Do you think GIGS is a natural process in life ?

[Glove_slap]

or is it manipulation caused by close friends/family members/something external such as the media e.g. movies glamorizing the high life

[flitzanu]

not sure i follow your question. what does the "high life" mean and what does it have to do with "GIGS"?

[Glove_slap]

well some people maybe manipulated or rather convinced by their friends/family to leave their current partner / from my experience and from others they've been left or left their current partner to find someone that could 1. Fuel their party/club/drug/alcohol habits, 2. take them around town in expensive cars/meet successful people/gain a higher status. It's actually more common than one might suspect and both men and women are guilty of this.

[threebyfate]

People's brains don't mature until they're around 25. With this in mind, yes, I believe people shouldn't get too serious until after that point. Live a little prior to making life decisions. This way you can make informed life decisions through application of experiences, instead of relying on a priori assumptions of life models.

[gibson]

Do you think GIGS is a natural process in life?

 

Yes and I don't think it's a bad thing either.

 

Most of my friends and family members went through G.I.G.S. either in HS, college or shortly there after. I knew several that didn't go through it but it was rare.

 

I also think G.I.G.S. is becoming more the norm these days because Society at Large pushes it through Movies, TV, Music, Magazines, Internet, Peer Pressure, Etc.

 

I am not sure about the rest of you but didn't your parents and most older people you know suggest that you wait till late mid to late 20s before settling down or thinking about marriage? Didn't they suggest that you date around? To not get too serious with someone when you were younger?

 

I knew some people that married their HS sweetheart or their first love but most of those ended up divorced because of one or both of them getting G.I.G.S. in their late 20s / early 30s. no less.

 

In my case, I thank God that I didn't marry when I was younger. What I wanted, what I thought was important, my taste in women, etc. has changed a lot since then.

[hopeful4someday]

I think it's normal for people to want to get the best that they can, whether it be in their careers or home life. People leave jobs when they feel they can do better elsewhere. People leave relationships when they think they can do better. That being said, I think there is a difference between love (which is susceptible to GIGS) and fidelity (which recognizes a commitment made to another party and respects it enough to stay put). The two can exist independently of each other but I like to think that in a good serious relationship, both are present. Love attracts you to each other, and fidelity keeps you together when times are tough or when other prospects seem more promising. Love might be a feeling, but fidelity/faithfulness is a conscious choice.

[flitzanu]

but is it fair and accurate to say someone has "GIGS" instead of that the person is just fickle? some people are never happy and always think there must be something better, and they never just accept things for what they are, and won't allow themselves to be happy.

 

or am i just crazy?

 

"GIGS" and being likely at a "young age" implies that these people are going to grow up and snap out of it. what is the likelihood that they actually WILL snap out of it? even those that grow up to find stable relationships...are they just accepting it, or have they truly stopped being fickle?

[Tree_Salmon]

but is it fair and accurate to say someone has "GIGS" instead of that the person is just fickle? some people are never happy and always think there must be something better, and they never just accept things for what they are, and won't allow themselves to be happy.

 

or am i just crazy?

 

"GIGS" and being likely at a "young age" implies that these people are going to grow up and snap out of it. what is the likelihood that they actually WILL snap out of it? even those that grow up to find stable relationships...are they just accepting it, or have they truly stopped being fickle?

 

I think its all this social networking bull$#*t revolution that's been happening for the longest time now.

 

Most people have a handful of "backups" at all times who they choose from to give them what they need. The reality is not the case.

 

Especially women today, they all think they have as many choices as there are men in their friends lists.

We both know that its about quality and not quantity.

 

Sadly, people don't grow up anymore. They stay scared and immature until they are 40 and completely useless to me at that point.

[flitzanu]

I think its all this social networking bull$#*t revolution that's been happening for the longest time now.

 

Most people have a handful of "backups" at all times who they choose from to give them what they need. The reality is not the case.

 

Especially women today, they all think they have as many choices as there are men in their friends lists.

We both know that its about quality and not quantity.

 

Sadly, people don't grow up anymore. They stay scared and immature until they are 40 and completely useless to me at that point.

 

i didn't want to just click "like". i like this. it is true that so much has changed with social networking. instead of having to ask a girl for her number and working up courage to call, we can blindly add people we hardly know and work up conversation to see if we work, and have, as you said, dozens of backups in the mix just waiting for a shot if your current situation fizzles out. heck, i think dating is SO much harder nowadays than even 10 years ago because of it.

