Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 A damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of situation. Just go with your instincts then. Personally if I had been in that situation as a 22-year old, and the woman involved was not ready for something longterm, I would have hoped she would have given it a miss. Mind you, I am not into anything casual. Neither am I, but these situations keep coming up and I feel like I am "not living my life" if I just give everything a miss unless I am ready for long term.
d'Arthez Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Sometimes we are just doing too many things, keeping ourselves too occupied. The effect is that we are never ready for something we truly desire. Besides, he has said he does not want anything casual. So unless you see real LTR-material and potential in him, you may be better off avoiding this.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 Sometimes we are just doing too many things, keeping ourselves too occupied. The effect is that we are never ready for something we truly desire. Besides, he has said he does not want anything casual. So unless you see real LTR-material and potential in him, you may be better off avoiding this. Men have said that to me before and blatantly lied just to get sex.
d'Arthez Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 If he lied, better to avoid him for certain. If he did not lie, and you don't see any real LTR-potential in him, better to avoid dating him. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 If he lied' date=' better to avoid him for certain. If he did not lie, and you don't see any real LTR-potential in him, better to avoid dating him.[/quote'] Ha, well-played. Can't fault that argument
make me believe Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 K, I want a LTR eventually, but presently, I am just not ready... therefore those "non-relationship" situations are more appealing to me. If you're not ready for a relationship then why are you considering dating a guy who has already told you multiple times that he is looking for an LTR and doesn't want anything casual? Hello?? I would definitely not date a guy 11 yrs younger than me. I'm 29 and that would put him at 18.... ew. 33 and 22 is just too much of a gap imo. I'm not a fan of big age differences in relationships, though. (Even at 29 I wouldn't date a 22 yr old...)
Pierre Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 K, I want a LTR eventually, but presently, I am just not ready... therefore those "non-relationship" situations are more appealing to me. Low self esteem folks aim low to avoid disappointment.
mtber75 Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 He's probably after the experience that a older woman can give him.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I think it's too young. He's only 22. He's going to change a lot from 22-25. At your age, the youngest I would date would be 27. But 22? Come on.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I asked him today: Seriously, why are you pursuing a woman that's 11 years older than you? He came up with an essay of how he is mature and has older friends and relates better to older people blah blah. Then he said "but my cut off age is 35 - you got lucky ;)" I am going to abort this.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I asked him today: Seriously, why are you pursuing a woman that's 11 years older than you? He came up with an essay of how he is mature and has older friends and relates better to older people blah blah. Then he said "but my cut off age is 35 - you got lucky ;)" I am going to abort this. Good Idea.
d'Arthez Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I asked him today: Seriously, why are you pursuing a woman that's 11 years older than you? He came up with an essay of how he is mature and has older friends and relates better to older people blah blah. Then he said "but my cut off age is 35 - you got lucky ;)" I am going to abort this. I think that is the right call.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 I think that is the right call. Your argument was one of the more convincing ones.
Pierre Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Then he said "but my cut off age is 35 - you got lucky ;)" I am going to abort this. wow, that was disrespectful and highly immature. Did he would be lucky to have me? ES: Do you have a good paying job? Maybe he wants a meal ticket. he could be a gold digger.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 21, 2012 Author Posted May 21, 2012 Don't be so uptight Pierre, he was just joking around
Negative Nancy Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) at around age 50 (or sooner) he will still be in his 30s and we all now that plenty of women in their 20s date men in their late 30s. So as a diversion yes! As a LTR------NO. you are confirming what i've suspected all along - men are not able to feel true love. as soon as the dutiful wife/partner is too old, she will be thrown out and replaced by a younger one. All I have to say is Ashton and Demi..... Go for it, ES.....effin go for it. yes, ashton and demi. good point in this debate. you mustve slept through the news that he cheated on her and replaced her with a younger woman? Edited May 21, 2012 by Negative Nancy
HallowedBeThyName Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 23 year old male here and I'll be 100% honest I have no problem at all with dating an older woman, but I am hesitant to get into a relationship because I feel like they are looking for marriage and I'm not gonna get married anytime soon and I'm definitely not gonna marry anybody more than a couple years older I would be open to having a great relationship with any attractive woman of any age if she's cool with no marriage and certainly no kids
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 you are confirming what i've suspected all along - men are not able to feel true love. as soon as the dutiful wife/partner is too old, she will be thrown out and replaced by a younger one. I don't really think that the situation between ES and a guy she hasn't even dated should be confirming your (WRONG) opinion about men. Of course, your fears are likely to be realized in your own life, because you are the type to want "confirmation" of them enough to be sure to seek out a man who WILL dump you for a younger woman when you get "too old." People with depth realize that other people are not "replaceable." Things are replaceable, not people. Too bad for you that you are limiting yourself to such a hopeless type of man when there are so many good ones around. ES - you should go out with whomever you feel like going out with, and refrain from going out with guys who show you "red flags" or who you just don't really feel like spending your valuable time with. If they are old or young is not going to be the deciding factor. 3
motive2002 Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I asked him today: Seriously, why are you pursuing a woman that's 11 years older than you? He came up with an essay of how he is mature and has older friends and relates better to older people blah blah. Then he said "but my cut off age is 35 - you got lucky ;)" I am going to abort this. I lol'd I never thought about what my cut-off age is.. "Sorry honey, didn't make it!":laugh:
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 I asked him today: Seriously, why are you pursuing a woman that's 11 years older than you? He came up with an essay of how he is mature and has older friends and relates better to older people blah blah. Then he said "but my cut off age is 35 - you got lucky ;)" I am going to abort this. This talk about cutting off and aborting is making me uneasy ...
kimeebee Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 We had a 20 year age gap...together 15 years despite me pushing him away for a few years. He has now left me stating he wants his freedom. I have let him go but the pain is as bad as it gets, he loves me but not in love with me and was in deep distress when he left but I have no right to ruin his chance of happiness. Please rethink, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy...I'm in 11 days no contact and accepted he will never come back.
FitChick Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 We had a 20 year age gap...together 15 years despite me pushing him away for a few years. He has now left me stating he wants his freedom. I have let him go but the pain is as bad as it gets, he loves me but not in love with me and was in deep distress when he left but I have no right to ruin his chance of happiness. You were together for fifteen years, longer than most relationships or marriages where there is no age gap or a much smaller one. People change over time regardless.
thepedestrian Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Lol. I love when people call themselves mature. Alot of times with young adults its almost a sign of immaturity. Most of the older ladies that are around 30 that are into me (I'm 23) I always tell them I'm super immature. I dont think I actually am but if it doesn't deter them its a green light for me. 1
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