Turn off if she's 30 and living with her parents?

[Oxy Moronovich]

No, what I want to know is why must people live in a house and not an apt? So many people I've known who needlessly rent or buy a house. They'll have money to live in safe, quiet, upscale apartments but instead choose to live in a house. Then they get themselves into debt. I never understood this hard-on so many Americans have with living in a house. Is living in apt that bad to them? Small wonder I find it difficult to feel sorry for people when they complain about debt and financial trouble.

[Sanman]

No, what I want to know is why must people live in a house and not an apt? So many people I've known who needlessly rent or buy a house. They'll have money to live in safe, quiet, upscale apartments but instead choose to live in a house. Then they get themselves into debt. I never understood this hard-on so many Americans have with living in a house. Is living in apt that bad to them? Small wonder I find it difficult to feel sorry for people when they complain about debt and financial trouble.

 

Depends where you are, but apartments in NYC cost about as much as a small house in the suburbs and the house allows for more property and is easier to resale. It may not be that way everywhere, but it is true here.

[HallowedBeThyName]

No, what I want to know is why must people live in a house and not an apt? So many people I've known who needlessly rent or buy a house. They'll have money to live in safe, quiet, upscale apartments but instead choose to live in a house. Then they get themselves into debt. I never understood this hard-on so many Americans have with living in a house. Is living in apt that bad to them? Small wonder I find it difficult to feel sorry for people when they complain about debt and financial trouble.

 

 

apartments are burned money

 

 

I'm 23 and I'm gonna live with my parents until I can afford my own house at 25-26

 

 

I'm not interested in burning 20 grand a year living in a place that's much smaller and much less nicer than my parents' place

[JesseJames]

Only five percent of generation x had anything to do with the housing crisis. Screw the parents, house, and an apt. Find a good piece of land in the countryside and roll up an rv.

[6ft180natl]

I just have to add that while it might be a turn off to some men, it is a turn on to others. As someone that is very financially responsible, I don't think moving back in with parents of getting a roommate is that uncommon in this economy. Whichever option you decide on, it will likely relieve some financial anxiety for you. I recently decided to do this well. Why? Because my parents would use the help as they begin to retire and I could use the extra $15k I save toward a house that I would like to get with my gf in the next couple of years. We're both doctors, so it is not as if only the poverty stricken are doing so. I have a few friends with six figure incomes doing this as well to save up to buy. Rent in NYC is brutal and does not allow one to save much if you want to live in a decent neighborhood. I'm also hoping to save enough to buy a smaller house in cash and take the mortgage out on a larger investment property. I may get laughed at now, but will be laughing if I generate enough passive income to retire early or cut back on my practice enough to be able to enjoy my later years in style.

 

Right sounds very financially smart. I guess a lot of times worrying about what people may think is what keeps so many people trapped in the rat race or in a worse financial situation than they could be in. I know I was guilty of that in my younger years.

[LittlePrince]

I'm turning 30 next month and I'm seriously considering moving back in with my parents and renting out my house. I have a great career and take care of myself financially. I have a nice home that's only 3 years old. My problem is that I don't feel like I'm really saving money. I'm not a big spender but my house note doesn't allow me to save anything and that really stresses me out. My house is the only debt I have. This isn't my dream home and I'd like to have money saved up and put towards what I really want. Would most guys understand this or just be completely turned off?

Home ownership is a turn on for a woman so unless you intend to start playing in a league of their own I wouldn't worry about it. Some men might begin worrying if you couple this with demanding marriage. They might get the feeling you would have no qualms about using them financially, but for some that thought doesn't cross their mind or wouldn't matter.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Look, It really doesn't matter what men think about your situation...you've got to remember that some of these guys are looking at it objectively and making judgments about you that you didn't even mention in this post or even makes sense to me.

 

If it servers you better to move back with your parents to save money and pursue a plan financially that will later provide what you really want then that's being responsible to me, not foolish. You're making a sacrifice to reach a goal, you're not in a relationship right now and you really shouldn't give a ***** about the guys who would judge you for this otherwise.

 

In fact a lot of guys out there would never even have the ambition or courage to buy their own home without a woman persuading them into it or support. And If even you met a guy like so, what's the point of him having a house and you having a house later on down the road? isn't someone going to have to rent out or move into someone elses home or do you just sell both and get a bigger one?

 

There are too many factors in this situation, I wouldn't be bothered by your circumstance given your history and your general plan, It's not because you ran back home crying to me. And If someone is actually dating you, then they're also considering you for you as relationship material as well...taking into consideration attraction, chemistry, etc...but I don't think many guys are going to mind, only that's a bit inconvenient and that you'll obviously have to be spending most of your personal time at his place.

