ivalm Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Things I like generally involve very few women Sports Bodybuilding Videogames History/Technology Music Movies Widen your interests There might be mixed teams you can join in some of the sports you play? There might be volunteering type opportunities you can try? Amateur theater/improv? By music/movies.. do you mean the standard things pumped by the entertainment industry or something niche? If niche you may find meet up groups/people who have same interests. Again, sort of hard to find a type of activity where you're constantly touching different physically fit girls and have opportunities to talk to them as much as you want (yes, I'm talking about dancing), but there are hobbies which have at least 50/50 male/female balance, which I guess is better than what you have now. I guess, you can't say "my life is horrible I can't get a gf, but I don't want to change my life in ways that would introduce me to a larger circle of girls". It just seems strange to me that girls didn't already come on to you on their own, you must really push them aside (thus I really think an activity that pushes you to them will help you immensely). Edited May 22, 2012 by ivalm
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 There might be mixed teams you can join in some of the sports you play? There might be volunteering type opportunities you can try? Amateur theater/improv? By music/movies.. do you mean the standard things pumped by the entertainment industry or something niche? If niche you may find meet up groups/people who have same interests. Again, sort of hard to find a type of activity where you're constantly touching different physically fit girls and have opportunities to talk to them as much as you want (yes, I'm talking about dancing), but there are hobbies which have at least 50/50 male/female balance, which I guess is better than what you have now. I guess, you can't say "my life is horrible I can't get a gf, but I don't want to change my life in ways that would introduce me to a larger circle of girls". It just seems strange to me that girls didn't already come on to you on their own, you must really push them aside (thus I really think an activity that pushes you to them will help you immensely). I'm a huge music nut - I love everything from rock, rap, techno, country, classical, metal, etc... I think the most feasible thing for me to do is probably widening my social circle and hoping to find some girls through that. Also talk to girls at the gym and when I go out to bars
ivalm Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'm a huge music nut - I love everything from rock, rap, techno, country, classical, metal, etc... I think the most feasible thing for me to do is probably widening my social circle and hoping to find some girls through that. Also talk to girls at the gym and when I go out to bars You can try. So I know a few of the girls who work at my gym, but I haven't really managed to talk to many of the girls who actually exercise as it's like cold approaching except you're busy doing your thing (also presumably you're in the weights section and they are in the treadmill section). Bars are good for hookups... Widening your own social circle, if you can realistically do that and it's not just empty talk, sure, go for it, that's always good, but it's just oftentimes a hard thing to do.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) You can try. So I know a few of the girls who work at my gym, but I haven't really managed to talk to many of the girls who actually exercise as it's like cold approaching except you're busy doing your thing (also presumably you're in the weights section and they are in the treadmill section). Bars are good for hookups... Widening your own social circle, if you can realistically do that and it's not just empty talk, sure, go for it, that's always good, but it's just oftentimes a hard thing to do. the "hobby" thing is hard to do man. Like I said I don't really have many hobbies that involve a lot of women. Things like volunteering or improv theater hold zero appeal to me. The only sports I enjoy playing involve no women - mainly football, basketball, hockey and mixed martial arts Is there really any point in trying online dating? I'm terrible at coming up with some sort of witty remarks. Can I get girls online with the same conversations as I would have in real life? Edited May 22, 2012 by HallowedBeThyName
thepedestrian Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 You spend ten hours a week working out? Cut that down and use a couple of those hours doing hot yoga. Still a bit of a workout but you'll surely meet people in a female dominated setting.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 You spend ten hours a week working out? Cut that down and use a couple of those hours doing hot yoga. Still a bit of a workout but you'll surely meet people in a female dominated setting. Eh no interest in that either to be honest, I can't spend 45 minutes doing something I really dislike just for the sole purpose of meeting a girl
thecatsmeow Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'm a huge music nut - I love everything from rock, rap, techno, country, classical, metal, etc... I think the most feasible thing for me to do is probably widening my social circle and hoping to find some girls through that. Also talk to girls at the gym and when I go out to bars If you're really into music and debating about online dating but don't want to use dating sites, I'd recommend making a last.fm account ( Last.fm - Listen to free music with internet radio and the largest music catalogue online ), building up your music profile and talking to girls online through there that have similar music taste. I've met SO many people through last.fm and the community is extremely friendly. You can add concerts to your profile, and see who is also going to the same show. Maybe see which girls are going and talk to them, see if you can meet up with them. Why don't you talk to your friends' girlfriends about your problem? They all love you and I'm sure they'd be open to introducing you to more girls.
