Come on people, you mean to tell me nobody here is friends with their ex!! Tell me!

[woodstok]

Ok i have read post after post about how its virtually impossible to remain friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. You mean nobody in this community has remained friends with an ex? Nobody? It just sounds crazy to think remaining friends after a breakup is impossible, not good, a horrible idea....why? You mean two people that love each other cant remain friends just because they were once a couple, no matter how ugly or good the break up was. I want some input here, let me know, IS ANYONE READING THIS STILL FRIENDS WITH AN EX?

[hurtingandconfused]

If you're still in love with that person a friendship is impossible.

 

If both parties agree to only a friendship; of course it will work out.

[woodstok]

no i am not talking about being in love anymore, i am simply saying you still have love for each other. just because you are not with them anymore does not mean you have to stop loving them, so a friendship cna work and still have love for one another, i want to hear from peole who are firned with an ex, how is it going? its just hard for me to believe nobody stays friends.....

[Sunny3715]

I can tell you that I am very, very good friends with two of my ex's. The difference may be that with both of these guys we were just really good friends first. The first guy and I were friends for a few months before we decided to become anything more. We tried the dating thing but we were just really young and he kinda didn't want to be tied down. So we broke up and stayed friends. Over the course of the friendship/relationship/friendship we definitely loved one another. The second guy and I became friends from the guy I first mentioned. Three years after meeting we decided to give it a try. We then dated for the next 4 years to follow. There was no doubt that we loved one another and thought we would make it to forever. We took a break about 6 months ago and have remained really good friends since. It is possible to stay friends with an EX. I am not going to say it is easy though. The relationship with the second guy and I was a very serious one and we have definitely had to work at being friends. It is very hard to be friends when one of the other two is dating someone else. So if you are going to try to remain friends I would ask yourself one question: Why do you want to remain friends?? it may sound like a dumb question but are you staying friends as a means of holding on to the chance that something more may come out of it? Or are you staying friends because you really think you two are better off as friends? I dont know if this helps at all?

[peacefuldreamer]

I definately think you can remain friends with an ex. My ex is my best friend.

[xxgnxx]

It is possible to be friends but it's very difficult.

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago and I find it difficult to be friends with him. i can't help but feel jealous about the girl he's talking to now and I know I don't have the right too.. We can probably be friends later on in life when we can laugh about the situation but for the moment being friends with him is impossible. Personally, being friends with my ex is a tease. It's like dangling food in front of a hungry dog but never letting them take a bite.

[Pyrannaste]

I think it is great to remain friends with exes, but it's only possible to have a true friendship when there is no more romantic feelings on either part, and *both* are interested in someone else and would NOT get back together.

[Sunny3715]

I would agree with you. I guess if one of you wants the break and the other one doesn't it makes it very, very hard on the one who doesn't. Its just a constant reminder of what you want and can't have at the given moment. I'm definitely guilty of pretending I am fine with being friends and that it doesn't hurt. I understand the jealousy thing too. I mean with my recent ex, I know he has been hanging out with other girls and I always want to ask questions. I know he is curious about what happens when I hang out with people but he refrains from asking, since he doesn't truly want to know. Sometimes it is easier to wait after the initial hurt to start being friends. Its a tough situation and varies with every person/couple.

[kirkyswife]

My first love (when I was 16) and I remain best of friends. I am in no way attracted to my ex and have absolutely no desire to rekindle old flames. I love and respect my ex and he has proved to be a trusting confidante. He has watched me grow up from 16 to 31 and adds valuable insight to my past behaviorial patterns and always offers honesty and common sense when offering advice. He's told me that I have proved the same to him and I hope that I enrich his life as he has enriched mine.

 

My husband was confused about my relationship with my ex but realized that our relationship is strictly platonic at we respect our relationships. I can honestly say if my husband and I were to divorce tomorrow I still would not pursue a relationship with my ex because I honestly believe that I will never find out what's ahead if I spend my time looking back.

[sportsloving]

I am friends with all my ex's (boyfriends and husbands). I don't have anything against them, I don't feel "love" towards them, and there is no chance of any reconcilations. I care about them as a friend would, and they are sometimes great to get guy's opinions from.

 

Now if my S/O and I ever part ways, I am afraid that I would lose my best friend in the mix of it. I don't know that we could ever just be friends, and that is a horrible feeling in it's own. For us to be friends, it would mean that we both came to terms with the ending, we were able to be platonic and we would both be able to move on. I just don't know that it would ever be the case for me. So we will just hope that we don't have to test that theory.

