Necromancer Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I am really thinking that i am becoming a misogynist. After being rejected by gals and seeing them hooking up with my better looking friends, it pisses me off. i have freaking 100% rejection rate. Gals flake on me all the time, i don´t have a bitter vipe, but my mind is getting really ****ed up. i am beginning to have very bitter thinking off gals (like most of them are pices of ****, that have nothing to offer beyond their looks.) This is a no win situation....... This is an cause and effect, i was never like this.
Kamille Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Do gals owe you anything? What's the point in getting mad at people for leading their own life? 2
carhill Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 It's a long road from being frustrated with dating to becoming a misogynist, perhaps a bit shorter road at my age. The tough part for a guy is departing linear thinking; cause and effect; action and reaction, etc. When you've given up all hope, this becomes easier What finally worked for myself was visualizing the women you describe as being on another road, another freeway, and we're separated by concrete barriers. Those barriers are there for a good reason, since getting together could be injurious. That, combined with broadening my horizons, meaning setting off on adventures to distant lands, solved the frustration problem and I did end up meeting a few women on the same road as myself. At that time, I was still too ignorant to understand that and made some poor choices but that was on me. It'll work out. Somehow.
fishtaco Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Yeah, sounds like dating. But there's no need to become a misogynist. Just don't take this whole dating business seriously. Expect flakiness, expect bad behaviors. Have one foot out the door and be ready to run at anytime, and multidate as much as possible. Most women will like you better when you don't care, and when you have plenty of other options. I think what balanced me in terms of not becoming a misogynist is that I have great platonic female friends. Really, when dating, you see people at their worst, their most fake and pretentious side, their cowardice, their selfishness, their lack of consideration for others. The people that are the most attractive usually come with the most negative of these qualities, and they are the ones that catch our eyes. But our friends come from a different set of filters. Usually good friends that you've had for a long time are tried and true good people. They should help you restore some faith in the other gender, and help you achieve a balance in terms of not becoming a misogynist. But when it comes to dating, I don't see how you can prevent yourself from becoming jaded. It's possible to be jaded and not be a misogynist. So go ahead and become a jaded cynic like me, it'll help you avoid some potholes in the road. But there's no value in becoming a misogynist. 3
6ft180natl Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I am really thinking that i am becoming a misogynist. After being rejected by gals and seeing them hooking up with my better looking friends, it pisses me off. i have freaking 100% rejection rate. Gals flake on me all the time, i don´t have a bitter vipe, but my mind is getting really ****ed up. i am beginning to have very bitter thinking off gals (like most of them are pices of ****, that have nothing to offer beyond their looks.) This is a no win situation....... This is an cause and effect, i was never like this. Happens to the best of us... men and women. Probably a good sign that its time to take a break from dating and focus on self improvement and just making yourself happy without a woman in your life. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Lots of playboys were misogynist: Frank Sinatra and Ian Fleming (the guy who created James Bond) come to mind.
serial muse Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I think what balanced me in terms of not becoming a misogynist is that I have great platonic female friends. Really, when dating, you see people at their worst, their most fake and pretentious side, their cowardice, their selfishness, their lack of consideration for others. The people that are the most attractive usually come with the most negative of these qualities, and they are the ones that catch our eyes. But our friends come from a different set of filters. Usually good friends that you've had for a long time are tried and true good people. They should help you restore some faith in the other gender, and help you achieve a balance in terms of not becoming a misogynist. But when it comes to dating, I don't see how you can prevent yourself from becoming jaded. It's possible to be jaded and not be a misogynist. So go ahead and become a jaded cynic like me, it'll help you avoid some potholes in the road. But there's no value in becoming a misogynist. This is a really great point. Many of the people on LS who seem to be leaning toward misogyny/misandry are the same people who say they see no point in opposite-sex friends. If you always cast the other gender in the role of someone whose only job is to reject or accept, then no wonder that leads to bitterness toward the opposite gender! You are in effect creating a world where only the same gender is "safe" and free of judgment. 3
