreakers. Gals seem to take into account more factors for potential partner than attractiveness and personality sync enough to like the person. I'm aware that tons of people could say they missed out and nowhere did I state, suggest, or imply otherwise so I'm quite unsure why you're informing me of this.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 @Udolpixie There is a simple reason guys aren't told to settle. A man can have children until the day he dies. While a womans eggs have an expiration date. Men have their whole natural lives, at least in theory, to find someone to reproduce with. Women do not. That is the biological origin of why single women feel a bit more pressure. That said a man who does not have a woman is made to feel like a looser in so many many little ways too. IMHO Men, in EuroAmerican culture, are also a little bit more realistic about their own score on the 1-10. Perhaps it comes from facing rejections again and again. While women just sit there and do all the rejecting. So they never get a real idea of just how they stack up until someone tells them outright.
udolipixie Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 @Udolpixie There is a simple reason guys aren't told to settle. A man can have children until the day he dies. While a womans eggs have an expiration date. Men have their whole natural lives, at least in theory, to find someone to reproduce with. Women do not. That is the biological origin of why single women feel a bit more pressure. That said a man who does not have a woman is made to feel like a looser in so many many little ways too. IMHO Men, in EuroAmerican culture, are also a little bit more realistic about their own score on the 1-10. Perhaps it comes from facing rejections again and again. While women just sit there and do all the rejecting. So they never get a real idea of just how they stack up until someone tells them outright. The simple reason guys aren't told to settle to me is that society is the dating model of guys are the buyers & gals are the products. A man can likely have children until he dies whether said children will be healthy is a toss up depending on his age as sperm tends to have an expiration date as well. Generally gals decline in quantity then quality while guys decline in quality then quantity. Though the meme is often is only a gal's age affects the health of the children and her reproduction. From my experiences a guy who does not have sex with a gal is made to feel like a loser as having a gal tends to be seen as losing his freedom to a nagging ball and chain aging asset that'll withhold sex and use it as a weapon. Perhaps guys in European culture are more realistic about their 1-10 score as studies have consistently shown that American guys tend to overrate themselves while gals tend to underrate themselves.
ascendotum Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 Perhaps guys in European culture are more realistic about their 1-10 score as studies have consistently shown that American guys tend to overrate themselves while gals tend to underrate themselves. If you have any references to this, I'd be interested to see them. I wonder what they they use as the reference point, would it be self evaluation score compared to a panel of the opposite sex. If so what many woman would say to reseachers and what she thinks of herself when she is in a club meeting guys are not going to the same. When it comes to guy' s self evaluation, whats that wonderful attribute to have..confidence. as for my earlier post..I realise you did not say missing out on something better did not apply to other singles, but I mentioned it because the principle does not have to just apply to anyone who felt pressured into going with 'near enough'.
Author irc333 Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Going back to the "VS" part of this post....I find that some women I have met in person at events or through friends, is that they PREFER online dating, because face-to-face, they're stuck with a guy that's approached them or been hanging around them here and there at the party they have no interest in, and just pretending to be nice.....of course, they have no ignore button or delete key, just stand there with her drink and try to answer as little questions as possible. That's why you sometimes see these people go to Meetup events, but you never see them again, or they lurk around seeing who will be showing up the day before the event, if the list of people are the same....well...not so great looking regulars that always loyally attend, they won't go . One woman admitted in a "buzzed" stupor at an event, that she won't go to events unless a certain "cute guy" they know of will be there. I actually saw a woman that I hadn't seen at an event in a couple of years, SHOW up at an unlikely meetup in the Boonies where I live, she joined and RSVP'ed for the event a couple of hours short of arriving. Someone called her up at the last min., and told her "Hey, there's a party out at...." And she was like "Huh, where's that at???" She took the long drive anyhow, she admitted to me she was expecting some particular man to show up , but he never did.....I suppose that man wasn't me. LOL Online, they can CONTROL who approaches them or contacts them....some would prefer to stay home on a Sat night (or girls night out at a nightclub, since that's where all the hot people go , are night clubs), IF they they know the event had men(or women) they weren't attracted to.
noblewomancom Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Matchmaking is not new. People have been going to dating services for years. With the increased popularity and convenience of all things online, people have been finding love online. There are several popular online dating sites that advertise regularly on tv. Despite popularity rising, people are still questioning how online dating can work.Creating relationships online is not an awful concept within itself. You have access to meeting people through online outlets that you may not have otherwise met. You are able to make connections in Oklahoma when you live in Pennsylvania. With technology you can Skype and video phone the person as well. But for a lot of people, online dating can equate to long distance relationships. The key to online dating is to take the relationship from behind the computer. Any dating relationship requires an amount of intimacy and you can't get that from emails, texts, and video chats. Those things should simply be tools to enhance a relationship, they shouldn't be the only way you interact in the relationship.Meeting someone online can allow you to communicate differently. When you build the relationship based on phone calls, it increases your communication and that can be a great way to get to know one another.There will come a time when you will have to interact in person. When the two of you are not used to being around each other, it may be difficult to make the change from online to face to face.Dating online can be done. It just doesn't replace the old school way of courting face to face.
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