[dudesomewhere]

problem being that the majority of relationships are superficial...that is, people get involved because they think someone is hot but taking all physical aspects out of it, they'd never consider the other person as a friend. That is why I am like I am...I need a female to want me as a friend first or it just ain't real

 

hehe

 

I tried being friends with one of my past experiences(I really can't call her a gf ) but she couldn't stop lying...hard to be a friend with a lyar when you aren't one yourself. I'm trying to be friends with someone right now, but this one has me a little confused as to what is what

 

 

so...it's just rare

[tink85048]

I can honestly say I am great friends with the majority of my ex's. We all still email and and get calls on our birthdays. I even have one that I am the godparent to his son. His wife and I became friends. We talked a lot about the fact I was his friend. She was at first concerned I would tr to get him back or I was hanging around to see if there was a second chance. But as we talked about that relationship and others I had we came to the conclusion....we never held on to the hope that things would work out. Meaning when it was time to break up, I always figured, I would rather lose them as my "Boyfriend" then lose them as my "Friend". I think most couple holp on to the relationship til everything is ruined and there is so much animosity that any contact is painful. I am even friends with parents of ex's. I have made it my firm practice to never agrue "dirty". I choose not to throw low blows, do the "ya but you do this" or bring up the past. Once an arguement is settled, and apologies are made, it is over. I never bring it up again, won't throw it in his face and I won't let it eat at me. So I think when you leave a relationship, you have to just accept it didn't work, don't look for blame and don't try to rationalize why. Sometimes things or people change, habits become irrating or you just may not like something about them once the "love haze" clears and you see them in the real light. But the bottom line still is...It just didn't work out. PERIOD.

[Olivia_19742004]

I am still friends with an ex-boyfriend of five years. We don't live in the same area however when he comes to town we try to have lunch or dinner together. It really depends on how a relationship ends that enables one to remain friends. Although we had some problems we were always the best of friends throughout the relationship which has been conducive to remaining in each others lives. He's a wonderful person and although we weren't the best together there's no reason in my opinion that we not remain friends for as long as possible.

[kgal]

Well..I think if there was a reasonable amount of closer...and both parties were in total agreement to remain "just friends"..it can work much better.

 

My ex and I have been working hard at it. We still have feelings (of love) for one another...but it's a matter of letting go of the romantic part and savoring the caring about one another's heart part. I love my ex and I don't think I ever will stop.....but I've realized that I have to love him enough to let him go as more...because the way things are around us....at the moment...this is what we've been forced to be...(just friends).

 

But being friends has much more benefits I feel...than when we were serious. I think that now....it's much easier to be myself and not worry about if he'll leave me or not...because we've both been seperated long enough to find out who we are as individuals again....(well I have anyway)....and I'm greatful for him in my life.

[Caveman]

I'm still friends with my ex ex (broke up 4 years ago) that I dated for 9 years...you can be friends w/an ex if he/she isn't an a-hole.

[amanda25]

I have ex's that I am still friends with, yes...I don't see anything wrong with it, as far as a friendship, nothing more if your with someone else..

[meanttolive4ever]

i tried being friends with my recent ex but its not working cause we dont keep in touch and he just drives me nuts

[dasani08810]

Funny topic!

 

My ex wife and I drove our relationship way past anomosity and into PURE HELL!!! Then, after about a year, we were going out dancing and just hanging. She was picking girls for me and I was picking guys for her.. We talk on the phone once or twice a week and get together for dinner or something a couple times a month.

 

Now it's developed into a very close friendship. I coach her on her guy problems and she coaches me on my girl problems. She too wants me to meet her b/f. I told her there HAS to be some kind of law against that! But, I also told her I'd LOVE to meet him; THEN I CAN WARN HIM!!!!

 

Really though, if you can maintain a friendship with the ex, they can be really helpful on issues of life. Who else in this world knows you better than someone you spent over a decade with?

 

Also, the other kicker is, we don't have kids together. There is no reason we are in each others lives except that we do love each other; but, just not "In love".

[Starnette83]

no im not friends with my ex of 3 years ago or more..anyways i tried being his friend after my feelings faded but he wanted me back,so it was annoying so i just would avoid him as much as i can..basically i can be friends with an ex i dont have feelings for anymore, but if they still have feelings i avoid them..

 

anyways with my bf who im with right now, if we break up we probably wouldnt be friends until a LONG LONG time, cuz i love him alot and iw ould not be happy just be a friend..i want more and being his friend would only hurt me and never help in moving on..so therefore i couldnt be friedns who i still have feelikngs for.