[gibson]

i didn't want to just click "like". i like this. it is true that so much has changed with social networking. instead of having to ask a girl for her number and working up courage to call, we can blindly add people we hardly know and work up conversation to see if we work, and have, as you said, dozens of backups in the mix just waiting for a shot if your current situation fizzles out. heck, i think dating is SO much harder nowadays than even 10 years ago because of it.

 

Does everyone who has FB have problems, fights, jealously, drama, emotional affairs, cheating, etc.?

 

No

 

However, I could tell you probably 50 horror stories with single and married people just between my friends, co-workers, family members, etc. (and I am not talking about teenagers here... 25+ - 60+).

 

Almost all of my male married friends have been propositioned for various types of relationships with past friends and lovers (these are not your reformed "bad boys" either). I also know of 4 couples that ended up divorced because one or both partners were not able to resist the temptations that FB offered.

 

That's just the people I know. Look at the divorce, marriage, other man / women and break up forums here on LS.... it will make your head explode.

 

Basically if you are on FB, you are in a testosterone filled meat market that is pack full of shady men and women who do not respect you, your partner, your relationship or your marriage 24 / 7.

 

So for me, I just avoid the whole potentially bad situation by not using Fakebook.

 

Funny thing I notice about couples who both use Fakebook. They spend more time on their partner's Fakebook than their own. I wonder why that is?

 

To date, I have never had a GF of mine want me to get on Fakebook and I suspect I never will.

Edited May 22, 2012 by gibson

[Tree_Salmon]

Does everyone who has FB have problems, fights, jealously, drama, emotional affairs, cheating, etc.?

 

No

 

However, I could tell you probably 50 horror stories with single and married people just between my friends, co-workers, family members, etc. (and I am not talking about teenagers here... 25+ - 60+).

 

Almost all of my male married friends have been propositioned for various types of relationships with past friends and lovers (these are not your reformed "bad boys" either). I also know of 4 couples that ended up divorced because one or both partners were not able to resist the temptations that FB offered.

 

That's just the people I know. Look at the divorce, marriage, other man / women and break up forums here on LS.... it will make your head explode.

 

Basically if you are on FB, you are in a testosterone filled meat market that is pack full of shady men and women who do not respect you, your partner, your relationship or your marriage 24 / 7.

 

So for me, I just avoid the whole potentially bad situation by not using Fakebook.

 

Funny thing I notice about couples who both Iuse Fakebook. They spend more time on their partner's Fakebook than their own. I wonder why that is?

 

To date, I have never had a GF of mine want me to get on Fakebook and I suspect I never will.

 

My ex actually hated the site like I did and she would delete it from time to time but that didn't stop the other sites.

 

People are scared and have all this bull anxiety because they can't stand being alone. So they never learn how to love themselves. I have females tell me they simply can't be alone and are very vocal about it.

 

Most self respecting men have little incentive to date anymore.

Even the "cool chicks" get this way eventually.

 

The only successful long term marriages I've seen are from girls who weren't born here. Our culture has changed for the worst.

Edited May 22, 2012 by Tree_Salmon

[gibson]

Most self respecting men have little incentive to date anymore. Even the "cool chicks" get this way eventually.

 

The only successful long term marriages I've seen are from girls who weren't born here. Our culture has changed for the worst.

 

Sounds like somebody is going through the anger stage.

 

You do know that men are just as guilty as women... right?

 

My advice...

 

Get Better, not bitter!

Edited May 22, 2012 by gibson

[betterdeal]

Do you think GIGS is a natural process in life ?

 

I think people drifting (or abruptly leaving) relationships that, for whatever reason, aren't working for them is as old as the hills (or at least as old as Dear John letters). A few things have changed, making drifting in and out of someone else's life (once having left it) easier and more likely. Some of which are:

 

• Communication has changed. You can be in touch much more easily these days.
  
• We are much more mobile now.
  
• Talking about and expressing feelings. This happens a lot more nowadays. It was much less so in the past.
  

 

There are more, but suffice to say, it is human nature for feelings to wax and wane, for interest to grow and shrink. and there's opportunity to leave.

