irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Okay, now I think I've heard a lot of excuses.....but you know how some people say that with these "how we met stories" that they've met "Through their friends" Apparently, I don't know if this is women or men, but I have been speaking to some ladies AND even men, so I got a non-biased opinion here...that some people don't believe in dating through their circle of friends, because if things don't work out, it might get "awkward or uncomfortable" My answer...just suck it up and deal with it, you'll get over it. Thus the PUSH for online dating, they prefer to meet people that are perfect strangers. To the person who said (on here) that said it's advisable to not even DO online....well, I know women to find that to be a BETTER option than frequently seeing the same single guys/ women at each BBQ event, pool party or what have you. I"m just noticing this through scheduled E-vite/FB event invites and get togethers women going to these events who are saying the prefer NOT to date men AT these events. I find this highly ironic. It seems that people are limiting themselves so much, that they'll find themselves single indefinately.....they are even turning down VENUES in which to meet other singles. "OH, I see these guys all the time, I can't date them, becuase if it didn't work out, I wouldn't be able to attend my friends annual 4th of July party bash!" lol
LittlePrince Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 A woman who goes to a singles mixer and acts like she can't date anyone at this type of event is only trying to make herself look too good to be there and make herself feel better about herself and her predicament. This kind of woman will become so unbearably lonely she'll eventually settle on the first guy who hits on her at the salad bar which can only lead to a relationship disaster. She is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode followed by a category six waiting to hit land. They are such a beautiful spectacle to behold in a panic room miles below the Earth. 1
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Well, I heard this one woman says she only goes to the events for the fun and to be entertained, and not people, but yet she's on a dating site to meet others....and she also said her online dating experience hasn't been so great either. So the woman that follows such a policy is really just screwin' themselves. I find it rather dysfunctional that they won't date a guy that they see more frequently and had grown comfortable with through severeal meetings at Poker/Game night, Memorial Day parties or "Beach Day", getting to know each other THAT way is the BESt way, but yet....through experiences by their other friends, " if it doesn't work out....we can't be attending these events anymore....so , in order for us to continue to attend events....we have to have this "no dating within the same circle" policy" LOL 1
Alma Mobley Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I understand not dating within a CLOSE circle of friends because it can be awkward. I met most men through friends but they were not in that close circle, but acquaintances or friends of friends. I never did online dating, so can't speak on that.
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Well, it's irrelevant if it's "close close" vs Close....seems to not matter ni this person's case. If it's in the same circle....they stay away. Most of these people aren't CLOSE friends anyhow. I understand not dating within a CLOSE circle of friends because it can be awkward. I met most men through friends but they were not in that close circle, but acquaintances or friends of friends. I never did online dating, so can't speak on that. A woman who goes to a singles mixer and acts like she can't date anyone at this type of event is only trying to make herself look too good to be there and make herself feel better about herself and her predicament. This kind of woman will become so unbearably lonely she'll eventually settle on the first guy who hits on her at the salad bar which can only lead to a relationship disaster. She is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode followed by a category six waiting to hit land. They are such a beautiful spectacle to behold in a panic room miles below the Earth. Yep, her status is that she's never been married, no kids, and attractiev. So gives a bit of a hint there.
Alma Mobley Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well, then what does she mean by "close"? Sounds more like an excuse if there isn't really a close circle.
Alma Mobley Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Yep, her status is that she's never been married, no kids, and attractiev. So gives a bit of a hint there. Wait, what? What is the hint?
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 She never used "close" friends, just friends, people she's around with on a frequent basis....as long as she's seeing people on a frequent basis, she won't date them. Friends can be a generic term for people you just SEE on a routine basis, but not necessarily mean you'r close to them. I have known people in a hiking group that dated within that group (or outdoors related groups), but chances are if the relationship fails, ONE of those people will stop making their appearances. OR, the ones that haven't dated anyone IN that group...yet....will probably see this and think "Oh, I better not agree to go out with anyone, if asked, because I dont' want that happening to me" Well, then what does she mean by "close"? Sounds more like an excuse if there isn't really a close circle.
