JesseJames Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Honestly, I need to put this sort of advice to use myself and actually sign up for clubs and whatnot. Even if I fail to meet a single girl, I'll make new friends and have a good time regardless. Yeah don't hang around the baby boomers....not one. They will squarsh any life around them like Voltron.
matte123 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Honestly, I need to put this sort of advice to use myself and actually sign up for clubs and whatnot. Even if I fail to meet a single girl, I'll make new friends and have a good time regardless. Yeah places like clubs are a really good place to socialized. If you do attend clubs, try to attend the first meeting because they do some kind of icebreaker. The problem with my school is that it's just so far away (I drive to school twice a week and it's about a 45 minute to hour drive) that If I were to consistently do social things with people at school, I would be spending about 800 dollars a month on gas. I actually had some guys at school invite me to do stuff with them but it's just too far away As far as making friends goes, I'm pretty good at that as long as the person is a man or a girl where there is no chance of any sort of a romantic connection. I made 2 male friends last week from my gym. I just feel extremely uncomfortable around attractive girls of any kind Sorry. I should have been more specific. I was suggesting that you could pick a club and attend it at least 1 time every other month or a school event which is held once a year. It seems like your problem is talking to attractive girls rather than meeting more girls based on your comment. Hmmm this is a dilemma. I guess you can try to push that uncomfortable feeling to the back of your mind and try to calm your nerves when you are around them. Remind yourself they are normal people and talk to them anyways. It may get easier with more practice. Just don't go into the conversation with any expectations.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Sorry. I should have been more specific. I was suggesting that you could pick a club and attend it at least 1 time every other month or a school event which is held once a year. It seems like your problem is talking to attractive girls rather than meeting more girls based on your comment. Hmmm this is a dilemma. I guess you can try to push that uncomfortable feeling to the back of your mind and try to calm your nerves when you are around them. Remind yourself they are normal people and talk to them anyways. It may get easier with more practice. Just don't go into the conversation with any expectations. Do you girls ever notice a guy and find yourself attracted to him? It would make things so much easier if a girl showed real signs of interest or maybe even approached me. I wouldn't have to go through all the questions in my head, "Is she single? Is she even into guys like me? Is she even interested in dating anybody at this time?" It sucks that we men still have to do all the work in the dating game in the year 2012
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 First, you need to forget/erase everything you think and hear about women especially on these forums...most of it is inflated and dramatic. When you start becoming a guy that sees more obstacles than opportunities then you're basically mentally barricading yourself in and not seeing any solutions which is a self-defeating process. Because you have no romantic experience with women, you see them as these goddesses of desire, something you've got to work and earn their bidding...well this isn't the royal court and they're not exactly royalty, they're just regular people/human beings. They talk, walk, eat, ****, fart, burp, can stink, the whole nine! You're letting that initial attraction you have to them dictate your actions...from their point of view most of these women are pretty insecure, they don't know If you're interested or like them or not...most women are just thinking about all their flaws (I'm not skinny enough, or tall enough, or pretty enough, or have big enough boobs, or a butt, etc..) they're not walking around thinking their Victoria Secret models..so If you start treating a girl like that because you're attracted then you just look aloof and strange, very shy and they don't understand what your problem is. Most guys think along the lines of; - I need to be in perfect shape - I need to be extremely tall - I need to be good looking - I need to have money - I need to have a good job - I need to have my own house/mansion - I need to drive a great car That's all bull****...any capable guy would roll his eyes at that list. You know why? because those things aren't even necessary, sure they help, sure they increase your chances with maybe a woman who requires them but ultimately how much is that actually going to affect you...not very much unless you let it! Now don't get me wrong, a girl doesn't want some broke ass, lazy bum that has no motivation, missing front teeth, etc...but they also don't want some douchebag who think he's a million bucks that has most things on that list because that's what his goal in life was to achieve and now thinks he deserves every woman and tries to buy them into bed, women aren't (usually) turned on by that either. The biggest asset a man can have is really his confidence, hell even blind confidence works. You ever see guys out there that are complete tools chatting up the ladies? It's because they know how to play the game...they bull****, turn