Tree_Salmon Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Some of you know my story so you might find it interesting to note that after a month and a day of NC my ex messaged me on a messenger program. The only way she could possibly contact me. Since every other avenue is unavailable. I honestly didn't expect it after the horribly immature way it ended but there it is. The message was weird. All she said was that shes gotten so used to speaking with me and that its now become a part of memory to do so. My logic says leave it alone and don't respond. What I don't know is if this is an attempt to see what im up to or to rub something in my face or to try and rekindle something or just to hurt me somehow. In any case I have changed drastically since one month ago. I mean years worth of progress in 1 month. So I'm going to take a few and see what my brain is thinking. what do you guys think?
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Please, please don't respond. Really I know.... I do understand...but you will set yourself way back, beyond one month... I know it's so tempting, but - You began No Contact. don't be the one to end it. She's not reaching out. It's a fishing hook. Stay firm, stay resolved and stay sane. Otherwise, it will truly mess you up with a capital 'F'. 3
lovinglife21 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Please, please don't respond. Really I know.... I do understand...but you will set yourself way back, beyond one month... I know it's so tempting, but - You began No Contact. don't be the one to end it. She's not reaching out. It's a fishing hook. Stay firm, stay resolved and stay sane. Otherwise, it will truly mess you up with a capital 'F'. Seconded, ask yourself is it really worth going through that whole month again? xx 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I plan on leaving it alone but what could the intention be?
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Two words. Bread crumbs.. or is that one word? Breadcrumbs? Either way it's no good. Don't respond. I responded to breadcrumbs once, and even though I held my ground, and tried to muster as much dignity with it as possible, it had set ME back, and that's the last thing I wanted. Don't think about what she's thinking. That isn't even relevant anymore. Think about YOUR progress and where YOU want or need to be.
Chi townD Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 All she said was that shes gotten so used to speaking with me and that its now become a part of memory to do so. Ummmm.....okay, to me it reads like, "Opps! Sorry! So used to talking to you that contact was a force of habit. MY BAD!" Breadcrumbs...she's fishing. She's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Ummmm.....okay, to me it reads like, "Opps! Sorry! So used to talking to you that contact was a force of habit. MY BAD!" Breadcrumbs...she's fishing. She's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. almost exactly what it said. and what if the dog isn't there? no fish biting? I would guess she pulls harder. I wont lie it's bothering me. But I'm not going to be impulsive.
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Vent. Tell us here, what you would respond with, if you fell for it. Go on, let rip. We can take it. Better here than elsewhere..... 1
MissBrunette84 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 almost exactly what it said. and what if the dog isn't there? no fish biting? I would guess she pulls harder. I wont lie it's bothering me. But I'm not going to be impulsive. I think you're right in that if you are not on the other end of the leash then she would pull harder. It would bother me too, thats why I changed my phone number, emails and everything because I do not want any bread crumbs like this messing me up. Harder said than done to ignore it. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I think you're right in that if you are not on the other end of the leash then she would pull harder. It would bother me too, thats why I changed my phone number, emails and everything because I do not want any bread crumbs like this messing me up. Harder said than done to ignore it. I did all those things already. If people want to find you they will. I hear you, MissB. I'm just going to tread carefully. I've been doing so good in my development I don't want to undermine this.
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Some of you know my story so you might find it interesting to note that after a month and a day of NC my ex messaged me on a messenger program. The only way she could possibly contact me. Since every other avenue is unavailable. I honestly didn't expect it after the horribly immature way it ended but there it is. The message was weird. All she said was that shes gotten so used to speaking with me and that its now become a part of memory to do so. My logic says leave it alone and don't respond. What I don't know is if this is an attempt to see what im up to or to rub something in my face or to try and rekindle something or just to hurt me somehow. In any case I have changed drastically since one month ago. I mean years worth of progress in 1 month. So I'm going to take a few and see what my brain is thinking. what do you guys think? Guess what? Mine did the same thing today, except that he said more things to blame me for how hurt he is. I didn't respond...but then somewhere along the day I got so pissed at work that I responded to him. Now I feel like crap. but trying to deal with it. So lesson learned. Don't do it, Tree. You've come a long way to recovery and been doing well. Keep at it!
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Guess what? Mine did the same thing today, except that he said more things to blame me for how hurt he is. I didn't respond...but then somewhere along the day I got so pissed at work that I responded to him. Now I feel like crap. but trying to deal with it. So lesson learned. Don't do it, Tree. You've come a long way to recovery and been doing well. Keep at it! Noooo! Lady, you gave in. You should have left it alone. Or you should have been completely cool with it. Agreeable. It would have blindsided him.
