Tina747 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'm a little new to dating. So I have a question and appreciate a straight forward answer. I met a guy while out with friends, He was very nice... we had a couple of drinks, danced, had fun, and had a kiss good night (just a kiss...really). He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He called and left a message to go on a date yesterday, but by the next day (no longer a little tipsie - and I feel bad about that) I know he is not my type at all (though he really is a very nice guy). He has called a few times more but hasn;t left a message. Do you think, knowing I don't feel attracterd to him now (now that the tipsie has worn off) I should call back? Which is less hurtful to a guy? Not returning a call or calling back to tell him I would just rather be friends if he asks for a date again.
Imajerk17 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) First of all Tina, I commend you for wanting to do the right thing. Someone who shows enough respect for someone else's feelings to actually do the right thing and get back to someone is, unfortunately, somewhat rare these days. You have three choices, as far as I see it: Call him back and tell him that you are available only for friendship. Or text him back and tell him that you had a good time with him, but you don't want to date right now. [You can be vague to spare feelings.] OR you could realize that your "usual type" hasn't been working for you, and that this guy actually might be worth your getting to know. (You are single now, right? Then all of your other previous relationships didn't work out.) Edited May 22, 2012 by Imajerk17
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well, you could be bluntly honest. That might be a breath of fresh air depending on the guy. I dunno, how would you feel if the situation were reversed? Would you rather not hear back, or would you rather hear brutal honesty? How about this: "Yenno I had fun the other night, but in hindsight I really don't find you to be my type, so I'm not interested in pursuing anything romantic. I am flattered, but I can't really see you as anything other than just a friend." That covers: Not my type Don't want to pursue anything Not interested He may still try, even after having said all of that (some of us guys are just thick like that) but at least you've already laid out a foundation of truth that you can refer back to if he persists.
insertnamehere Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Be clear absolutely. Be brutal if the need arises. As with any emotionally damaging message, your goal should be to cut deep and cut once.
JesseJames Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 New dater ay? Prediction: You're going to go out and drink the stupid juice, meet some redneck or fag, and be right back to here next week....only with the addition of some other trivial matter. 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 You don't need to be too blunt, just let him know that you thought about it and your situation some more, and you can't see anything happening with him. Being too blunt would be like a guy letting a girl know that she isn't pretty enough for him. She doesn't really need to hear that. OR consider giving the guy a chance, he might be good for you. 1
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 your type meaning he's not really good looking/stylish/cool? Cause god knows all that is way more important than being a nice person who seemingly cares about you 1
Freddys Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'm a little new to dating. So I have a question and appreciate a straight forward answer. I met a guy while out with friends, He was very nice... we had a couple of drinks, danced, had fun, and had a kiss good night (just a kiss...really). He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He called and left a message to go on a date yesterday, but by the next day (no longer a little tipsie - and I feel bad about that) I know he is not my type at all (though he really is a very nice guy). He has called a few times more but hasn;t left a message. Do you think, knowing I don't feel attracterd to him now (now that the tipsie has worn off) I should call back? Which is less hurtful to a guy? Not returning a call or calling back to tell him I would just rather be friends if he asks for a date again. Major facts for you: 1. You are NEW to dating, so we go to 2. You have no idea what you are looking for 3. What turns you on / off You JUST met this guy and you figured out is not for you (!), I would accept this in case you were experienced in the dating world. You don't even know if you should answer his phone calls (!!). Question: How old are you (both) ?
LittlePrince Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'm a little new to dating. So I have a question and appreciate a straight forward answer. I met a guy while out with friends, He was very nice... we had a couple of drinks, danced, had fun, and had a kiss good night (just a kiss...really). He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He called and left a message to go on a date yesterday, but by the next day (no longer a little tipsie - and I feel bad about that) I know he is not my type at all (though he really is a very nice guy). He has called a few times more but hasn;t left a message. Do you think, knowing I don't feel attracterd to him now (now that the tipsie has worn off) I should call back? Which is less hurtful to a guy? Not returning a call or calling back to tell him I would just rather be friends if he asks for a date again. The friendship sailed a long time ago and you weren't on its one time maiden cruise. You can't go back and undo that. That you had fun and did kiss him shows he is your type. You are having trouble coming to terms with that since he doesn't meet approval criteria which have nothing to do with who your type really is.
firehawk_1 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 seems like you will never find what you are looking for, just like other women on this site and many other dating sites and in the real world because its all about "looks". you need to live in REALITY and not lala land. if he is a good guy, then give it a PROPER chance. dont act like he has a disease
kaylan Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 wow...some really butt hurt bitter guys in this thread. Look OP, you may be new to dating, but all of us know what we are and arent attracted to in a mate. If the guy isnt doing it for you, just be honest and tell him you see him more as a friend. There are girls I dance with and makeout with in the bar or club that I couldnt see myself dating. Just because someone fills a slot for night time fun doesnt mean they fit all the slots for a relationship. Some butthurt folks dont understand that. Good luck miss.
truth_seeker Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Definitely reach out to him and let him know. You come off like a flake and a loser blowing him off.
MrCastle Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 "Hey I just wanted to say that i had fun the other night but i'm not looking for anything right now. i just want to make sure i don't lead you on." Bam. done. No one, man or woman, wants to hear "you're not my type" it's an ego killer and frankly, not even necessary to say. he'll get the message when you break it to him gently
carhill Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Question back, then an answer: How, so clearly, with such little interaction, even though apparently this interaction was overwhelmingly positive and enjoyable, do you so unequivocally know, just from that one interaction, that 'he is not my type', to the extent of apparently wishing to refuse his polite offer of a date? Ah, I see the answer of my choice was already provided, so I'll repeat it here: "Be clear absolutely. Be brutal if the need arises. As with any emotionally damaging message, your goal should be to cut deep and cut once." This is a time-tested and greatly effective method, especially with 'nice guys' who ask ladies out on dates. You'll never hear from him again, and that is the goal. Good luck.
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