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I am really thinking that i am becoming a misogynist. After being rejected by gals and seeing them hooking up with my better looking friends, it pisses me off. i have freaking 100% rejection rate. Gals flake on me all the time, i don´t have a bitter vipe, but my mind is getting really ****ed up. i am beginning to have very bitter thinking off gals (like most of them are pices of ****, that have nothing to offer beyond their looks.) This is a no win situation....... This is an cause and effect, i was never like this. If you want to become a misogynist, become a misognynist. However, do not blame how women treated you (no matter how unfairly) on becoming a misognynist. That is all on you. You have a choice to grow and develop from these experiences, or hunker down into misogynogy. Becoming a misognist is easy. Developing yourself outside how other people treat you is hard. Go for what is hard. Do the work. 1
KathyM Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Sorry to say, but it's a fact of life that people are going to be attracted to those that have the most going for them, whether that is looks/physique, personality/charisma, career/wealth, or values/character, intelligence, or some combination of the above. People are attracted to those that have the most going for them. Sorry to say, but you have to play the game if you want the prize. It's not going to be handed to you for nothing. Therefore, your only option is to strengthen the qualities that people find attractive if you want to compete, or otherwise you withdraw from the game altogether. By strengthening those qualities, you not only improve your chances, you improve your life for your own benefit and enjoyment, so work on whatever it is that is holding you back. If your appearance is holding you back, then make the most of it and develop one or some of the other qualities that people find attractive in a guy--personality, career, physique, etc. Even if developing these things doesn't ultimately result in a companion, you will be better off for working on yourself regardless, and it will improve your chances.
grkBoy Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I am really thinking that i am becoming a misogynist. After being rejected by gals and seeing them hooking up with my better looking friends, it pisses me off. i have freaking 100% rejection rate. Gals flake on me all the time, i don´t have a bitter vipe, but my mind is getting really ****ed up. i am beginning to have very bitter thinking off gals (like most of them are pices of ****, that have nothing to offer beyond their looks.) This is a no win situation....... This is an cause and effect, i was never like this. This was the point I backed off dating 100% and instead lived life to make me happy. Granted it sucked that I wasn't getting laid or anything, but the stress/frustration that seemingly comes with dating was out of my life. I'm serious. Close up or hide all your OLD accounts, think of you first, find hobbies/interests that fulfill your life, work more and grow in your career, travel alone for fun and exploration, and simply life a full life. You'll probably then encounter Ms Right. I can't explain why this happens, but it always seems to happen when your mind and soul are at peace and you're loving life just by yourself. It's easy to just hate women. I know, I almost fell into that...but I grew to hate how angry and cynical I became. I finally saw dating as a horrible thing and asked myself why I kept putting myself into situations I hated. The few "rewards" simply didn't outweigh the misery.
somedude81 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I completely understand what you're going through. Having trouble with women and just not getting anywhere with them, can and often does lead to frustration, anger and bitterness towards them. Then you look at how easy they have it in the dating game, then jealousy and sometimes hate starts to occur. IMO, it's a natural reaction but you really can't let it consume you.
ThaWholigan Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I am really thinking that i am becoming a misogynist. After being rejected by gals and seeing them hooking up with my better looking friends, it pisses me off. i have freaking 100% rejection rate. Gals flake on me all the time, i don´t have a bitter vipe, but my mind is getting really ****ed up. i am beginning to have very bitter thinking off gals (like most of them are pices of ****, that have nothing to offer beyond their looks.) This is a no win situation....... This is an cause and effect, i was never like this. Dating is not meant to be cause and effect. You have to not take dating so seriously. Honestly, I've been rejected a lot too, but I don't let that cloud my view of women, I recognize that it's a 2 way street. If I were you, I would probably not focus on dating so much, and put my energy into something else, like Grkboy said. You need to stop depending on the outcome so much, and allowing rejections to taint your view. It should work.