xxoo Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 It is a convenient excuse. If the attraction were there, they'd date a friend of a friend. The true irony is that, if the attraction were strong enough, many of the same people would have an extramarital affair with a friend, their spouses friend, a boss, a coworker..... 2
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Good point....thing is, you can't argue with people like this with "Well, if the attraction was there, you probably WOULD date them...." Of course, they might deny it. I've actually known a couple that was in a hiking group, they dated for like 5 years, then it went sour, and they BOTH stopped attending that group, one hasn't used her outdoor equipment for a year....and kind of went on the downlow. I'm like "cripes, man, if you can't deal with that, how can you live?" It is a convenient excuse. If the attraction were there, they'd date a friend of a friend. The true irony is that, if the attraction were strong enough, many of the same people would have an extramarital affair with a friend, their spouses friend, a boss, a coworker.....
iris219 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Let me decode for you! The women who say they can’t date the men in their social group don’t want to date them because they aren’t interested or attracted. Attraction is VERY powerful. If these women were interested in any of these men, the idea of having to see them a few times a year wouldn't deter them. I can guarantee this. They are doing OLD because they don’t know anyone they’d like to date, not because they prefer it. Edit: Just realized xxoo pointed out this same thing! I completely agree. 4
ascendotum Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well, I heard this one woman says she only goes to the events for the fun and to be entertained, and not people, but yet she's on a dating site to meet others....and she also said her online dating experience hasn't been so great either. So the woman that follows such a policy is really just screwin' themselves. That's their official public policy, so as to seem like she is living a fun life + at the same time to neuter all the joe shmo's intentions who think they might get lucky with her if they talk to her enough, but in reality single woman is always up for a hot guy and will make sure she gets his attention on the sly if any happend to be at the events (as you saw shes on a dating site). 1
Radu Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Okay, now I think I've heard a lot of excuses.....but you know how some people say that with these "how we met stories" that they've met "Through their friends" Apparently, I don't know if this is women or men, but I have been speaking to some ladies AND even men, so I got a non-biased opinion here...that some people don't believe in dating through their circle of friends, because if things don't work out, it might get "awkward or uncomfortable" My answer...just suck it up and deal with it, you'll get over it. Thus the PUSH for online dating, they prefer to meet people that are perfect strangers. To the person who said (on here) that said it's advisable to not even DO online....well, I know women to find that to be a BETTER option than frequently seeing the same single guys/ women at each BBQ event, pool party or what have you. I"m just noticing this through scheduled E-vite/FB event invites and get togethers women going to these events who are saying the prefer NOT to date men AT these events. I find this highly ironic. It seems that people are limiting themselves so much, that they'll find themselves single indefinately.....they are even turning down VENUES in which to meet other singles. "OH, I see these guys all the time, I can't date them, becuase if it didn't work out, I wouldn't be able to attend my friends annual 4th of July party bash!" lol You are perfectly right. But i have noticed this more in regards to women in my circle of friends. And always the girls that come from city background. The rural ones are more into meeting ... probably the lack of human connection you have in rural setting vs city. I suspect it has something to do with a need to control the outcome to a higher degree. I have started to adopt a general rule. It goes something like this ... my time i can spend with you is too precious to waste on the PC, let's go and meet, i'll push for it and if you won't do it, then i'll look someplace else. I feel that modern ppl have way too many options in regards to blocking communication. It's like if they don't have a way to remove you from their lives at the push of a button, they won't even bother with you. And online dating is the worth, shopping for a partner, so impersonal.