FitChick Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Since you are attractive, online dating would work for you. You could join a church and meet groups of women at church events without any pressure.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 If you're really into music and debating about online dating but don't want to use dating sites, I'd recommend making a last.fm account ( Last.fm - Listen to free music with internet radio and the largest music catalogue online ), building up your music profile and talking to girls online through there that have similar music taste. I've met SO many people through last.fm and the community is extremely friendly. You can add concerts to your profile, and see who is also going to the same show. Maybe see which girls are going and talk to them, see if you can meet up with them. interesting, I might try this Why don't you talk to your friends' girlfriends about your problem? They all love you and I'm sure they'd be open to introducing you to more girls. Well, my best friend's girlfriend is 28 years old. All the girls she knows are in that 26-30+ age range. Not that they're not beautiful but I don't want to date anybody older than 24-25 because I'm not gonna be getting married in the next 5 years (my goal is to get married around 30-35) The other one is 30. A lot of my good friends are older as you can see and my younger friends are all mainly single
mooninite Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 You sound just like me. Since you like sports, where do you live? Look into this: WAKA Kickball | Best Parties. Best Games. Best Friends. It's co-ed kickball. If you live in a major metropolitan area, chances are there's a league near you. In my city, there are multiple leagues, eachplaying a different night a week. Basicaly all the teams meet and play one game a week. Then they go to a sponsor bar, and get drink specials and play each other in flip cup and other drinking games. It is perfect for the college age/post college 20 something year old. The leagues also have pre-season, mid season, and post season parties at rented out bars. if you're not that big on the drinking, there are also co-ed softball leagues here where I live, and the teams there aren't affiliated with bars and always go out after the games to get drink. And if you're really big on working out, you could check out Crossfit. There are Crossfit gyms in ever city now, and the chicks that do it are all atractive. Have you heard of it? It's a group workout thing, but it high intensity and combines sprints, Olympic weightlifting, gymnastics, powerlifting, bodyweight exercises, plyometrics, and more.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Since you are attractive, online dating would work for you. Thank you. I might try that The problem is that I'm terrible at coming up with some sort of witty 1 liner. Why do women on these OLD sites want men to come up with witty messages? Isn't the point of dating to find a decent looking mate who is a nice person? You could join a church and meet groups of women at church events without any pressure. I'm an agnostic leaning towards atheist
JesseJames Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Atheist? You into string theory? hee hee hee This here, all of creation, is a work of art. You, are a piece of work. Stop that.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Atheist? You into string theory? hee hee hee This here, all of creation, is a work of art. You, are a piece of work. Stop that. Huh?
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 What would you guys recommend for me? All I want is a nice girl that can actually make me feel like I'm a normal human being and not a freak. I'm so sick and tired of going to social occasions with friends and family and having to constantly explain to them why I am always alone. Here's a picture of me if you're curious what I look like BTW Is that really a picture of you? I would think that if it was that you wouldn't be a 23 year old without a GF. A lot of women would have thrown themselves all over you if that's what you look like. Even if you were weird, shy, or a total d@uchebag. I know what women like, and it is that. Perhaps you live a pretty reclusive lifestyle.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Is that really a picture of you? I would think that if it was that you wouldn't be a 23 year old without a GF. A lot of women would have thrown themselves all over you if that's what you look like. Even if you were weird, shy, or a total d@uchebag. Perhaps you live a pretty reclusive lifestyle. Looks are very overrated when it comes to men I would say I do get a lot of attention, but it's usually from gay men. Not much at all in terms of women, I think they are more interested in guys with a lot of status than a pretty face or a nice physique
ScreamingTrees Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well, good on you for losing the weight, man! You're a good looking guy. And this is coming from a supposedly "above-average" looking guy (according to a few LS posters) who always loathed his appearance. (I've totally changed my self perception and it's done a lot for me, I think you need to do the same.) You're in the same boat as myself; I just work my transition job and go home, comfortably numb and unsure of what to do with myself. I have mild social anxiety, but for the most part I CAN go out and do things and have no problem, according to the people around me. But in general I don't really go anywhere, at least where I'm around people I don't know.. I go to the same two or three perpetually empty places and rarely socialize with people outside of my very small, very close social circle.. I have a few other "circles" that I hang with sometimes, but they usually call me for a night out, not the other way around.. I'm sort of afraid to just go out on my own to places and just walk into a <insert activity here> and make casual conversation with total strangers.. At the end of the day, no one is going to hand an attractive woman to us.. But if either of us were to go out to the right place, I'd be willing to bet decent money that both of us would catch at least ONE girl's interest. Nothing will change unless we do.. And I'm still trying to.. It's going to be a pain in the ass to find things to do and places to go to where you'll also be able to meet some attractive women, but it'll all fall into place eventually. The hardest part is figuring out where you have to go to meet attractive women, and just putting yourself out there.. For guys like you and me, the easiest parts seem to be the hardest.