 

When you live with your parents and saved up a ton of cash since you already have a career then nobody is going to care that you lived with your parents in your early 30's and you have the house you want now.

[Radu]

No, what I want to know is why must people live in a house and not an apt? So many people I've known who needlessly rent or buy a house. They'll have money to live in safe, quiet, upscale apartments but instead choose to live in a house. Then they get themselves into debt. I never understood this hard-on so many Americans have with living in a house. Is living in apt that bad to them? Small wonder I find it difficult to feel sorry for people when they complain about debt and financial trouble.

 

Self-propagating ideea made possible by ppl who either have an interest in it, or who made this bad decision and are trying to validate it by convincing others of it. It's a case by case scenario OP, i would not have a problem with it but my cultural background is different from yours. Over here rents are so big [home prices as well compared to wages] that it makes sense to stay with your family untill you get into a serious LTR/marriage.

[Million.to.1]

As an early 30's woman who has moved back in with her parents, I think I can offer you some insider info into the in's and outs of this.

 

I made the decision to move back home for similar reasons. I moved out of home when i was 16, and have lived independently all over the world till early last year. I don't own my own home, but I am starting my own business (which is mostly home based) and financially, it will only be possible if I can keep my overheads down and my personal expenses low for the first year or 2 of operation.

 

The city i live in is expensive. I would be paying upwards of $200 a week rent for a room in a house with 2-3 others. (owning a home would cost 500k at least)

Home at mum and dads I pay $100 a week and that includes all my bills..(power internet etc)

I would also need $300-$400 a week for the space I would require for a premises to operate my business out of.

I saved pretty hard to have the money required for start-up costs and so i have enough to get by while i get it up and running. This year I'm working part-time and doing a small business management course while I set it up. It's exciting and I have always dreamed of working for myself and the business is doing something I really love, am passionate about, and want to spend my time doing. I am working towards a life dream.

 

HOWEVER... it is a sacrifice. Last year I was away for a good portion of the year with stints of work that took me overseas. (making $$ for business) I met a guy a couple a months before a stint away and started a relationship with him. When i came back, it proved difficult with me living at mum and dads for our relationship. Even though my boyfriend understood my reasons for living there, he was reluctant to spend much time with me there (nervous of my parents and felt uncomfortable staying over so never did ) but we wanted to hang out all the time, so we always were at his place. This lead to numerous small issues.. with me kinda living between 2 places and sometimes feeling like I was a part of his life but he wasn't a part of mine... me not feeling totally at home at his place ( can i have a draw or leave some tea in the cupboard, some shampoo in the shower etc. ) Boundaries become a bit weird.

 

Anyway.. that relationship didn't work out.. My living at my parents wasn't the reason it ended.. but i would say it certainly put some stress that wouldn't have been there if I had had my own place, and that may have contributed to the breakdown of our relationship.

 

I have dated a old flame/ Fwb since and it was also more of the same... lot's of time at his place and similar feelings of him not ever meeting me on my turf.. only his.

When dating, it is kinda difficult mentioning it and feeling like i have to justify why I am doing so to a relative stranger.

People do judge you. Even friends. It is hard for everyone to understand all the reasons why you are doing so, and you don't always have opportunities to explain.

 

It definitely does present certain challenges. It is hard. I am 32, I do want a relationship... and I would maybe like kids in the next few years too..... These things aren't easy to get, and they take time to develop... but so does getting a business off the ground.

 

But at the end of the day... It is a sacrifice I am willing to make. Hopefully I will meet a guy that sees the big picture and will appreciate why i have chosen to do this for the meantime.

[bean1]

I can't offer you a man's perspective.

 

However, as a homeowner/former landlord (*former) I would really recommend against renting out the entire home when you aren't swimming in money. It's just risky, even with good applicants, if they damage your home, decide to skip a payment (eviction is still $), and all other sorts of problems.

 

Why not just live in your home and take on a temporary roommate or two?

 

It's a win-win in terms of the best alternative: nobody will mind you having roommates, particularly when you are the owner. You have the freedom of your own home within reason, and tenants are much less likely to destroy your home when you are also living in it.

 

Sure, you have a little less privacy in your own home and you can always get a crappy tenant, but looking in better places might help. I found having a young student roommate in my home to be the best, she was either in studying or out partying, never really home.

[lacoqueta]

No, what I want to know is why must people live in a house and not an apt? So many people I've known who needlessly rent or buy a house. They'll have money to live in safe, quiet, upscale apartments but instead choose to live in a house. Then they get themselves into debt. I never understood this hard-on so many Americans have with living in a house. Is living in apt that bad to them? Small wonder I find it difficult to feel sorry for people when they complain about debt and financial trouble.

