Speak up or forget it?

[daisy love]

I have to make a confession. My thread about breakup sex, I said my baby had gotten a snip because he didn't want to have kids. Up till now, that wasn't true. The truth is when she started whining about having kids, he told her to get fixed or they'd D. I lied about it cuz I you guys already thought he was a monster and I didn't want you guys saying that she was gonna get preggers over there goodbye sex.

 

Here's the thing. When he told me that he didn't want kids cuz kids were the fastest way to ruin a M, I stupidly assumed he meant he didn't want kids with her. Guess not. When I was outta town on vacay with my girlfriends, he went an got a vasectomy. I put it on trinity1's thread, but deleted it cuz it was private, but now I been thinkin about it a lot and I'm confused about allot of it.

 

When we talked about it in counselling, I was so mad about it cuz he didn't even ask me or tell me about it. He just went and did it and then told me like he'd bought a big surprize gift while I was gone. No discussion at all! that made me really mad, but I'm also mad cuz what do I do if I want kids? Honestly, right now, the thought of another human being growing inside of me totally creeps me out and I don't want to get stretched out down there either or lose my looks. Who will take care of us when we get old? Honestly, it kinda pisses me off that he doesn't want kids with me, even if I don't want them either right now.

 

Can anybody figure all this out? Should I talk about me feelings in counselling or just let it go? he did tell me he didn't want kids, so it's not really his fault that I assumed he didn't want them with her and it's not his fault that I might change my mind about it someday. In counselling, he just said he was real sorry he didn't ask me about it, cuz he thought I'd really love it. Cuz I knew it'd be a big step cuz he's real afraid of medical procedures and his friend got one and his nutsack swelled like a grapefruit, so I should be glad he took the risk to do that for me and I don't have to get fixed now.

 

Is he right? Should I just focus on being mad that he did something so big without talking to me about it or should I tell him my secret that it offends me that he don't want to have our baby?

[reboot]

That doesn't make him a monster. It does make him incredibly selfish. It does mean he doesn't really care about anybody but himself. And there are tons of people in this world that fit that description, it's not all that unusual. I've learned you take most people for what they are or don't take them at all.

 

But is that what you really want in a partner?

[daisy love]

That doesn't make him a monster. It does make him incredibly selfish. It does mean he doesn't really care about anybody but himself. And there are tons of people in this world that fit that description, it's not all that unusual. I've learned you take most people for what they are or don't take them at all.

 

But is that what you really want in a partner?

Yea but he did for me what he wouldn't do for her, so I think that counts for something.

[daisy love]

I think you should communicate your feelings, good, bad, ugly or angry. If you can't that is a problem. If he dismisses them, or tries to make you feel like you don't have a right to them, then you've got bigger problems.

 

Also, don't let him pull the wool over your eyes, he did not do it for you, he did it because he wanted to. You have every right to be pissed since it's your future too if you stay with him.

But he told me that he didn't want kids. It's my fault that I assumed he just didn't want them with her, isn't it? I know that's what he will say.

 

I dunno if he did it cuz he wanted to! He said it hurt real bad! Between you and me, I'm a lil bit glad it hurt cuz it serves him right for doing it without telling me first. He said he didn't want me to worry about it tho so that's why he did it while I was gone. Doesn't that count for something? And now I don't have to take the pill and I really like that. I already lost 2 pounds!

[reboot]

Yea but he did for me what he wouldn't do for her, so I think that counts for something.

 

I can tell by your words in the OP it doesn't really count for anything with you. But if it helps you to be tough, whatever works.

[reboot]

I'd be upset if my partner did that without talking to me first

 

Of course you would. It's a terribly serious thing to do, shoot, it's grounds for divorce most places.

[herenow]

That doesn't make him a monster. It does make him incredibly selfish. It does mean he doesn't really care about anybody but himself. And there are tons of people in this world that fit that description, it's not all that unusual. I've learned you take most people for what they are or don't take them at all.

 

But is that what you really want in a partner?

 

Well, he did tell her that he does not want to have kids. Based on what Daisy has said, it seems he thought she agrees with him. It also sounds like he was under the impression that having a vasectomy was something Daisy would celebrate.

 

People who have kids when they don't want them are selfish. People who force others to have kids who don't want them are selfish. A person (man or woman) who has no desire to have kids is being a responsible person when they take steps to insure their wishes to not have kids.