on the charm, let out the smile...they seem genuine and like "nice" guys but you know they're the biggest tools...but they're acting like you should, they're confident, they're not putting their head down in shyness or scratching the back of their necks, and super embarrassed to say anything in a half-audible voice or afraid to ask questions...they just do it, and because a woman can't tell a difference between a jerk and a confident guy then they don't really see anything wrong with it (mainly young women who learn the ropes later on)...they just think "oh that guy was cute, and he was nice" but you're the real nice guy but you're too afraid so mr douchebag gets the "nice, sweet innocent dove" that you would probably be interested in and treat way better right? Bottom line, IF you don't put yourself out there and battle your fellow men...especially the douchebags or just these regular guys that you're competing with that are just like you just not as afraid...then these women are going to get swept up because you're too afraid to make a move and these women that you think are looking perfection are just looking for a regular preferably good-looking guy of course just like you're looking for a good looking guy to have the balls to come up to them and ask them out, they WANT you to do this...there are very attractive women out there that want a GF and for you to make a move...yes, some may reject you, some may burn you at times..but it doesn't matter! you're not going to end up on Americas funniest videos and the country is going to laugh at you! No one cares! It happens all the time but at least you tried, and you never know and can always improve your approach, it doesn't have to be "soooo, you come around here often! how about you and I take a ride on my love boat!". And that brings me to how you talk to women....you talk to them like people, like normal human beings, not elven archers in the forest of Ahzarasik or some *****, this is not an enchanted land of fairies and pixies. Just talk to them, just like you do your friends...no one liners, no special swagger necessary, just confidence and simple. You know why you talk easier with women that you're not interested in romantically? because it doesn't make you nervous, it doesn't make you anxious and there's no pressure....now take that mentality and talk to a girl you think is attractive, do the exact same thing...except ask her for a way to contact her, just casually, no big deal...you don't have to act like Mr. Casanova or even approach women yet out of the blue. If you find yourself in a situation where you should make a move, then make it! Have some courage, be bold, It doesn't matter if you succeed or fail, no one is keeping count, no one cares If you fail, and the more you do this the more you'll learn how to succeed than fail, like everything it takes practice but not much...just practice handling your nerves really. So go to concerts, women typically love music too..find someone with similar interest, try online dating so you can get comfortable talking to women and practice not being nervous...all you have to do is be yourself, It's so simple it's crazy yet so often overlooked. Can you control what every woman acts like and does? no! but who cares! Some are bitches, some are still sucked up into their ex, some are being strung along by another guy, some are just pissy that guy, and some are just scared immediately off put, but more often than not you'll find Its your approach and how you handle yourself. Don't try and hit on women, just try and talk to them and if the opportunity and interest is there you'll know because it'll be natural, don't doubt yourself, don't doubt it if you feel she's interested, you can't second guess yourself and with practice you'll learn to tell when someone is interested or not...and as you get older it just gets easier. Right now you're young, a lot of things are in your head that are not reality, but trust me If you keep at it and don't just let fear hold you back..you can come aloooooooooooooooong way from the guy you are now, for the better. 3
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 First, you need to forget/erase everything you think and hear about women especially on these forums...most of it is inflated and dramatic. When you start becoming a guy that sees more obstacles than opportunities then you're basically mentally barricading yourself in and not seeing any solutions which is a self-defeating process. Because you have no romantic experience with women, you see them as these goddesses of desire, something you've got to work and earn their bidding...well this isn't the royal court and they're not exactly royalty, they're just regular people/human beings. They talk, walk, eat, ****, fart, burp, can stink, the whole nine! You're letting that initial attraction you have to them dictate your actions...from their point of view most of these women are pretty insecure, they don't know If you're interested or like them or not...most women are just thinking about all their flaws (I'm not skinny enough, or tall enough, or pretty enough, or have big enough boobs, or a butt, etc..) they're not walking around thinking their Victoria Secret models..so If you start treating a girl like that because you're attracted then you just look aloof and strange, very shy and they don't understand what your problem is. Most guys think along the lines of; - I need to be in perfect shape - I need to be extremely tall - I need to be good looking - I need to have money - I need to