SoMuchLove Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 So after 3 months of No Contact and moving on past our relationship, I met with my ex briefly to exchange a few of our things. I was surprised that he was as friendly as he was. He even hugged me a few times & kissed me on the lips...but just a little peck. I made sure our encounter was brief because our breakup had been so bad. I played it as cool as possible and felt good about how it went. I thought I finally had the closure I needed. Only now. .it seems that seeing him briefly makes me want to see him even more! Now that I know he may be open to talk or be friends again, makes me want to text or call him. Don't worry, I'm not gonna send him a bunch of messages or anything. . I just wonder if the possibility to reconnect is there and if so, how long I should wait. Thoughts anyone???
NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 If you feel that your feelings for him won't return, there's no harm in just reconnecting and being friends. However, if you still have feelings for him (or him you) it's not a good idea.
Author SoMuchLove Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 i definitely want to be friends. not sure if he or i would want to restart a romantic relationship. . .but why dont you think its a good idea?
NateC Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 i definitely want to be friends. not sure if he or i would want to restart a romantic relationship. . .but why dont you think its a good idea? You said you had a bad breakup...things like that never fully disappear. I mean, sure...it's possible that you could restart a relationship if you both really wanted to, but it's very important to set boundaries if it's not the time for that. It's not a good idea, but maybe with a little caution it could work out.
Author SoMuchLove Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 i agree and i would never rush into anything like that. i know that it would take a lot of time and to rebuild trust to get to that place. but i couldnt see many reasons not to be friends and want to know how to go about doing that. i think a "door was opened" the other day when we saw each other for the first time in 3 months, but not sure what the next step is.
Tree_Salmon Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I'm going to be honest... I think you had enough time away and now he seems cool and collected again. You are turned on by this because he didn't beg you to take him back or seem like he was dying inside. You are intrigued by his calm attitude and probably remember all the good stuff. This is good and bad. Good news is you're still attracted to him and possibly want him (whether you know it or not) the bad news is he may or may not have changed. If he hasn't changed then maybe you'll see it and move on. If he has changed then you might start developing another attraction. Either way this is a risky game you're playing. Unless you like all this and see some sort of future.
MissBrunette84 Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 I'm going to be honest... I think you had enough time away and now he seems cool and collected again. You are turned on by this because he didn't beg you to take him back or seem like he was dying inside. You are intrigued by his calm attitude and probably remember all the good stuff. This is good and bad. Good news is you're still attracted to him and possibly want him (whether you know it or not) the bad news is he may or may not have changed. If he hasn't changed then maybe you'll see it and move on. If he has changed then you might start developing another attraction. Either way this is a risky game you're playing. Unless you like all this and see some sort of future. I agree with you on this
Author SoMuchLove Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 I agree with all of you and you are all giving really good advice. But I am thinking short term right now. . .since I will be out of town for the next 3-4 months and so can't start up a relationship now anyway. so all i want to know is how to rekindle a FRIENDSHIP and that way i can find out if he has changed or not before i risk getting into another relationship with him. i also dont want to lose face by making him think i want to get back together. . .i would really just like to be able to talk to him. . as a friend. . .and maybe in the far off future think about another relationship. so what are the rules about rekindling a friendship after a break up?
NateC Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I agree with all of you and you are all giving really good advice. But I am thinking short term right now. . .since I will be out of town for the next 3-4 months and so can't start up a relationship now anyway. so all i want to know is how to rekindle a FRIENDSHIP and that way i can find out if he has changed or not before i risk getting into another relationship with him. i also dont want to lose face by making him think i want to get back together. . .i would really just like to be able to talk to him. . as a friend. . .and maybe in the far off future think about another relationship. so what are the rules about rekindling a friendship after a break up? State what your feelings are from the get-go. Let him know you're not interested in pursuing another relationship and would like to just be friends. Sometimes laying it out is the best way.
Tree_Salmon Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I agree with all of you and you are all giving really good advice. But I am thinking short term right now. . .since I will be out of town for the next 3-4 months and so can't start up a relationship now anyway. so all i want to know is how to rekindle a FRIENDSHIP and that way i can find out if he has changed or not before i risk getting into another relationship with him. i also dont want to lose face by making him think i want to get back together. . .i would really just like to be able to talk to him. . as a friend. . .and maybe in the far off future think about another relationship. so what are the rules about rekindling a friendship after a break up? What if he doesn't want a friendship? Not to mention the possible messiness of everything. You can try telling him you want a friendship but who knows what you'll both want inside. I remained friends with an ex but only because we were both very good friends before the relationship and easily continued to be so afterward. there was no big fights or NC or anything like that.
dsw31 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 How long should you wait for what? You want to plead with him to be demoted to just a friend? It depends what happened with your breakup but most likely, if he wants more ... he knows where to find you
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