1960Cali Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I am a 50 year old man. 3 years ago, I met a woman "Jane" (now 41) at work. Her area does not regulary interact with mine and we both work for a large department. I was attracted to Jane and I felt she was attracted to me. Over the next year, we talked a few times, and met for coffee or lunch a few times. I was married (bad marriage) and did not go beyond the emotional affair with Jane. About a year and a half ago, we met for lunch and she talked a lot about her past relationships (married twice at an early age and one long term relationship with a man 20 years older than her). At no point did she say she was in a current relationship (plenty of opportunity to do so). I said I dont want this to go any further and if in the future, should I be single, would she be interested in going out. She said yes. I then stopped contacting her since I was beginning divorce proceedings and needed my space. A year ago (6 months of no contact), I reached out to her for a lunch date. She agreed and the day of the lunch, she called me to say she had some personal issues that just came up. She sounded very down, and apologized for the last minute notice. I am good until she says her boyfriend of 3 years "Mike" moved out over the weekend! An important fact to know when we first started talking (I never hid the fact I was married). We end up having coffee a month after that and we avoided discussing our personal break-ups. I was just excited to hear she was available. For some reason, my inner voice said "be careful". So, I kept minimal contact for almost another year. A few weeks ago I decided to contact her for coffee. She sounded very excited at the opportunity. We met a few days later. She talked about her kids, family, vacations, house, etc. We talked over for an hour and a half. Great eye contact, smiles, etc. When I drove her back to her office, I asked her if we could get together again (she mumbled "sure") and then she walked away with the walk a woman does when she wants you to watch her. I felt excited! Both her and I had to be away for the next week or two, so we agreed to contact each other when we get back. She had mentioned a special occasion coming up so a couple of days later, I ordered a small gift and had it shipped to her house with just a simple note from me (nothing over the top). Here is where it gets weird: she called to thank me and coyishly said, I didnt get a chance to tell you but "Mike" moved back in with his kids. Retrospectively, she never let on she was with someone. When we would talk about things, she never would say "we" only "I". So I always assumed she was single. My question is: How did I end up missing the boat on this? Its 3 years and I still feel an attraction to her (I have dated other women since my divorce). Is this who she is (always keeping an eye out for something better)?
Yookie Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I'm thinking she considered this encounter strictly platonic since you were still married and only kept in minimal contact. Doesn't sound like she hid anything. Did you even ask her status? or You just assumed she would stay single for 3 years while you dissolve your marriage while dating other women? I'm confused about your expectations here. 1
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