have a good job - I need to have my own house/mansion - I need to drive a great car That's all bull****...any capable guy would roll his eyes at that list. You know why? because those things aren't even necessary, sure they help, sure they increase your chances with maybe a woman who requires them but ultimately how much is that actually going to affect you...not very much unless you let it! Now don't get me wrong, a girl doesn't want some broke ass, lazy bum that has no motivation, missing front teeth, etc...but they also don't want some douchebag who think he's a million bucks that has most things on that list because that's what his goal in life was to achieve and now thinks he deserves every woman and tries to buy them into bed, women aren't (usually) turned on by that either. The biggest asset a man can have is really his confidence, hell even blind confidence works. You ever see guys out there that are complete tools chatting up the ladies? It's because they know how to play the game...they bull****, turn on the charm, let out the smile...they seem genuine and like "nice" guys but you know they're the biggest tools...but they're acting like you should, they're confident, they're not putting their head down in shyness or scratching the back of their necks, and super embarrassed to say anything in a half-audible voice or afraid to ask questions...they just do it, and because a woman can't tell a difference between a jerk and a confident guy then they don't really see anything wrong with it (mainly young women who learn the ropes later on)...they just think "oh that guy was cute, and he was nice" but you're the real nice guy but you're too afraid so mr douchebag gets the "nice, sweet innocent dove" that you would probably be interested in and treat way better right? Bottom line, IF you don't put yourself out there and battle your fellow men...especially the douchebags or just these regular guys that you're competing with that are just like you just not as afraid...then these women are going to get swept up because you're too afraid to make a move and these women that you think are looking perfection are just looking for a regular preferably good-looking guy of course just like you're looking for a good looking guy to have the balls to come up to them and ask them out, they WANT you to do this...there are very attractive women out there that want a GF and for you to make a move...yes, some may reject you, some may burn you at times..but it doesn't matter! you're not going to end up on Americas funniest videos and the country is going to laugh at you! No one cares! It happens all the time but at least you tried, and you never know and can always improve your approach, it doesn't have to be "soooo, you come around here often! how about you and I take a ride on my love boat!". And that brings me to how you talk to women....you talk to them like people, like normal human beings, not elven archers in the forest of Ahzarasik or some *****, this is not an enchanted land of fairies and pixies. Just talk to them, just like you do your friends...no one liners, no special swagger necessary, just confidence and simple. You know why you talk easier with women that you're not interested in romantically? because it doesn't make you nervous, it doesn't make you anxious and there's no pressure....now take that mentality and talk to a girl you think is attractive, do the exact same thing...except ask her for a way to contact her, just casually, no big deal...you don't have to act like Mr. Casanova or even approach women yet out of the blue. If you find yourself in a situation where you should make a move, then make it! Have some courage, be bold, It doesn't matter if you succeed or fail, no one is keeping count, no one cares If you fail, and the more you do this the more you'll learn how to succeed than fail, like everything it takes practice but not much...just practice handling your nerves really. So go to concerts, women typically love music too..find someone with similar interest, try online dating so you can get comfortable talking to women and practice not being nervous...all you have to do is be yourself, It's so simple it's crazy yet so often overlooked. Can you control what every woman acts like and does? no! but who cares! Some are bitches, some are still sucked up into their ex, some are being strung along by another guy, some are just pissy that guy, and some are just scared immediately off put, but more often than not you'll find Its your approach and how you handle yourself. Don't try and hit on women, just try and talk to them and if the opportunity and interest is there you'll know because it'll be natural, don't doubt yourself, don't doubt it if you feel she's interested, you can't second guess yourself and with practice you'll learn to tell when someone is interested or not...and as you get older it just gets easier. Right now you're young, a lot of things are in your head that are not reality, but trust me If you keep at it and don't just let fear hold you back..you can come aloooooooooooooooong way from the guy you are now, for the better. Great post. Thank you much Yea it's probably true that confidence is the most important thing and that it can make up for a lot of short comings in other areas, but it's just hard to be confident as a male nowadays. We're all pounded the idea since birth that we have to be perfect, that we have to look a certain way, have a certain job, certain house, certain car, dress a certain way or else no woman will want us and it's probably not true. Hell my buddy is 23 years old, still in college and is dating a gorgeous 28 year old who has her own place and a real career that is absolutely crazy about him It's just for me to imagine that I have all this inner power inside of me cause I have had no romantic experience with women. After a while, you just see obstacles all around you and it makes it impossible to maneuver. It makes it very hard to imagine a girl being attracted to you