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Well, it kind of proves how , even though some people on here on LS (or people I know) recommend to stand clear of online dating or wouldn't touch it with a TEN foot pole....and recommends, "Just get out there in the REAL world and meet people!" Now, the REVERSE is happening, these women are "getting out to meet people" but decided there's just a bunch of men they find unattractive at these events and have resorted to ONLINE dating. BUT, recently, I saw a woman as a "New User" on POF, I've kinda known her for a while. through these gatherings, but hadn't seen her in a hwile, because I think she was dating someone....so never really pursued anything with her. Anyways, now I'm seeing these very same women popping up online as well....as if this would help matters. LOL But, now they are seeing the SAME men on POF as well FROM these events. I email them, kinda half jokingly say, "Hey, small world....funny meeting you here" type of emails. One profile of said woman was funny, because mentions IN her profile that she has a lot of friends, and I said to her, "So, I figured with all these men you've been meeting at these gatherings, esp. during this summer...you'd have a full dance card! lol" So what's the end game if you'v exhausted all your options if you're now seeing the same people in the same geographic region? Do you just stop being picky? or overly picky? Let me decode for you! The women who say they can’t date the men in their social group don’t want to date them because they aren’t interested or attracted. Attraction is VERY powerful. If these women were interested in any of these men, the idea of having to see them a few times a year wouldn't deter them. I can guarantee this. They are doing OLD because they don’t know anyone they’d like to date, not because they prefer it. Edit: Just realized xxoo pointed out this same thing! I completely agree. Edited May 22, 2012 by irc333
Radu Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 It's called anxiety, fear of making a choice because that choice might be wrong. It paralyses ppl, and it stops them from living their lives. They make up these silly little rules about how they can receive human interaction, forgetting that we have loved/f.ucked/raised kids for tens of thousands of yrs. We think we are superior hairless apes, when in fact our ancestors had more balls. 1
iris219 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well, it kind of proves how , even though some people on here on LS (or people I know) recommend to stand clear of online dating or wouldn't touch it with a TEN foot pole....and recommends, "Just get out there in the REAL world and meet people!" Now, the REVERSE is happening, these women are "getting out to meet people" but decided there's just a bunch of men they find unattractive at these events and have resorted to ONLINE dating. BUT, recently, I saw a woman as a "New User" on POF, I've kinda known her for a while. through these gatherings, but hadn't seen her in a hwile, because I think she was dating someone....so never really pursued anything with her. Anyways, now I'm seeing these very same women popping up online as well....as if this would help matters. LOL But, now they are seeing the SAME men on POF as well FROM these events. I email them, kinda half jokingly say, "Hey, small world....funny meeting you here" type of emails. One profile of said woman was funny, because mentions IN her profile that she has a lot of friends, and I said to her, "So, I figured with all these men you've been meeting at these gatherings, esp. during this summer...you'd have a full dance card! lol" So what's the end game if you'v exhausted all your options if you're now seeing the same people in the same geographic region? Do you just stop being picky? or overly picky? You can’t make yourself suddenly attracted to someone you aren’t attracted to, if that’s what you’re asking. I think it’s great that they haven’t given up and are still trying to meet someone they connect with after years of frustration. It sounds like you see the same single women over and over at these functions, and think since they’re female and you’re male you all should date by default, but it doesn’t happen that way. You need to expand your social circle so that you start meeting a variety of women IRL. 3
udolipixie Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 So what's the end game if you'v exhausted all your options if you're now seeing the same people in the same geographic region? Do you just stop being picky? or overly picky? To me the latter questions are going by the assumption that the person in the scenario is picky or overly picky by the general definition of having unrealistic expectations. It's a toss up to me as the person's options could unattractive and many don't think it's unrealistic to want a partner you're attracted to. The end game to me would be to relocate, get suited being alone, reevaluate what you want, or settle.
Radu Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Add FWB and kids through Indian surrogate mothers to that mix udolipixie and it doesn't sound so bad.