 

If Daisy wants kids, it is her that has not kept up her end of the agreement. IMO, people who don't want kids should not have kids. I admire this man for taking the steps he did.

[reboot]

I've known very few (if any) women in my life that really didn't want kids. I've known a few that attempted to suppress that desire for a man. I don't recall it ever working out well.

 

*shrug*

[daisy love]

Yea, I don't know if I want kids or not. Right now, the thought is just totally gross, but what if I change my mind later? Would any of you be pissed off that a person didn't want kids with you? I don't want any right now, but it's real hard for me not taking that personally, ya know? I could see him not wanting kids with her, but there's nothing wrong with me. Why doesn't he see that?

[herenow]

Yea, I don't know if I want kids or not. Right now, the thought is just totally gross, but what if I change my mind later? Would any of you be pissed off that a person didn't want kids with you? I don't want any right now, but it's real hard for me not taking that personally, ya know? I could see him not wanting kids with her, but there's nothing wrong with me. Why doesn't he see that?

 

Maybe the man is telling you the simple truth, he just does not want to have kids with his ex, you or anyone else. He does not want kids, and he should not have kids if he does not want them. That would be wrong on so many levels for everyone especially the unwanted child. If you want kids, he is not the man for you.

[daisy love]

Maybe the man is telling you the simple truth, he just does not want to have kids with his ex, you or anyone else. He does not want kids, and he should not have kids if he does not want them. That would be wrong on so many levels for everyone especially the unwanted child. If you want kids, he is not the man for you.

Yea, you're right. I wouldn't want him to be stuck with kids that he doesn't want. I got preggers early on in the R, and got rid of it cuz I knew he didn't want it. That was for the best cuz I'm priddy sure he woulda dumped me if I had kept it.

 

Thanks u guys for being there. I've had to do a while lot of growing up thru this D process that's still going on ARRRRGH! I still got a lot to do so that he knows I'll be a good wife for him and then he'll be proud to introduce me to his friends when he's ready for that. I think I will just try to get over this on my own and try to think of his needs more instead of my own. I'm really happy that I had a place to rant and get it outta my system!!

[jwi71]

Before I reply, I wanted to remark on the growth I see in your posts.

Your replies in trinity1's thread showed a lot. Kudos to that.

It's far easier to get an idea of a poster and their sitch when they post in a meaningful manner - not "Bo-yah".

 

 

I have to make a confession. My thread about breakup sex, I said my baby had gotten a snip because he didn't want to have kids. Up till now, that wasn't true. The truth is when she started whining about having kids, he told her to get fixed or they'd D. I lied about it cuz I you guys already thought he was a monster and I didn't want you guys saying that she was gonna get preggers over there goodbye sex.

 

You're missing the forest for the trees DL.

He is showing you - and has been for sometime - WHO he IS.

He is selfish. And not in the normal acceptable sense. When faced with his W wanting kids he tells HER to get fixed or else. That is unacceptable selfish. Because he has NO RIGHT to "fix her" by surgical sterilization because HE doesn't want kids. That's just so wrong. He either uses condoms are gets himself fixed. To say what he said though - make NO mistake DL, it's WHO he is.

 

Not should you lightly dismiss the breakup sex.

 

Tread carefully. Slowly.

 

Here's the thing. When he told me that he didn't want kids cuz kids were the fastest way to ruin a M, I stupidly assumed he meant he didn't want kids with her. Guess not. When I was outta town on vacay with my girlfriends, he went an got a vasectomy. I put it on trinity1's thread, but deleted it cuz it was private, but now I been thinkin about it a lot and I'm confused about allot of it.

 

Don't feel stupid. IMO, he WANTED you to assume that. It's a natural and reasonable assumption for one to make IF he phrased it like you say. Again, do NOT be surprised he is treating you like this. He has shown you this behavior for a long time - ever since the A began. The only difference is you are now the recipient of his deceit. Be wary.

 

And honestly, you really have NO right to dictate what he does or doesn't do to his body. It's HIS. He can do with it as he pleases.

 

But it isn't about that. It's about trust, integrity, maturity and communication.

 

He has consistently shown a lack of all of that.

 

It CAN change - but it requires intense therapy, time, a desire to want to change in him and support from you. It's not an easy path but it CAN be done.