 

Hanging on news of someone who's decided to part paths with you is a good way to avoid suffering new injuries, but so's walking with a broken leg. It's a false economy.

[dsw31]

Does everyone who has FB have problems, fights, jealously, drama, emotional affairs, cheating, etc.?

 

No

 

However, I could tell you probably 50 horror stories with single and married people just between my friends, co-workers, family members, etc. (and I am not talking about teenagers here... 25+ - 60+).

 

Almost all of my male married friends have been propositioned for various types of relationships with past friends and lovers (these are not your reformed "bad boys" either). I also know of 4 couples that ended up divorced because one or both partners were not able to resist the temptations that FB offered.

 

That's just the people I know. Look at the divorce, marriage, other man / women and break up forums here on LS.... it will make your head explode.

 

Basically if you are on FB, you are in a testosterone filled meat market that is pack full of shady men and women who do not respect you, your partner, your relationship or your marriage 24 / 7.

 

So for me, I just avoid the whole potentially bad situation by not using Fakebook.

 

Funny thing I notice about couples who both use Fakebook. They spend more time on their partner's Fakebook than their own. I wonder why that is?

 

To date, I have never had a GF of mine want me to get on Fakebook and I suspect I never will.

 

 

LADY4JUSTICE: Study Shows Facebook Cited in 1/3 of Divorce Filings

[olivec]

Yes and I don't think it's a bad thing either.

 

Most of my friends and family members went through G.I.G.S. either in HS, college or shortly there after. I knew several that didn't go through it but it was rare.

 

I also think G.I.G.S. is becoming more the norm these days because Society at Large pushes it through Movies, TV, Music, Magazines, Internet, Peer Pressure, Etc.

 

I am not sure about the rest of you but didn't your parents and most older people you know suggest that you wait till late mid to late 20s before settling down or thinking about marriage? Didn't they suggest that you date around? To not get too serious with someone when you were younger?

 

I knew some people that married their HS sweetheart or their first love but most of those ended up divorced because of one or both of them getting G.I.G.S. in their late 20s / early 30s. no less.

 

In my case, I thank God that I didn't marry when I was younger. What I wanted, what I thought was important, my taste in women, etc. has changed a lot since then.

 

This happend to my ex she was 29 when i met her so even late 20's it can happen. Unfortunately you just let them go because it doesn't matter what you say or do once gigs has control you can't stop it. You just gotta find someone out of that stage unfortunately.

[Reddice]

If you ask me, people nowadays don't just look for the easiest way out, but they get adviced by friends and family to take the easy way out as well. When me and my ex were going through difficult times, her friends and family simply told her to end the relationship. Nobody in her surrounding told her to fight for it. Nobody told her to talk to me and try to work things out. I can understand if I was an abusive jerk, but I was far from it. I was willing to fight for her to the bitter end. I would have gone to hell and back for her. But she... she had had no problem checking out. Her loss I guess...

[Tree_Salmon]

If you ask me, people nowadays don't just look for the easiest way out, but they get adviced by friends and family to take the easy way out as well. When me and my ex were going through difficult times, her friends and family simply told her to end the relationship. Nobody in her surrounding told her to fight for it. Nobody told her to talk to me and try to work things out. I can understand if I was an abusive jerk, but I was far from it. I was willing to fight for her to the bitter end. I would have gone to hell and back for her. But she... she had had no problem checking out. Her loss I guess...

 

This is so right on.

One of the biggest reasons I've had troubles in my relationship is because of my ex's family influences. If they just think for themselves the world would be a much better place.

 

You're supposed to take everyone's opinions but ultimately come up with your own. Nobody should live your life but you.

[Glove_slap]

WOW. Very insightful posts on this thread, I'm actually impressed.

[betterdeal]

You're supposed to take everyone's opinions but ultimately come up with your own. Nobody should live your life but you.

 

Nice as that sounds, it's overly simplistic and, barring some form of divine intervention, none of us arrives at any decisions without being influenced by others. The very words we use in given situations are learnt from others. We aren't born thinking in English; we learn that, and, largely, our thoughts, connotations, and subsequent feelings and actions are hugely based on what others have said and done to us.

Edited May 22, 2012 by betterdeal

[flitzanu]

Nice as that sounds, it's overly simplistic and, barring some form of divine intervention, none of us arrives at any decisions without being influenced by others. The very words we use in given situations are learnt from others. We aren't born thinking in English; we learn that, and, largely, our thoughts, connotations, and subsequent feelings and actions are hugely based on what others have said and done to us.