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) It sounds like you see the same single women over and over at these functions, and think since they’re female and you’re male you all should date by default Hi Iris...I hate to say this, it may sound really silly, but sometimes I wish people would date by default....yeah it's crazy. To be honest, I feel like I'm out of my own "time" , meaning I kind of wish I grew up in the olden days where back then, people didn't really have many options. I was watching "It's a Wonderful Life" a while back....not saying that movie is a good example, but I saw the idea of socializing back THEN was hanging out downtown. All people did was just hang out on the streets downtown, dressed nice...etc. That was pretty much their social life, they were simply limited by their population. With the internet, I somehow feel that I'm screwed. lol Yes, I know it sound unrealistic, and probably is ...but it's those "If wishes were horses" situations. Funny, the lady in question emailed back...she said she had just broken up with someon a few months ago and was simply "curious" about the site, and would typically be too afraid to meet anyone from the sites anyhow. Edited May 22, 2012 by irc333
LittlePrince Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 You can’t make yourself suddenly attracted to someone you aren’t attracted to, if that’s what you’re asking. I think it’s great that they haven’t given up and are still trying to meet someone they connect with after years of frustration. It sounds like you see the same single women over and over at these functions, and think since they’re female and you’re male you all should date by default, but it doesn’t happen that way. You need to expand your social circle so that you start meeting a variety of women IRL. These women are attracted to no one. It isn't a matter of not finding the right one when no one is right for them. They should just call themselves asexuals, give up, and go home. They already basically gave up when they are willing to date no one.
udolipixie Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Add FWB and kids through Indian surrogate mothers to that mix udolipixie and it doesn't sound so bad. To me those things are either 'reevaluate what you want' or 'settle' depending on the person.
udolipixie Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Hi Iris...I hate to say this, it may sound really silly, but sometimes I wish people would date by default....yeah it's crazy. To be honest, I feel like I'm out of my own "time" , meaning I kind of wish I grew up in the olden days where back then, people didn't really have many options. It seems you wish that gals didn't had limited options so they'd be forced to see you as one or more of one. By date by default do you mean the gals that suit your requirements, standards, and/or preferences would date or be expected to date you? Would you still want to date by default if you're expected to date incompatible gals you have no to little attraction for? 1
Author irc333 Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 The end game to me would be to relocate, get suited being alone, reevaluate what you want, or settle. I was alluding to this, but you said it before I did, udolpixie. I recall seeing a dating profile of a woman who had not only geographic limitations to her dinky town, ( she had a policy not to date more than 30 mins outside her location) If you google mapped that city, you'd see there's nothing but cattle farms, agricultural lands, forests, and an occasional convenient store. Plus she mentioned she didn't want to date guys with missing teeth, liked NASCAR for a sport, and didn't wanta guy who likes to go "muddin" Obviously a city girl trapped in a country area. Just by THOSE 2 criteria alone she's elminated every man in that county. LOL Time to take up your roots, leave town, and don't look back.....otherwise time to live like a hermit. Someone earlier here mentioned about how small town people who are still single are willing to "get out" and meet people at these gatherings (more enthused), thant he "city girls", because in the small towns, all their friends are married and they don't socialize anymore...thus motivated to leave the borders of their small town to meet people at least within an hour of where they live. 1
iris219 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Hi Iris...I hate to say this, it may sound really silly, but sometimes I wish people would date by default....yeah it's crazy. To be honest, I feel like I'm out of my own "time" , meaning I kind of wish I grew up in the olden days where back then, people didn't really have many options. I was watching "It's a Wonderful Life" a while back....not saying that movie is a good example, but I saw the idea of socializing back THEN was hanging out downtown. All people did was just hang out on the streets downtown, dressed nice...etc. That was pretty much their social life, they were simply limited by their population. With the internet, I somehow feel that I'm screwed. lol Yes, I know it sound unrealistic, and probably is ...but it's those "If wishes were horses" situations. Funny, the lady in question emailed back...she said she had just broken up with someon a few months ago and was simply "curious" about the site, and would typically be too afraid to meet anyone from the sites anyhow. I like your honesty! Dating by default wouldn't help you out much. Most likely, you'd end up with women you were highly incompatible with. The end game to me would be to relocate, get suited being alone, reevaluate what you want, or settle. udolipixie listed your only real options above. I think you're nice guy who lives in a place where it's difficult to date. Have you considered moving? Do you have unrealistic expectations which need to be reevaluated? Will you settle for someone you're not entirely attracted to or interested in? Can you accept being alone? (I'm working on accepting being alone, but wanting children makes it a difficult option.)
xxoo Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 irc, you do a lot of criticizing women's profiles, and women's dating mistakes, but what about you? What can you do to improve your own dating situation? Would you still want to date by default if you're expected to date incompatible gals you have no to little attraction for? I'm curious, too.
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