HurtZ Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) I’m having a rough time. Been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. He is perfect and wonderful to me. The other night however, I became very drunk (because I didn’t eat and ended up drinking with our friends some very potent alcohol) anyways, when we got home I blacked out and apparently started crying hysterically, shouting, and accusing my sweet boyfriend of wanting me to leave and ..well, I don’t remember any of it but apparently it was pretty bad. I ended up even getting into a fight with the lamp. I woke up the next morning with bruises all over my legs , but no idea how I got them. My boyfriend is so great though, after I apologized profusely the next morning and told him that I am happy with him and don’t want to leave he forgave me. He has been wonderful to me since, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach and I don’t know why.... In my past, I have been treated very badly by the men I Have been involved with. Most have either been emotionally/verbally abusive and/or have cheated on me (repeatedly). I took a year off from my last relationship before getting involved again with my current boyfriend. This new relationship is with a man that I could see spending forever with but I am terribly afraid that I will ruin it somehow. It terrifies me of how I acted while blacked out and I never want to be like that again. Some other things that are bothering me— 1. I feel insecure about his ex, for some reason even though he spends all his free time with me that she is going to win him back from me. (they were together for a very very long time) 2. I feel insecure about him using facebook because he doesn’t show his relationship status. 3. I looked at the photos on his phone (with his permission) and there were some naked model pics on it, very tasteful but it still bugs me. What can I do to stop these irrational feelings– am I too messed up to be in this? I don't think he would ever cheat on me, and he has said he will never do that to me but I still have these insecure feelings and I hate it. I love him dearly. Edited May 21, 2012 by HurtZ typos
Mr Scorpio Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Do you have a job? A job with insurance? Insurance that will help cover the expense of psychological therapy? It sounds as though you've been mentally damaged by the abuse you suffered in your previous relationships. Introspection -- via meditation, therapy, and self-help literature -- is IMO the best way to stop the irrational thoughts that are producing these negative emotions. 1
crazylove Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Ok, so this was caused by drinking a lot of alcohol to the point of blacking out. So, therefore, cut out the drinking. The sinking feeling is probably because you are ashamed of the way you acted, and also because alcohol makes you depressed (especially the next day or so after drinking large quantities I've found). So, get control of your drinking (have a couple, but not the point where you're legless), and don't allow yourself this to happen again. It's not fair on your boyfriend, and will only make you feel worse if this happens again. You've been given a chance. Take it.
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