 

When we talked about it in counselling, I was so mad about it cuz he didn't even ask me or tell me about it. He just went and did it and then told me like he'd bought a big surprize gift while I was gone. No discussion at all! that made me really mad, but I'm also mad cuz what do I do if I want kids? Honestly, right now, the thought of another human being growing inside of me totally creeps me out and I don't want to get stretched out down there either or lose my looks. Who will take care of us when we get old? Honestly, it kinda pisses me off that he doesn't want kids with me, even if I don't want them either right now.

 

You have EVERY right to be pizzed off.

He made a major change in the R (abort to have kids) and didn't consult you.

That would pizz off anyone. But I'll refer you to what I wrote above. This is all about his wants vs the wants of you/wants as a relationship. And he chose himself. It's very selfish and it's indicative of his nature.

 

I am puzzled by what you mean in terms of caring for you in the future. Given his vast wealth (anyone who can afford a 250k car is crazy rich) I don't understand why this is a concern. You will hire nurses to care for you. You have already said you DON'T want kids and imply below you were considering having your tubes tied. I don't quite follow the concern here.

 

May I ask what the age differential is?

 

I will say, that given his wealth, there ARE medical procedures by which you can be one pregnant with HIS child/sperm. Don't give up on that so soon.

 

Can anybody figure all this out? Should I talk about me feelings in counselling or just let it go? he did tell me he didn't want kids, so it's not really his fault that I assumed he didn't want them with her and it's not his fault that I might change my mind about it someday. In counselling, he just said he was real sorry he didn't ask me about it, cuz he thought I'd really love it. Cuz I knew it'd be a big step cuz he's real afraid of medical procedures and his friend got one and his nutsack swelled like a grapefruit, so I should be glad he took the risk to do that for me and I don't have to get fixed now.

 

It's not hard really DL.

He didn't want kids. It's not that complex.

Except.

What's behind the decision IS.

You need to look there.

What type of partner does that with apparently little regard for the spouse?

 

 

Is he right? Should I just focus on being mad that he did something so big without talking to me about it or should I tell him my secret that it offends me that he don't want to have our baby?

 

Crappy communication skills got you into this and even more crappy communication only makes it worse.

 

Be honest.

Be open with him.

Share with him how you feel.

 

Communication is key. Wait. Healthy communication is key.

He's not showing that. Neither are you really.

 

But be mindful of WHO he IS and not what who you THINK he is.

Give it time.

 

You have spoken of respect before. It another thread (trinity1's).

And it's something LS has been trying to impress upon you: you AREN'T being respected. You deserve it. Especially NOW as his W.

 

But there is a very serious fundamental issue. He doesn't appear to treat you (certainly not his xW) with respect. Would you EVER treat someone you loved as he does?

 

Be mindful of his past behavior.

It's different for you ( harder) because now the A is over. Now YOU get the bad behavior as opposed to the BENEFIT of it.

 

It can change. Takes hard work. Time. Desire.

 

Keep at it.

[reboot]

And I'm pretty sure if he's the kind of man that would dump you for not killing his child that you would have been better off. Just a personal opinion of course.

[herenow]

Yea, you're right. I wouldn't want him to be stuck with kids that he doesn't want. I got preggers early on in the R, and got rid of it cuz I knew he didn't want it. That was for the best cuz I'm priddy sure he woulda dumped me if I had kept it.

 

Thanks u guys for being there. I've had to do a while lot of growing up thru this D process that's still going on ARRRRGH! I still got a lot to do so that he knows I'll be a good wife for him and then he'll be proud to introduce me to his friends when he's ready for that. I think I will just try to get over this on my own and try to think of his needs more instead of my own. I'm really happy that I had a place to rant and get it outta my system!!

 

Hold on a minute Daisy. If there is a chance you want kids you need to take it very seriously. We women are not like men in that we have a time frame to have children. IF you dedicate yourself to this man who obviously does not want kids, and then change your mind it could be a choice you may regret.

[herenow]

I'm not sure what you need to do to prove to him you will be a good wife or what you need to do so that he will be proud of you. Isn't who you are now good enough? Please explain what you mean by the "I still got a lot to do" statement.

[daisy love]

I'm not sure what you need to do to prove to him you will be a good wife or what you need to do so that he will be proud of you. Isn't who you are now good enough? Please explain what you mean by the "I still got a lot to do" statement.