[magda]

Eh, I'm friends with all my exs. Friends enough, anyway. It's a little difficult once one of you starts seeing someone else because inevitably that person gets jealous. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not that GREAT of friends with any of my exs... kinda lost touch after awhile and let it stay that way. Now especially that I'm engaged to the man I love more than I've loved anyone (yay!) I don't really WANT anything to do with my exes even though I have nothing against them (long as they aren't my boyfriend..) and prefer it this way.

 

I think your attitude on this depends a lot on who initiated the break up and why, how long you were together, how longs its been, whether you're dating other people, how good of friends you are and what you do and how you behave as friends, etc. Usually the people you see posting on this site got burned. They are the people that tried being friends with the person who dumped them secretly hoping they'd get back together. I don't consider ulterior motives in friendship like that "friendship" but "courting". If you have too much invested in the friendship.. it's harder when it stops.

[EnigmaXOXO]

You know, I never saw what benefit there was in keeping an ex-lover left idling in the wings. Usually, I am slow to enter into a relationship in the first place. By that time, we've already gotten past the "friend" part. I've never been one to be flighty or indecisive, so when I end a relationship, it's always for a very good reason. The same reasons we couldn't get on well as lovers is the same reason why we couldn't get on well again as friends. Why even try to rewind that clock and go backwards?

 

This is not to say that any of my relationships ended badly. But when it's over…it's OVER. There are no lingering hard feelings between myself and any of my ex boyfriends, and I would have no problem saying "hello" if I accidentally bumped into one on the street. Even my ex husband and I remain amicable, but I'm certainly not going to "hang out" with him or try to be his good buddy. I think a part of growing up means learning how to let go of the past and move on.

 

Of course, the added benefit to this is that my current partner can feel absolutely confident where he stands when entering into a serious relationship with me. It's one less point of contention when there aren't ex-boyfriends buzzing about in the background. The man I'm with knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE is my best friend and takes precedence over all others. My loyalties are never split, and he doesn't have to share my time or attention with another guy…nor do I have to play those silly jealousy games to keep him forever wary and on his toes. And I certainly don't need all the extra male attention to feel good about myself. My partner does that for me.

 

For me…it works out soooo much better this way. And happy partners make for HAPPIER relationships!

[faux]

Originally posted by woodstok

Ok i have read post after post about how its virtually impossible to remain friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

Oh, it's entirely possible! The major factor is that quite a bit of time, months or years, has to pass before you can actually start out fresh and get into a friendship with an ex.

 

You mean nobody in this community has remained friends with an ex? Nobody?

 

I am friends with an ex of mine. I was friends with others, but we lost touch after a while. This one lives near me, and we dated about three years ago. I am also great friends with her current boyfriend, and the both of them are always there for me if I have need of them. They are definitely both true friends

 

It just sounds crazy to think remaining friends after a breakup is impossible, not good, a horrible idea....why? You mean two people that love each other cant remain friends just because they were once a couple, no matter how ugly or good the break up was. I want some input here, let me know, IS ANYONE READING THIS STILL FRIENDS WITH AN EX?

 

The ex that I am friends with actually involved a horrible break-up. We stopped talking to one another right after the relationship ended, and then about two years later we ran into one another again, and hit it off as friends. I think time without contact needs to go by, so that old feelings can heal and you can actually look at the person as a FRIEND and nothing more.

 

I think it's a bad idea to try a friendship with an ex too soon. I believe that months or years need to go by before this can really happen. As long as there is cooling down time, I don't see any reason why exes cannot become friends.

[woodstok]

Thank you, you make some very valid points, and although i may be going about things different one ever knows, situations are different and everyones circumstances vary. I am currently still talking to my ex, we just broke up about 3 weeks ago and yea i still hurt, but i am not the only one who initiates contact its mostly her, she wishes me a good day every day through test messaging as i do her, we dont really talk on the phone much but there is still some communication and usually that is about it, are we friends sure, i think so, and for me its somethinf new because as my ex knows i have never been friends with someone i dated, but hey i am giving it a shot....

[simplybrill]

I've personally never been able to be friends with an ex because :

 

1. keeping in touch only made them think there was a possibility of getting back together.

 

or

 

2. the person was such a jerk, that it would only hurt me, and make no logical sense to keep in touch.

 

The times Ive tried staying friends, just turned into a nightmare, because no matter what they would be jealous of my new beau, it was like they were just keeping in touch to try to keep me open as a possibility in case they broke up with their girl OR they were trying to creep in on whoever I was dating, and thats definitely a NO in my book.

[supermom]

Both my current husband and I are friends with my ex husband AND his wife. they have kids together, and me and my husband have a child together.

 

Yes we still care about each other, but the love, hurt, and all emotions attached to the relationship are now gone.

 

No more drama, friendship, it all ended up working out