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Well, good on you for losing the weight, man! You're a good looking guy. And this is coming from a supposedly "above-average" looking guy (according to a few LS posters) who always loathed his appearance. (I've totally changed my self perception and it's done a lot for me, I think you need to do the same.) You're in the same boat as myself; I just work my transition job and go home, comfortably numb and unsure of what to do with myself. I have mild social anxiety, but for the most part I CAN go out and do things and have no problem, according to the people around me. But in general I don't really go anywhere, at least where I'm around people I don't know.. I go to the same two or three perpetually empty places and rarely socialize with people outside of my very small, very close social circle.. I have a few other "circles" that I hang with sometimes, but they usually call me for a night out, not the other way around.. I'm sort of afraid to just go out on my own to places and just walk into a <insert activity here> and make casual conversation with total strangers.. At the end of the day, no one is going to hand an attractive woman to us.. But if either of us were to go out to the right place, I'd be willing to bet decent money that both of us would catch at least ONE girl's interest. Nothing will change unless we do.. And I'm still trying to.. It's going to be a pain in the ass to find things to do and places to go to where you'll also be able to meet some attractive women, but it'll all fall into place eventually. The hardest part is figuring out where you have to go to meet attractive women, and just putting yourself out there.. For guys like you and me, the easiest parts seem to be the hardest. Good post man I think in general woman make things much harder than it has to be by always demanding that men approach and that men do every aspect of the dating game It would be nice to get approached once or have a girl show real interest to you. It's a pain in the ass to try to figure out if a girl is single or has a boyfriend, if she is interested in your "type" or if she's even interested in dating somebody at the moment
ScreamingTrees Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Dude, don't worry about it. You're a good looking guy, all you honestly have to do is just test the waters with a girl, just talk to her, feel out her vibes, give her a smile.. If you go out and a total stranger gives you her attention or tries talking to you, you should just go with it and assume she'd be receptive to your advances. She can't blame you for thinking she's into you if you don't know her and she's acting like she is.. I don't think that men always HAVE to approach.. Some girls will definitely go after you aggressively. Just as some girls will write you off as too good looking for them, or some will simply be intimidated by you or simply not be into your look.. But if there's nothing wrong with you, why assume the worst? It only hurts YOU, internally and externally.. Funny you should mention getting attention from gay men.. I've got this much older gay/asexual family friend who jokingly (wonder how quick that'd turn if *I* was serious) hits on me. I figure he's (hopefully) joking, but sometimes I really wonder.. At the other end of the spectrum, I've also recently been informed this younger troubled kid who I'd befriended and tried to "mentor" thinks I'm "hot".. This is all wonderful, but totally useless for me as I'm not into the penis. I arguably get as much if not more attention from gay guys.. It sucks when a guy might be very handsome but insecure, because girls in general might be intimidated by you, and you mis-interpret the lack of attention as disinterest.. But go and talk to a girl and you slowly realize that you're not giving yourself enough credit. Edited May 22, 2012 by ScreamingTrees
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Dude, don't worry about it. You're a good looking guy, all you honestly have to do is just test the waters with a girl, just talk to her, feel out her vibes, give her a smile.. If you go out and a total stranger gives you her attention or tries talking to you, you should just go with it and assume she'd be receptive to your advances. She can't blame you for thinking she's into you if you don't know her and she's acting like she is.. I don't think that men always HAVE to approach.. Some girls will definitely go after you aggressively. Just as some girls will write you off as too good looking for them, or some will simply be intimidated by you or simply not be into your look.. But if there's nothing wrong with you, why assume the worst? It only hurts YOU, internally and externally.. I've had experiences where a clerk would say something totally silly and I just get the feeling in my gut that I probably gave her nerves a jolt with my (rare) smile or whatever.. Funny you should mention getting attention from gay men.. I've got this much older gay/asexual family friend who jokingly (wonder how quick that'd turn if *I* was serious) hits on me. I figure he's (hopefully) joking, but sometimes I really wonder.. At the other end of the spectrum, I've also recently been informed this younger troubled kid who I'd befriended and tried to "mentor" thinks I'm "hot".. This is all wonderful, but totally useless knowledge for me as I'm not into the penis. I arguably get as much if not more attention from gay guys.. It sucks when a guy might be very handsome but insecure, because girls in general might be intimidated by you, and you mis-interpret the lack of attention as disinterest.. But go and talk to a girl and you slowly realize that you're not giving yourself enough credit. Good post again. I don't get equal attention from gay guys though, I get about 10 times more attention from gay guys than girls I'm fairly well built though so I guess maybe that's a part of it. People assume a guy who dresses well and takes care of himself is gay? I'm very flattered of course and I am always very nice to these guys, but it's useless attention as you said
ScreamingTrees Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 People might assume a lot of things to be gay, but it doesn't mean anything. As a heterosexual male, I'm not really sure what I might do that comes off as gay. I like to wear clothes with daring colors sometimes, but nothing too crazy.. Other than that, I wouldn't say I'm effeminate in any obvious way. I honestly don't know why you'd get so much attention from other guys, to be honest. Sounds a bit odd.. But I do believe you need to put yourself out there for the women to come around. If all else fails, try to go after what you want. What's the worst that can happen? 50/50 chances here..