Yea, I know I'm good enough. If I'm not good enough for him, then there are lots of other guys who are interested. This is just a really confusing time cuz were are still in an A cuz he's not D and not many people know about us, but we're kinda not in an A cuz we live together most of the time. It's been hard to make the transition from A to real R. I can't have everything I want and he can't have everything he wants like before. If he wanted something I did't want, I just sent him away or threatened to break up with him. Can't do that no more, ya know? I've never lived with anyone before and I stupidly thot it'd just be sex anytime I wanted. Sooooo not so!! It really bugs me cuz he won't introduce me to his friends, and the ones that do know about me kinda treat me like I'm a placeholder till something better comes along n it bugs me that he doesn't act like we're BF/GF. He says we still gotta lay low til everything is final but she has a BF now, so why can't we be open? That's part why we're in Couples Counselling so we can try n figure it all out.

[whichwayisup]

I have to make a confession. My thread about breakup sex, I said my baby had gotten a snip because he didn't want to have kids. Up till now, that wasn't true. The truth is when she started whining about having kids, he told her to get fixed or they'd D. I lied about it cuz I you guys already thought he was a monster and I didn't want you guys saying that she was gonna get preggers over there goodbye sex.

 

Here's the thing. When he told me that he didn't want kids cuz kids were the fastest way to ruin a M, I stupidly assumed he meant he didn't want kids with her. Guess not. When I was outta town on vacay with my girlfriends, he went an got a vasectomy. I put it on trinity1's thread, but deleted it cuz it was private, but now I been thinkin about it a lot and I'm confused about allot of it.

 

When we talked about it in counselling, I was so mad about it cuz he didn't even ask me or tell me about it. He just went and did it and then told me like he'd bought a big surprize gift while I was gone. No discussion at all! that made me really mad, but I'm also mad cuz what do I do if I want kids? Honestly, right now, the thought of another human being growing inside of me totally creeps me out and I don't want to get stretched out down there either or lose my looks. Who will take care of us when we get old? Honestly, it kinda pisses me off that he doesn't want kids with me, even if I don't want them either right now.

 

Can anybody figure all this out? Should I talk about me feelings in counselling or just let it go? he did tell me he didn't want kids, so it's not really his fault that I assumed he didn't want them with her and it's not his fault that I might change my mind about it someday. In counselling, he just said he was real sorry he didn't ask me about it, cuz he thought I'd really love it. Cuz I knew it'd be a big step cuz he's real afraid of medical procedures and his friend got one and his nutsack swelled like a grapefruit, so I should be glad he took the risk to do that for me and I don't have to get fixed now.

 

Is he right? Should I just focus on being mad that he did something so big without talking to me about it or should I tell him my secret that it offends me that he don't want to have our baby?

 

It was wrong of him to make such a huge decision like that without telling you or discussing with you. DO talk about it in therapy, always be honest and speak your mind to him and in counselling..If you hold it in and don't say anything, resentments build up and that's not good.

 

So, he got himself fixed and then bought you an expensive gift to make sure you wouldn't be mad at him.

 

Sorry I cant' remember how old you are and maybe now you don't want kids but later in life you might.. Now you're dealing with someone who thinks kids ruin marriages (it may be true for him but not everybody believes this) and he took that choice away from you..If you want kids one day it won't be with him.

[whichwayisup]

Yea, I don't know if I want kids or not. Right now, the thought is just totally gross, but what if I change my mind later? Would any of you be pissed off that a person didn't want kids with you? I don't want any right now, but it's real hard for me not taking that personally, ya know? I could see him not wanting kids with her, but there's nothing wrong with me. Why doesn't he see that?

 

If he doesn't want kids it has nothing to do with you. Or his wife. He just isn't one who wants to be a father.

 

No, I wouldn't be pissed off because it's not personal.. It isn't about you, it's about him not wanting children.. That isn't a reflection of you, or his wife.

 

You can't force someone to want kids with you, even if they love you.

[whichwayisup]

Before I reply, I wanted to remark on the growth I see in your posts.

Your replies in trinity1's thread showed a lot. Kudos to that.

 

I see this too and to be honest, your words now seem much more genuine and heartfelt..Always post from your heart and you can't go wrong.