matte123 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Do you girls ever notice a guy and find yourself attracted to him? It would make things so much easier if a girl showed real signs of interest or maybe even approached me. I wouldn't have to go through all the questions in my head, "Is she single? Is she even into guys like me? Is she even interested in dating anybody at this time?" It sucks that we men still have to do all the work in the dating game in the year 2012 Sigh I feel like you might be like some of the other posters around here. In 2012, we have many types of girls. Not all the girls expect the men to be the initiator. Sometimes, girls would ask the man directly out on a date. Girls can also have the same problem as you which makes it hard for them to show interest especially if they are shy. Personally, I have noticed a guy and felt attracted to him. That was all the way in elementary school . It was mutual and we just exchange vday cards lol. If I was interested in a guy now, I would definitely approach him. I think it is more efficient to ask out someone you're attracted to than to wait around for them hoping they will approach you or show interest. Yes you might get rejected and maybe damage your ego but that's a risk that's worth taking in order to meet that special someone
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I know where you're coming from trust me, but you mentally make it much more complex and difficult than it actually is...It is infinitely easier than you can imagine compared to what you currently think in your head...all that stuff in your head about being perfect is you programming yourself, it's not real...it's not the reality, however It feels real IF that's what you make it, if you let it become your reality and live by that...hell anything is true IF you believe in it right? It's like standing at the edge of a 3 foot wide shallow stream of water....let's call it a river..and you're telling yourself.. - It's too wide, I can never jump it! - I'm not athletic enough! - What If i get swept away! - What If I drown! - What If a giant shark comes out and swallows me! - What if at the exact same time there is a tsunami and it ends up 10 ft wide, surely I'll never make it then! - I'm not wearing any gear, I have no floaties, no life vest, this is impossible - I can only pass this river with a boat, I need a boat..this is what everyone says I need and I believe it Then you finally close your eyes and jump it! Then you look back thinking...wtf! I made a big deal out of that, when all I had to do was try? that was it? that's the buildup, the tension, that was nothing! I can't believe I waiting this long to do it, I can't believe I mentally created this image and made it something out to be impossible and completely different than I ever expected. Trust me HallowedBeThyName...I'm no fool, I'm 31 years old and have got plenty of experience and know what I'm talking about, everything you're doing is just self-defeating...It's not that bad, all these obstacles are just complaining and created in your own head, you keep lurking around these forums and listening to the naysayers you're never going to be on the other side...step through that portal and start seeing possibilities, start actually trying and not trying so hard...It's easy, you're young, It's just going to get easier If you do the hard work now, If you stand on the other side of the river It'll just keep getting wider on you...you've got to give yourself credit and build your self-esteem, stop being your worst enemy, learn to respect yourself, learn to realize you have something to offer, you're a man...you have the ability to attract women, you've just got to know how to use what you've got and that starts with a different frame of thinking...think outside the box, change the way you think of yourself, you're not that fat kid anymore, nobody cares and nobody knows, they only know what you put out there.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Sigh I feel like you might be like some of the other posters around here. In 2012, we have many types of girls. Not all the girls expect the men to be the initiator. Sometimes, girls would ask the man directly out on a date. Girls can also have the same problem as you which makes it hard for them to show interest especially if they are shy. Personally, I have noticed a guy and felt attracted to him. That was all the way in elementary school . It was mutual and we just exchange vday cards lol. If I was interested in a guy now, I would definitely approach him. I think it is more efficient to ask out someone you're attracted to than to wait around for them hoping they will approach you or show interest. Yes you might get rejected and maybe damage your ego but that's a risk that's worth taking in order to meet that special someone Thank you for your post, but I've been approached by more gay men in the last month than women in my lifetime so I definitely think women expect men to do all the work I guess I can take the gay guys hitting on me as a compliment for being in great shape?