 

I don't live in NY but even here in Louisiana a 1bed/1bath is pretty expensive. Once you add the utilities in you pretty much end up paying what would be a house note. The difference is with the apt, I will never see that money again versus the house which eventually ends up being mine.

[lacoqueta]

Only five percent of generation x had anything to do with the housing crisis. Screw the parents, house, and an apt. Find a good piece of land in the countryside and roll up an rv.

 

Jesse, if I do this I'm quitting my job, moving near some river in West Virginia, and just rafting all day

[wheream_i]

Sounds like trying to impress a man or at least wanting to know if you're situation is a turn off for a man should be the least of your worries. I didn't read all the posts but I'd say if your only debt is the house, then you really have no reason to be broke but I guess you just bought too much house for what you make per year which as someone else mentioned, living in fantasy land. Funny how people will always say renting is like throwing your money away. Yet to me, you're paying for a roof over your head. I would much rather date a woman living in a small one-bedroom apt. than date someone who lives with her mother who's driven her crazy enough to move out once already.

[lacoqueta]

Look, It really doesn't matter what men think about your situation...you've got to remember that some of these guys are looking at it objectively and making judgments about you that you didn't even mention in this post or even makes sense to me.

 

If it servers you better to move back with your parents to save money and pursue a plan financially that will later provide what you really want then that's being responsible to me, not foolish. You're making a sacrifice to reach a goal, you're not in a relationship right now and you really shouldn't give a ***** about the guys who would judge you for this otherwise.

 

In fact a lot of guys out there would never even have the ambition or courage to buy their own home without a woman persuading them into it or support. And If even you met a guy like so, what's the point of him having a house and you having a house later on down the road? isn't someone going to have to rent out or move into someone elses home or do you just sell both and get a bigger one?

 

There are too many factors in this situation, I wouldn't be bothered by your circumstance given your history and your general plan, It's not because you ran back home crying to me. And If someone is actually dating you, then they're also considering you for you as relationship material as well...taking into consideration attraction, chemistry, etc...but I don't think many guys are going to mind, only that's a bit inconvenient and that you'll obviously have to be spending most of your personal time at his place.

 

When you live with your parents and saved up a ton of cash since you already have a career then nobody is going to care that you lived with your parents in your early 30's and you have the house you want now.

 

Thank you for your input! I'm still considering the roommate possibility but it wouldn't be as much money as living with the parents. I figured if I did move in with the parents it would only be for 1-2 years. Their house is big so I would have the whole 2nd floor to myself. If I meet a guy eventually and things lead to marriage then hopefully he will appreciate that i'm willing to sacrifice and work for what I want.

[lacoqueta]

As an early 30's woman who has moved back in with her parents, I think I can offer you some insider info into the in's and outs of this.

 

I made the decision to move back home for similar reasons. I moved out of home when i was 16, and have lived independently all over the world till early last year. I don't own my own home, but I am starting my own business (which is mostly home based) and financially, it will only be possible if I can keep my overheads down and my personal expenses low for the first year or 2 of operation.

 

The city i live in is expensive. I would be paying upwards of $200 a week rent for a room in a house with 2-3 others. (owning a home would cost 500k at least)

Home at mum and dads I pay $100 a week and that includes all my bills..(power internet etc)

I would also need $300-$400 a week for the space I would require for a premises to operate my business out of.

I saved pretty hard to have the money required for start-up costs and so i have enough to get by while i get it up and running. This year I'm working part-time and doing a small business management course while I set it up. It's exciting and I have always dreamed of working for myself and the business is doing something I really love, am passionate about, and want to spend my time doing. I am working towards a life dream.

 

HOWEVER... it is a sacrifice. Last year I was away for a good portion of the year with stints of work that took me overseas. (making $$ for business) I met a guy a couple a months before a stint away and started a relationship with him. When i came back, it proved difficult with me living at mum and dads for our relationship. Even though my boyfriend understood my reasons for living there, he was reluctant to spend much time with me there (nervous of my parents and felt uncomfortable staying over so never did ) but we wanted to hang out all the time, so we always were at his place. This lead to numerous small issues.. with me kinda living between 2 places and sometimes feeling like I was a part of his life but he wasn't a part of mine... me not feeling totally at home at his place ( can i have a draw or leave some tea in the cupboard, some shampoo in the shower etc. ) Boundaries become a bit weird.

 

Anyway.. that relationship didn't work out.. My living at my parents wasn't the reason it ended.. but i would say it certainly put some stress that wouldn't have been there if I had had my own place, and that may have contributed to the breakdown of our relationship.