[KathyM]

I know this sounds harsh, but your guy is a selfish prick. You saw evidence of this by the way he treated his wife. You are now getting some of the same treatment, by him going out and doing something so major and final without so much as a thought about talking to you about it. These acts of selfishness and disregard of your feelings will continue to erode the relationship, because that is his true character. You may think things will be better with you than they were for his wife, but his selfishness will erode your relationship, just like it did his marriage. You're in for a rough ride, and you may think things will be different for you than they were for her, but when you are dealing with a selfish jerk, you can expect to be treated like your feelings don't matter, and his whims are all that counts. He may be going to counseling now in order to placate you, in order to stay in your good graces, but you can bet the bank that his selfishness will crop up in other ways until he has ruined this relationship as well. A leopard doesn't change his spots just because he is taken out of the jungle. Sorry to say, but this is just a tip of the iceberg on his lack of regard for your feelings, and there is undoubtedly more to come. You would be wise to find someone better.

[whichwayisup]

I know this sounds harsh, but your guy is a selfish prick. You saw evidence of this by the way he treated his wife. You are now getting some of the same treatment, by him going out and doing something so major and final without so much as a thought about talking to you about it. These acts of selfishness and disregard of your feelings will continue to erode the relationship, because that is his true character. You may think things will be better with you than they were for his wife, but his selfishness will erode your relationship, just like it did his marriage. You're in for a rough ride, and you may think things will be different for you than they were for her, but when you are dealing with a selfish jerk, you can expect to be treated like your feelings don't matter, and his whims are all that counts. He may be going to counseling now in order to placate you, in order to stay in your good graces, but you can bet the bank that his selfishness will crop up in other ways until he has ruined this relationship as well. A leopard doesn't change his spots just because he is taken out of the jungle. Sorry to say, but this is just a tip of the iceberg on his lack of regard for your feelings, and there is undoubtedly more to come. You would be wise to find someone better.

 

I see this too, but for her sake, with the help of counselling this guy can chang and make efforts to not slip back into old/bad habits. If he truly loves Daisy and wants her in his life, he WILL make continuous efforts to be a better man, a better partner to her than he was to his wife.

 

He has to learn how to communicate, compromise and put others first instead of just thinking what is best for him.

 

 

 

Yea, I know I'm good enough. If I'm not good enough for him, then there are lots of other guys who are interested. This is just a really confusing time cuz were are still in an A cuz he's not D and not many people know about us, but we're kinda not in an A cuz we live together most of the time. It's been hard to make the transition from A to real R. I can't have everything I want and he can't have everything he wants like before. If he wanted something I did't want, I just sent him away or threatened to break up with him. Can't do that no more, ya know? I've never lived with anyone before and I stupidly thot it'd just be sex anytime I wanted. Sooooo not so!! It really bugs me cuz he won't introduce me to his friends, and the ones that do know about me kinda treat me like I'm a placeholder till something better comes along n it bugs me that he doesn't act like we're BF/GF. He says we still gotta lay low til everything is final but she has a BF now, so why can't we be open? That's part why we're in Couples Counselling so we can try n figure it all out.

 

Don't push him too much..he has to do this at his own pace. He isn't ready yet to blend you into his whole life. Let the D take place, allow him some time to work through that and then when things settle down, he'll introduce you to everybody. Just because his wife has someone else, doesn't mean he wants to advertise that he does too. Perception and what others think obviously means something to him.

 

There IS a huge transition to take place, from A to real out in the open relationship, the dynamic you two shared in the A has to change. Reality is, you're getting the full package now, the good/bad and the ugly..Aka, his shi.t does stink and there will be times he annoys the hell out of you and you'll want to stab him with a fork! :laugh: But if the love there and the glue that holds you two together is strong enough, things will work out as time goes along. Just don't focus too much on the future, stay in the now.

[jwi71]

Yea, I know I'm good enough. If I'm not good enough for him, then there are lots of other guys who are interested. This is just a really confusing time cuz were are still in an A cuz he's not D and not many people know about us, but we're kinda not in an A cuz we live together most of the time. It's been hard to make the transition from A to real R. I can't have everything I want and he can't have everything he wants like before. If he wanted something I did't want, I just sent him away or threatened to break up with him. Can't do that no more, ya know? I've never lived with anyone before and I stupidly thot it'd just be sex anytime I wanted. Sooooo not so!! It really bugs me cuz he won't introduce me to his friends, and the ones that do know about me kinda treat me like I'm a placeholder till something better comes along n it bugs me that he doesn't act like we're BF/GF. He says we still gotta lay low til everything is final but she has a BF now, so why can't we be open? That's part why we're in Couples Counselling so we can try n figure it all out.

 

How old are you DL?

How old is he?

