Now i just feel stupid

[Squishy_Belle]

So my stbx has managed to force me to pay for the divorce. He says if i dont pay for the divorce he will make sure i have to pay for the SUV we got when we were married because HE has issues and crushed my jeep with his truck when he was mad at me so we needed a new vehicle. He also says he will make me pay for the phone lines that him and his friends are still using and also the house which he is living in with his friends. I just wanted this divorce to go smooth and get him out of my life and for the first couple of months things were just horrible. He would constantly message me and try everything he could to hurt me like he use to when i still lived with him in the States. Things finally calmed down and we spoke civil about the divorce and both agreed we didnt want it to turn into a dirty fight and both wanted to just get it done and move on in out lives. Well his new gf (who he has been dating since i left) has issues that he is still married so he is back on my case messaging me every other day giving me *****. Im so so sooo tired of it. I started paying my lawyer at the begining of this month but i dont just have 1000dollars laying around to pay it all at once. I told him i would have it paid by the end of July and then all we had to do was wait for the divorce to go through. Sunday night i got a message. He asked me AGAIN when it was going to be paid and i told him AGAIN that it was going to be end of July because i have other stuff to pay for. He went off on one saying he was sick of me wasting his time and that i had the choice, either pay for it by the end of June or he was going to get a lawyer and go contested. Im so angry!! It isnt like i dont even want to pay for it by June but i don't have that money. Im also annoyed that i caved in to pay for the divorce just to get him outta my life and he still gets at me all the time. He is getting away easy after everything he put me through and he still thinks he can push me around. I told him if him and his new girl were that desperate for us to get divorced he should just go and get a lawyer and do it because no matter how many times he messages me, money wont just appear in my bank account.

 

So he messaged me yesterday saying he has got a lawyer now. I dont believe him. He is all talk and no action most of the time and i also found out that he already paid of the SUV because his new girl wasnt happy that he bought it for me. After going through all this **** (It has been real extreme but i dont want to go into it all now) i decided it was time to call his 1st sgt. I was ALWAYS against getting anyone involved but i have got to a point where i cant take it no more. He is getting paid for being married, yet he is trying to make me pay for a house he lives in with friends and his new gf. He wantes me to pay for an suv that he has trashed and is still driving and also lending out to friends and his new gf. All i want is for someone to make it clear to him that he needs to stop being an a$$. It isnt like i am not paying for the divorce or making his life difficult. I dont even message him or anything i have just been letting him get on with his life.

I called his 1st sgt and just explained how i have been trying to keep this civil but that he keeps sending me messages threatning me with court and stuff because it isnt going quick enough for him. I didnt even realise it was the 1st sgts assistant and he wasnt in so i blurted all that ou to some random. He said he would get the 1st sgt to call me back but it was already late and i didnt think he would call. He never did so maybe he will today. I feel stupid for getting someone involved. Im not the type of person to go running to every bugger and their mother when i have problems but he is taking it to far. I understand there isnt much he can do but have a word with my stbx i just hope that will stop him terrorising me.

 

Im just not sure i have done the right thing and now i feel stupid because i dont want to come across as a pathetic phsyco ex wife?!

 

(I dont want to hear ''If he was a civilian you wouldnt call his boss bla bla bla''..Army life is different and i am not going to let him get away with it all anymore seen as the army is paying him BAH for being married and he could actually get in trouble because he is comitting adultry. I dont care that he has a new gf that is why i havent called to get him in trouble. I hope they are happy together and i hope he treats her better than he ever did me because i would hate for him to put anyone else through that)

Edited May 22, 2012 by Squishy_Belle

[tojaz]

Its guys like this that give the rest of us saps a bad name.

 

I wish i had some advice for you, but it sounds like your doing all that you can. I see no harm in notifying his superior of his actions, but I don't think it will help your situation much aside from making a paper trail if you have to make a legal case of his harassment.

 

Don't let him threaten you, from what you have written here it doesn't sound like you would have anything to worry about in a contested divorce, he is most likely bluffing. Ask him for his lawyers name and number and give him a call, you have a legal right to that.

 

TOJAZ

[xenomorph]

To be honest, you need to stop with the idea that you'll be able to finesse a "peaceful" divorce out of this mess. If he really wanted an easy divorce, he wouldn't be acting this way. He is clearly freaking out and careening out of control here.

 

you should take him to the cleaners with a contested divorce if you can manage it. My stbx also wanted a "clean" break, but ruined every chance he had to make it so. He's hiding something, and It sounds like he's just trying to keep you off balance.

 

Take him down. You have to power to do so and he KNOWS it (um hello, GIRLFRIEND while he's still married???) You have a lot of ammunition against him; start gathering evidence and fight back!

 

(If money is an issue, i know that there are free services out there, especially for women, to get them through a divorce. it's worth your time to research these services. I believe the military can help you out in this as well).

 

(((LOTS OF LOTS OF HUGS)))

I know how horrible this is, when you just want to get on with this peacefully and they leave you with all these loose ends to clean up after while they party and make jack a**** of themselves. I'm going through it too, and I know as much as we just want to move on, we have to protect ourselves!

 

 

(ps: my stbx is post military, and he was exhibiting a lot of the same behaviors your describing, he was just more conniving and manipulative than aggressive, but it's all the same goal: to unsettle you and scare you from taking action because they know how much they have to lose if you do)

 

Keep posting and keep us posted! It helps

[jaymz]

He sounds like a scumbag. No kids = kick him to the curb and don't look back.

 

Not sure where you are living now, still in US? Living with family/friends?

 

Why are you paying for things in his house? Do you part own it?

 

Get a lawyer, get yourself protected. You can have a smooth uncontested divorce but on your terms, don't let him railroad you into a quick, one sided settlement.

 

Cut all financial ties with this man.

 

Start standing up for yourself.

 

Tell his superiors, the Army takes a dim view on these things, esp if he is continuously harassing you.