 

except, the humorous irony in this being that a hundred people can tell us "let her go dude" and we still continue believing that WE are right and they will be with us again if we just...

 

which is why i don't always believe popular consensus determines decision.

 

otherwise...i think it's often taken into consideration, but that's still blameshifting to say "others" are responsible for the demise of a relationship. ultimately that person had to choose to walk away, no one made that decision for them.

[shorty7]

I suffered from GIGS last year but for good reason.

 

It doesn't necessarily have to be extrapolated from the 20~25 age group, nor because of societal/media pressure.

 

I suffered from GIGS because I wasn't happy with myself first most and wasn't getting what I had expected out of the relationship. What fed the anxiety was him not being on the same page/timeline as I was. Now that we've addressed those issues, I can attribute definite things that would make me want to leave the relationship specifically with what I want and why. I think that knowledge of knowing what exactly needs addressing and fixing in the relationship before attempting to abort ship would be different than "I think there's better out there."

[Glove_slap]

except, the humorous irony in this being that a hundred people can tell us "let her go dude" and we still continue believing that WE are right and they will be with us again if we just...

 

which is why i don't always believe popular consensus determines decision.

 

otherwise...i think it's often taken into consideration, but that's still blameshifting to say "others" are responsible for the demise of a relationship. ultimately that person had to choose to walk away, no one made that decision for them.

 

If i read this a year ago, or even a couple of months ago I'd break down and cry myself to sleep. Now nod my head in agreement and smile. Time does heal wounds, the scars will always be there but the hurt does eventually go away.

[betterdeal]

except, the humorous irony in this being that a hundred people can tell us "let her go dude" and we still continue believing that WE are right and they will be with us again if we just...

 

which is why i don't always believe popular consensus determines decision.

 

otherwise...i think it's often taken into consideration, but that's still blameshifting to say "others" are responsible for the demise of a relationship. ultimately that person had to choose to walk away, no one made that decision for them.

 

Proximity matters. A bunch of cyberchumps rattling out the same old canards has less effect than, say, close friends' advice, and even less so than the implicit threat of an "honour" killing some Asian girls experience, to go to the other extreme. Now, they may well be blame-shifting the demise of their relationship with a White boy onto their demented cousin / brother / father, but can you blame them?

 

In between a bunch of anonymous strangers and medieval racists lie friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues and we all take cues from the crowd we are part of as to how to react to something. If everyone you know and like in your life detests your partner, that can sway your decision as you essentially choose one over the other.

 

But on a more basic level, what we we want, what we consider our ideal partner is, is determined by what we are taught, what others tell us. You only have to look at what is considered attractive to different men in different cultures to see that.

 

Of course we are individually responsible for our actions. However, the notion that we are free from being influenced or from influencing others is nonsense.

[flitzanu]

Proximity matters. A bunch of cyberchumps rattling out the same old canards has less effect than, say, close friends' advice, and even less so than the implicit threat of an "honour" killing some Asian girls experience, to go to the other extreme. Now, they may well be blame-shifting the demise of their relationship with a White boy onto their demented cousin / brother / father, but can you blame them?

 

In between a bunch of anonymous strangers and medieval racists lie friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues and we all take cues from the crowd we are part of as to how to react to something. If everyone you know and like in your life detests your partner, that can sway your decision as you essentially choose one over the other.

 

But on a more basic level, what we we want, what we consider our ideal partner is, is determined by what we are taught, what others tell us. You only have to look at what is considered attractive to different men in different cultures to see that.

 

Of course we are individually responsible for our actions. However, the notion that we are free from being influenced or from influencing others is nonsense.

 

hah, i'm going to start using "medieval racist" as an insult. that's awesome.

 

but, interesting point that proximity has more bearing. i certainly don't disagree, i just have that starry-eyed belief that someone can be responsible for their own decisions (when generally they only listen to the bitchiest of their friends).

 

a girl once put it to me eloquently, and also she said, "a girl's biggest competition is her own girlfriends".

 

it's true. not in a sexist way, ladies.

[Lucy1722]

Do Ive searched for the definition but cant find it. What does GIGS stand for?