single dad Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I made an account here at the loveshack to vent and release some stress. I haven't really spoken to anyone about this issue as I tend to keep to myself when it comes to personal issues, well here's my story. Last year it was the beginning of September and my three year partner decides to get up and leave. It was just about 1 week before her 21'st birthday and a couple days after our anniversary. Our relationship had its up's and down's just like every other relationship, but there were no signs of her wanting to pack up and leave. I was on my way home from work and I get a call from her, as I picked up she immediately said "I'm leaving you, I'm moving to my mothers and I'm taking the baby" (we have a daughter which is now 2 years old) . I literally felt like I got hit in the face with a bat. I asked her why? and to calm down, I asked for us to meet up so we can talk about it but her mind was made up. She told me her love for me was not there anymore that it had faded away. I did everything I could, and I wasn't only fighting to get her back I was fighting mostly for my daughter, for my family. This was devastating to me I had no one to turn to, as we both grew up in the same neighborhood and had many of the same friends. It was automatically awkward for these so called friends and none of them wanted to get involved, I quickly realized none of these people were ever true friends. So I was completely alone, I went into a deep depression. I quit my job I just did not care anymore, for I have lost the most important thing to man, his family, his little girl. Fast toward about a month or two and I haven't seen my daughter ever since she had left, I begged this woman to let me see my daughter and she refused. I threatened to call the police and file a report against her, and thats when she changed and finally started letting me see my daughter. A couple weeks later I get hit with a subpoena, she filed for full custody. I've been in a court battle with her ever since, the good thing is I do get my daughter every weekend, plus I see her all the time, since we live less than a 10 minute walk from each other. The bad news is I know she's been a horrible mother ever since she left. I have no control over my daughter during the weekday. It's always someone different watching her. And I know for a fact that the mother is always going out, partying, getting drunk, and getting high( smoking weed). The reason she's able to do all of this is because my ex partners mother allows this ridiculous behavior, while she watches over my daughter. This is not the life I wanted for my daughter, I would be more than happy to juggle a full time job and take care of my daughter and be a responsible father. I want to raise my daughter correctly, I want to give her stability, I wanted to give her the life I never had. What I wanted most for my daughter was to grow up with a family, both mom and dad at home. My mother was a single parent, I never met my father, and she managed to raise me and my brother, and she even managed to own her own business, what amazing and strong woman my mother is. But now what's done is done I cannot give my daughter a household with two loving parents, but I can give her 100% of me her father and ill be a great one that's for sure. My little girl now gets so excited when she see's me and run's and gives me a hug and could care less about saying bye to her mother. Now when I drop her off at her mothers house Sunday evening its not a pretty sight. In fact it breaks my heart every week. She cries as if someone is causing her harm, or as if she's never going to see me again, she hits her mother saying "I want daddy, no mommy". She holds on so tight to me and doesn't want to let go and I sometimes have to trick her just to leave, and as soon as I get into my car she realizes I left like clockwork every time, and then all I hear is daddy no daddy come back. I swear it brings me to tears every time, it brings me to tears just writing this right now. So you see the pain this woman has put me through and somehow I still manage to love her, and I forgot to mention she has sex with different guys all the time, I recently found out that on her days of from work instead of spending time with her daughter she goes to her "boyfriends" house and has sex the entire day, she's even had the balls to call me during the week while I'm working to see if I was free so I can watch my daughter for a couple of hours so she can go hang out with her "friends". Obviously I say no every time, I would love to be with my daughter but not while its her day off, im not going to be an enabler to her selfish needs and immaturity. I would never forgive her let alone take her back, but I still can't stop loving her, and feeling hurt. I just want this pain to go away.
Savage4 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Wow... your ex sounds completely selfish and evil. I'm sorry that you got tangled up with a person like that and since you have a child together makes it so much more complicated and painful. She clearly is way too irresponsible to be raising a child. Do whatever you can to gain custody of your daughter. I've seen similar situations before and the children usually grow up troubled because their parents are too self-centered to give a rats ass about their own kid's well being. Actually it reminds me of what my uncle went through but you are not as far in as he was. I can tell you that being a male the court system is already stacked against you. Be very careful what you say to her in any form of communication that can be recorded. Exploit her child-neglecting ways of partying and getting high. Hopefully you have a good lawyer that will take her down asap. I understand that losing your partner and your child is devastating to your motivation in life. Your purpose in life, everything you have known for the past few years and your livelihood has been ripped away from you overnight. It's going to take a long time for the hurt to stop but you just have to do your best to live with it for now. Stay strong and keep busy at work to keep yourself distracted. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. I wish you the best of luck in your custody battle.
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