newst Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Hi, I've been dating my girlfriend for just over a year and a half. Were both 20 and its been both our longest n most serious relationship. We've never argued which I know sounds crazy but were both quiet soft and had arguing parents any problems we do just talk. Such problems have been abit of paranoia about the other when out on the weekend. Anyway the last time me and my girlfriend had intercourse I'd actually noticed shed put on weight. No problem I still love her n thought nothing of it. A few days later she mentions "her friends" going for an abortion. I still thought nothing. She said she was going with her friend and took a day off work which I thought shed never normally do plus her friend has a boyfriend. From that day on my girlfriend went from replying instantly to my texts too not replying as it all n keeping the convo short and sweet. I went out the next day wondering what was up n sort of worrying about us anyway I got drunk and begged her to tell me if were ok or has she fallen out of love (I'm a worrier) She text back I can't deal with this right now I'm going through something not to sound rude but its not about us ill be fine soon. She told me in other texts she loves me. But then said shell sort everything out tomorrow well tomorrow came and she's text I think I need space sorry. So I asked are we over for good then or just want me to give you space. She text back break. I said I hope she's back to her old self soon and I'm always here for her n how much I love her. Its killing me not knowing if she doesn't want to be with me or if I'm right in thinking she had an abortion n prehaps didn't want to tell me as she's scared or thinking I won't support her with the choice. Any advice please? I was going to wait until friday which would have been a week and ask her too tell me what she meant by going through something because I don't see how over night we can go from talking for hours every day to nothing? Please help me.
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'm gonna tell you some things that you probably don't want to hear. When a chick starts using that whole "I need space" thing, you can pretty much figure you're on the way out. I know it's hard to hear, but that's how these things go, and I do speak from plenty of experience here. Best thing you can do is grant her request. If she's pulling away, instinctively it will make you want to pull her back in, and it will only make your situation worse. About the only thing you can do is give her PLENTY of space and see what happens. Stop texting her etc. Just leave her completely alone. I don't think this has anything to do with her friend getting an abortion. I don't think her taking a day off to help her friend deal with the whole thing sounds all that unreasonable or unrealistic. Maybe her friends bf couldn't be there for her, or just plain didn't know about it. The "space" thing is usually the death knell for a relationship. Be prepared for it, and give her all the space she asks for. I mean really do it. It's your only slim chance... and if she pulls back let her do it on her terms and do NOT get clingy on her.
Author newst Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I'm just left unsure if it is the friend because of the whole her going off me thing coming over night. 2 days before we saw each other and shed brought me aload of gifts and even a present for my parents. It literally happened her overnight going quiet. The fact she also said she's going through something and its not about us? I haven't sent one text but I find it crazy how we can be so close to nothing? I'm gonna have to text her friend and just beg to be put out my misery even if its harsh to hear and she says she's fallen out of love with me or even found someone else I'd rather that than not knowing and ill never fall out with her or have a bad word to say. My friends all suggest going out and enjoy being single but no one is like this girl I don't want no one else the more I'm around other women the more I want mine its like she understands me and I don't know anyone who's as nice as her. Feel like I'm having mini anxiety attacks just thinking about life without her it may sound silly to say a broken heart but I actually am getting pains in my chest n finding it harder too breathe.
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Don't text her friend. That's not going to end well, and isn't part of giving her space (it's her friend!) I know all that you feel newst. I know it doesn't help hearing that, but this anxiety, and pains, it's all very real. Also, the whole "one day seems fine and now this!" thing is more common than not. I call it the "180". Have had it happen several times to me. All it means is that she may have been deciding whether or not to break things off long before you got the whole "space" thing. Of course it's gonna seem sudden to you. For her it wasn't. Give her space. It's all you can do. If she doesn't come back, don't be surprised. If you need to vent, do it here, or better yet get a hold of a close friend or relative (not one of hers). If you're feeling really awful, don't just sit there at your computer by yourself. If you have really good friends NOW is the time to lean on them. You don't want to go through this on your own, trust me. Force yourself to be around people who care about you. Sleep over at their house if you have to. It's very important not to be alone while you deal with this. I feel for you man. I've been there. I know what it's like.
Savage4 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 If you are worried that she has not been completely honest with you about the abortion situation then you might consider asking her friend if they know anything. I've been in a similar situation with a pregnancy scare where I had to contact my girlfriend's friend because I was starting to have anxiety attacks. Turned out to be nothing more than poor communication. If you are only worried about the breakup... she told you she wants a break, so the best thing you can do is give her just that. Absolutely no contact at all. It really does sound counter-intuitive but it is your best chance for getting her back. I'm sorry you are going through all this pain. I've experienced the physical ache from a heartbreak and I know it can be debilitating. I understand that you are in that limbo stage right now where she is calling the shots and you have no idea what is going on. In my opinion it is the most painful and hardest parts of a breakup (even harder than getting burned with the truth). It's easier said than done but try to do your best to continue on with your life in the mean time. Give yourself some time and try to avoid doing anything you will regret later.
Author newst Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Thanks all for the replies I appreciate it. I would of been texting and begging to be honest its killing me but I love her ill do whatever she wants and if its space then fine. I just feel after a weeks space I have a right to know what happened. Did she say she's going through something and wants space just to protect my feelings? If not I'd love to know what she's going through and doesn't mean I'm gonna give my opinion or anything I'd still give her space and not mention it till she's ready. If it was to protect my feelings then it doesn't surprise me because she's the most caring person I know. I know only young but I'd do anything for her and know that n the word loves thrown around a lot but I really would and do. I lived my life thinking about her in every choice I done I'd not go to parties because I knew exs would be there and just how it'll make her feel not that I'd do anything with them. I'm probably going to get the bad news that there isn't anything she's going through she's just had enough of me but I'd love to know how you can fall out of love? Someone better come along? For me it don't get no better and I'd take any bad times with the good I just want her. My friends don't understand they all cheat yet think their in love. I just keep checking my phone n thinking maybe I've not heard n got a text but nope nothing all that's left for me to do is drink myself to sleep and hope friday comes quicker.
Hope4anangel Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Hey hun, Sounds like she is feeling quite down just now and perhaps doesn't want to bring you down with her? I would definitely leave her and give her space. She will come back when she's ready. I wouldn't look too much into the abortion thing as it most definitely could be the truth about her going with her friend. Perhaps her friend doesn't want her bf to know?? There could be 1010 reasons. I would give her the space she needs, she knows you're there for her. I know it's a horrible wait but I think you could end up making it worse if you keep phoning/texting her. She will let you know when she is ready. For now, do everything you can to keep your mind off of things - as hard as it is.
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