RiverRunning Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Welcome to the party. It gets difficult not to get difficult views toward the opposite sex when it seems like they screw you over all the time. Female here, probably tending toward misandry after having guys lie to me about their timeframes for progressing, guys NEVER putting actions to their words, chatting up their exes and pretending there's nothing wrong with that, gawking at other women while we're out (not just glancing - but literally turning to stare after them, or letting their gazes linger for more than a few seconds). Incredibly disrespectful. But it gets easy to say, "They're all jerks/only good for their looks/etc." One of my closest (female) friends is in a negative feedback loop with women: my friend, "Julie," has huge self-esteem issues and honestly she needs to be in therapy, IMO. She's very depressed, paranoid, you name it. She meets a girl, girl rejects her. Julie blows up the girl's phone with passive-aggressive texts and phone calls. Julie says girl is a 'stuck-up bitch.' Julie believes she is being rejected because she's ugly. I want to be the one to tell her "No, it's because you're crazy and no one wants to put up with that," but well...you know. I have explained trying to find ways to build her self-esteem could be helpful in that. I'm not going to lie - looks DO matter. I say this as someone who's like 40 - 50 pounds overweight. Yes, it has impacted my dating chances. Yes, it has impacted the quality of the dates that I DO get. That's just the reality of the situation. I try to make the best of it and find someone who's a good person. If you're a 4 or 5 shopping for girls who are conventional 10s, then it's not shocking they're going to go for guys who are more in their 'league.' Men do have the advantage here, though - you can get girls who are at least a little bit better-looking. sure, some really hot girls with go for guys who aren't as attractive. But generally, for either gender, that's just not the case. More often than not, I find that men tend to have overinflated views of their ability to attract very good-looking women, or they just have overinflated views of their appearances (women have the tendency not to see themselves as attractive, which may explain why they go for guys who tend to be at least a little less in the looks department). Note that this is a generalization: not ALL men do this, just as not ALL women are down-to-earth about their looks. But that could be one possible explanation. It's not uncommon around here to see guys who are very overweight, little to offer in terms of job/personality/what have you, and they're shunning girls who are 10 or 20 pounds overweight for being "too fat." I experienced that on dating sites myself and I just had to laugh about it. These were guys who were seriously at least 300 pounds telling ME that I needed to lose some weight first. 1
Author Necromancer Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 I completely understand what you're going through. Having trouble with women and just not getting anywhere with them, can and often does lead to frustration, anger and bitterness towards them. Then you look at how easy they have it in the dating game, then jealousy and sometimes hate starts to occur. IMO, it's a natural reaction but you really can't let it consume you. I have a really close female friend, we share everything. She is a 7 looking and a fine personality. I would say she has it 15 times easier than me getting laid and 20 times more options. I would need to be James bond himself, to be at her level.
threebyfate Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 But our friends come from a different set of filters.Consider something, ft. Why are the filters so different when in both types of relationships, you're bringing people close to you? Maybe that's the next step to further balance, to apply some of your friend filters towards romantic considerations.
Author Necromancer Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Dating is not meant to be cause and effect. You have to not take dating so seriously. Honestly, I've been rejected a lot too, but I don't let that cloud my view of women, I recognize that it's a 2 way street. If I were you, I would probably not focus on dating so much, and put my energy into something else, like Grkboy said. You need to stop depending on the outcome so much, and allowing rejections to taint your view. It should work. I have been trying that, the less i care the more interest she has. (it often seems) It´s mostly that way, I have turned down 1-2 times, girls that where begging me for sex, i just wasn't attracted to them.
Els Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Nah. Compared to many of the male posters here, you're positively Dick Gregory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Badsingularity Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I would need to be James bond himself, to be at her level. Then become James Bond. In your head at least. If you can convince yourself that your awesome in your head. Then your body language and presence will also convince women of the same thing.
Author Necromancer Posted May 22, 2012 Author Posted May 22, 2012 Happens to the best of us... men and women. Probably a good sign that its time to take a break from dating and focus on self improvement and just making yourself happy without a woman in your life. I have been improving myself for 1-2 years (look wise) and i am happy with myself. I just need a gal, i don´t want to be inexperienced at 20. The longer i wait....the hotter will the pool be. I get compliments all the time from gals, that i am funny. I don´t get this pile of **** (why i ain´t getting any).....
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Dude, Necro.. relax. If you don't have stellar looks or heaps of money, the other thing that can draw the ladies in is your uniqueness. To develop this uniqueness, work on your interests. If your interests aren't that interesting, try some new stuff. Hang the whole dating thing up on the shelf for a while and try something you've never done before. Learn to play an instrument, or try Kayaking, or take a trip somewhere. You don't have to be rich to be interesting or unique. I'm a dude, and I look up to other dudes that are passionate about their interests. Chicks will do that two-fold (unless of course that interest is anime or World of Warcraft)
Recommended Posts