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) I know where you're coming from trust me, but you mentally make it much more complex and difficult than it actually is...It is infinitely easier than you can imagine compared to what you currently think in your head...all that stuff in your head about being perfect is you programming yourself, it's not real...it's not the reality, however It feels real IF that's what you make it, if you let it become your reality and live by that...hell anything is true IF you believe in it right? It's like standing at the edge of a 3 foot wide shallow stream of water....let's call it a river..and you're telling yourself.. - It's too wide, I can never jump it! - I'm not athletic enough! - What If i get swept away! - What If I drown! - What If a giant shark comes out and swallows me! - What if at the exact same time there is a tsunami and it ends up 10 ft wide, surely I'll never make it then! - I'm not wearing any gear, I have no floaties, no life vest, this is impossible - I can only pass this river with a boat, I need a boat..this is what everyone says I need and I believe it Then you finally close your eyes and jump it! Then you look back thinking...wtf! I made a big deal out of that, when all I had to do was try? that was it? that's the buildup, the tension, that was nothing! I can't believe I waiting this long to do it, I can't believe I mentally created this image and made it something out to be impossible and completely different than I ever expected. Trust me HallowedBeThyName...I'm no fool, I'm 31 years old and have got plenty of experience and know what I'm talking about, everything you're doing is just self-defeating...It's not that bad, all these obstacles are just complaining and created in your own head, you keep lurking around these forums and listening to the naysayers you're never going to be on the other side...step through that portal and start seeing possibilities, start actually trying and not trying so hard...It's easy, you're young, It's just going to get easier If you do the hard work now, If you stand on the other side of the river It'll just keep getting wider on you...you've got to give yourself credit and build your self-esteem, stop being your worst enemy, learn to respect yourself, learn to realize you have something to offer, you're a man...you have the ability to attract women, you've just got to know how to use what you've got and that starts with a different frame of thinking...think outside the box, change the way you think of yourself, you're not that fat kid anymore, nobody cares and nobody knows, they only know what you put out there. Another beautiful post Any motivation to make me stop thinking that girls have super unrealistic standards and that a girl could like somebody like me? Edited May 22, 2012 by HallowedBeThyName
tman666 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Ha. You remind me of a younger version of myself. Don't even try to explain your bodybuilding lifestyle to people who aren't into it. The people who you want to be around will understand that it's part of who you are. You're getting some good advice on branching out your social circle. Things like co-ed flag football/softball/volleyball can be a potential gold mine of available girls. Above all, however, simply make more of an effort to make contacts, or "network". One thing I will say is that, in my humble opinion, video games are an utter waste of time, ESPECIALLY for someone who is busy like you. If I were in your shoes, the first thing I'd do is sign up for and commit to something that forces you into co-ed social situations (yoga class, dance class, co-ed sports, volunteering) and ditch the games. They aren't doing anything for you, bro.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Ha. You remind me of a younger version of myself. Don't even try to explain your bodybuilding lifestyle to people who aren't into it. The people who you want to be around will understand that it's part of who you are. You're getting some good advice on branching out your social circle. Things like co-ed flag football/softball/volleyball can be a potential gold mine of available girls. Above all, however, simply make more of an effort to make contacts, or "network". One thing I will say is that, in my humble opinion, video games are an utter waste of time, ESPECIALLY for someone who is busy like you. If I were in your shoes, the first thing I'd do is sign up for and commit to something that forces you into co-ed social situations (yoga class, dance class, co-ed sports, volunteering) and ditch the games. They aren't doing anything for you, bro. But it's so much fun decapitating people with a shotgun on xbox live
tman666 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 But it's so much fun decapitating people with a shotgun on xbox live Tell me about it! I loves me some CoD and Elder Scrolls. I'm just relaying to you that I have personally found (now that I work full time, in addition to gym time, martial arts, cooking for myself, etc.) that there's simply no more room in my life for any substantial video game playing. Even if you get out and do something co-ed only twice per week for an hour or two each time, you can considerably expand yourself socially. One thing that helped me a lot with getting over being afraid of talking to hot girls is just to do it more. You'll quickly find that even the hottest females say stupid ****, embarrass themselves, and wake up with bad breath in the morning. Refer back to NinjaPajama's posts. Seriously though, you show me the perfect person and I'll sell you some cheap (just for you!) real estate on Mars.
Alma Mobley Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 bump for more opinions What opinion do you want to hear, eh?
