lady_jadie Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I can't believe it's been nearly 11 months since my ex and i broke up. 11 months of denial and breadcrumbs and hope. I went on anti depressants, went toan inpatient trauma therapy centre (at a high cost both in money and in that i missed three months of college), left feeling marginally better (though i'm not sure if that was just being in a different part of the country) than get home to hear he'd called my best friend over to his house to tell her he never got over me, how much he missed me, he even welled up talking about me she said. he texted me three times in a row telling me he'd love to see me etc. i met up with him and all he talked about was playstation games and how miserable he was with his flatmates. he texted me a few days later and i ignored him. then nothing from him until i had to take photos of the chinchilla he bought me that still lives there. we got on brilliantly. the same happened a week later (the photos didn't come out right..... and i wanted to see him again LOSER i know) and he asked if i wanted to go for a drink with him. that all went so nicely. then never hear from him again. see him out occasionally and he tries to talk to me but i'm always a bit drunk and think it's a good idea to act really off with him. I realise the drugs don't work and the therapy clearly didn't so I've resorted to trying hypnotherapy. Thought it was working til I had a dream about him last week which floored me, i was a crying wreck on the floor. then another dream friday night where he had a new girlfriend. somehow managed to drag myself to my only friend's house, we go into town (ex lives above a shop with 2 other guys) and what do i seee but him sitting in the window talking to and sitting next to another girl. my friends all say it might be a friend, it might be flatmates' friend or girlfriend, but my f'd up mind won't think of anything else but he's got a new girl, i've been replaced, he's happy without me and i'm still a wreck. 11 months. i'm giving up college, my future is a yawning hole of unhappiness and it can only get worse. everything just seems really unfair and all i hear is 'that's life' and 'he only ever sees you out looking happy with your friends who are guys' but i just want this pain to be over. i clearly can't do it by myself, is there anything else i can try medicallywise or therapywise that has helped anyone else here? my mum'stalking about getting me sectioned. i can't carry on like this. literally.
Nitachi Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Why do you torture yourself so much? He is far from perfect and there is literally a billion guys out there that would give their left *** to have a decent, loyal and loving girl like you. Stop contacting him and stop stalking him, move on and you will soon find a decent guy that will love you unconditionally. Someone that will be willing to rub your feet warm during the cold winter nights or even just stand behind you in the kitchen to briefly kiss you in the neck and remind you how much he loves you.
lovinglife21 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 First of all, I'm so sorry for the severe pain you are feeling. I posted a thread about what I do that helps me. I seriously think you should try and go back to therapy though if it is affecting your every day functioning. CBT is very effective. Medication only a doctor can advise you on I'm afraid. Remember though that if you just let it all go you won't feel the pain anymore. Don't let him in your life, and then eventually the memories will just fade into the background. Stop thinking about what he is doing and his life, and start thinking about what you want for yourself. At the end of the day there will always be more guys that will treat you well, but you will always be stuck with yourself. So look after you. xx
Author lady_jadie Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 thanks for the replies. i was in cbt therapy for seven years and i'm guessing by the sorry pathetic state i'm in now that it never worked. same for the NLP, somatic experiencing, cranio-sacral therapy and EMDR and hypnotherapy that i've tried in the last 2 years. i hate the thought of trying more meds, everyone says 'oh it'll take the edge off' - but off what? the fact that i'm clearly not worth giving another chance? it's so gutting i just want to go to sleep and never wake up. how do so many people get through so much worse? i wasn't cheated on, and he was the sort of guy who would rub my feet, walk past and give me a kiss, say constantly how cute i was, he's 32 and i was the only girl he ever thought he would want a baby with, get married to, only 5 months ago he was telling my friend he'd never gotten over me whereas he'd always get bored of other girls in a few weeks. i was his longest relationship (2 years) i just don't understand how he can now just have forgotten all that. and i'm still a hopeless mess. i don't want medication to 'take the edge off' and i don't stalk him at all. i just remember how good we were and how much he loved me and i want it back. i know it all sounds like pathetic whining over the internet but i'm in so much pain, both over the loss and how he seems to be over it now. the only clinging hope i have is that he feels the same as i do but doesn't show it, like i don't when i'm out and just putting a brave face on it. plus he lives in the centre of town and sits out the window when it's sunny so i just have a world more pain to look forward to.
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