chemar22 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 The only real way to end things with her is to not respond ever again. If the NC was to reel her back in, it sounds like she is tossing the line out to see if you're still around. If the NC was to end things for good, don't respond EVER! She'll finally realize that there is no chance left, especially if she's just taunting you. She'll get bored because her actions are showing any results, and move on.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Noooo! Lady, you gave in. You should have left it alone. Or you should have been completely cool with it. Agreeable. It would have blindsided him. The thing is Tree, if she wants you that badly she'd try harder than what she has said. She'd make a point of trying to get you to talk to her. Lady, don't worry about giving in at least you know what comes of actually responding, its super hard when a person you have/had so many feelings for just talks to you and catches you off gaurd to just dismiss it. Your mind starts going over time of, what did they want? what if I don't reply ? all the what ifs start so its hard. Don;t beat yourself up about it
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 The only real way to end things with her is to not respond ever again. If the NC was to reel her back in, it sounds like she is tossing the line out to see if you're still around. If the NC was to end things for good, don't respond EVER! She'll finally realize that there is no chance left, especially if she's just taunting you. She'll get bored because her actions are showing any results, and move on. Well let's say I wanted her back? And believe me this is hypothetical. This part of a breakup always interests me. Is there a time limit or a certain level of response that allows possibility for reconciliation. Mind you I've been through it before at least 3 times and I've seen it happen. But this is the first time that there's a rebound involved.
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Noooo! Lady, you gave in. You should have left it alone. Or you should have been completely cool with it. Agreeable. It would have blindsided him. Thing was, I was pissed AND agreeable. He blames me way too much to be blindsided. I am starting to wonder again if I am the abuser in our relationship.
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Lady, don't worry about giving in at least you know what comes of actually responding, its super hard when a person you have/had so many feelings for just talks to you and catches you off gaurd to just dismiss it. Your mind starts going over time of, what did they want? what if I don't reply ? all the what ifs start so its hard. Don;t beat yourself up about it Yeah. I can't make sense out of anything he does anymore. It throws me off whack and I just am sitting here wondering what the hell is going on with my life and my relationship now (which isn't a relationship anymore but I'm just confused I guess?). We all need to be in the same boat, throw away our phones and no computers and just sail away and live life. Thanks though, MissBrunette 1
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Well let's say I wanted her back? And believe me this is hypothetical. This part of a breakup always interests me. Is there a time limit or a certain level of response that allows possibility for reconciliation. Mind you I've been through it before at least 3 times and I've seen it happen. But this is the first time that there's a rebound involved. I'm sure there's always the possibility for reconciliation. And then there will also be the possibility of the same type of heartache and pain and deceit and possibly another break up.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Thing was, I was pissed AND agreeable. He blames me way too much to be blindsided. I am starting to wonder again if I am the abuser in our relationship. You never know. To the other person might have thought that you were the worst. We can never tell what they think of us. I know mine thought I was horrible sometimes even though I felt as though I was very loving and caring. His reaction shows that he's immature though. There's no reason to pick a fight. Sounds like you made the right choice. Little boys throwing a tantrum. You don't need a pu$$y.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Yeah. I can't make sense out of anything he does anymore. It throws me off whack and I just am sitting here wondering what the hell is going on with my life and my relationship now (which isn't a relationship anymore but I'm just confused I guess?). We all need to be in the same boat, throw away our phones and no computers and just sail away and live life. Thanks though, MissBrunette I like that idea, like a LS vacation for all us having such a hard bloody time! I can completely understand that it throws you off, it would throw me off, thats why I kind of drop off the planet for a while because if he could get a hold of me and actually get in touch with me, Im not sure he would, but if he could and did, it would make me ridiculously confused. 1
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 His reaction shows that he's immature though. There's no reason to pick a fight. Sounds like you made the right choice. Little boys throwing a tantrum. You don't need a pu$$y. The way he said it wasn't tantruming though. Sounded pretty serious and calm and sincere. Thus why I'm wondering if I was really the abuser for what I've done before. Sorry...I'm always adding my issues to people's posts lol..have to get rid of this habit!
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I like that idea, like a LS vacation for all us having such a hard bloody time! I can completely understand that it throws you off, it would throw me off, thats why I kind of drop off the planet for a while because if he could get a hold of me and actually get in touch with me, Im not sure he would, but if he could and did, it would make me ridiculously confused. Yeah. You totally get me there. :\
MissBrunette84 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 The way he said it wasn't tantruming though. Sounded pretty serious and calm and sincere. Thus why I'm wondering if I was really the abuser for what I've done before. Sorry...I'm always adding my issues to people's posts lol..have to get rid of this habit! Don't worry we're all here for the same reason and to help if we can. With my situation, we have reconciled a few times too and I'm in the same boat as Tree where this is the first time I think another person is involved. Last time he couldnt get a hold of me for 3 weeks he turned up at my door. This time because theres another person then I'm not sure if he'll realise anything...then I have the added thing of if he did do that again, do I want him back because he was pretty crappy to me in the end...can I forgive the hurt... but then I wonder if I'm strong enough to turn him away... meh lol wheres this boat 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I like that idea, like a LS vacation for all us having such a hard bloody time! I can completely understand that it throws you off, it would throw me off, thats why I kind of drop off the planet for a while because if he could get a hold of me and actually get in touch with me, Im not sure he would, but if he could and did, it would make me ridiculously confused. Let's go, Miss. Iceland? 1
MissBrunette84 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Let's go, Miss. Iceland? Sounds like a good plan to me lol. 1
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