I had previously suspected a fairly substantial age gap but this post makes me think that your age is an important puzzle piece.

 

You are sliding back into that old immature style of posting. I would ask you not. It's not helpful here on LS not in real life. Be genuine. Communicate clearly and concisely how and what you feel. No bravado. It's a turn off.

 

Yes, transition from an A to an R is brutal. Many don't make it. Most in fact.

 

And going by what you say above, you two won't make it either.

 

Why?

 

Too much immaturity and game playing.

Read what you wrote and honestly it sounds as though a 12 year old wrote it. You are each manipulating and playing games and generally showing a complete and utter lack of respect for yourselves, each other and relationships in general.

 

My advice is to move out and handle this as adults - stop these stupid games and comparisons/competition to/with the xW. IC for each of you. Don't even bother with couples therapy - the R is broken because the individuals are. You can't fix the R until each of you grow the heck up.

[herenow]

Yea, I know I'm good enough. If I'm not good enough for him, then there are lots of other guys who are interested. This is just a really confusing time cuz were are still in an A cuz he's not D and not many people know about us, but we're kinda not in an A cuz we live together most of the time. It's been hard to make the transition from A to real R. I can't have everything I want and he can't have everything he wants like before. If he wanted something I did't want, I just sent him away or threatened to break up with him. Can't do that no more, ya know? I've never lived with anyone before and I stupidly thot it'd just be sex anytime I wanted. Sooooo not so!! It really bugs me cuz he won't introduce me to his friends, and the ones that do know about me kinda treat me like I'm a placeholder till something better comes along n it bugs me that he doesn't act like we're BF/GF. He says we still gotta lay low til everything is final but she has a BF now, so why can't we be open? That's part why we're in Couples Counselling so we can try n figure it all out.

 

1 - If you want something he does not want, yes you can still send him away and/or break up with him.

 

2 - Ask him why he can't introduce you to his friends if his ex has a BF? And, ask him the question you have asked here: Why can't you be open?

 

3 - Has he told you he thinks of you as his GF? If so, what does he not treat you like his GF?

 

4 - Do people know he is living with you most of the time? When I say "people" I am including his ex.

[KathyM]

I see this too, but for her sake, with the help of counselling this guy can chang and make efforts to not slip back into old/bad habits. If he truly loves Daisy and wants her in his life, he WILL make continuous efforts to be a better man, a better partner to her than he was to his wife.

 

He has to learn how to communicate, compromise and put others first instead of just thinking what is best for him.

 

 

 

 

Response:

 

She's banking her future on the hope that he will change. That's a heck of a lot of risk to take, and to plan a future with someone that you are hoping to change does not usually pan out. I know she wants this to work out, but I'm still going to suggest that she take the rose colored glasses off and see him for what he is, and not for what she wants him to be. At least now he won't be bringing any kids into the picture, but I think the OP has an unrealistic idea of what life with this guy is going to be like, and it would be good for her to recognize this huge red flag, of him getting a vasectomy without talking to her about it, as a sign of things to come. These OW often delude themselves into thinking that things will be different, or better, than they were in his prior marriage, and then they are shocked to find out they are no better, because you have the same person with the same selfish attitude to deal with than his wife had. So I'm calling this act on his part (the vasectomy) as the huge red flag that it is, and the taste of what is to come.

[daisy love]

[quote=jwi71;4014458

Would you EVER treat someone you loved as he does?

Things were going good until I read and reread your posts!

 

I'm really struggling with this because NO! I would't treat him the same way he's treated me or his stbx for that matter. We've been going over this in counselling and I'm starting to see things I didn't see before. Yea, I have doubts that we will make it. There is a pretty big age difference. I thought that was why the people who know about us don't take us seriously, but I'm starting to see it's more than that.

 

jwi71, I probably should apologize for my tone. Part of it is that I'm typing fast so I don't forget what I was going to say, and part of it is that I'm pretty ADD. I'm trying to learn to slow down and do what I've learned is called self editing. I will try to think more about my posts before I post them, ok?

 

I can't move out right now. Honestly, I'm stuck. I lost my job last year over this prolonged D thing, and he doesn't want me to go back to work because he wants me to be available to travel with him. I've looked, and there is no way I could find a job that would give me the flexibility to accamadate his schedule and my savings won't support me for long. See why I'm trying to make the best of this and make it work? I do love him a whole lot and it's just tough honoring that and honoring myself too.

 

Was that better?