 

I have dated a old flame/ Fwb since and it was also more of the same... lot's of time at his place and similar feelings of him not ever meeting me on my turf.. only his.

When dating, it is kinda difficult mentioning it and feeling like i have to justify why I am doing so to a relative stranger.

People do judge you. Even friends. It is hard for everyone to understand all the reasons why you are doing so, and you don't always have opportunities to explain.

 

It definitely does present certain challenges. It is hard. I am 32, I do want a relationship... and I would maybe like kids in the next few years too..... These things aren't easy to get, and they take time to develop... but so does getting a business off the ground.

 

But at the end of the day... It is a sacrifice I am willing to make. Hopefully I will meet a guy that sees the big picture and will appreciate why i have chosen to do this for the meantime.

Thank you! Starting your own business is very scary! I really hope that takes off for you and that the right guy admires the sacrifices you made for your dreams to come true!

[lacoqueta]

You have a double standard. You think it's ok for you to live like loser, yet not ok for a guy in his 30's who lives at home for same reasons to date you.

 

Where in the world did you get that? Yes I mentioned earlier that this situation is usually pointed towards men but I didn't say that I'm one that does the pointing. If a 30 year old guy told me he lived with his parents then I'd hear his reason out. Maybe he had been in school for many years and couldn't work much because of studying. I wouldn't come right out and start judging him. Now if he was 30,chose to work all this time over school, and has NEVER moved out from the parents house then I'd be a little suspicious.

[lacoqueta]

Just like a woman to only think about money.

 

"he will appreciate that i'm willing to sacrifice and work for what I want." - which is money.

 

Yes it is money, my money. The money I worked for. Not the money that I expect HIM to give me. I don't expect a guy to give me anything. If anything, I want to work as a team

[lacoqueta]

Sounds like trying to impress a man or at least wanting to know if you're situation is a turn off for a man should be the least of your worries. I didn't read all the posts but I'd say if your only debt is the house, then you really have no reason to be broke but I guess you just bought too much house for what you make per year which as someone else mentioned, living in fantasy land. Funny how people will always say renting is like throwing your money away. Yet to me, you're paying for a roof over your head. I would much rather date a woman living in a small one-bedroom apt. than date someone who lives with her mother who's driven her crazy enough to move out once already.

 

Well that's why reading all the posts is sometimes good. I'm not broke, I just said I'm not saving as much as I'd like to. I do have money saved but it's slowly increasing. I want it to move a little faster and trying to find the best way for me to do so.

[kaylan]

Its no biggie OP. Youd be financially preparing for your future as a responsible adult. I dont think most people would take an issue with your situation based on the specifics. People dont like dating folks who live at home if its someone who isnt making plans for the future or doesnt have the ability (or plans) to be financially secure. Youve got a good plan, so no problem.

[lacoqueta]

my point is that money is what you value most, yours or others don't matter. You seem immature and petty. Outside stimulation through money or objects are irrelevant. Your goal should be improving your inner self, mental and spiritual.

 

Ones you find that happiness comes from within, you can be happy living on a street, clearly you not there yet.

 

Haha what makes you think that's what I value the most? You don't even know me or know what else I do. What's wrong with working for a secure future? I'm a very happy person and consider myself very blessed. I will take your advice though and start working more on my "immature" "inner self"

[Oxy Moronovich]

Sanman, I knew New York is different. That's why I didn't make a big deal of it. But I was talking about people who live in less expensive parts of the country, like Louisiana, where lacoqueta lives. Apartments aren't nearly as expensive. Sure, there are utility bills, but many apartments offer the utilities as part of the monthly rent. So it's not extra.

 

It's not always a waste to rent an apt compared to buying a house. Let's say you buy a house for $150,000 and sell it 5 yrs later for $200,000. You might think it's a $50,000 profit. But what about all that money you spent on the upkeep: lawncare, painting, fixing the roof, etc. That can be thousands of dollars a year. So you're profit is actually less than you thought it was, or you could have even taken a loss.

 

An apartment can actually be profitable. People rent out their apartment more often than people think. I know a dude in Chicago area who rented out his apartment for $1,200 a month. When he gained profit from that, he started buying more apartments in the building til he ended up owning the entire building. All in all, an apartment isn't necessarily a waste you'll never get back. The money you spend on the upkeep of the house could be far more than the money you spend on an apartment. Plus, there's no guarantee you'll make a significant profit on the house when you sell.

 

In any case, I don't think a woman living with parents is lame. I think an unambitious woman is lame and a turn-off. So many women I know that have no ambition to get out into the world and do good things. And yes, many of them don't live with their parents.