Alma Mobley Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Tell me about it! I loves me some CoD and Elder Scrolls. OH FFS, COD? Really? That's the best you can do? I like Borderlands and Gears of War myself, oh and Bioshock and others that aren't FPS. 1
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I like Gears of War myself Marry me please
tman666 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 OH FFS, COD? Really? That's the best you can do? I like Borderlands and Gears of War myself, oh and Bioshock and others that aren't FPS. Haha the entire reason I even bought a PS3 was to play Deus Ex: Human Revolution. Everything else just seems "beneath" the Deus Ex series. /threadjack
Eminemilee Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 When I saw you I was like damn. If you see a girl you think is pretty and you would like to get to know her just talk to her and ask her on a date I think that's the only thing you can do to get experience. If it goes badly just try again. There are plenty of girls who have a range of interest and I'm sure they would be willing to try new things. I have the same problem with guys though I was never fat I was just always weird and guys don't like a weird girls.
RiverRunning Posted May 23, 2012 Posted May 23, 2012 I just don't have time for stuff like dancing and other activities. I am gonna be working 45-50 hours a week, I workout another 6-10 hours a week, running errands, social life and then the rest of my time is just alone time for me to recharge myself mentally I guess I "put the pussy on the pedestal" as the saying goes. I feel like girls have impossible standards and are looking for the perfect man. I have a hard time imagining any girl ever liking me I guess I still see myself as the fat kid in high school, even though I'm in great shape now Brother from another mother? Seriously. I'm a woman but I can relate so much to all of this. I'm still fat - but a lot thinner than I once was. Didn't get my first kiss or my first boyfriend until 19, but that first boyfriend was incredibly...well, awful. I would have taken ANY somewhat attractive guy who showed interest in me (and, well, that's exactly what I did). I'd caution against that: I placed SO much value in men and considered them so much better than myself that any attention from men was like gold to me. I'm a bit older than you are now, but I will say one thing: you're a very attractive guy. I'm sure you were still pretty freakin' attractive when you were 60 pounds heavier, too. The unfortunate thing is that society is SO fixated on being cut and thin that we're taught that overweight people are useless, unattractive, unworthy, etc. I also thought that my feelings of worthlessness, fear and anxiety would dissipate when I lost the weight (for me, about 85 pounds lost). I still feel as afraid, anxious and nervous as I did when I was 85 pounds heavier. I don't know if that fear will ever go away. I can say I was entirely wrong, though, to think it was all an outside job. So much of the work needs to be done on the inside. I don't think that women have impossible standards. And the more I live, the more I try to see that men don't have impossible standards either. Get to know as many people as you can. Male co-workers. If they ever have parties, GO. Get involved in community events, charitable organizations (even if you can only, say, write a press release for them or something once a month), hang out in the coffee shop. Spread the word that you're looking. For what it's worth, there isn't anything wrong with you. CALL ME. Wooo!
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 23, 2012 Author Posted May 23, 2012 Brother from another mother? Seriously. I'm a woman but I can relate so much to all of this. I'm still fat - but a lot thinner than I once was. Didn't get my first kiss or my first boyfriend until 19, but that first boyfriend was incredibly...well, awful. I would have taken ANY somewhat attractive guy who showed interest in me (and, well, that's exactly what I did). I'd caution against that: I placed SO much value in men and considered them so much better than myself that any attention from men was like gold to me. I'm a bit older than you are now, but I will say one thing: you're a very attractive guy. I'm sure you were still pretty freakin' attractive when you were 60 pounds heavier, too. The unfortunate thing is that society is SO fixated on being cut and thin that we're taught that overweight people are useless, unattractive, unworthy, etc. I also thought that my feelings of worthlessness, fear and anxiety would dissipate when I lost the weight (for me, about 85 pounds lost). I still feel as afraid, anxious and nervous as I did when I was 85 pounds heavier. I don't know if that fear will ever go away. I can say I was entirely wrong, though, to think it was all an outside job. So much of the work needs to be done on the inside. I don't think that women have impossible standards. And the more I live, the more I try to see that men don't have impossible standards either. Get to know as many people as you can. Male co-workers. If they ever have parties, GO. Get involved in community events, charitable organizations (even if you can only, say, write a press release for them or something once a month), hang out in the coffee shop. Spread the word that you're looking. For what it's worth, there isn't anything wrong with you. CALL ME. Wooo! Great post. I would give you a call but there's about a 99.99999% chance that me and you don't live within even a 100 miles of each other
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