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 People might assume a lot of things to be gay, but it doesn't mean anything. As a heterosexual male, I'm not really sure what I might do that comes off as gay. I like to wear clothes with daring colors sometimes, but nothing too crazy.. Other than that, I wouldn't say I'm effeminate in any obvious way. I honestly don't know why you'd get so much attention from other guys, to be honest. Sounds a bit odd.. But I do believe you need to put yourself out there for the women to come around. If all else fails, try to go after what you want. What's the worst that can happen? 50/50 chances here.. I'll try I guess I just have to stop assuming girls have crazy standards and being so harsh on myself as the first step
matte123 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Things I like generally involve very few women Sports Bodybuilding Videogames History/Technology Music Movies Trust me, there are lots of girls out there interested in the things you listed above (I haven't met a girl who's interested in body building but I know they do exist) Since you're in college, you're actually expose to those girls frequently. Maybe it's just harder to tell because from my experience, they usually mention these topics outside of class. You don't have to attend every club event but do try to attend some? It'll help you meet more people. Right now, you need to just expand your social circle and change your views. Take some risk. Maybe they will pay off. And don't worry about having a witty comment. Just be yourself and treat the girl you meet with respect. May or may not be helpful: Some of the ways I befriend people besides being introduced to them by friends was by asking people question about something related to the class, asking for directions, and working in groups. It usually ends up leading to the common "What's your major?" question and then go from there.
ScreamingTrees Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I'll try I guess I just have to stop assuming girls have crazy standards and being so harsh on myself as the first step Have you ever actually been heartlessly rejected? If not, don't try to predict the outcome when you don't know. Some girls WILL reject you, regardless of how attractive you are simply due to other incompatibilities.. And then some girls ARE a bit shallow and just look for status, but you can usually tell these girls apart from the more down to earth majority. Change your mindset, and everything will change with it, trust me, I know this from experience. I realize that I was a good looking guy all along, and I just needed to really believe it.. Now my mind & body are synchronized and I'm ready to take on the world..
ScreamingTrees Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Trust me, there are lots of girls out there interested in the things you listed above (I haven't met a girl who's interested in body building but I know they do exist) Since you're in college, you're actually expose to those girls frequently. Maybe it's just harder to tell because from my experience, they usually mention these topics outside of class. You don't have to attend every club event but do try to attend some? It'll help you meet more people. Right now, you need to just expand your social circle and change your views. Take some risk. Maybe they will pay off. And don't worry about having a witty comment. Just be yourself and treat the girl you meet with respect. May or may not be helpful: Some of the ways I befriend people besides being introduced to them by friends was by asking people question about something related to the class, asking for directions, and working in groups. It usually ends up leading to the common "What's your major?" question and then go from there. Honestly, I need to put this sort of advice to use myself and actually sign up for clubs and whatnot. Even if I fail to meet a single girl, I'll make new friends and have a good time regardless.
Author HallowedBeThyName Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 (edited) Trust me, there are lots of girls out there interested in the things you listed above (I haven't met a girl who's interested in body building but I know they do exist) Since you're in college, you're actually expose to those girls frequently. Maybe it's just harder to tell because from my experience, they usually mention these topics outside of class. You don't have to attend every club event but do try to attend some? It'll help you meet more people. Right now, you need to just expand your social circle and change your views. Take some risk. Maybe they will pay off. And don't worry about having a witty comment. Just be yourself and treat the girl you meet with respect. May or may not be helpful: Some of the ways I befriend people besides being introduced to them by friends was by asking people question about something related to the class, asking for directions, and working in groups. It usually ends up leading to the common "What's your major?" question and then go from there. The problem with my school is that it's just so far away (I drive to school twice a week and it's about a 45 minute to hour drive) that If I were to consistently do social things with people at school, I would be spending about 800 dollars a month on gas. I actually had some guys at school invite me to do stuff with them but it's just too far away As far as making friends goes, I'm pretty good at that as long as the person is a man or a girl where there is no chance of any sort of a romantic connection. I made 2 male friends last week from my gym. I just feel extremely uncomfortable around attractive girls of any kind Edited May 22, 2012 by HallowedBeThyName
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